Infant school issues
Discussion
I've posted before about issues with my son at the school but it feels like we are on a hiding to nothing at the moment with it.
I have so many things going through my head about it, I'm just fed up of it all and need to work out what to do.
My Son joined in September from a nursery, we have had a lot of reports from the teachers of unruly behaviour, hitting kids, and emotional outbreaks where he is also being physical with teachers.
Last week was horrendous, Missus went in last week and was in there for 45 minutes, 45 minutes, I'm amazed I really am.
After some words and some discipline and a day or two of the message coming through. That discipline was to take away his advent calendar away, it probably isn't the right thing but what else can be done? This btw breaks our hearts as well.
Example problems....the Head calls to say a parent has complained a child got "grabbed" on the arm Friday and has left marks so complained today....then says he has punched someone in the head and then someone in the stomach. It's like he is on a rampage.
My response to the missus is the incident of complaint needs substantial evidence e.g. a teacher seeing it, another problem we keep getting, which is a wider part of the problem, are these incidents actually serious enough. Also to add, I walked past the Headmaster today, he stands at the gate.
He has changed a lot I am noticing, more negative and listening to what we are asking him to do, but at home he knows his boundaries, he has been like a coiled spring all weekend mostly indoors due to the weather and it's the worst month of the year with everything so how can a school running Christmas fayres on the 28th of November not expect these kids to be like they are.
Have we spoiled him too much, I can't honestly enjoy Christmas with this s
t going on, he's being told "Father Christmas won't be coming" and all the old school cliches but it just isn't sticking in.
I am beginning to wonder if this school is the right one as well, the only other issue is the other option is a CoE and we are not religious.
Then lets talk about our mental health, I've got a headmaster calling up when I've got work calls coming out my earholes and a child on our hands who breaks up next Thursday until Tuesday the 6th, do they honestly not realise or is this there game with the authorities to prove things.
Help
I have so many things going through my head about it, I'm just fed up of it all and need to work out what to do.
My Son joined in September from a nursery, we have had a lot of reports from the teachers of unruly behaviour, hitting kids, and emotional outbreaks where he is also being physical with teachers.
Last week was horrendous, Missus went in last week and was in there for 45 minutes, 45 minutes, I'm amazed I really am.
After some words and some discipline and a day or two of the message coming through. That discipline was to take away his advent calendar away, it probably isn't the right thing but what else can be done? This btw breaks our hearts as well.
Example problems....the Head calls to say a parent has complained a child got "grabbed" on the arm Friday and has left marks so complained today....then says he has punched someone in the head and then someone in the stomach. It's like he is on a rampage.
My response to the missus is the incident of complaint needs substantial evidence e.g. a teacher seeing it, another problem we keep getting, which is a wider part of the problem, are these incidents actually serious enough. Also to add, I walked past the Headmaster today, he stands at the gate.
He has changed a lot I am noticing, more negative and listening to what we are asking him to do, but at home he knows his boundaries, he has been like a coiled spring all weekend mostly indoors due to the weather and it's the worst month of the year with everything so how can a school running Christmas fayres on the 28th of November not expect these kids to be like they are.
Have we spoiled him too much, I can't honestly enjoy Christmas with this s
t going on, he's being told "Father Christmas won't be coming" and all the old school cliches but it just isn't sticking in. I am beginning to wonder if this school is the right one as well, the only other issue is the other option is a CoE and we are not religious.
Then lets talk about our mental health, I've got a headmaster calling up when I've got work calls coming out my earholes and a child on our hands who breaks up next Thursday until Tuesday the 6th, do they honestly not realise or is this there game with the authorities to prove things.
Help
you might not realise but much of what you have typed is very you centric.
Can you spend more time on the child? Take them out you can do after school, weekends, and even take them to a park before school, can they use a scooter to school etc. - doesn't matter if it is wet, going be wet for months! They can't stay indoors - there are plenty of things to do, children love doing things with their folks - and/or invite a mate along. They get tired out quickly too which means they'll hopefully relax more. If they do group socialising they'll learn to behave too.
Be gentle and kind to the child. Realise things may not change for a while but you and your wife together have to stay the course.
Can you spend more time on the child? Take them out you can do after school, weekends, and even take them to a park before school, can they use a scooter to school etc. - doesn't matter if it is wet, going be wet for months! They can't stay indoors - there are plenty of things to do, children love doing things with their folks - and/or invite a mate along. They get tired out quickly too which means they'll hopefully relax more. If they do group socialising they'll learn to behave too.
