Help Needed - Son been scammed
Discussion
This may be a thread for a Health Matters rather than Finance, so if this is in the wrong place i’m sure mods will move it.
First up my son is 26 and more than capable of looking after himself, but we (and he) really need some help here. My wife and I are at our wits end and feel so useless and worn out, and don’t know what to do. It’s quite a long story but i’ll try and keep it as short as, but it’s a long one.
Son is married but wife is foreign and for a while owing to visa issues she remained in home country. While she was away my son was allegedly lonely and ended up exchanging pics with a ‘lady’ online. When wife came to UK she found him constantly on his phone and in the end found out about the pics and was, to say the least, very upset. She ended up living with us for a few weeks while we helped them sort out issues, and she then revealed she also found he had sent the woman at the other end of the pics some money. I asked my son why and asked him if he was being blackmailed and he said no, he just wanted to “help them out”. I should have been more curious and feel quite naive but i trusted him.
Roll forward a year and he has come to us asking for some financial support, he is short of money. Wife has already decided she needs some space and went home at Xmas. We know owing to historic constant travel back and forth for him, wife and small child that he spends a lot on airfares, but he needs to fly over there again to be with them and get it back on track.
Turns out after quite a lot of interrogation from me, including forcing him to handover his phone to look at his credit card statement, he is being blackmailed and has spent well over £10k in small but regular Paypal transactions over the past 2 years trying to keep the picture of his cock off the internet etc. I paid off his debt and we reported the issue to `paypal and his credit card company and he changed his phone number as he was being hassled on WhatsApp. Over the past month i’ve been checking in and asking him if all ok and he says yes.
Today he was home with us for a few days and i had a feeling something wasn’t right so i asked to see his finances again. Again he’s 26 but i just felt as i’d bailed him out i had a right to ask, and it turns out the change of phone hadn’t worked and he’d been contacted and threatened again. I was angry and sick at the same time, im ashamed to say I absolutely lost it that he lied to me, but I need to help him again. In the past 4 weeks he’s sent them £2k he doesn’t have, funded via his credit card.
This is all because he is frightened they will send a picture of his cock to his wife and family, and/or come to his house. Now what doesn’t add up for us is the wife already knows, the only thing she doesn’t know is that he’s been paying these guys off and has wiped out his savings. He keeps telling me they promise each payment will be the last and he doesn’t know what to do. We are worried he will do something stupid but he is incapable of facing up to the mess he is in, just telling the scammers to f
k off and owning the st he is in. He keeps paying them. We now have the scammers details, they are all Colombian so if he doesn’t do it, we will but we think we have now got through to him.
So what do we do now? He’s already told Paypal and Natwest credit card about the issues, we made him do that a month ago, but as he’s been paying them since we aren’t sure what to do. He’s even got a crime reference number from the police and has told his employer.
I’ve never felt so sick, disappointed, angry at the same time, and also feel so sorry for him. He is in a bad way and while he has been a complete idiot he needs some help. He has got himself so worked up about people finding out that he has almost bankrumpted himself, lost his family, and ruined his mental health just to keep on top of it. How do we help him get out of this and get some money back if possible?
First up my son is 26 and more than capable of looking after himself, but we (and he) really need some help here. My wife and I are at our wits end and feel so useless and worn out, and don’t know what to do. It’s quite a long story but i’ll try and keep it as short as, but it’s a long one.
Son is married but wife is foreign and for a while owing to visa issues she remained in home country. While she was away my son was allegedly lonely and ended up exchanging pics with a ‘lady’ online. When wife came to UK she found him constantly on his phone and in the end found out about the pics and was, to say the least, very upset. She ended up living with us for a few weeks while we helped them sort out issues, and she then revealed she also found he had sent the woman at the other end of the pics some money. I asked my son why and asked him if he was being blackmailed and he said no, he just wanted to “help them out”. I should have been more curious and feel quite naive but i trusted him.
Roll forward a year and he has come to us asking for some financial support, he is short of money. Wife has already decided she needs some space and went home at Xmas. We know owing to historic constant travel back and forth for him, wife and small child that he spends a lot on airfares, but he needs to fly over there again to be with them and get it back on track.
Turns out after quite a lot of interrogation from me, including forcing him to handover his phone to look at his credit card statement, he is being blackmailed and has spent well over £10k in small but regular Paypal transactions over the past 2 years trying to keep the picture of his cock off the internet etc. I paid off his debt and we reported the issue to `paypal and his credit card company and he changed his phone number as he was being hassled on WhatsApp. Over the past month i’ve been checking in and asking him if all ok and he says yes.
Today he was home with us for a few days and i had a feeling something wasn’t right so i asked to see his finances again. Again he’s 26 but i just felt as i’d bailed him out i had a right to ask, and it turns out the change of phone hadn’t worked and he’d been contacted and threatened again. I was angry and sick at the same time, im ashamed to say I absolutely lost it that he lied to me, but I need to help him again. In the past 4 weeks he’s sent them £2k he doesn’t have, funded via his credit card.
