My dad is an alcoholic
Discussion
And I don’t know what to do. Looking for help/advice.
The long version is that my parents are 77. Mum has Parkinson’s. Has palliative care, is very weak, walks with a frame. I had an emergency flight home earlier this year when we thought ‘this is it’. She recovered from that, has changed her meds, seems much more with it and mobile than I’ve seen for a while.
Dad is her full time carer. He’s always liked a drink but nothing OTT. There was an incident when I was here a few years ago where he had one too many and fell down the stairs, sustained head injuries and ended up in hospital for a couple of weeks.
But it has deteriorated. He drinks daily. In April I found him drinking brandy from a bottle hidden under the sink. We had a conversation, he admitted he is an alcoholic, we sought help. I started a thread here at the time asking about men’s groups where he can go a couple of times a week to have his own time, and to speak with other men his age maybe going through similar experiences. But it seems this was lip service, he’s been drinking up to a bottle of brandy every day.
Last week my sister was there and dad had chest pains. She took him to hospital and he was drunk, they admitted him for 3 days with medication to help with withdrawal. Has seen a counsellor, is keeping a diary with how much he drinks and why. It’s 22-24 units a day. Apparently the counsellor said 26 was ‘ok’ for this week and then it is to be reduced by 3 units a day. Bear in mind it’s him telling me this.
He’s a proud man. He cooked Xmas dinner solo. Drinks watching tv, fell asleep, woke up had another 6 units.
I go to the toilet, come back and he’s fallen onto mum and can’t get up. I lift him up, he’s hurt her leg.
Bedtime. I help her up on to her walking frame and he tries to take over but I’ve got a firm grip on the frame and he’s struggling to stand up straight, pulling it to one side. I’m calm but firm, get him to let go and she then walks to the stairlift unaided. She says she’ll be fine from there.
I hear a crash, go up and he’s fallen and smashed the mirrored sliding wardrobe door. He can’t get up and there’s glass everywhere, and mum is sort of on the bed but can’t move unaided. I help her get comfortable in bed, get him to his feet and clean up. He’s making weak excuses as to why he fell, of course it’s nothing to do with him being drunk.
Just now, I hear mum calling as she needs the bathroom. Dad’s steadying himself on the walking frame again which is making things worse. I steady the frame, ask him calmly to let go, he ignores me. Then looks at me and says I don’t live here and he needs to do it. Eventually he lets go, mum walks fine unaided. I block the corridor and he ends up crying on my shoulder.
I live abroad. I’m here 2-3 times a year at most. My sister makes excuses for it. She and I talked about it earlier and her attitude is that I don’t live here so can’t start calling the shots. Dad also keeps repeating the same.
I’ve spoken with mum about it. She doesn’t like it when he’s drunk as she worries he will either fall and injure himself and she can’t then do anything, or that he’ll knock them both over. He can also scare her by getting aggressive.
The nhs process has just started. In due to fly out Sunday and don’t know what to do. I’m sat here thinking it’s maybe time to jack my job and come back. This would probably screw me financially and career wise but I guess it is what it is.
It’s been frustrating for me as I’m not used to it. One with Parkinson’s, another pissed, conversations go in circles and are repeated. Like they’ll ask me the same questions multiple times an hour. I find myself being extremely frustrated internally but trying not to show it, so I keep quiet.
Sorry for the ramble. It’s a part story and I’ve missed lists out. But I won’t sleep due to this. I feel guilty.
I really have no clue where to start with this…. Thinking to go to my uncle’s (dad’s brother, who was here earlier) and talk to him about it. I’m estranged from my sister, I can’t see any conversation with her being progressive.
I don’t like revealing personal stuff on forums but has anyone here been through similar? I’d appreciate some advice.
The long version is that my parents are 77. Mum has Parkinson’s. Has palliative care, is very weak, walks with a frame. I had an emergency flight home earlier this year when we thought ‘this is it’. She recovered from that, has changed her meds, seems much more with it and mobile than I’ve seen for a while.