Be gentle and kind to the child. Realise things may not change for a while but you and your wife together have to stay the course.
Making threats that you have no intention of following through with is counterproductive. If you say Father Christmas isn't coming and he does then any credibility is blown. My OH does it all the time yet they know I mean what I say and I have to be careful in what in saying.
I agree on the parent ringing the school and then then the school relaying that to you being wrong. If the school didn't see it happen then it's just kids talking. I had a parent come up to me just on Friday "for a word". I just referred it back to school because I'm not going to dress my kid down for something his kid has said. Turns out it was atleast as much his kid as mine.
My opinion is that a typical primary school is borderline terrible for boisterous boys. And they're nearly all run exclusively by women who often seem to fail to grasp the situation.
My kid sounds a little like yours, maybe not quite as extreme but if he hasn't done a solid 2-4hrs of physical exercise a day he can be unbearable. December as you say is a bad month because it's harder to get outside and there's more stimulation than normal.
I do thank our lucky stars that mine has grown out of his biting phase though.
I agree on the parent ringing the school and then then the school relaying that to you being wrong. If the school didn't see it happen then it's just kids talking. I had a parent come up to me just on Friday "for a word". I just referred it back to school because I'm not going to dress my kid down for something his kid has said. Turns out it was atleast as much his kid as mine.
My opinion is that a typical primary school is borderline terrible for boisterous boys. And they're nearly all run exclusively by women who often seem to fail to grasp the situation.
My kid sounds a little like yours, maybe not quite as extreme but if he hasn't done a solid 2-4hrs of physical exercise a day he can be unbearable. December as you say is a bad month because it's harder to get outside and there's more stimulation than normal.
I do thank our lucky stars that mine has grown out of his biting phase though.
fourstardan said:
Example problems....the Head calls to say a parent has complained a child got "grabbed" on the arm Friday and has left marks so complained today....then says he has punched someone in the head and then someone in the stomach. It's like he is on a rampage.
My response to the missus is the incident of complaint needs substantial evidence e.g. a teacher seeing it, another problem we keep getting, which is a wider part of the problem, are these incidents actually serious enough. Also to add, I walked past the Headmaster today, he stands at the gate.
Why would the school make things up or exaggerate the severity of the incident? My response to the missus is the incident of complaint needs substantial evidence e.g. a teacher seeing it, another problem we keep getting, which is a wider part of the problem, are these incidents actually serious enough. Also to add, I walked past the Headmaster today, he stands at the gate.
Not entirely sure what your question is? Do you only have the one child?
We had a friend whose child kept being reprimanded at nursery for biting. Mother claimed to be at a loss and that the child never bit at home...sure enough a few months later she admitted that there had been biting incidences at home too with the child's older sibling. Children are rarely different at home than they are at nursery.
We had a friend whose child kept being reprimanded at nursery for biting. Mother claimed to be at a loss and that the child never bit at home...sure enough a few months later she admitted that there had been biting incidences at home too with the child's older sibling. Children are rarely different at home than they are at nursery.
Edited by AyBee on Monday 8th December 13:55
This is a difficult one and I feel for you. I'm the parent of two children with additional needs, one of them has SEMH issues.
First question is how is your child at home? does he display similar behaviours at any time?
Behaviour is a form of communication, and is usually heightened in young children that can't easily communicate in other ways or articulate how they feel. It suggests your child isn't feeling particularly safe or settled in his environment. This doesn't mean the school is unsafe, it could mean that he doesn't feel ok when he's not with his parents. He might be feeling a bit helpless and out of control, so is in fight/flight/freeze mode most of the time. Connection is key here - does he have a key member of staff that can help to develop a stronger relationship with while at school so that he feels safer and has someone to turn to?
It sounds like some sensory and movement breaks during his day might be really useful for him. A quick couple of minutes run around the playground might help him be more grounded during his next session at school. There's plenty of other things that might work too, just have a bit of a google.
First thing to drop is the random punishments for behaviour - it's archaic and he'll find it difficult to link why losing his advent calendar/father Christmas won't come has anything to do with what he did at school the day before. Consequences need to natural and timely. This is easier said than done, but you need to think about how you and/or school can work with him to make things right after any incidents.
