Clarkson the environmentalist!
Discussion
:hehe:
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2092-1785205,00.html
[quote=Jeremy Clarkson in the Times]
The message in a litter lout’s bottle
This week, after getting a custard pie in the face, I thought it might be a good idea to write about the environment, so let’s kick off with the composition of sea water. There’s water, obviously, and then there’s some salt, a splash of chlorine, a hint of sulphur and a sprig of magnesium.
As a modern day garnish, there are also some shoes, a couple of million plastic bottles, several hundred thousand disposable lighters, some Volvos and five and a half trillion miles of nylon rope.
I know this because I recently bought a cottage at the seaside. It’s a wild and rugged place full of seals and ospreys.
But you tend not to notice the wildlife because after every high tide the whole place is coated with a thick veneer of rubbish.
Don’t worry. The phantom flan flinger has not turned me into a raving eco-nut. I have always had a passionate loathing for people who drop litter. Once, at a level crossing, the driver of the car in front emptied his ashtray out of the window and I became consumed with a sudden need to shave his face off with some kind of linoleum knife.
Sadly, I didn’t have one to hand, so instead I scooped up all his fag ends and sweet papers and at the next set of red lights lobbed it all through his open window saying: “I think you dropped something.”
Unfortunately, it is not possible to find the people whose rubbish smothers my bit of coastline, which is a pity because I have some questions. Like, for instance, how in the name of all that’s holy do you cretinous imbeciles manage to lose your effing shoes when you’re out for a walk? Then there’s all the discarded wiring; miles of it. This really is weird because if you’ve got to do some electrical work on a broken toaster, what kind of knuckle-dragger thinks “I know, I’ll stand in the sea to do that”? In the absence of culprits to question and then kill, I did a survey of which products are most favoured by the littering riffraff.
In first place it’s full-fat Coca-Cola. And then we have BIC lighters and Flora margarine, which begs another question. I can understand that you might take a refreshing beverage and a lighter with you on a seaside walk, but what’s with the marge?
“Right kids. Have we got everything we need for our trip to the beach? Some shoes to lose. Dad’s fags. Drinks. Something electrical to mend. And oops, nearly forgot, a tub of margarine in case we get hungry.”
I can also reveal that the litterer has a fondness for salt and vinegar Walkers crisps, and so a picture is emerging here: margarine, crisps, full-fat Coke, smoking . . . all the modern day thicko needs to survive. And you can’t train a thicko to put his rubbish in a bin without using a cattle prod as a punishment and some dog biscuits as a reward.
So what’s to be done? Well you can forget the notion of asking a council to clear up because it would just wrap everything in red tape and make it worse, and you can’t rely on environmentalists because they’re too busy shoving pies into my face.
I try to do my bit but even on my tiny piece of coastline the volume is overwhelming. And if you try scooping it up and setting it alight, you end up with a field full of eco-mentalists complaining about the smoke and a sticky glutinous stain. That’s the problem with plastic. It never goes away.
So how’s this for an idea? Car makers were told recently that when one of their products reaches the end of its life they are responsible for disposing of it properly. So why can’t that idea be widened? If you find a discarded margarine tub, you take it back to Flora, which is then forced to pay you, I’d like to say £500, but 50p would probably do the trick.
This would have a twofold effect. It would make me staggeringly rich and it would force Flora and Walkers to think very carefully about the advantages of paper and cardboard.
And Coca-Cola? Well what’s wrong with glass? It’s made from sand, soda ash and limestone, which means it’s all completely natural. This means there’s no taste transition from the packaging to the product and that’s why Coke tastes better from a glass bottle than it does from a plastic one.
What’s more, when a glass bottle is dropped into the sea it breaks into tiny pieces, which are then worn smooth by the waves until eventually they wind up in a pretty bowl from Conran on your dining room windowsill.
You probably think the cost would be prohibitive but, in fact, glass soft-drink bottles cost about 5.5p, while those made from plastic are around half a penny more. Of course, this saving is offset by the problems of transportation — glass breaks. But that’s where my money-back scheme comes in. It would price plastic out of the market.
It turns out, however, the biggest problem with glass is that it can be used as a weapon when the pubs shut. Already, Glasgow council has banned all glass bottles from the city centre and now the government is thinking of making it law.
This is idiotic because those who go around at night glassing one another are the sort of fat oafs who are doing the littering. If therefore we switch to glass, they end up dead, and there is less litter on the beach. Everyone wins.[/quote]
Ace-T :)
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2092-1785205,00.html
[quote=Jeremy Clarkson in the Times]
The message in a litter lout’s bottle
This week, after getting a custard pie in the face, I thought it might be a good idea to write about the environment, so let’s kick off with the composition of sea water. There’s water, obviously, and then there’s some salt, a splash of chlorine, a hint of sulphur and a sprig of magnesium.
As a modern day garnish, there are also some shoes, a couple of million plastic bottles, several hundred thousand disposable lighters, some Volvos and five and a half trillion miles of nylon rope.
I know this because I recently bought a cottage at the seaside. It’s a wild and rugged place full of seals and ospreys.
