Amending a will on behalf of a dementia sufferer
Discussion
My parents, both in their early 80s, had mirror wills. In around 2020, my father fell out with my son and ex wife in an irreconcilable way, and determined that neither should benefit from any inheritance he might leave. Before he got around to taking any action to ensure his wishes would be carried out, he died in an RTA.
After this, my brother and I realised that our mother's memory problems were likely to develop, and were able to ensure that power of attorney for H&W and P&F were in place before she lost capacity. We chose not to address her will at the time.
While all of this was going on, I was diagnosed with a life limiting illness. It's not terminal at the moment, but I expect my mother to outlive me by a few years. She has entirely lost capacity in the last few months and moved into a care home a few weeks ago.
I chose to stop working when I was diagnosed, and am fortunate to have sufficient savings to see me out, so I have no personal skin in the game.
The old fella was a kind and caring man, and he didn't come to his decision lightly. I can understand why he felt the way he did, and feel that he handled it with a degree of dignity that surprised me. Both my ex wife and my son are aware of his wishes, and haven't raised any objections to me. They are aware that he died before either of the wills were changed, and that my mother has lost capacity.
The fact remains that my mother's will doesn't represent what he wanted, and she doesn't have the mental capacity to change it. She currently has no knowledge of either of her grandsons. It makes no difference to me personally or financially what happens to the inheritance.
I think I have two questions:
Should I try to change my mother's will to reflect my late father's wishes, or should I let sleeping dogs lie?
If I decide to respect his wishes, how do I go about changing her will now that she has lost capacity?
After this, my brother and I realised that our mother's memory problems were likely to develop, and were able to ensure that power of attorney for H&W and P&F were in place before she lost capacity. We chose not to address her will at the time.
While all of this was going on, I was diagnosed with a life limiting illness. It's not terminal at the moment, but I expect my mother to outlive me by a few years. She has entirely lost capacity in the last few months and moved into a care home a few weeks ago.
I chose to stop working when I was diagnosed, and am fortunate to have sufficient savings to see me out, so I have no personal skin in the game.
The old fella was a kind and caring man, and he didn't come to his decision lightly. I can understand why he felt the way he did, and feel that he handled it with a degree of dignity that surprised me. Both my ex wife and my son are aware of his wishes, and haven't raised any objections to me. They are aware that he died before either of the wills were changed, and that my mother has lost capacity.
The fact remains that my mother's will doesn't represent what he wanted, and she doesn't have the mental capacity to change it. She currently has no knowledge of either of her grandsons. It makes no difference to me personally or financially what happens to the inheritance.
I think I have two questions:
Should I try to change my mother's will to reflect my late father's wishes, or should I let sleeping dogs lie?
If I decide to respect his wishes, how do I go about changing her will now that she has lost capacity?
markiii said:
the first question, is it even possible to write or invalidate a will on behalf of someone not capable?
Personally I don't think it is
It is, or I wouldn't be asking the subsequent questions. It's called a statutory will, and I would need to apply to the court of protection and pay a fee. It might not be granted, depending on what the court decided, but it's certainly possible.Personally I don't think it is
I have to say this a tricky one for you to deal with. Sorry to hear about the situation you are in as well.
I guess the first question is - what does your brother think should happen?
I am presuming that your mother didn’t fall out with your son and ex wife so if your father had changed his will, then it would have been only his share that he didn’t want them to receive.
I am also presuming that when your father died, all the assets went to your Mum? If that is the case, then it may be that these could very well be used to cover her care home fees depending on how much there is.
Once you have checked with your brother, then I would be inclined to re draw your mums will (if the Court allows it ) to reflect the fact that your dads half of the assets is distributed as he would have wanted - ie excluding the people he wanted excluding. Might take a bit of working out but I am sure it could be achieved with a good solicitor.
Our wills are somewhat complex given that we were both divorced with children and I brought very little financially to the party - talking to the solicitor enabled us to get what we wanted.
I guess the first question is - what does your brother think should happen?
I am presuming that your mother didn’t fall out with your son and ex wife so if your father had changed his will, then it would have been only his share that he didn’t want them to receive.
I am also presuming that when your father died, all the assets went to your Mum? If that is the case, then it may be that these could very well be used to cover her care home fees depending on how much there is.
Once you have checked with your brother, then I would be inclined to re draw your mums will (if the Court allows it ) to reflect the fact that your dads half of the assets is distributed as he would have wanted - ie excluding the people he wanted excluding. Might take a bit of working out but I am sure it could be achieved with a good solicitor.
Our wills are somewhat complex given that we were both divorced with children and I brought very little financially to the party - talking to the solicitor enabled us to get what we wanted.