Next thing to do is develop a really good relationship with the school - let them know you want this to work for your child and you want to work as a team with them to make this better. Be on the same page. Explain you have the same boundaries as them and don't condone the behavior but you want to get to the bottom of it and help your child to succeed. Be proactive and set up a meeting with school so you can demonstrate you are willing to be present, involved and helpful with this process.
First question is how is your child at home? does he display similar behaviours at any time?
Behaviour is a form of communication, and is usually heightened in young children that can't easily communicate in other ways or articulate how they feel. It suggests your child isn't feeling particularly safe or settled in his environment. This doesn't mean the school is unsafe, it could mean that he doesn't feel ok when he's not with his parents. He might be feeling a bit helpless and out of control, so is in fight/flight/freeze mode most of the time. Connection is key here - does he have a key member of staff that can help to develop a stronger relationship with while at school so that he feels safer and has someone to turn to?
It sounds like some sensory and movement breaks during his day might be really useful for him. A quick couple of minutes run around the playground might help him be more grounded during his next session at school. There's plenty of other things that might work too, just have a bit of a google.
First thing to drop is the random punishments for behaviour - it's archaic and he'll find it difficult to link why losing his advent calendar/father Christmas won't come has anything to do with what he did at school the day before. Consequences need to natural and timely. This is easier said than done, but you need to think about how you and/or school can work with him to make things right after any incidents.
Next thing to do is develop a really good relationship with the school - let them know you want this to work for your child and you want to work as a team with them to make this better. Be on the same page. Explain you have the same boundaries as them and don't condone the behavior but you want to get to the bottom of it and help your child to succeed. Be proactive and set up a meeting with school so you can demonstrate you are willing to be present, involved and helpful with this process.
fourstardan said:
I've posted before about issues with my son at the school but it feels like we are on a hiding to nothing at the moment with it.
I have so many things going through my head about it, I'm just fed up of it all and need to work out what to do.
My Son joined in September from a nursery, we have had a lot of reports from the teachers of unruly behaviour, hitting kids, and emotional outbreaks where he is also being physical with teachers.
Last week was horrendous, Missus went in last week and was in there for 45 minutes, 45 minutes, I'm amazed I really am.
After some words and some discipline and a day or two of the message coming through. That discipline was to take away his advent calendar away, it probably isn't the right thing but what else can be done? This btw breaks our hearts as well.
Example problems....the Head calls to say a parent has complained a child got "grabbed" on the arm Friday and has left marks so complained today....then says he has punched someone in the head and then someone in the stomach. It's like he is on a rampage.
My response to the missus is the incident of complaint needs substantial evidence e.g. a teacher seeing it, another problem we keep getting, which is a wider part of the problem, are these incidents actually serious enough. Also to add, I walked past the Headmaster today, he stands at the gate.
He has changed a lot I am noticing, more negative and listening to what we are asking him to do, but at home he knows his boundaries, he has been like a coiled spring all weekend mostly indoors due to the weather and it's the worst month of the year with everything so how can a school running Christmas fayres on the 28th of November not expect these kids to be like they are.
Have we spoiled him too much, I can't honestly enjoy Christmas with this st going on, he's being told "Father Christmas won't be coming" and all the old school cliches but it just isn't sticking in.
I am beginning to wonder if this school is the right one as well, the only other issue is the other option is a CoE and we are not religious.
Then lets talk about our mental health, I've got a headmaster calling up when I've got work calls coming out my earholes and a child on our hands who breaks up next Thursday until Tuesday the 6th, do they honestly not realise or is this there game with the authorities to prove things.
Help
I can sympathise - My boy (now 12) had a lot of trouble at primary school - Some of the things you describe are very similar to the reports we had in Reception,Y1,Y2 etc.I have so many things going through my head about it, I'm just fed up of it all and need to work out what to do.
My Son joined in September from a nursery, we have had a lot of reports from the teachers of unruly behaviour, hitting kids, and emotional outbreaks where he is also being physical with teachers.
Last week was horrendous, Missus went in last week and was in there for 45 minutes, 45 minutes, I'm amazed I really am.
After some words and some discipline and a day or two of the message coming through. That discipline was to take away his advent calendar away, it probably isn't the right thing but what else can be done? This btw breaks our hearts as well.
Example problems....the Head calls to say a parent has complained a child got "grabbed" on the arm Friday and has left marks so complained today....then says he has punched someone in the head and then someone in the stomach. It's like he is on a rampage.