Dad is her full time carer. He’s always liked a drink but nothing OTT. There was an incident when I was here a few years ago where he had one too many and fell down the stairs, sustained head injuries and ended up in hospital for a couple of weeks.
But it has deteriorated. He drinks daily. In April I found him drinking brandy from a bottle hidden under the sink. We had a conversation, he admitted he is an alcoholic, we sought help. I started a thread here at the time asking about men’s groups where he can go a couple of times a week to have his own time, and to speak with other men his age maybe going through similar experiences. But it seems this was lip service, he’s been drinking up to a bottle of brandy every day.
Last week my sister was there and dad had chest pains. She took him to hospital and he was drunk, they admitted him for 3 days with medication to help with withdrawal. Has seen a counsellor, is keeping a diary with how much he drinks and why. It’s 22-24 units a day. Apparently the counsellor said 26 was ‘ok’ for this week and then it is to be reduced by 3 units a day. Bear in mind it’s him telling me this.
He’s a proud man. He cooked Xmas dinner solo. Drinks watching tv, fell asleep, woke up had another 6 units.
I go to the toilet, come back and he’s fallen onto mum and can’t get up. I lift him up, he’s hurt her leg.
Bedtime. I help her up on to her walking frame and he tries to take over but I’ve got a firm grip on the frame and he’s struggling to stand up straight, pulling it to one side. I’m calm but firm, get him to let go and she then walks to the stairlift unaided. She says she’ll be fine from there.
I hear a crash, go up and he’s fallen and smashed the mirrored sliding wardrobe door. He can’t get up and there’s glass everywhere, and mum is sort of on the bed but can’t move unaided. I help her get comfortable in bed, get him to his feet and clean up. He’s making weak excuses as to why he fell, of course it’s nothing to do with him being drunk.
Just now, I hear mum calling as she needs the bathroom. Dad’s steadying himself on the walking frame again which is making things worse. I steady the frame, ask him calmly to let go, he ignores me. Then looks at me and says I don’t live here and he needs to do it. Eventually he lets go, mum walks fine unaided. I block the corridor and he ends up crying on my shoulder.
I live abroad. I’m here 2-3 times a year at most. My sister makes excuses for it. She and I talked about it earlier and her attitude is that I don’t live here so can’t start calling the shots. Dad also keeps repeating the same.
I’ve spoken with mum about it. She doesn’t like it when he’s drunk as she worries he will either fall and injure himself and she can’t then do anything, or that he’ll knock them both over. He can also scare her by getting aggressive.
The nhs process has just started. In due to fly out Sunday and don’t know what to do. I’m sat here thinking it’s maybe time to jack my job and come back. This would probably screw me financially and career wise but I guess it is what it is.
It’s been frustrating for me as I’m not used to it. One with Parkinson’s, another pissed, conversations go in circles and are repeated. Like they’ll ask me the same questions multiple times an hour. I find myself being extremely frustrated internally but trying not to show it, so I keep quiet.
Sorry for the ramble. It’s a part story and I’ve missed lists out. But I won’t sleep due to this. I feel guilty.
I really have no clue where to start with this…. Thinking to go to my uncle’s (dad’s brother, who was here earlier) and talk to him about it. I’m estranged from my sister, I can’t see any conversation with her being progressive.
I don’t like revealing personal stuff on forums but has anyone here been through similar? I’d appreciate some advice.
I’ll say this, it’s very hard for the family there all the time to have someone (from their perspective) swan in and start “calling the shots”. I say this as someone who doesn’t live in the same country and my parents too.
On the flip side, you notice the change between the snapshots you see of them months or years apart. I certainly see differences in my parents between visits that my siblings who see them several times a week don’t until it’s pointed out.
I also can’t imagine how hard it is on your dad. It wouldn’t surprise me if the increase in alcohol intake lines up with his wife needing more help.
Honestly, a pretty crappy situation for all involved.
As you relay the story, its clear your parents shouldn’t be living along. Whether that’s live in care, being in a home or living with family it sounds like it’s a disaster waiting to happen.
Growing up as a kid, an elderly relative fell down the stairs and couldn’t get up. “Luckily” she was only in a pile on the floor for a few hours but that’s because it was Christmas Day and someone when looking for her after she was an hour late.