This is all because he is frightened they will send a picture of his cock to his wife and family, and/or come to his house. Now what doesn’t add up for us is the wife already knows, the only thing she doesn’t know is that he’s been paying these guys off and has wiped out his savings. He keeps telling me they promise each payment will be the last and he doesn’t know what to do. We are worried he will do something stupid but he is incapable of facing up to the mess he is in, just telling the scammers to f
k off and owning the st he is in. He keeps paying them. We now have the scammers details, they are all Colombian so if he doesn’t do it, we will but we think we have now got through to him. So what do we do now? He’s already told Paypal and Natwest credit card about the issues, we made him do that a month ago, but as he’s been paying them since we aren’t sure what to do. He’s even got a crime reference number from the police and has told his employer.
I’ve never felt so sick, disappointed, angry at the same time, and also feel so sorry for him. He is in a bad way and while he has been a complete idiot he needs some help. He has got himself so worked up about people finding out that he has almost bankrumpted himself, lost his family, and ruined his mental health just to keep on top of it. How do we help him get out of this and get some money back if possible?
I’ve asked that a number of times. He insists it is two fold - they’ve threatened to come to his house (from Colombia), and also to send his wife and all his online contacts the pics and tell the wife about the money.
It makes zero sense to us, but he hasn’t seen his wife in person for 3 months and insists i he wants to tell her in person so anything he can do to put off her finding out another way he has done. If I find he’s lied to me again it will kill me.
We’ve said “so what?” to both of those threats. Home visit will never happen, but importantly these guys will never stop. He has to face up to it.
It makes zero sense to us, but he hasn’t seen his wife in person for 3 months and insists i he wants to tell her in person so anything he can do to put off her finding out another way he has done. If I find he’s lied to me again it will kill me.
We’ve said “so what?” to both of those threats. Home visit will never happen, but importantly these guys will never stop. He has to face up to it.
dudleybloke said:
jules_s said:
Sounds like a long con and the wife is in on it tbh.
I'm thinking the same.And no for the other question, he’s not vulnerable. He’s just in such a state he’s not thinking straight, which is odd for him. When he first told me about it I laughed as it was just so inconsequential, but he doesn’t see it that way.
Anyway, any financial advice here? He’d alreayd told Paypal and bank about the issue (i was there for those phone calls), having paid money since is there anything can be done?
Can't help but feel for you and your son, is it time for further forced intervention and to take over his life for a next 3-4 months?
Wipe is social media, change is number again and keep a phone off him, use it as a time to reset focus on work.
As others have mentioned there does seem more to this but there also might not be, I'd not want my ding dong sent to all my friends and family but at the same time Id tell them to send it if it was going to cost me 20k, Id rather come up with a story to say someone photoshopped the photos etc and police are involved etc.
I would certainly look in to the wife too. Might be far fetched but is it worth paying a PI a few quid to look in to it.
Wipe is social media, change is number again and keep a phone off him, use it as a time to reset focus on work.
As others have mentioned there does seem more to this but there also might not be, I'd not want my ding dong sent to all my friends and family but at the same time Id tell them to send it if it was going to cost me 20k, Id rather come up with a story to say someone photoshopped the photos etc and police are involved etc.
I would certainly look in to the wife too. Might be far fetched but is it worth paying a PI a few quid to look in to it.
Jefferson Steelflex said:
dudleybloke said:
jules_s said:
Sounds like a long con and the wife is in on it tbh.
I'm thinking the same.At least two of us are thinking the same after the OP - is it too incredulous?
This sort of scam isn't unheard of after all. Just this sounds like a standard dick pic scam with an added foreign wife scam thrown in for added measure.
Jefferson Steelflex said:
And no for the other question, he’s not vulnerable. He’s just in such a state he’s not thinking straight, which is odd for him. When he first told me about it I laughed as it was just so inconsequential, but he doesn’t see it that way.
Hmm, I was just thinking there might be mileage in approaching the bank/paypal along these lines to prevent further bleeding. Good luck to you, and him.
These days stories about scams and blackmail are so rife that the public are desensitised to it. If the scammers followed through with their threats then anyone who really matters to your son would only give it a passing thought and would likely be more concerned for his welfare and being a victim. It would all blow over in a few days.
Austin_Metro said:
I’d imagine there’s something worse, or at least more embarrassing, that he hasn’t told you. What’s the real leverage they have here?
This is what I’m thinking. As you say - these people won’t stop.
So long as it isn’t illegal*, he needs to own it, Max Mosley-style.
(And even if it were illegal, I can’t see a Colombian extortion gang wanting to do anything that might raise their profile with law enforcement)
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