My response to the missus is the incident of complaint needs substantial evidence e.g. a teacher seeing it, another problem we keep getting, which is a wider part of the problem, are these incidents actually serious enough. Also to add, I walked past the Headmaster today, he stands at the gate.
He has changed a lot I am noticing, more negative and listening to what we are asking him to do, but at home he knows his boundaries, he has been like a coiled spring all weekend mostly indoors due to the weather and it's the worst month of the year with everything so how can a school running Christmas fayres on the 28th of November not expect these kids to be like they are.
Have we spoiled him too much, I can't honestly enjoy Christmas with this s
t going on, he's being told "Father Christmas won't be coming" and all the old school cliches but it just isn't sticking in. I am beginning to wonder if this school is the right one as well, the only other issue is the other option is a CoE and we are not religious.
Then lets talk about our mental health, I've got a headmaster calling up when I've got work calls coming out my earholes and a child on our hands who breaks up next Thursday until Tuesday the 6th, do they honestly not realise or is this there game with the authorities to prove things.
Help
It is mentally draining and all consuming to have a child at school that is struggling. I can't count the number of times I received the dreaded phonecall from the school at the worst possible time.....
One comment would be that it's easy for parents that don't have children that are struggling to be dismissive. Chances are most folk on here have zero idea what it's actually like to be in this situation and you need to not worry about that at all.
In our case, my boy is fine 1:1 but just couldn't cope being in a class of 30 with the adult led expectations (i.e. the teacher) all day long. The more they tried to make him comply, the harder he found it. As a result, he ended up being suspended / excluded from his primary school a lot - Maybe ~50 times in 3 years.
As part of our journey, I discovered Dr Ross Greene - He has books that are worth a read but the YT intros are worth absorbing imho...
This resulted in quite a shift of mindset for me - punishing my boy for something that he did 10 minutes ago / 2 hours ago / yesterday is utterly pointless. He didn't react the way that he did on purpose - it really was a fight/flight response that caused him to do whatever he did in the moment, and no amount of post incident punishment actually helps. Most of the time, he has completely blocked out / forgotten what was actually happening in one of his moments and if he could control himself, he would - i.e. just like Dr Greene says, "he would if he could, but he can't".....
I'm now never upset / angry that he's done something that he shouldn't have done and whereas when it all started, I felt like the only option was to punish him - i.e. the Supernanny naughty step approach, now I just give him a massive hug, tell him that I understand that he didn't mean to do whatever it was that he did and that I'm there to support him (Again, other parents will disagree, but that's because they aren't dealing with it).
(p.s. imho, the threats of "no Father Christmas" won't work - (in our case) all that actually did was make him far far more anxious - and when something small does occur, it's then a spiral, because as well as having the pain of the moment, he then also has the impact of the punishment that he's been bottling up -- In some ways, all that a promise of a big punishment does is make it more likely to go wrong.... )
(I can go into lots of detail on the various help we tried, how we got EHCPs, diagnoses, 1:1s, and ultimately ended up in specialist provision but that might all be for later)
Feel free to ask away / PM if you want a chat etc,.
Your son needs boundaries…ones that he can understand. That’s a first step. A four or five year old child will have absolutely no comprehension of how far Xmas is away and as other’s have said if you don’t follow through with it you are wasting your breath.
If you get angry with him you are modelling that as a behaviour…so he’ll think being angry is acceptable.
This book is great. It will require both you and your wife to read it and will take a bit of concentration from yourselves….it gives you a framework for how to communicate with your son better.
If you get angry with him you are modelling that as a behaviour…so he’ll think being angry is acceptable.
This book is great. It will require both you and your wife to read it and will take a bit of concentration from yourselves….it gives you a framework for how to communicate with your son better.
I just went back and you have a lot of history of posting about this child OP, and to be honest, this stood out a bit…
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
My only son who was also a massive handful (older than yours by a year) exhibited some similar behaviours, it was ADHD, I’d be surprised if there isn’t something more here but you’ll likely need to ask that question of the school as they’ll probably not raise that if it’s a state school.
But you have to work with schools, being combative isn’t going to help I doubt. They don’t make st up, they’ve plenty of their plates as it is I would imagine!
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
My only son who was also a massive handful (older than yours by a year) exhibited some similar behaviours, it was ADHD, I’d be surprised if there isn’t something more here but you’ll likely need to ask that question of the school as they’ll probably not raise that if it’s a state school.
