Sibling Estrangement
Discussion
I didnt know Antony Hopkins was estranged from his daughter for over 20 years. For someone so utterly accomplished. Ive never seen him so emotional and choose his words carefully.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/YsNif5k98q8
I recognise that "I dont want to talk about it" though
I wont bore you all with the full details at this stage. But I havent had more than 2 sentances with my younger brother in 26 years. We fell out in 1999 when I was 20! (he was 16) In 2006 I tried to softly rekindle things. And was rejected. And in about 2011, he tried and I rejected. When stubborn people meet I suppose.
Most of the time I dont think about it frankly. But every now and then, I regret it enormously and as we get older and older. I often wonder if I should try again. Selfishly, I think about the future when our parents inevitably pass. And having to deal with the division of their property in a will. Our parents have pics of his 3 teenage children around their house. Its very rare for either of my parents to mention him to me. Occassionally they will, and I move past it. Theyve never stage any kind of intervention
I dont tell anybody, literally no one outside my immediate family knows. I blag it when people ask about my brother and his kids. Which is massively hypocritical of me, as over the years Ive known people who are estranged from family members. And Ive always been very understanding about their situation.
But then I think what do I know about him? I know nothing about him. What he does for a living. I dont even 100% know what town he lives in. Hes absolutely a stranger to me. And of course vice-versa. Clearly he's not tried to get in touch in over a decade so maybe he doenst want to know me either. And if I was to try and he rejected me that might hurt more than leaving sleeping dogs.
Just looking for thoughts of others
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/YsNif5k98q8
I recognise that "I dont want to talk about it" though
I wont bore you all with the full details at this stage. But I havent had more than 2 sentances with my younger brother in 26 years. We fell out in 1999 when I was 20! (he was 16) In 2006 I tried to softly rekindle things. And was rejected. And in about 2011, he tried and I rejected. When stubborn people meet I suppose.
Most of the time I dont think about it frankly. But every now and then, I regret it enormously and as we get older and older. I often wonder if I should try again. Selfishly, I think about the future when our parents inevitably pass. And having to deal with the division of their property in a will. Our parents have pics of his 3 teenage children around their house. Its very rare for either of my parents to mention him to me. Occassionally they will, and I move past it. Theyve never stage any kind of intervention
I dont tell anybody, literally no one outside my immediate family knows. I blag it when people ask about my brother and his kids. Which is massively hypocritical of me, as over the years Ive known people who are estranged from family members. And Ive always been very understanding about their situation.
But then I think what do I know about him? I know nothing about him. What he does for a living. I dont even 100% know what town he lives in. Hes absolutely a stranger to me. And of course vice-versa. Clearly he's not tried to get in touch in over a decade so maybe he doenst want to know me either. And if I was to try and he rejected me that might hurt more than leaving sleeping dogs.
Just looking for thoughts of others
Nick-owz5m said:
I didnt know Antony Hopkins was estranged from his daughter for over 20 years. For someone so utterly accomplished. Ive never seen him so emotional and choose his words carefully.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/YsNif5k98q8
I recognise that "I dont want to talk about it" though
I wont bore you all with the full details at this stage. But I havent had more than 2 sentances with my younger brother in 26 years. We fell out in 1999 when I was 20! (he was 16) In 2006 I tried to softly rekindle things. And was rejected. And in about 2011, he tried and I rejected. When stubborn people meet I suppose.
Most of the time I dont think about it frankly. But every now and then, I regret it enormously and as we get older and older. I often wonder if I should try again. Selfishly, I think about the future when our parents inevitably pass. And having to deal with the division of their property in a will. Our parents have pics of his 3 teenage children around their house. Its very rare for either of my parents to mention him to me. Occassionally they will, and I move past it. Theyve never stage any kind of intervention
I dont tell anybody, literally no one outside my immediate family knows. I blag it when people ask about my brother and his kids. Which is massively hypocritical of me, as over the years Ive known people who are estranged from family members. And Ive always been very understanding about their situation.
But then I think what do I know about him? I know nothing about him. What he does for a living. I dont even 100% know what town he lives in. Hes absolutely a stranger to me. And of course vice-versa. Clearly he's not tried to get in touch in over a decade so maybe he doenst want to know me either. And if I was to try and he rejected me that might hurt more than leaving sleeping dogs.
Just looking for thoughts of others
Coming from a close family, I find this hard to comprehend and very sad. Personally I think you’d have very much to gain and very little to lose from trying to reconcile things (again).https://www.youtube.com/shorts/YsNif5k98q8
I recognise that "I dont want to talk about it" though
I wont bore you all with the full details at this stage. But I havent had more than 2 sentances with my younger brother in 26 years. We fell out in 1999 when I was 20! (he was 16) In 2006 I tried to softly rekindle things. And was rejected. And in about 2011, he tried and I rejected. When stubborn people meet I suppose.