I think I might be making it trickier than it should be. I could just say, f
k it, what's happened has happened. The old man's dead, and his wishes won't be respected because he didn't take any action at the time of the falling out. That said, he had no idea he was going to die at the time that he did and in the way that he did.
I don't feel betrayed by my boy in the way that my father did, although I can certainly appreciate his opinion. His mother is out of the will since we divorced, so that's immaterial.
My brother is taking a discreet approach to the whole matter. If pushed, I guess he'd probably let things stay the way they are. We're not hugely wealthy, by any means, but there's enough to go around and not fall out over.
Although i loved the old man dearly, and miss him every day, I think I'm inclined to leave things the way they are. This has been a useful exercise.
k it, what's happened has happened. The old man's dead, and his wishes won't be respected because he didn't take any action at the time of the falling out. That said, he had no idea he was going to die at the time that he did and in the way that he did. I don't feel betrayed by my boy in the way that my father did, although I can certainly appreciate his opinion. His mother is out of the will since we divorced, so that's immaterial.
My brother is taking a discreet approach to the whole matter. If pushed, I guess he'd probably let things stay the way they are. We're not hugely wealthy, by any means, but there's enough to go around and not fall out over.
Although i loved the old man dearly, and miss him every day, I think I'm inclined to leave things the way they are. This has been a useful exercise.
Being blunt your father’s wishes died with him. When his assets transferred to whoever was named in his will those assets became that person’s. Your father has no control over how subsequent beneficiaries choose to distribute their will.
You can choose to do what you want on your mother’s behalf. However, forcing your father’s wishes onto her, especially when she’s mentally incapable seems a step too far for me.
This is just an opinion though. I know what I would do and it’s to leave things alone.
You can choose to do what you want on your mother’s behalf. However, forcing your father’s wishes onto her, especially when she’s mentally incapable seems a step too far for me.
This is just an opinion though. I know what I would do and it’s to leave things alone.
LF5335 said:
Being blunt your father’s wishes died with him. When his assets transferred to whoever was named in his will those assets became that person’s. Your father has no control over how subsequent beneficiaries choose to distribute their will.
You can choose to do what you want on your mother’s behalf. However, forcing your father’s wishes onto her, especially when she’s mentally incapable seems a step too far for me.
This is just an opinion though. I know what I would do and it’s to leave things alone.
You're absolutely right, and I'd come to that conclusion a few minutes before you posted. Thanks for your input.You can choose to do what you want on your mother’s behalf. However, forcing your father’s wishes onto her, especially when she’s mentally incapable seems a step too far for me.
This is just an opinion though. I know what I would do and it’s to leave things alone.
Boringvolvodriver said:
I have to say this a tricky one for you to deal with. Sorry to hear about the situation you are in as well.
I guess the first question is - what does your brother think should happen?
I think I was overthinking it. It's been useful for me to express my thoughts, and I'm happy to let things stand the way they are. I guess the first question is - what does your brother think should happen?
As for the other thing, I'm ticking things off the bucket list, and living the dream. It's not too bad!
s2sol said:
You're absolutely right, and I'd come to that conclusion a few minutes before you posted. Thanks for your input.
Glad you saw it in the spirit it was intended. As someone who has very limited time left I have to say it as I see it now to avoid lengthy discussions that eat into whatever time is left. FWIW I believe you’ve made the right decision.
s2sol said:
I think I was overthinking it. It's been useful for me to express my thoughts, and I'm happy to let things stand the way they are.
As for the other thing, I'm ticking things off the bucket list, and living the dream. It's not too bad!
Understandable, especially in your circumstances. Often helps to put things on paper so to speak and get others opinion. My view was probably based on my experience of my late fathers second wife not exactly sticking to his wishes.As for the other thing, I'm ticking things off the bucket list, and living the dream. It's not too bad!
All the best for the bucket list.
s2sol said:
LF5335 said:
Being blunt your father’s wishes died with him. When his assets transferred to whoever was named in his will those assets became that person’s. Your father has no control over how subsequent beneficiaries choose to distribute their will.
You can choose to do what you want on your mother’s behalf. However, forcing your father’s wishes onto her, especially when she’s mentally incapable seems a step too far for me.
This is just an opinion though. I know what I would do and it’s to leave things alone.
You're absolutely right, and I'd come to that conclusion a few minutes before you posted. Thanks for your input.You can choose to do what you want on your mother’s behalf. However, forcing your father’s wishes onto her, especially when she’s mentally incapable seems a step too far for me.
This is just an opinion though. I know what I would do and it’s to leave things alone.
Leave it be.
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