But you have to work with schools, being combative isn’t going to help I doubt. They don’t make s
t up, they’ve plenty of their plates as it is I would imagine! southendpier said:
you might not realise but much of what you have typed is very you centric..
I noticed this too.I had what I thought was a difficult period with my eldest when she was a toddler. I booked myself onto a parenting course with the intention to find a "fix" for my child. Like the other parents, I didn't take long into the course to realise that the issue wasn't my own child...I am not a perfect parent by any means, but the resulting changes in my own behaviour (spend quality time with her) and style (using various techniques) totally transformed my daughter's behaviour and bond with me.
Maybe the OP's kid has other underlying behavioural issues which need further investigation, but there's no harm checking onto a parenting course as they provide an invaluable source of parenting information.
OP, my daughter has battle with schooling etc
We found a long enjoyable walk to school really helped
Leave the house at 8am, to a play park, then a look at a stream, over the road to another river, then a quick visit to a play park - eat a banana before 845 drop off
It really helped calm her down and in a better position to start the day
Getting out the door is easier said than done
My little one can cope with lots of exercise but of course, yours might be different
We found a long enjoyable walk to school really helped
Leave the house at 8am, to a play park, then a look at a stream, over the road to another river, then a quick visit to a play park - eat a banana before 845 drop off
It really helped calm her down and in a better position to start the day
Getting out the door is easier said than done
My little one can cope with lots of exercise but of course, yours might be different
Thanks for the comments. No idea what "you centric" is...? I'm writing this on a forum myself, who else do I provide insight on?
He does go out, he wasn't sat indoors for 48 hours, he even said this morning "That was a nice trip out we did daddy about Friday where we went for some fish and chips?"
The discipline follow through thing is a problem I find, as you say following through on Father Christmas not coming isn't great and realistic but I think passive discipline such as TV/Screen time is something we must start doing more. We are going for a day out in London next week so I thought I'd let him know up front to respect this one, not exactly gone to plan today.
The jump from a nursery with 15 kids and privately funded carers is far different. He is now in a jungle and needs to be trained. Also Teachers aren't nursery carers, they have targets, stress and other things driving outcomes.
I notice he is anxious before school, as in he looks around nervously to see who is about. I just feel tension.
I'll have a look at the resources provided tonight after work.
BTW my son is double the size of kids in the class (12lb 14 at birth), another factor where his physical nature is a problem.
He does go out, he wasn't sat indoors for 48 hours, he even said this morning "That was a nice trip out we did daddy about Friday where we went for some fish and chips?"
The discipline follow through thing is a problem I find, as you say following through on Father Christmas not coming isn't great and realistic but I think passive discipline such as TV/Screen time is something we must start doing more. We are going for a day out in London next week so I thought I'd let him know up front to respect this one, not exactly gone to plan today.
The jump from a nursery with 15 kids and privately funded carers is far different. He is now in a jungle and needs to be trained. Also Teachers aren't nursery carers, they have targets, stress and other things driving outcomes.
I notice he is anxious before school, as in he looks around nervously to see who is about. I just feel tension.
I'll have a look at the resources provided tonight after work.
Spare tyre said:
OP, my daughter has battle with schooling etc
We found a long enjoyable walk to school really helped
Leave the house at 8am, to a play park, then a look at a stream, over the road to another river, then a quick visit to a play park - eat a banana before 845 drop off
It really helped calm her down and in a better position to start the day
Getting out the door is easier said than done
My little one can cope with lots of exercise but of course, yours might be different
I feel the other way, if I give him too much time before school he won't want to go, funny how some folk differ. The Scooter trip might be something I'll try again. We found a long enjoyable walk to school really helped
Leave the house at 8am, to a play park, then a look at a stream, over the road to another river, then a quick visit to a play park - eat a banana before 845 drop off
It really helped calm her down and in a better position to start the day
Getting out the door is easier said than done
My little one can cope with lots of exercise but of course, yours might be different
BTW my son is double the size of kids in the class (12lb 14 at birth), another factor where his physical nature is a problem.
fourstardan said:
I've posted before about issues with my son at the school but it feels like we are on a hiding to nothing at the moment with it.
I have so many things going through my head about it, I'm just fed up of it all and need to work out what to do.
My Son joined in September from a nursery, we have had a lot of reports from the teachers of unruly behaviour, hitting kids, and emotional outbreaks where he is also being physical with teachers.
Last week was horrendous, Missus went in last week and was in there for 45 minutes, 45 minutes, I'm amazed I really am.
