You know you're getting old when...

[Simpo Two]

...you see the website of a big company but have no idea what the hell they actually do...

'For over 40 years, Calian has delivered mission-critical solutions when failure is not an option. Trusted worldwide, we empower organizations in critical industries to overcome obstacles, manage risks and drive progress. By combining the expertise of our people, proven industry insight, cutting-edge technology, bold innovation and global reach, we deliver tailored solutions that solve complex challenges. Headquartered in Ottawa, Canada, with over 5,000 people around the world, Calian s solutions protect lives, strengthen security, foster global connectivity and drive economic progress, making a lasting impact where and when it matters most.'#

Is that bullst bingo at its finest or am I missing something? Is it what's commonly known as 'software'?

https://www.calian.com/

[vikingaero]

From their website it seems they are one of the standard companies that love themselves and corporate bull-speak a lot, but they are essentially an IT enterprise.

I thought that Googling their company might help, such as British Gas becoming Centrica, but they were called Calian Technologies and now Calian Group.

There are plenty of companies in the UK that do everything and sometimes not very well - Serco, Capita, Mitie etc.

[Countdown]

Simpo Two said:

...you see the website of a big company but have no idea what the hell they actually do...

'For over 40 years, Calian has delivered mission-critical solutions when failure is not an option. Trusted worldwide, we empower organizations in critical industries to overcome obstacles, manage risks and drive progress. By combining the expertise of our people, proven industry insight, cutting-edge technology, bold innovation and global reach, we deliver tailored solutions that solve complex challenges. Headquartered in Ottawa, Canada, with over 5,000 people around the world, Calian s solutions protect lives, strengthen security, foster global connectivity and drive economic progress, making a lasting impact where and when it matters most.'#

Is that bullst bingo at its finest or am I missing something? Is it what's commonly known as 'software'?

https://www.calian.com/

If I worked for them I'd keep my mobile phone in one of those "under the arm" pistol holders and a permanent stiffy

[StevieBee]

I guess if you're in the market for the stuff they do you might have an inkling for what it is they actually provide.

But it does all get a bit silly.

Was on a long-haul flight last week and treated to an ad on the in-flight entertainment before each programme that featured 60 seconds of some abstract imagery with dramatic voice over saying things like 'when the world runs slow - accelerate beyond your horizon' - signed off with the strapline "Mobilising Global Liquidity" or something along those lines.

I forget who it was who said this (think it may have been Stewart Lee)... that if you can't describe what it is your company does in a single sentence you probably shouldn't be doing it!

[rdjohn]

I like their last gasp,

Calian supports national defence with advanced military training, tactical equipment and support services. Our commitment ensures operational readiness and strategic advantage.

Defence manufacturing and systems engineering
Communications and connectivity
Cyber defence and EmSec/E3
Military training and simulation
Military health solutions
Staff augmentation and professional services

NATO take note.

[Simpo Two]

StevieBee said:

'when the world runs slow - accelerate beyond your horizon' - signed off with the strapline "Mobilising Global Liquidity" or something along those lines.

Any order works!

"Globalising Mobile Liquidity"
"Liquidising Global Mobiles" (recycling!)
"Mobilising Liquid Globalism"

In our day the client would always try to get 'Simply the best' in...

Edited by Simpo Two on Tuesday 20th January 16:54

[Frimley111R]

As someone who has working in marketing for 35 years this stuff never ceases to aggravate me. It's just large company corporate bullst. Meaningless phrases that companies think make them sound ultra professional and high end.

[Simpo Two]

Frimley111R said:

As someone who has working in marketing for 35 years this stuff never ceases to aggravate me. It's just large company corporate bullst. Meaningless phrases that companies think make them sound ultra professional and high end.

I can only presume it works or they wouldn't employ 5,000 people...

When the whole world is run by Chat GPT everything will be garbage. Worse, it makes stuff up and then people quote it verbatim, so truth will be forgotten and facts are altered.

[NDA]

Simpo Two said:

Frimley111R said:

As someone who has working in marketing for 35 years this stuff never ceases to aggravate me. It's just large company corporate bullst. Meaningless phrases that companies think make them sound ultra professional and high end.