I don’t know if you need to move back or if you need to partially/fully fund care but to me that seems the obvious option.
I wish you the best of luck - it’s hard with family at the best of times.
On the flip side, you notice the change between the snapshots you see of them months or years apart. I certainly see differences in my parents between visits that my siblings who see them several times a week don’t until it’s pointed out.
I also can’t imagine how hard it is on your dad. It wouldn’t surprise me if the increase in alcohol intake lines up with his wife needing more help.
Honestly, a pretty crappy situation for all involved.
As you relay the story, its clear your parents shouldn’t be living along. Whether that’s live in care, being in a home or living with family it sounds like it’s a disaster waiting to happen.
Growing up as a kid, an elderly relative fell down the stairs and couldn’t get up. “Luckily” she was only in a pile on the floor for a few hours but that’s because it was Christmas Day and someone when looking for her after she was an hour late.
I don’t know if you need to move back or if you need to partially/fully fund care but to me that seems the obvious option.
I wish you the best of luck - it’s hard with family at the best of times.
That’s a horrible situation - sounds like your dad needs a mate or a hobby to give him a break ? Maybe a carer for a few hours a day so your dad can get out and do something rather than anaesthetising himself in the house ? Terribly tricky for you - thinking of you if that counts for anything .
Your dad’s drinking isn’t the main issue, your parents are elderly and being a full time carer is a tough gig particularly if you are caring for your wife of many years and her health is deteriorating. They need some help so he can have a rest and they can have a break from one another, they are probably entitled to some benefits for carers if you get in touch with the CAB. It’s difficult to admit you need help so tread carefully when suggesting it. I would think your dad might be depressed which may be contributing to his need to drink to cope with the situation.
Could you take time off sick, even if unpaid?? It would allow you time to reconnect more with your parents so you're not just "swanning in" and help your dad out while you get something more permanent in place.
You have 2 interlinked issues. Your mum needs caring for and your dad is struggling with that.
Your dad is an alcoholic and needs help to sort that.
I suspect he can't fix the second until the first is sorted, but he may well be resistant to help.
You have 2 interlinked issues. Your mum needs caring for and your dad is struggling with that.
Your dad is an alcoholic and needs help to sort that.
I suspect he can't fix the second until the first is sorted, but he may well be resistant to help.
Bill said:
Could you take time off sick, even if unpaid.
I'm not sure where the OP lives, but in the UK there is TOFDhttps://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants
Although a week won't probably be enough in these circumstances.
It is a really difficult one. Perhaps you could take a week's holiday and a week unpaid and stay with your parents.
Edited by Slow.Patrol on Friday 26th December 08:45
Feel your pain OP, we are in a similar position with my inlaws, FIL has fairly advanced Alzheimer’s and is very nasty with it, we are convinced MIL has it in early stages (although she is in denial about it) and she is a serious alcoholic too, also in denial. Multiple bottles of wine a day plus sherry / brandy / vodka / gin you name it. She barely eats, just gets calories from booze.
I’m convinced it’s a coping mechanism. They won’t have help come in but the next step is assisted living of some kind. At the moment she could function ok on her own, FIL no chance.
Don’t feel all the burden has to be on you. If they can’t look after themselves, they need help. That doesn’t mean you to uproot your life and immediate family or whatever. It can start with a conversation about options (at least your dad recognises he has a problem so that helps) but then recognising and admitting they need help. Then it’s a case of deciding whether it’s somebody coming in and how often or moving them into some kind of facility. Sheltered housing or one of these retirement communities with individual flats but a warden on call and maybe some socialising spaces and a shared dining room for those who wish to use it.
Good luck, it’s not easy.
I’m convinced it’s a coping mechanism. They won’t have help come in but the next step is assisted living of some kind. At the moment she could function ok on her own, FIL no chance.
