Demanding- money outside of CMS
Discussion
So my ex wife and I have children and despite the split being fairly smooth 6 years ago once she got in another property lies and battles commenced.
Fast forward we have a 5 year old court order that we share children her 65% and me 35% time with a shared care provision.
In terms of maintenance I have had a very stressful and frustrating time with the CMS and about 2/3 years ago she cancelled the claim with them we took roughly the figure she was getting and I have paid £600 a month. The reason the claim was cancelled as I paid every month, not sure whether she lied or some issue with CMS but all of sudden they sent an attachment for earnings to my employer for £1400 per month claiming I wasn't paying and they did not inform me there was an issue or give me time to challenge it. This led to my employer being not to happy and I almost lost my job.
Come the first of the next month I had demand for £600, to which I informed her of the action of the CMS and that I had decide to resign my job as I could no longer afford to remain with £1400 a month being deducted.
She realised that we was going to wait around 3 months before the CMS would get deducted monies to her and as she only earns around £20k a year that was an issue. I sent a legal letter to the CMS at the same time saying they failed to follow their policy and she says she shut the claim down.
The attachment to earnings was only cancelled at the 11th hour and I have paid her the agreed amount since. My employers got nothing in writing from the CMS they had to call! I didn't get a letter saying the claim was closed she did however.
Last she asked for £60 uplift 10% per month or go back to the CMS despite the fact that one child now lives with me full time for over a 1 year. She doesn't pay for the child with me and still gets Child benefit for that child.
Court order has never been changed!
She has had a very expensive wedding to lucky chap No.2 circa 27k and apart from the fact that she is often abusive and not civil that was it.
This year she has taken to making financial decisions for the children and booking things or paying for things and demanding I pay 50-100% on top of monthly maintenance.
When I asked to be consulted she said it was too time consuming and she would go down CMS route as she doesn't have time to haggle. (Even though she works part time)
She has spent around £400 on my daughters prom including £230 dress and demanded half.
She had booked a Ski holiday for 1 child at a cost of £1800 paid the deposit of £250 and then the child pulled out, so I didn't have to pay for that one.
Then she has booked another child onto a trip away with friends on my weekend and demanded I pay for that in full, on the basis its my weekend.
I have made payment of around 50% after being bullied but she threatening to get the CMS involved and they were very stressful and unpredictable animal.
She has made various threats over tex msg, clearly she can use the CMS is she chooses but I may end up in a unsustainable financial position as their quotations in reality seem to be open to mistakes and very high degree of variance.
When I pointed out she pays me nothing for child 1 she said she does £60 a month as she was going to increase the maintenance from £600 to £720. Something not in the text msgs on the topic. (£660 is current figure with 1 child with me full time)
Is threatening to use the CMS or pay this demanding money with menace? Any advice?
Fast forward we have a 5 year old court order that we share children her 65% and me 35% time with a shared care provision.
In terms of maintenance I have had a very stressful and frustrating time with the CMS and about 2/3 years ago she cancelled the claim with them we took roughly the figure she was getting and I have paid £600 a month. The reason the claim was cancelled as I paid every month, not sure whether she lied or some issue with CMS but all of sudden they sent an attachment for earnings to my employer for £1400 per month claiming I wasn't paying and they did not inform me there was an issue or give me time to challenge it. This led to my employer being not to happy and I almost lost my job.
Come the first of the next month I had demand for £600, to which I informed her of the action of the CMS and that I had decide to resign my job as I could no longer afford to remain with £1400 a month being deducted.
She realised that we was going to wait around 3 months before the CMS would get deducted monies to her and as she only earns around £20k a year that was an issue. I sent a legal letter to the CMS at the same time saying they failed to follow their policy and she says she shut the claim down.
The attachment to earnings was only cancelled at the 11th hour and I have paid her the agreed amount since. My employers got nothing in writing from the CMS they had to call! I didn't get a letter saying the claim was closed she did however.
Last she asked for £60 uplift 10% per month or go back to the CMS despite the fact that one child now lives with me full time for over a 1 year. She doesn't pay for the child with me and still gets Child benefit for that child.
Court order has never been changed!
She has had a very expensive wedding to lucky chap No.2 circa 27k and apart from the fact that she is often abusive and not civil that was it.
This year she has taken to making financial decisions for the children and booking things or paying for things and demanding I pay 50-100% on top of monthly maintenance.
When I asked to be consulted she said it was too time consuming and she would go down CMS route as she doesn't have time to haggle. (Even though she works part time)
She has spent around £400 on my daughters prom including £230 dress and demanded half.