I can only presume it works or they wouldn't employ 5,000 people...

Yes and no. Company mission statements are quite often settled on by committee - we like 'global'. What about 'mobilise'? Yes, that's great... 'Liquidity anyone?' I've been in meetings where companies try to distill their offer and mission to such an extent that the end result is utterly meaningless. Big companies too.

[StevieBee]

NDA said:

Simpo Two said:

Frimley111R said:

As someone who has working in marketing for 35 years this stuff never ceases to aggravate me. It's just large company corporate bullst. Meaningless phrases that companies think make them sound ultra professional and high end.

I can only presume it works or they wouldn't employ 5,000 people...

Yes and no. Company mission statements are quite often settled on by committee - we like 'global'. What about 'mobilise'? Yes, that's great... 'Liquidity anyone?' I've been in meetings where companies try to distill their offer and mission to such an extent that the end result is utterly meaningless. Big companies too.

Ooh yes.

Quick true story....

Many moons ago I worked for a big London Brand Agency. We'd been appointed by a Housing Association to help them drag themselves away from the 'Council Housing Department' ethos and image they had at the time. They wanted to line themselves up for mergers and need to rethink what they did, how they did it and how the world viewed them.

Part of what we had to do was define the Brand Vision (which sits above the Mission) - the thing they exist to do described in a way that motivates and focuses everyone.

We undertook an extensive survey amongst tenants, staff, stakeholders, etc. One of the questions we asked was what would life be like for tenants if that Housing Association didn't exist. "Very poor" was the answer. What happens if the boiler doesn't get fixed? - quality of life diminishes... and similar.

We determined that the vision should be 'To Improve People's Lives'.

Who would you rather rent a home from - a organisation whose vision is to rent you a home or one whose vision is to improve your life?

The idea was that this single, simple statement would drive everything that everybody did.

We tested it with tenants - loved it. Tested it with staff - loved it. Tested it with stakeholders - loved it. An evidence-based vision statement that we could prove would resonate and deliver tangible benefit.

We presented this to the board and in the space of half an hour they had decided it was too abstract and instead opted for something like "Compliance led social housing solutions across the South East'.

Still, they paid us what I recall was a hefty fee!

[Pit Pony]

Simpo Two said:

Frimley111R said:

As someone who has working in marketing for 35 years this stuff never ceases to aggravate me. It's just large company corporate bullst. Meaningless phrases that companies think make them sound ultra professional and high end.

I can only presume it works or they wouldn't employ 5,000 people...

When the whole world is run by Chat GPT everything will be garbage. Worse, it makes stuff up and then people quote it verbatim, so truth will be forgotten and facts are altered.

Maybe they used t o employ 6000, but now with the advanced marketing bullst they've resized. Maybe that key measure of success Sales per employee (but not profit per $€¥₩£ of investment) went up at the same time.

[Simpo Two]

StevieBee said:

We presented this to the board and in the space of half an hour they had decided it was too abstract and instead opted for something like "Compliance led social housing solutions across the South East'.

I think that happens a lot. Dull people hire creatives to fill the gap in their own abilities, but then don't grasp what they're presented with and go back to something they'd thought up anyway. And some of it is 'Not Invented Here' syndrome. Slightly in their defence, creatives have been know to spout arty bks in an attempt to impress!

When I was with a small ad agency we came up with an excellent logo for a local civil engineering company. They dismissed it and used one the boss's son had drawn... there is no point selling pearls to swine...!

[borcy]

I wonder how many of these slogans that are supposed to motive people employees actually know them?

I wonder how companies managed without a slogan/mission statement/brand statement.

[StevieBee]

borcy said:

I wonder how many of these slogans that are supposed to motive people employees actually know them?

I wonder how companies managed without a slogan/mission statement/brand statement.

Proportionally, not many.

Thing is, if it's done properly and you have the board and management fully behind it, it can work incredibly well. But as Simpo mentioned, often a lot of the companies that embark on the process pull-back from it when they see what's being suggested.