Don’t feel all the burden has to be on you. If they can’t look after themselves, they need help. That doesn’t mean you to uproot your life and immediate family or whatever. It can start with a conversation about options (at least your dad recognises he has a problem so that helps) but then recognising and admitting they need help. Then it’s a case of deciding whether it’s somebody coming in and how often or moving them into some kind of facility. Sheltered housing or one of these retirement communities with individual flats but a warden on call and maybe some socialising spaces and a shared dining room for those who wish to use it.
Good luck, it’s not easy.
No experience of this although a really awful situation for you.
As other s said, can you try and get some unpaid leave from your employer whilst you try to sort something out.
You say you are estranged from your sister - is your uncle in contact with her because she needs to get involved as well.
Given your mums situation, I would suggest a call to the social services safe guarding team (should be an emergency number) to see what can be put in place to help.
Can your parents afford a carer to come in to help?
Unfortunately, your Dad won’t probably do anything until he works out that he has a problem
As other s said, can you try and get some unpaid leave from your employer whilst you try to sort something out.
You say you are estranged from your sister - is your uncle in contact with her because she needs to get involved as well.
Given your mums situation, I would suggest a call to the social services safe guarding team (should be an emergency number) to see what can be put in place to help.
Can your parents afford a carer to come in to help?
Unfortunately, your Dad won’t probably do anything until he works out that he has a problem
Jeez I have an old parent and that's tough b ut no where near as hard as you have.
Try speaking to Age Concern and see what help and advice they can offer.
A daily visit(or 2) from a carer perhaps so at least your mum get what she needs.
Or speak to the local authority adult social care section. They may not like it but they have a statutory duty to safeguard adults.
Good luck.
Mum should be your priority here.
As for dad unless he wants to sort his s
t out he will continue to lie and hide his drinking.
Does he still drive?
Try speaking to Age Concern and see what help and advice they can offer.
A daily visit(or 2) from a carer perhaps so at least your mum get what she needs.
Or speak to the local authority adult social care section. They may not like it but they have a statutory duty to safeguard adults.
Good luck.
Mum should be your priority here.
As for dad unless he wants to sort his s
t out he will continue to lie and hide his drinking.Does he still drive?
I think it's both a bit of a stretch and very unfair to blame the Dads alcoholism on the Mums illness given alcoholism is a disease in itself.
I don't have any answers for you OP, but I hope you can find a solution.
As Bill said, can you talk to your workplace and ask for extended leave or carers leave, or working remotely or anything rather than going nuclear and giving everything up to come back here?
It might be after a couple of months of you being here, you've 'righted the ship' and can then return to your job and life and manage the situation much more easily remotely.
I don't have any answers for you OP, but I hope you can find a solution.
As Bill said, can you talk to your workplace and ask for extended leave or carers leave, or working remotely or anything rather than going nuclear and giving everything up to come back here?
It might be after a couple of months of you being here, you've 'righted the ship' and can then return to your job and life and manage the situation much more easily remotely.
Firstly OP, very brave to open up on a public forum. Props to you for that.
While no one on this forum is probably any sort of expert we can only give advice about how we think we may react in a similar situation.
My thoughts are that until your parent(s) are willing to accept the issues and ask for help, there isn’t much you can do. The first stage of recovery is acceptance and until that penny drops there’s little you can do. (My opinion of course)
What you definitely can do is let them know they are loved. Let them know that you’ll be there at the drop of a hat , if required.
Working through your differences with your sister also seems like a wise move. The more people sharing this load, the better.
Whatever you decide to do, it will be the right thing.
While no one on this forum is probably any sort of expert we can only give advice about how we think we may react in a similar situation.
My thoughts are that until your parent(s) are willing to accept the issues and ask for help, there isn’t much you can do. The first stage of recovery is acceptance and until that penny drops there’s little you can do. (My opinion of course)
What you definitely can do is let them know they are loved. Let them know that you’ll be there at the drop of a hat , if required.
Working through your differences with your sister also seems like a wise move. The more people sharing this load, the better.
Whatever you decide to do, it will be the right thing.
Sorry to hear this.
I was in a very similar situation, my mother had Alzheimer’s and was bedridden, stepfather was main carer. I had my suspicions about his drinking, confirmed by looking at his Amazon orders which showed at least 2 litres of scotch and vodka weekly.