Most of the time I dont think about it frankly. But every now and then, I regret it enormously and as we get older and older. I often wonder if I should try again. Selfishly, I think about the future when our parents inevitably pass. And having to deal with the division of their property in a will. Our parents have pics of his 3 teenage children around their house. Its very rare for either of my parents to mention him to me. Occassionally they will, and I move past it. Theyve never stage any kind of intervention
I dont tell anybody, literally no one outside my immediate family knows. I blag it when people ask about my brother and his kids. Which is massively hypocritical of me, as over the years Ive known people who are estranged from family members. And Ive always been very understanding about their situation.
But then I think what do I know about him? I know nothing about him. What he does for a living. I dont even 100% know what town he lives in. Hes absolutely a stranger to me. And of course vice-versa. Clearly he's not tried to get in touch in over a decade so maybe he doenst want to know me either. And if I was to try and he rejected me that might hurt more than leaving sleeping dogs.
Just looking for thoughts of others
Hey OP, I'm in the same situation. Not spoken to my brother in 20 years. Reason we fell out was somewhat stupid but he's still married to her so it makes it hard to reconcile. Ive thought about trying to speak to him and fix it. I got as far as drafting an email and saving it without sending.
I dont hide it and if people ask about siblings I say I have a brother but we don't speak. People pretty much never push it and ask why.
I think over the years it just gets harder and harder to reconcile. I went through a rough patch and to me that felt like the time he should have tried to get in contact and he made no effort which kinda made me think I shouldn't bother, but then should I be the bigger man?
I dont hide it and if people ask about siblings I say I have a brother but we don't speak. People pretty much never push it and ask why.
I think over the years it just gets harder and harder to reconcile. I went through a rough patch and to me that felt like the time he should have tried to get in contact and he made no effort which kinda made me think I shouldn't bother, but then should I be the bigger man?
I appreciate that everybody is different but, as much as she (frequently) frustrated me, I'd give anything to be able to talk to my late kid sister 
It may well be that one you or he are gone there'll be a pang of "... I wonder..." (there may well not be that too!) at which point it’s (obviously) too late
It may well be that one you or he are gone there'll be a pang of "... I wonder..." (there may well not be that too!) at which point it’s (obviously) too late
I’m estranged from my sister. She’s a hideous narcissist with many other character flaws. She’s brought misery to her own (ex) husband and children, and caused endless mental anguish on our parents for the last 15 years. I generally avoided contact with her but finally wrote off all contact about 5 years ago when she committed GBH on our mother.
I’m the executor of our parents estates and will greatly enjoy informing her when the time comes that their wills don’t take the form that she assumes they do.
I’m the executor of our parents estates and will greatly enjoy informing her when the time comes that their wills don’t take the form that she assumes they do.
Brothers are odd things, there is less interdependence and plenty of opportunity for conflict. On the other hand much in common and groundwork for friendship.
It seems odd however you are estranged but know nothing about him or where he lives, he could be a completely different person.
also odd you felt motivated enough to reconcile at one point but changed your mind later on.
Lots of missing detail here.
I don't like spending time with my brother, he is an asshole, but I know other assholes. I think it's partly because I see my worse flaws in him blown up large
It seems odd however you are estranged but know nothing about him or where he lives, he could be a completely different person.
also odd you felt motivated enough to reconcile at one point but changed your mind later on.
Lots of missing detail here.
I don't like spending time with my brother, he is an asshole, but I know other assholes. I think it's partly because I see my worse flaws in him blown up large
Sport_Turismo_GTS said:
Coming from a close family, I find this hard to comprehend and very sad. Personally I think you d have very much to gain and very little to lose from trying to reconcile things (again).
On the other hand, just because you are related it doesn't mean you have to get on. Life's too short, if neither of you are bothered then what is the problem? Fair enough if you think that both of you want to reconcile it could be worth one more go. (Obviously I don't know what happened that was so bad in 1999, or whether you never really got on, that could make a difference).That's such a shame. Last weekend I spent 2 days hillwalking with my brother, camping out overnight in the snow. We had a giggle all the way, despite 1500 metres of ascent and him being significantly fitter than me! We ended up at my parents' house for a late lunch on the Sunday and both told each other how much fun we'd had. We're both in our 50s and I can't imagine not getting on with him. If you feel you can have another shot at reconciliation, it might be worth it. Good luck.
My dad has a brother that has not spoken to my dad or his other two brothers in 20 years.
He (brother) felt that one the other brothers always picked on him.
There is some truth to this. He can be a bit of a dick, a real know-it-all.
He still ribs my dad hard for getting a fine for jumping a tube train. This happened in the early 1960s. It’s not in a nice way.
After their mother’s funeral the now estranged brother was very angry because he thought, incorrectly, that this brother had removed an item he wanted from mother’s house.
That was it…
His kids still talk to the other nephews and nieces so we know what goes on but zero contact otherwise.
My dad did try to get him back on side for a number of years but gave up.
Dad and brothers are all in 80s and 70s now…we’ll see what happens as they die off…
Can’t say I feel anything much about it - all a bit silly, but that can be families for you.
He (brother) felt that one the other brothers always picked on him.
There is some truth to this. He can be a bit of a dick, a real know-it-all.