After some words and some discipline and a day or two of the message coming through. That discipline was to take away his advent calendar away, it probably isn't the right thing but what else can be done? This btw breaks our hearts as well.
Example problems....the Head calls to say a parent has complained a child got "grabbed" on the arm Friday and has left marks so complained today....then says he has punched someone in the head and then someone in the stomach. It's like he is on a rampage.
My response to the missus is the incident of complaint needs substantial evidence e.g. a teacher seeing it, another problem we keep getting, which is a wider part of the problem, are these incidents actually serious enough. Also to add, I walked past the Headmaster today, he stands at the gate.
He has changed a lot I am noticing, more negative and listening to what we are asking him to do, but at home he knows his boundaries, he has been like a coiled spring all weekend mostly indoors due to the weather and it's the worst month of the year with everything so how can a school running Christmas fayres on the 28th of November not expect these kids to be like they are.
Have we spoiled him too much, I can't honestly enjoy Christmas with this st going on, he's being told "Father Christmas won't be coming" and all the old school cliches but it just isn't sticking in.
I am beginning to wonder if this school is the right one as well, the only other issue is the other option is a CoE and we are not religious.
Then lets talk about our mental health, I've got a headmaster calling up when I've got work calls coming out my earholes and a child on our hands who breaks up next Thursday until Tuesday the 6th, do they honestly not realise or is this there game with the authorities to prove things.
Help
Speaking honestly, I think you need to fully accept there's an issue. That's the only way you can allocate finite resources towards resolving it. Pondering whether there's evidence, whether the incidents are serious enough, whether the school is the right one, whether the school running the fayre is to blame for hyping the kids up, whether the headmaster calling you is out of order - it's all noise and it doesn't help resolve the core issue.I have so many things going through my head about it, I'm just fed up of it all and need to work out what to do.
My Son joined in September from a nursery, we have had a lot of reports from the teachers of unruly behaviour, hitting kids, and emotional outbreaks where he is also being physical with teachers.
Last week was horrendous, Missus went in last week and was in there for 45 minutes, 45 minutes, I'm amazed I really am.
After some words and some discipline and a day or two of the message coming through. That discipline was to take away his advent calendar away, it probably isn't the right thing but what else can be done? This btw breaks our hearts as well.
Example problems....the Head calls to say a parent has complained a child got "grabbed" on the arm Friday and has left marks so complained today....then says he has punched someone in the head and then someone in the stomach. It's like he is on a rampage.
My response to the missus is the incident of complaint needs substantial evidence e.g. a teacher seeing it, another problem we keep getting, which is a wider part of the problem, are these incidents actually serious enough. Also to add, I walked past the Headmaster today, he stands at the gate.
He has changed a lot I am noticing, more negative and listening to what we are asking him to do, but at home he knows his boundaries, he has been like a coiled spring all weekend mostly indoors due to the weather and it's the worst month of the year with everything so how can a school running Christmas fayres on the 28th of November not expect these kids to be like they are.
Have we spoiled him too much, I can't honestly enjoy Christmas with this s
t going on, he's being told "Father Christmas won't be coming" and all the old school cliches but it just isn't sticking in. I am beginning to wonder if this school is the right one as well, the only other issue is the other option is a CoE and we are not religious.
Then lets talk about our mental health, I've got a headmaster calling up when I've got work calls coming out my earholes and a child on our hands who breaks up next Thursday until Tuesday the 6th, do they honestly not realise or is this there game with the authorities to prove things.
Help
Our son is a little behind the development curve for various reasons and struggled with moving from nursery to P1. He still struggles but initially the issue manifested, predominantly, in appropriate interactions - blocking doorways, grabbing or pulling, that sort of thing. We recognised immediately this was a problem - it's not in the school's interest to lie or embellish - and whilst we've a paediatric consultant team overseeing his development generally between speech, occupational therapy and the like, we took it on ourselves to engage privately with an educational psychologist. Over a course of sessions she was of great help in better aligning him with his peers.
It's really difficult to view things like this dispassionately but to the greatest extent possible, you must.
fourstardan said:
I feel the other way, if I give him too much time before school he won't want to go, funny how some folk differ. The Scooter trip might be something I'll try again.
BTW my son is double the size of kids in the class (12lb 14 at birth), another factor where his physical nature is a problem.