I also have experience of Parkinson’s with my father.
The only way we were able to help my stepfather curb his drinking was with full time care. Part time carers had no effect as he simply didn’t drink for the short time the carers were there, and it is not the carer’s responsibility anyway.
We had several instances of falls, some necessitating an A&E visit. His drinking was compounded by hardly eating.
He was obviously under stress from looking after my mother, but couldn’t be persuaded to take a step back.
He also resisted having a full time carer, in the early days even trying to send them away, as obviously it interfered with his drinking.
We never stopped him drinking completely but at least got it under control and eating more.
Good luck.
I was in a very similar situation, my mother had Alzheimer’s and was bedridden, stepfather was main carer. I had my suspicions about his drinking, confirmed by looking at his Amazon orders which showed at least 2 litres of scotch and vodka weekly.
I also have experience of Parkinson’s with my father.
The only way we were able to help my stepfather curb his drinking was with full time care. Part time carers had no effect as he simply didn’t drink for the short time the carers were there, and it is not the carer’s responsibility anyway.
We had several instances of falls, some necessitating an A&E visit. His drinking was compounded by hardly eating.
He was obviously under stress from looking after my mother, but couldn’t be persuaded to take a step back.
He also resisted having a full time carer, in the early days even trying to send them away, as obviously it interfered with his drinking.
We never stopped him drinking completely but at least got it under control and eating more.
Good luck.
shirt said:
And I don t know what to do. Looking for help/advice.
The long version is that my parents are 77. Mum has Parkinson s. Has palliative care, is very weak, walks with a frame. I had an emergency flight home earlier this year when we thought this is it . She recovered from that, has changed her meds, seems much more with it and mobile than I ve seen for a while.
Dad is her full time He he can go a couple of times a week to have his own time, and to speak with other men his age maybe going through similar experiences. But it seems this was lip service, he s been drinking up to a bottle of to help with withdrawal. Has seen a counsellor, is keeping a diary with how much he drinks and why. It s 22-24 units a day. Apparently the counsellor said 26 was ok for this week and then it is to be reduced by 3 units a day. Bear in mind it s him telling me this.
He s a proud man. He cooked Xmas dinner solo. Drinks watching tv, fell asleep, woke up had another 6 units.
I go to the toilet, come back and he s fallen onto mum and can t get up. I lift him up, he s hurt her leg.
Bedtime. I help her up on to her walking frame and he tries to take over but I ve got a firm grip on the frame and he s struggling to stand up straight, pulling it to one side. I m calm but firm, get him to let go and she then walks to the stairlift unaided. She says she ll be fine from there.
I hear a crash, go up and he s fallen and smashed the mirrored sliding wardrobe door. He can t get up and there s glass everywhere, and mum is sort of on the bed but can t move unaided. I help her get comfortable in bed, get him to his feet and clean up. He s making weak excuses as to why he fell, of course it s nothing to do with him being drunk.
Just now, I hear mum calling as she needs the bathroom. Dad s steadying himself on the walking frame again which is making things worse. I steady the frame, ask him calmly to let go, he ignores me. Then looks at me and says I don t live here and he needs to do it. Eventually he lets go, mum walks fine unaided. I block the corridor and he ends up crying on my shoulder.
I live abroad. I m here 2-3 times a year at most. My sister makes excuses for it. She and I talked about it earlier and her attitude is that I don t live here so can t start calling the shots. Dad also keeps repeating the same.
I ve spoken with mum about it. She doesn t like it when he s drunk as she worries he will either fall and injure himself and she can t then do anything, or that he ll knock them both over. He can also scare her by getting aggressive.
The nhs process has just started. In due to fly out Sunday and don t know what to do. I m sat here thinking it s maybe time to jack my job and come back. This would probably screw me financially and career wise but I guess it is what it is.
It s been frustrating for me as I m not used to it. One with Parkinson s, another pissed, conversations go in circles and are repeated. Like they ll ask me the same questions multiple times an hour. I find myself being extremely frustrated internally but trying not to show it, so I keep quiet.