But you tend not to notice the wildlife because after every high tide the whole place is coated with a thick veneer of rubbish.
Don’t worry. The phantom flan flinger has not turned me into a raving eco-nut. I have always had a passionate loathing for people who drop litter. Once, at a level crossing, the driver of the car in front emptied his ashtray out of the window and I became consumed with a sudden need to shave his face off with some kind of linoleum knife.
Sadly, I didn’t have one to hand, so instead I scooped up all his fag ends and sweet papers and at the next set of red lights lobbed it all through his open window saying: “I think you dropped something.”
Unfortunately, it is not possible to find the people whose rubbish smothers my bit of coastline, which is a pity because I have some questions. Like, for instance, how in the name of all that’s holy do you cretinous imbeciles manage to lose your effing shoes when you’re out for a walk? Then there’s all the discarded wiring; miles of it. This really is weird because if you’ve got to do some electrical work on a broken toaster, what kind of knuckle-dragger thinks “I know, I’ll stand in the sea to do that”? In the absence of culprits to question and then kill, I did a survey of which products are most favoured by the littering riffraff.
In first place it’s full-fat Coca-Cola. And then we have BIC lighters and Flora margarine, which begs another question. I can understand that you might take a refreshing beverage and a lighter with you on a seaside walk, but what’s with the marge?
“Right kids. Have we got everything we need for our trip to the beach? Some shoes to lose. Dad’s fags. Drinks. Something electrical to mend. And oops, nearly forgot, a tub of margarine in case we get hungry.”
I can also reveal that the litterer has a fondness for salt and vinegar Walkers crisps, and so a picture is emerging here: margarine, crisps, full-fat Coke, smoking . . . all the modern day thicko needs to survive. And you can’t train a thicko to put his rubbish in a bin without using a cattle prod as a punishment and some dog biscuits as a reward.
So what’s to be done? Well you can forget the notion of asking a council to clear up because it would just wrap everything in red tape and make it worse, and you can’t rely on environmentalists because they’re too busy shoving pies into my face.
I try to do my bit but even on my tiny piece of coastline the volume is overwhelming. And if you try scooping it up and setting it alight, you end up with a field full of eco-mentalists complaining about the smoke and a sticky glutinous stain. That’s the problem with plastic. It never goes away.
So how’s this for an idea? Car makers were told recently that when one of their products reaches the end of its life they are responsible for disposing of it properly. So why can’t that idea be widened? If you find a discarded margarine tub, you take it back to Flora, which is then forced to pay you, I’d like to say £500, but 50p would probably do the trick.
This would have a twofold effect. It would make me staggeringly rich and it would force Flora and Walkers to think very carefully about the advantages of paper and cardboard.
And Coca-Cola? Well what’s wrong with glass? It’s made from sand, soda ash and limestone, which means it’s all completely natural. This means there’s no taste transition from the packaging to the product and that’s why Coke tastes better from a glass bottle than it does from a plastic one.
What’s more, when a glass bottle is dropped into the sea it breaks into tiny pieces, which are then worn smooth by the waves until eventually they wind up in a pretty bowl from Conran on your dining room windowsill.
You probably think the cost would be prohibitive but, in fact, glass soft-drink bottles cost about 5.5p, while those made from plastic are around half a penny more. Of course, this saving is offset by the problems of transportation — glass breaks. But that’s where my money-back scheme comes in. It would price plastic out of the market.
It turns out, however, the biggest problem with glass is that it can be used as a weapon when the pubs shut. Already, Glasgow council has banned all glass bottles from the city centre and now the government is thinking of making it law.
This is idiotic because those who go around at night glassing one another are the sort of fat oafs who are doing the littering. If therefore we switch to glass, they end up dead, and there is less litter on the beach. Everyone wins.[/quote]
Ace-T :)
I know it's deeply unfashionable around here but I have to say I like the style of his rants!
(Though I have to say he was less head-up-arse several years ago & the better for it)
But this...
..is spoken like a true PHer!
(Though I have to say he was less head-up-arse several years ago & the better for it)
But this...
Jeremy Clarkson in the Times said:
And you can’t train a thicko to put his rubbish in a bin without using a cattle prod as a punishment and some dog biscuits as a reward.
..is spoken like a true PHer!
Pot Bellied Fool said:
I know it's deeply unfashionable around here but I have to say I like the style of his rants!
(Though I have to say he was less head-up-arse several years ago & the better for it)
But this...
Jeremy Clarkson in the Times said:
And you can’t train a thicko to put his rubbish in a bin without using a cattle prod as a punishment and some dog biscuits as a reward.
..is spoken like a true PHer!
Agreed
Pot Bellied Fool said:Unfashionable? Really? Sitting here in my tanktop, sta-prest tonics and loafers I don't belieeeeeeeeeve it. Clarkson is almost always right, it's fashion that's got its head stuck somewhere dark and odious.
I know it's deeply unfashionable around here but I have to say I like the style of his rants!
He does make me laugh when I read many of his rants.