She had booked a Ski holiday for 1 child at a cost of £1800 paid the deposit of £250 and then the child pulled out, so I didn't have to pay for that one.
Then she has booked another child onto a trip away with friends on my weekend and demanded I pay for that in full, on the basis its my weekend.
I have made payment of around 50% after being bullied but she threatening to get the CMS involved and they were very stressful and unpredictable animal.
She has made various threats over tex msg, clearly she can use the CMS is she chooses but I may end up in a unsustainable financial position as their quotations in reality seem to be open to mistakes and very high degree of variance.
When I pointed out she pays me nothing for child 1 she said she does £60 a month as she was going to increase the maintenance from £600 to £720. Something not in the text msgs on the topic. (£660 is current figure with 1 child with me full time)
Is threatening to use the CMS or pay this demanding money with menace? Any advice?
Edited by James.Pond on Monday 23 June 14:40
Blimey, logic doesn't seem to be her strong point. I have only one idea, but it's probably not helpful!
Ultimately it seems that so many of her demands are simply daft or unreasonable that any judge or panel will get the true picture. Keep logical and good luck.
James.Pond said:
Then she has booked another child onto a trip away with friends on my weekend and demanded I pay for that in full, on the basis its my weekend.
If she's happy with that concept, tell her you'll take the children to see the Monaco GP when it's her weekend, and is she happy to pay for it? No of course she's not.Ultimately it seems that so many of her demands are simply daft or unreasonable that any judge or panel will get the true picture. Keep logical and good luck.
Simpo Two said:
Blimey, logic doesn't seem to be her strong point. I have only one idea, but it's probably not helpful!
Ultimately it seems that so many of her demands are simply daft or unreasonable that any judge or panel will get the true picture. Keep logical and good luck.
Good advice and one more thing.......KEEP RECORDS OF EVERYTHING!!!!!!!1James.Pond said:
Then she has booked another child onto a trip away with friends on my weekend and demanded I pay for that in full, on the basis its my weekend.
If she's happy with that concept, tell her you'll take the children to see the Monaco GP when it's her weekend, and is she happy to pay for it? No of course she's not.Ultimately it seems that so many of her demands are simply daft or unreasonable that any judge or panel will get the true picture. Keep logical and good luck.
I’ve gone through something very similar with ex-Mrs. ADJimbo and my two. Her going to the CMS was the best thing she ever did for me.
Upon separation, we agreed to split everything regarding the Children 50/50. Fine - no issues with that. Like your ex-Spouse, the threats, abuse and non-sensical behaviour for more and more £’s kept coming like an Avalanche, holding the threat of the CMS over me like a sword of Damocles until in the end, I told her if that’s what she wanted to do, then do it she must.
To cut a very long story short, the CMS weighed the job up and awarded her 35% of what I was already paying. Her attitude significantly shifted and she asked if we could go back to the old regime…!!!
She really has cut her nose off to spite her face. The balance Between the two £ amounts are going into savings accounts for the kids which will pay for driving lessons, first cars, deposits on first houses etc. she earns a lot so I’m overly concerned about the Children going without but it’s taught her a significant lesson.
I’m confused about this attachment of earnings? Have you been paying her CMS directly and she’s saying she’s not had it? The advice I took at the time was to go through the CMS collect & pay which leaves a paper-trail through CMS so there can be no dispute. It’s worked well.
I hope my personal experience helps shape your thinking.
Upon separation, we agreed to split everything regarding the Children 50/50. Fine - no issues with that. Like your ex-Spouse, the threats, abuse and non-sensical behaviour for more and more £’s kept coming like an Avalanche, holding the threat of the CMS over me like a sword of Damocles until in the end, I told her if that’s what she wanted to do, then do it she must.
To cut a very long story short, the CMS weighed the job up and awarded her 35% of what I was already paying. Her attitude significantly shifted and she asked if we could go back to the old regime…!!!
She really has cut her nose off to spite her face. The balance Between the two £ amounts are going into savings accounts for the kids which will pay for driving lessons, first cars, deposits on first houses etc. she earns a lot so I’m overly concerned about the Children going without but it’s taught her a significant lesson.
I’m confused about this attachment of earnings? Have you been paying her CMS directly and she’s saying she’s not had it? The advice I took at the time was to go through the CMS collect & pay which leaves a paper-trail through CMS so there can be no dispute. It’s worked well.
I hope my personal experience helps shape your thinking.
ADJimbo said:
I ve gone through something very similar with ex-Mrs. ADJimbo and my two. Her going to the CMS was the best thing she ever did for me.