He still ribs my dad hard for getting a fine for jumping a tube train. This happened in the early 1960s. It’s not in a nice way.
After their mother’s funeral the now estranged brother was very angry because he thought, incorrectly, that this brother had removed an item he wanted from mother’s house.
That was it…
His kids still talk to the other nephews and nieces so we know what goes on but zero contact otherwise.
My dad did try to get him back on side for a number of years but gave up.
Dad and brothers are all in 80s and 70s now…we’ll see what happens as they die off…
Can’t say I feel anything much about it - all a bit silly, but that can be families for you.
I've not seen/spoken to my dad since 2011. I doubt i will ever see him again. Dont really see any of that side of the family.
Ill speak to my half sister over Facebook every now and then. But apart from a hi in Tesco every now and then I havent seen her since 2012ish.
Families are weird.
Ill speak to my half sister over Facebook every now and then. But apart from a hi in Tesco every now and then I havent seen her since 2012ish.
Families are weird.
Maybe just try reaching out to your brother. I know it’s not easy, but try not to let pride get in the way.
You don’t need to suddenly be close or become best friends but I bet it would also be a relief to you to know you at least tried..
Im guessing it would also make your parents life easier and they would welcome it?
You don’t need to suddenly be close or become best friends but I bet it would also be a relief to you to know you at least tried..
Im guessing it would also make your parents life easier and they would welcome it?
I've had very little to do with my brother for around 25+ years. I just got fed up with his "I know best" attitude. Our paths cross rarely, last time was when we had to sort out our late parents estate. The attitude came through there, fortunately the Solicitor spotted it and dealt with it.
Do I miss not having him in my life? No. Would I look for a reconciliation? No. I think it unlikely our paths will cross again and that does not bother me.
I'm content in knowing that I have a small circle of very good friends. All this talk of "bloods thicker than water" is, I feel, nonsense. Relationships need to be based on a bit more than just being related to someone.
The OP is clearly troubled by the situation, I hope he can resolve it to his satisfaction.
Do I miss not having him in my life? No. Would I look for a reconciliation? No. I think it unlikely our paths will cross again and that does not bother me.
I'm content in knowing that I have a small circle of very good friends. All this talk of "bloods thicker than water" is, I feel, nonsense. Relationships need to be based on a bit more than just being related to someone.
The OP is clearly troubled by the situation, I hope he can resolve it to his satisfaction.
Are your parents still around? How do they feel about you and your brother not getting on?
I struggled with the relationship with my older sister. She was a very jealous person and felt that I was the golden child. We have never had an easy relationship, especially after I lent her some money and it was never repaid.
For the sake of my Mum, I kept in touch after my parents had died, but in all honesty, my sister was not someone I would have chosen to have as a friend or acquaintance.
If your parents are still about, that might be a path to reconciliation.
I struggled with the relationship with my older sister. She was a very jealous person and felt that I was the golden child. We have never had an easy relationship, especially after I lent her some money and it was never repaid.
For the sake of my Mum, I kept in touch after my parents had died, but in all honesty, my sister was not someone I would have chosen to have as a friend or acquaintance.
If your parents are still about, that might be a path to reconciliation.
I'm in this club but it's not all bad. You can save yourself from a lot of stress and drama in life by cutting people off. I never realised until pretty late in life how narccisistic my parents were. It came to the surface when my business took off (my folks were the sort of people that would tell you that you're going to fall flat on your arse and would actively want you to fail). Brother is the polar opposite of me a properly lazy freeloading slob so when the folks were cut off he never made any attempt to find out why he just took their side and I have spoken once in 9 years. The phone call was to tell me Father was on deaths door but that he had said he didn't want me to know. I then got s
t for not going to the hospital (after basically been told I wasn't wanted there) I had zero interest anyway but just shows the drama that they seem to crave. My inlaws are my parents they are wonderful caring beautiful people and like us just normal basically.
Families can be so fked up you have to laugh sometimes. The obituary on the Funeral directors FB page omitted the existence of me and 3 of their grandchildren. I was contacted by a few of my parents friends to express their shock at this unsurprisingly. Brother is just hanging about for his (small) inheritance it might lift him out of the council house he lives in.
But yeah you can be far better off just cutting negative people off sod Christmas and goodwill sometimes you need to do these things to protect your own family and just have an easier less stressful life. Save your Christmas cheer and family time for people that add positivity to your life.
t for not going to the hospital (after basically been told I wasn't wanted there) I had zero interest anyway but just shows the drama that they seem to crave. My inlaws are my parents they are wonderful caring beautiful people and like us just normal basically. Families can be so f
ked up you have to laugh sometimes. The obituary on the Funeral directors FB page omitted the existence of me and 3 of their grandchildren. I was contacted by a few of my parents friends to express their shock at this unsurprisingly. Brother is just hanging about for his (small) inheritance it might lift him out of the council house he lives in.But yeah you can be far better off just cutting negative people off sod Christmas and goodwill sometimes you need to do these things to protect your own family and just have an easier less stressful life. Save your Christmas cheer and family time for people that add positivity to your life.
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