After miscarriage
Discussion
Hello PH,
I'm constantly amazed by the goodwill, love and general camaraderie shown on this forum by you chaps. I've really come just to say my piece as I'm quietly confident but also really, really scared.
My wife has endometriosis and unfortunately miscarried in February 2024. It's been really difficult on her since and we were semi-regularly trying (although endometriosis is a very painful condition that sometimes makes it difficult).
We both wanted kids but had decided to have a 'if it's meant to be it's meant to be' outlook, and a couple of weeks ago decided that we would try for another 18 months before accepting our fate and deciding that, instead, we'd probably get another dog (and I might get that bargain-basement Boxster instead I kept suggesting would be a great purchase). We were discussing the possibility of getting the ball rolling with adoption if it came to that too.
We only ended up trying once this month, which was quite a way back from her suspected ovulation date, so we weren't confident that anything would come of it.
Anyway, abdominal pains started a few days ago (I half-wondered if it was implantation) as well as breast tenderness and a bit of nausea.
Pregnancy test yesterday morning - very faint second line. She tried again in the afternoon and, despite the urine being more diluted, the line was far stronger. This was a really good sign, which shows that the hCG is increasing (this was one of several indicators that all was not well prior to the miscarriage).
Today, she bought the digital ones (because I'm a simpleton and maintain that one word is easier to fathom than trying to assess if a line is a line).
It's damn early days. Not missed period date yet. But quietly over the moon and feel like we've won the lottery. We wanted kids so badly but didn't speak about how we wanted it too much for fear of never having them, and convincing ourselves that we probably wouldn't.
Sod the Boxster, I hope to God that I'm going to be a Dad instead.
Keep everything crossed please, lovely PHers.
I'm constantly amazed by the goodwill, love and general camaraderie shown on this forum by you chaps. I've really come just to say my piece as I'm quietly confident but also really, really scared.
My wife has endometriosis and unfortunately miscarried in February 2024. It's been really difficult on her since and we were semi-regularly trying (although endometriosis is a very painful condition that sometimes makes it difficult).
We both wanted kids but had decided to have a 'if it's meant to be it's meant to be' outlook, and a couple of weeks ago decided that we would try for another 18 months before accepting our fate and deciding that, instead, we'd probably get another dog (and I might get that bargain-basement Boxster instead I kept suggesting would be a great purchase). We were discussing the possibility of getting the ball rolling with adoption if it came to that too.
We only ended up trying once this month, which was quite a way back from her suspected ovulation date, so we weren't confident that anything would come of it.
Anyway, abdominal pains started a few days ago (I half-wondered if it was implantation) as well as breast tenderness and a bit of nausea.
Pregnancy test yesterday morning - very faint second line. She tried again in the afternoon and, despite the urine being more diluted, the line was far stronger. This was a really good sign, which shows that the hCG is increasing (this was one of several indicators that all was not well prior to the miscarriage).
Today, she bought the digital ones (because I'm a simpleton and maintain that one word is easier to fathom than trying to assess if a line is a line).
It's damn early days. Not missed period date yet. But quietly over the moon and feel like we've won the lottery. We wanted kids so badly but didn't speak about how we wanted it too much for fear of never having them, and convincing ourselves that we probably wouldn't.
Sod the Boxster, I hope to God that I'm going to be a Dad instead.
Keep everything crossed please, lovely PHers.
OP, I reached out to you earlier in the year, maybe in the "how was your 2024" thread. Im glad things are moving forwards and you have this good news to share.
Sending my very best wishes to you both.
I know first hand that it will be an emotional rollercoaster for you both, it certainly was for us. If you need anyone to chat to about anything or any questions just let me know.
Much love to you guys.
Sending my very best wishes to you both.
I know first hand that it will be an emotional rollercoaster for you both, it certainly was for us. If you need anyone to chat to about anything or any questions just let me know.
Much love to you guys.
Edited by Ambleton on Wednesday 6th August 22:24
Ambleton said:
OP, I reached out to you earlier in the year, maybe in the "how was your 2024" thread. Im glad things are moving forwards and you have this good news to share.
Sending my very best wishes to you both.
I know first hand that it will be an emotional rollercoaster for you both, it certainly was for us. If you need anyone to chat to about anything or any questions just let me know.
Much love to you guys.
You absolutely did, and it warmed my heart to be quite honest. I looked through my inbox to try and find it and reply, but I couldn't find your emails, although I fondly recall our exchanges. It really helped. Sending my very best wishes to you both.
I know first hand that it will be an emotional rollercoaster for you both, it certainly was for us. If you need anyone to chat to about anything or any questions just let me know.
Much love to you guys.
Edited by Ambleton on Wednesday 6th August 22:24
I thanked you then and I thank you now. Much love back from us.
Edited by DorsetSparky on Thursday 7th August 16:17
Fantastic news congratulations, sending positive thoughts.