If your kid is a boy and a bit of a tank, plus hes boisterous he's going to get singled out.BTW my son is double the size of kids in the class (12lb 14 at birth), another factor where his physical nature is a problem.
He will grow out of it or you will identify he has an additional need.
At home all you can do is pick punishments and follow through on it.
Private school may be better suited for smaller classes and more attention.
Have you tried him in kids football / dance / gymnastic / boxing etc some sort of extra curricular?
If he started school in September hes only just over 2 months in and either 4/5 years old.
I highly recommend something like Brazilian JuJitsu, ours has been doing since 4, I have seen lots of kids especially boys with anger , discipline etc very quickly change , it teaches them key skills such as respect , how to use their voice and avoid physical confrontation.
It has given ours so much confidence and social skills too.
You can probably get a free trial even just to rule it out
It has given ours so much confidence and social skills too.
You can probably get a free trial even just to rule it out
Does he ride a bike? My daughter takes great delight in me slinging her bike in the boot of the car and popping to the local science park in the evening to burn around
Of course, this is carrot for us, so we offer it when she s been good
We dont offer it if she s been a terror - rather offer rewards
We find late evening exercise works very well for us, even if it s just mincing about with a torch, throwing a frisbee
Another thing we didn t is (I can t believe I m writing this) is we planned a monorail on paper for our village
It was great because we could walk around saying where we would need proper stops, trampolines for people to jump off
It worked well as it gave us something to talk about, gave us something to do, we would let daughter use iPad street view to look about
Then we would write it down on a printed map. You could the show that to a interested party like a teacher
We also try to do things like squirrels/ beavers so she s mixing it up with 3rd party children - can bring them down a peg or two (or give them confidence etc)
Good luck, I appreciate no one knows the magic answer until they find it
Edit to add, as an unannounced treat we take the scooter / bike to a local multi story car park bright and early on a Sunday before it’s open to cars
Lift to the top, scoot down the ramps. It’s simple but it’s a proper treat, again we don’t take this privilege away when she’s been naughty, rather only offer it out of the blue when she’s been good -
Of course, this is carrot for us, so we offer it when she s been good
We dont offer it if she s been a terror - rather offer rewards
We find late evening exercise works very well for us, even if it s just mincing about with a torch, throwing a frisbee
Another thing we didn t is (I can t believe I m writing this) is we planned a monorail on paper for our village
It was great because we could walk around saying where we would need proper stops, trampolines for people to jump off
It worked well as it gave us something to talk about, gave us something to do, we would let daughter use iPad street view to look about
Then we would write it down on a printed map. You could the show that to a interested party like a teacher
We also try to do things like squirrels/ beavers so she s mixing it up with 3rd party children - can bring them down a peg or two (or give them confidence etc)
Good luck, I appreciate no one knows the magic answer until they find it
Edit to add, as an unannounced treat we take the scooter / bike to a local multi story car park bright and early on a Sunday before it’s open to cars
Lift to the top, scoot down the ramps. It’s simple but it’s a proper treat, again we don’t take this privilege away when she’s been naughty, rather only offer it out of the blue when she’s been good -
Edited by Spare tyre on Monday 8th December 16:27
matt173407 said:
I highly recommend something like Brazilian JuJitsu, ours has been doing since 4, I have seen lots of kids especially boys with anger , discipline etc very quickly change , it teaches them key skills such as respect , how to use their voice and avoid physical confrontation.
It has given ours so much confidence and social skills too.
You can probably get a free trial even just to rule it out
This, can't stress it enough. He needs a physical outlet that also helps train/teach him to control aggression and to build self confidence, and he's too young for rugby.It has given ours so much confidence and social skills too.
You can probably get a free trial even just to rule it out
You aren't doing anything wrong, you just haven't found the balance for him yet.
The other thing we do is double up on rewards
I will take her for a McFlurry or something simple like a freddo
I’ll then pretend to fall asleep / get an urgent work call, my wife will then take her to do something cheap / simple - I’ll magically wake up and pretend I have no idea she’s been out
We find den building / tennis balls in old carpet tubes etc all great ways to offer rewards without effort / expense
Sounds daft but it really works for us
I will take her for a McFlurry or something simple like a freddo
I’ll then pretend to fall asleep / get an urgent work call, my wife will then take her to do something cheap / simple - I’ll magically wake up and pretend I have no idea she’s been out
We find den building / tennis balls in old carpet tubes etc all great ways to offer rewards without effort / expense
Sounds daft but it really works for us
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