Sorry for the ramble. It s a part story and I ve missed lists out. But I won t sleep due to this. I feel guilty.
I really have no clue where to start with this . Thinking to go to my uncle s (dad s brother, who was here earlier) and talk to him about it. I m estranged from my sister, I can t see any conversation with her being progressive.
I don t like revealing personal stuff on forums but has anyone here been through similar? I d appreciate some advice.
The long version is that my parents are 77. Mum has Parkinson s. Has palliative care, is very weak, walks with a frame. I had an emergency flight home earlier this year when we thought this is it . She recovered from that, has changed her meds, seems much more with it and mobile than I ve seen for a while.
Dad is her full time He he can go a couple of times a week to have his own time, and to speak with other men his age maybe going through similar experiences. But it seems this was lip service, he s been drinking up to a bottle of to help with withdrawal. Has seen a counsellor, is keeping a diary with how much he drinks and why. It s 22-24 units a day. Apparently the counsellor said 26 was ok for this week and then it is to be reduced by 3 units a day. Bear in mind it s him telling me this.
He s a proud man. He cooked Xmas dinner solo. Drinks watching tv, fell asleep, woke up had another 6 units.
I go to the toilet, come back and he s fallen onto mum and can t get up. I lift him up, he s hurt her leg.
Bedtime. I help her up on to her walking frame and he tries to take over but I ve got a firm grip on the frame and he s struggling to stand up straight, pulling it to one side. I m calm but firm, get him to let go and she then walks to the stairlift unaided. She says she ll be fine from there.
I hear a crash, go up and he s fallen and smashed the mirrored sliding wardrobe door. He can t get up and there s glass everywhere, and mum is sort of on the bed but can t move unaided. I help her get comfortable in bed, get him to his feet and clean up. He s making weak excuses as to why he fell, of course it s nothing to do with him being drunk.
Just now, I hear mum calling as she needs the bathroom. Dad s steadying himself on the walking frame again which is making things worse. I steady the frame, ask him calmly to let go, he ignores me. Then looks at me and says I don t live here and he needs to do it. Eventually he lets go, mum walks fine unaided. I block the corridor and he ends up crying on my shoulder.
I live abroad. I m here 2-3 times a year at most. My sister makes excuses for it. She and I talked about it earlier and her attitude is that I don t live here so can t start calling the shots. Dad also keeps repeating the same.
I ve spoken with mum about it. She doesn t like it when he s drunk as she worries he will either fall and injure himself and she can t then do anything, or that he ll knock them both over. He can also scare her by getting aggressive.
The nhs process has just started. In due to fly out Sunday and don t know what to do. I m sat here thinking it s maybe time to jack my job and come back. This would probably screw me financially and career wise but I guess it is what it is.
It s been frustrating for me as I m not used to it. One with Parkinson s, another pissed, conversations go in circles and are repeated. Like they ll ask me the same questions multiple times an hour. I find myself being extremely frustrated internally but trying not to show it, so I keep quiet.
Sorry for the ramble. It s a part story and I ve missed lists out. But I won t sleep due to this. I feel guilty.
I really have no clue where to start with this . Thinking to go to my uncle s (dad s brother, who was here earlier) and talk to him about it. I m estranged from my sister, I can t see any conversation with her being progressive.
I don t like revealing personal stuff on forums but has anyone here been through similar? I d appreciate some advice.
The Moose said:
I ll say this, it s very hard for the family there all the time to have someone (from their perspective) swan in and start calling the shots . I say this as someone who doesn t live in the same country and my parents too.
On the flip side, you notice the change between the snapshots you see of them months or years apart. I certainly see differences in my parents between visits that my siblings who see them several times a week don t until it s pointed out.
I also can t imagine how hard it is on your dad. It wouldn t surprise me if the increase in alcohol intake lines up with his wife needing more help.
Honestly, a pretty crappy situation for all involved.
As you relay the story, its clear your parents shouldn t be living along. Whether that s live in care, being in a home or living with family it sounds like it s a disaster waiting to happen.
Growing up as a kid, an elderly relative fell down the stairs and couldn t get up. Luckily she was only in a pile on the floor for a few hours but that s because it was Christmas Day and someone when looking for her after she was an hour late.