My sister has health issues and had many many attempts at IVF all without success. They eventually gave up and resigned themselves to it not happening. A few months later it happened the natural way despite all evidence suggesting she'd never be able to conceive naturally. My nephew just graduated uni and is a lovely lovely kid. Got my fingers crossed for you.
My sister has health issues and had many many attempts at IVF all without success. They eventually gave up and resigned themselves to it not happening. A few months later it happened the natural way despite all evidence suggesting she'd never be able to conceive naturally. My nephew just graduated uni and is a lovely lovely kid. Got my fingers crossed for you.
You should be able to (given history) request more frequent and early scans if you so desire.
I think early scans can be done around 8 weeks. These (and more detailed scans later on) are almost always internal with a wand. These can be daunting and scary, and we were concerned to begin with. But then decided we needed to do everything in our power to get to try and get to the finish line. Parent reassurance/stress levels go a long way with that so the additional "yep. All okay" every now and then helped to ease the worry a smidge.
I think early scans can be done around 8 weeks. These (and more detailed scans later on) are almost always internal with a wand. These can be daunting and scary, and we were concerned to begin with. But then decided we needed to do everything in our power to get to try and get to the finish line. Parent reassurance/stress levels go a long way with that so the additional "yep. All okay" every now and then helped to ease the worry a smidge.
Ambleton said:
You should be able to (given history) request more frequent and early scans if you so desire.
I think early scans can be done around 8 weeks. These (and more detailed scans later on) are almost always internal with a wand. These can be daunting and scary, and we were concerned to begin with. But then decided we needed to do everything in our power to get to try and get to the finish line. Parent reassurance/stress levels go a long way with that so the additional "yep. All okay" every now and then helped to ease the worry a smidge.
Thank you, again. This is a really good idea, in principle. I think early scans can be done around 8 weeks. These (and more detailed scans later on) are almost always internal with a wand. These can be daunting and scary, and we were concerned to begin with. But then decided we needed to do everything in our power to get to try and get to the finish line. Parent reassurance/stress levels go a long way with that so the additional "yep. All okay" every now and then helped to ease the worry a smidge.
We did one of these last time which, unfortunately, was internal and very painful. There was blood on the wand when it came out, which was apparently more than usual. The next day, the miscarriage started.
Whilst the two are almost certainly not related, my wife's decided that it might have caused it and therefore there's no way she'd entertain an internal ultrasound unless it was absolutely necessary and required medically. I really can't blame her.
Her general approach is more laissez-faire than last time and just to take the 12-week dating scan. I think I'll just support her the best I can and let things progress naturally.
DorsetSparky said:
Thank you, again. This is a really good idea, in principle.
We did one of these last time which, unfortunately, was internal and very painful. There was blood on the wand when it came out, which was apparently more than usual. The next day, the miscarriage started.
Whilst the two are almost certainly not related, my wife's decided that it might have caused it and therefore there's no way she'd entertain an internal ultrasound unless it was absolutely necessary and required medically. I really can't blame her.
Her general approach is more laissez-faire than last time and just to take the 12-week dating scan. I think I'll just support her the best I can and let things progress naturally.
A very understandable reaction and one that anyone would have. We heard similar stories but in the end we decided to throw ourselves at the mercy of the professionals.We did one of these last time which, unfortunately, was internal and very painful. There was blood on the wand when it came out, which was apparently more than usual. The next day, the miscarriage started.
Whilst the two are almost certainly not related, my wife's decided that it might have caused it and therefore there's no way she'd entertain an internal ultrasound unless it was absolutely necessary and required medically. I really can't blame her.
Her general approach is more laissez-faire than last time and just to take the 12-week dating scan. I think I'll just support her the best I can and let things progress naturally.
You can only go on past experience and be guided by what you feel is right at any one time. The docs can only guide you on statistics and numbers but ultimately the only person who can feel what's going on is your OH.
Anyway, fingers, toes, eyes, legs, balls... fuk'n everything crossed for you.
Been through much the same experience as many here. Had a miscarriage in 2020 followed by being told we probably cant conceive and we should look into donors, adoptions etc. Little did we know my wife was pregnant during that conversation and we have a wonderful toddler now.
A child will be the perfect (only?) antidote to the pain of the miscarriage.
A child will be the perfect (only?) antidote to the pain of the miscarriage.
IIRC, my ex had a few factors which was deemed risky (her age as she was 40, and been IVF from what I could remember), and our midwife book her in for extra scans during her pregnancy. I think we had about 4-5 compared to the usual 2 scans (the type where they rub cold jelly and scan the belly whatever it's called!) Best have a word with your midwife who can organise it for you.
Also, congratulations, I hope everything works out for you!
Also, congratulations, I hope everything works out for you!
Edited by chip* on Friday 8th August 07:34
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