I found the remark about the tub of marge "in case we get hungry" extremely funny but despairingly accurate.
This litter rant ... says what most of us think und I have picked up on cyclists and drivers und even walkers for their littering here. No excuse to drop litter. You take home und dispose if you cannot find bin - and all the car parks for tourists around here have adequate waste bins...
anyway. Just laziness on their part not to walk to them und use them 
I found the remark about the tub of marge "in case we get hungry" extremely funny but despairingly accurate.
This litter rant ... says what most of us think und I have picked up on cyclists and drivers und even walkers for their littering here. No excuse to drop litter. You take home und dispose if you cannot find bin - and all the car parks for tourists around here have adequate waste bins...
anyway. Just laziness on their part not to walk to them und use them anonymous said:
[redacted]
Agreed, PBF and everyone else - spot on. He's a bit pleased with himself at times but why not? In spite of his success and being considerably more wealthy than yow and me, I can't imagine Jezza ever living in a hice, criticising 4x4s or knitting yoghurt. He's got rants in his pants and they're big pants.minicity said:
Hate litter but think the article is just his way of telling us he now owns a nice seaside cottage.
That's really a very sad comment in my opinion. I can only assume that you're some kind of rampant socialist that wants everyone to be nice and poor together.
Bloody hell - I can't believe the attitudes on PH to Clarkson. He's a genuine, non-PC petrolhead in a high profile position, he generally fires on the right targets and makes me laugh. What the hell do you lot want? Anodyne, PC shite spouted by analytical, faceless, little people who couldn't entertain a 2 year old?
nel said:
Bloody hell - I can't believe the attitudes on PH to Clarkson. He's a genuine, non-PC petrolhead in a high profile position, he generally fires on the right targets and makes me laugh.
Yep! Seems that even PHers' legendary open-mindedness is getting ground down by the media - witness the anti-American feeling expressed here that now sounds just like the BBC
So - Clarkson for PM, throw about 25% of the population into the sea, quit Europe, halve taxes and we can start again properly
Very amusing...
I like Clarkson's writing. Its always entertaining. One should remember that that, first and foremost, is his job: to be an ENTERTAINER.
He does it very, very well IMO.
Even better because he manages to offend a few people along the way (what comedian doesn't?) and have a few people pounding the table with their fists in agreement.
I like Clarkson's writing. Its always entertaining. One should remember that that, first and foremost, is his job: to be an ENTERTAINER.
He does it very, very well IMO.
Even better because he manages to offend a few people along the way (what comedian doesn't?) and have a few people pounding the table with their fists in agreement.
nel said:
Hate litter but think the article is just his way of telling us he now owns a nice seaside cottage.
That's really a very sad comment in my opinion. I can only assume that you're some kind of rampant socialist that wants everyone to be nice and poor together.
Bloody hell - I can't believe the attitudes on PH to Clarkson. He's a genuine, non-PC petrolhead in a high profile position, he generally fires on the right targets and makes me laugh. What the hell do you lot want? Anodyne, PC shite spouted by analytical,
faceless, little people who couldn't entertain a 2 year old?
I watch pretty much everything he does on TV and read a lot of his written work. I think he's good value but also a show off. I stand by what I said. And, by the way, I did not criticise him in any way or suggest that I would do anything different in his position.
minicity said:
I watch pretty much everything he does on TV and read a lot of his written work. I think he's good value but also a show off.
True, he does have a big ego, but that's why he's different. We don't want a timid apologist in a grey jumper telling us that the Toyota Virus does 300mpg and cuts global warming, do we? Where's the fun in that?
As for showing off, try the X-Factor!
This is the first Clarkson rant I've completely agreed with in quite some time.
Occasionally he goes overboard and I get the idea he's frequently flippant and controversial for the sake of it, but in this he targets something the environmentalists have been ignoring in favour of beleaguring the motorist for far too long.
I mean, when all is said and done cars are actually useful. You can go places in them and without that the country would grind to a halt. But there really is no need for littering. It damages ecosystems far more directly and catastrophically than cars do - just think about all the animals killed by eating plastic that's been thrown away, or caught in nets, or killed in oil spills. What about the plant life damaged by litter and walkers? These are all things environmentalists should be concerned about, but instead they decide to pick on something that can make them money - motorists.
Clarkson has expertly drawn all fire in his direction, then exposed their flanks. Genius.
Occasionally he goes overboard and I get the idea he's frequently flippant and controversial for the sake of it, but in this he targets something the environmentalists have been ignoring in favour of beleaguring the motorist for far too long.
I mean, when all is said and done cars are actually useful. You can go places in them and without that the country would grind to a halt. But there really is no need for littering. It damages ecosystems far more directly and catastrophically than cars do - just think about all the animals killed by eating plastic that's been thrown away, or caught in nets, or killed in oil spills. What about the plant life damaged by litter and walkers? These are all things environmentalists should be concerned about, but instead they decide to pick on something that can make them money - motorists.
Clarkson has expertly drawn all fire in his direction, then exposed their flanks. Genius.
Actually I think Coke tastes like Piss, regardless of the container 
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