I don t know if you need to move back or if you need to partially/fully fund care but to me that seems the obvious option.
I wish you the best of luck - it s hard with family at the best of times.
I dont think that I could have said better than this ^On the flip side, you notice the change between the snapshots you see of them months or years apart. I certainly see differences in my parents between visits that my siblings who see them several times a week don t until it s pointed out.
I also can t imagine how hard it is on your dad. It wouldn t surprise me if the increase in alcohol intake lines up with his wife needing more help.
Honestly, a pretty crappy situation for all involved.
As you relay the story, its clear your parents shouldn t be living along. Whether that s live in care, being in a home or living with family it sounds like it s a disaster waiting to happen.
Growing up as a kid, an elderly relative fell down the stairs and couldn t get up. Luckily she was only in a pile on the floor for a few hours but that s because it was Christmas Day and someone when looking for her after she was an hour late.
I don t know if you need to move back or if you need to partially/fully fund care but to me that seems the obvious option.
I wish you the best of luck - it s hard with family at the best of times.
All the best OP
I do think you need a two pronged approach, as suggested. The main concern should be your mum, ask her if she'd allow a carer morning and evening to support her. Maybe an OT assessment may help with aids, a falls alarm or careline might help if there are concerns that one or both may fall and not be able to get up.
I am not sure where you are in the country but this is a got place for support
Drug & Alcohol Services - Inclusion https://share.google/sH3PR6Mo34aW1pHYR
Also Al-Anon UK | For families & friends of alcoholics https://share.google/pB4qDxoCaDhoCeg8Y
Your dad appears to be starting to work with support to reduce his drinking. He does need to cut down slowly as they've advised as he will suffer withdrawal otherwise. Worth speaking to his GP as they would likely prescribe thiamine and vitamin b compound, they will also be able to support him to reduce his intake.
Not an easy position to be faced with especially with your situation with work and sister.
I am not sure where you are in the country but this is a got place for support
Drug & Alcohol Services - Inclusion https://share.google/sH3PR6Mo34aW1pHYR
Also Al-Anon UK | For families & friends of alcoholics https://share.google/pB4qDxoCaDhoCeg8Y
Your dad appears to be starting to work with support to reduce his drinking. He does need to cut down slowly as they've advised as he will suffer withdrawal otherwise. Worth speaking to his GP as they would likely prescribe thiamine and vitamin b compound, they will also be able to support him to reduce his intake.
Not an easy position to be faced with especially with your situation with work and sister.
What an awful situation for you op.
I’m just repeating what others have said but I think some compassionate work leave is needed in order for you to arrange visiting care for your mother on a regular basis.
You being there at the start of the care should help you know the carer’s etc and how they need things arranged like duplicate keys etc.
And of course you need your dad on board with it all. I’m sure he will need help with that and equally as important the carer’s need to know dad’s situation.
You being there can also help dad in seeking the help he needs also.
All the very best.
I’m just repeating what others have said but I think some compassionate work leave is needed in order for you to arrange visiting care for your mother on a regular basis.
You being there at the start of the care should help you know the carer’s etc and how they need things arranged like duplicate keys etc.
And of course you need your dad on board with it all. I’m sure he will need help with that and equally as important the carer’s need to know dad’s situation.
You being there can also help dad in seeking the help he needs also.
All the very best.
A500leroy said:
Move back to the UK and help. You wouldn't be here without them.
There are people and processes in place. I wouldn't destroy my own future for what may be a relatively brief phase that'll likely rapidly be taken out of my hands anyway.
I'd look to negotiate some time off where necessary.
bloomen said:
A500leroy said:
Move back to the UK and help. You wouldn't be here without them.
There are people and processes in place. I wouldn't destroy my own future for what may be a relatively brief phase that'll likely rapidly be taken out of my hands anyway.
I'd look to negotiate some time off where necessary.
Only because by trying to help my alcoholic ex wife, basically just enabled her and she ruined our kids lives, ruined my life and still continues to make life miserable for us and the few others that have stuck around.
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