Best case study I've personally known (though sadly can take no credit for) was a skip hire company in Sevenoaks. They purchased waste compaction trucks and started to bid for and win small council waste and recycling collection contracts. But they were still looking, thinking and acting like a local skip hire firm. MD hired in a brand consultant and they (metaphorically) broke the company down and rebuilt it; new name, logo, full vision, mission statements. This also included the need for all staff to fully immersive themselves in to this new thinking. They ended up selling to Biffa for £50m and the MD cited their 'rebrand' as a key influence in that happening.

[Landlubber]

Simpo Two said:

...you see the website of a big company but have no idea what the hell they actually do...

'For over 40 years, Calian has delivered mission-critical solutions when failure is not an option. Trusted worldwide, we empower organizations in critical industries to overcome obstacles, manage risks and drive progress. By combining the expertise of our people, proven industry insight, cutting-edge technology, bold innovation and global reach, we deliver tailored solutions that solve complex challenges. Headquartered in Ottawa, Canada, with over 5,000 people around the world, Calian s solutions protect lives, strengthen security, foster global connectivity and drive economic progress, making a lasting impact where and when it matters most.'#

Is that bullst bingo at its finest or am I missing something? Is it what's commonly known as 'software'?

https://www.calian.com/

Do they leave their vapour trail over a blue sky scenario?

[hidetheelephants]

Simpo Two said:

"Mobilising Liquid Globalism"

That sounds like one of Chris Morris' catch phrases from 'The Day Today'.

[borcy]

StevieBee said:

borcy said:

I wonder how many of these slogans that are supposed to motive people employees actually know them?

I wonder how companies managed without a slogan/mission statement/brand statement.

Proportionally, not many.

Thing is, if it's done properly and you have the board and management fully behind it, it can work incredibly well. But as Simpo mentioned, often a lot of the companies that embark on the process pull-back from it when they see what's being suggested.

Best case study I've personally known (though sadly can take no credit for) was a skip hire company in Sevenoaks. They purchased waste compaction trucks and started to bid for and win small council waste and recycling collection contracts. But they were still looking, thinking and acting like a local skip hire firm. MD hired in a brand consultant and they (metaphorically) broke the company down and rebuilt it; new name, logo, full vision, mission statements. This also included the need for all staff to fully immersive themselves in to this new thinking. They ended up selling to Biffa for £50m and the MD cited their 'rebrand' as a key influence in that happening.

I suppose there's the odd place where they work. I reckon most mission statements or similar are a waste of time and money.

[Simpo Two]

borcy said:

I wonder how companies managed without a slogan/mission statement/brand statement.

It was possible. How about mission statements for:

The East India Company
Elswick Ordnance (William Armstrong)
Vickers Supermarine

Landlubber said:

Do they leave their vapour trail over a blue sky scenario?

Let me have a scuba in my think-tank... (for those who remember 'Drop The Dead Donkey')

hidetheelephants said:

Simpo Two said:

"Mobilising Liquid Globalism"

That sounds like one of Chris Morris' catch phrases from 'The Day Today'.

Sometimes I think I could write that stuff!

[StevieBee]

borcy said:

StevieBee said:

borcy said:

I wonder how many of these slogans that are supposed to motive people employees actually know them?

I wonder how companies managed without a slogan/mission statement/brand statement.

Proportionally, not many.

Thing is, if it's done properly and you have the board and management fully behind it, it can work incredibly well. But as Simpo mentioned, often a lot of the companies that embark on the process pull-back from it when they see what's being suggested.

Best case study I've personally known (though sadly can take no credit for) was a skip hire company in Sevenoaks. They purchased waste compaction trucks and started to bid for and win small council waste and recycling collection contracts. But they were still looking, thinking and acting like a local skip hire firm. MD hired in a brand consultant and they (metaphorically) broke the company down and rebuilt it; new name, logo, full vision, mission statements. This also included the need for all staff to fully immersive themselves in to this new thinking. They ended up selling to Biffa for £50m and the MD cited their 'rebrand' as a key influence in that happening.

I suppose there's the odd place where they work. I reckon most mission statements or similar are a waste of time and money.

[NDA]

StevieBee said:

That's very accurate.

I suspect you and I have a similar address book having worked in the same industry for a while.