Upon separation, we agreed to split everything regarding the Children 50/50. Fine - no issues with that. Like your ex-Spouse, the threats, abuse and non-sensical behaviour for more and more £ s kept coming like an Avalanche, holding the threat of the CMS over me like a sword of Damocles until in the end, I told her if that s what she wanted to do, then do it she must.
To cut a very long story short, the CMS weighed the job up and awarded her 35% of what I was already paying. Her attitude significantly shifted and she asked if we could go back to the old regime !!!
She really has cut her nose off to spite her face. The balance Between the two £ amounts are going into savings accounts for the kids which will pay for driving lessons, first cars, deposits on first houses etc. she earns a lot so I m overly concerned about the Children going without but it s taught her a significant lesson.
I m confused about this attachment of earnings? Have you been paying her CMS directly and she s saying she s not had it? The advice I took at the time was to go through the CMS collect & pay which leaves a paper-trail through CMS so there can be no dispute. It s worked well.
I hope my personal experience helps shape your thinking.
I had direct pay there was an audit trail of £589 a month. Then out the blue it was allege for 5-6 months I had not paid (when I had) they increased the maintenance to £1380.00 which include 20% (COLLECT AND PAY) additional and some made up arrears, I never got a clear response from CMS as by the time they responded to legal letter the claim has been shut down.Upon separation, we agreed to split everything regarding the Children 50/50. Fine - no issues with that. Like your ex-Spouse, the threats, abuse and non-sensical behaviour for more and more £ s kept coming like an Avalanche, holding the threat of the CMS over me like a sword of Damocles until in the end, I told her if that s what she wanted to do, then do it she must.
To cut a very long story short, the CMS weighed the job up and awarded her 35% of what I was already paying. Her attitude significantly shifted and she asked if we could go back to the old regime !!!
She really has cut her nose off to spite her face. The balance Between the two £ amounts are going into savings accounts for the kids which will pay for driving lessons, first cars, deposits on first houses etc. she earns a lot so I m overly concerned about the Children going without but it s taught her a significant lesson.
I m confused about this attachment of earnings? Have you been paying her CMS directly and she s saying she s not had it? The advice I took at the time was to go through the CMS collect & pay which leaves a paper-trail through CMS so there can be no dispute. It s worked well.
I hope my personal experience helps shape your thinking.
She has in past allege I had not paid they wrote to me and gave me 28 days to pay or prove I had, on this occasion they didn't and left it for 5 months I believe and then took action detailed.
The CMS are not fast so collect and pay takes 3 -4 months to setup and start making payment to the receiving payment at the time.
I think she met new chap 3 weeks after last and introduced him straight to kids, I complained about this, my eldest no longer wanted to live there because of this. She then called/ msg the CMS with false information about my payments. It has also become clear in previously calculations that they lost the Court Order and made up when I had my children to my financial disadvantage.
I believe the receiving payments has to initiate the claim but I may be wrong. As I a reassemble about
I could not afford to sustain my finances with £1380 deduction a month and my employer did not want the hassle and it was intermated I would need to go.
The issue is when you have a volatile Narcissist even the CMS end up being messed about- they appear to be easy to manipulate and weaponize towards fathers.
Edited by James.Pond on Monday 23 June 15:50
SydneyBridge said:
What does the CMS calculator say you need to paý? Minus what your ex should pay you for the child that lives with you
As long as you pay the correct amount, nothing she can do if you have records or pay via the cms
That bears no relation to what they calculate.As long as you pay the correct amount, nothing she can do if you have records or pay via the cms
By law they should follow the court order and Child 1 should live with her. She won't have child 1 and I don't want to pay to return to court cost me 4.7k last time.
I haven't looked for years but I have a friend in similar money and he is being driven out of the country- moving to dubai.
Possibly more I pay for child 1 have the kids two days a week and every other weekend have to buy them clothes and shoes for my home- she will often nor even let them bring clothes. I am being bled dry financially.
- Not allowing for child 1 living with me - quick check says £708.39 but I did that pervious and I was at £541 and CMS prior to £598 came up with £1107.
Edited by James.Pond on Monday 23 June 16:03
Edited by James.Pond on Monday 23 June 16:04
SydneyBridge said:
What does the CMS calculator say you need to paý? Minus what your ex should pay you for the child that lives with you
As long as you pay the correct amount, nothing she can do if you have records or pay via the cms
That was not my experience with CMS she twice got them to take action against by saying I wasn't paying when I was.As long as you pay the correct amount, nothing she can do if you have records or pay via the cms
The CMS should be using the court order to calculate not what is happening now.
Edited by James.Pond on Monday 23 June 17:34
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