Concern for my nephew's health...
Discussion
Hi all, not sure what I am looking for with this thread, maybe some similar experiences or guidance from professionals on how to have the 'conversation'...?
I have a growing concern for my nephew's health. He's not long turned 12 and although I don't know the numbers, he's visibly way overweight. This is due to nothing other than him being fed absolute rubbish, and allowed whatever he wants, and like a lot of kids his age, glued to a computer screen rather than being outside playing or being active. I don't think for a minute he's at fault as he won't know any better, however, he just started secondary school and is already noticeably conscious of his appearance. The final straw for me was last year at a small family garden party at mine, my nephew wanted to have a dip in my cold water plunge pool. He hadn't planned on this so had no clothing with him, so when he came out and got dried I offered him a pair of my shorts which are a 32/33" waist, and they were a 'good' bit too small for him. To put that in perspective, he's maybe 5' tall, so not a big lad... He's clearly even bigger around the midriff now!
I pushed for him to come walking with me, I generally go a 4 mile walk after work each day, same route, to clear my head and break the day from work. He started off blowing out his ar5e, but within a couple of weeks he was enjoying it, and got to the point he was asking me if we were going walking. We've been walking for around 5 months now, and he's getting bigger by the week. I've 'tongue in cheek' passed comments before now, but I feel it necessary to have a more serious conversation with my sister and brother in law. My parents were going to 'have a word' out of concern, but I said I would have the conversation. I don't mind as much if they fall out with me for a few weeks, but don't want that on my parents. I also feel it more appropriate for me, given I am the one pushing for him to get out and move more.
Has anyone been in a similar situation or had this conversation, or do I turn a blind eye and mind my own business? I cannot help but worry he's gonna turn into a real barrel of a lad, and then it's even harder to go back....
I have a growing concern for my nephew's health. He's not long turned 12 and although I don't know the numbers, he's visibly way overweight. This is due to nothing other than him being fed absolute rubbish, and allowed whatever he wants, and like a lot of kids his age, glued to a computer screen rather than being outside playing or being active. I don't think for a minute he's at fault as he won't know any better, however, he just started secondary school and is already noticeably conscious of his appearance. The final straw for me was last year at a small family garden party at mine, my nephew wanted to have a dip in my cold water plunge pool. He hadn't planned on this so had no clothing with him, so when he came out and got dried I offered him a pair of my shorts which are a 32/33" waist, and they were a 'good' bit too small for him. To put that in perspective, he's maybe 5' tall, so not a big lad... He's clearly even bigger around the midriff now!
I pushed for him to come walking with me, I generally go a 4 mile walk after work each day, same route, to clear my head and break the day from work. He started off blowing out his ar5e, but within a couple of weeks he was enjoying it, and got to the point he was asking me if we were going walking. We've been walking for around 5 months now, and he's getting bigger by the week. I've 'tongue in cheek' passed comments before now, but I feel it necessary to have a more serious conversation with my sister and brother in law. My parents were going to 'have a word' out of concern, but I said I would have the conversation. I don't mind as much if they fall out with me for a few weeks, but don't want that on my parents. I also feel it more appropriate for me, given I am the one pushing for him to get out and move more.
Has anyone been in a similar situation or had this conversation, or do I turn a blind eye and mind my own business? I cannot help but worry he's gonna turn into a real barrel of a lad, and then it's even harder to go back....
That conversation will need to be extremely delicate. Weight, parenting choices, and adolescence are all emotionally charged topics, and even well‑intentioned comments can land as criticism. One angle to look at would be shifting the focus away from weight entirely and towards health, habits, and wellbeing.. Framing it as concern about confidence, energy levels, or setting him up with good habits for his teenage years feels less accusatory than anything about size.
If you do speak to your sister and brother‑in‑law, I’d suggest doing it privately, calmly, and from a place of support rather than solution‑giving. Something along the lines of “I’ve noticed he’s been enjoying being more active and I’m a bit worried about how tough secondary school can be on kids’ confidence, is there anything I can do to help support him?” opens a conversation rather than making a judgement.
Also, don’t underestimate the positive impact you’re already having. Having an adult outside the immediate household modelling healthy activity, offering encouragement, and making movement enjoyable is huge. Even if you don’t see changes right now, those experiences matter and can influence choices later on.
Ultimately, you can’t control how they parent, and pushing too hard risks damaging relationships, and potentially cutting off the very positive influence you currently have! Continuing to support him, being a safe adult to talk to, and gently reinforcing healthier habits where you can might be the most effective path.
It’s a hard position to be in, but it sounds like you’re handling it thoughtfully and with genuine care, which already puts you on the right side of this.
…or, of course, you could ignore all of that nuance and just go in with “less beige food, more walking, less chubby, problem solved”, then duck, cover & run
If you do speak to your sister and brother‑in‑law, I’d suggest doing it privately, calmly, and from a place of support rather than solution‑giving. Something along the lines of “I’ve noticed he’s been enjoying being more active and I’m a bit worried about how tough secondary school can be on kids’ confidence, is there anything I can do to help support him?” opens a conversation rather than making a judgement.
Also, don’t underestimate the positive impact you’re already having. Having an adult outside the immediate household modelling healthy activity, offering encouragement, and making movement enjoyable is huge. Even if you don’t see changes right now, those experiences matter and can influence choices later on.
Ultimately, you can’t control how they parent, and pushing too hard risks damaging relationships, and potentially cutting off the very positive influence you currently have! Continuing to support him, being a safe adult to talk to, and gently reinforcing healthier habits where you can might be the most effective path.
It’s a hard position to be in, but it sounds like you’re handling it thoughtfully and with genuine care, which already puts you on the right side of this.
…or, of course, you could ignore all of that nuance and just go in with “less beige food, more walking, less chubby, problem solved”, then duck, cover & run
I'd be very careful. You could permanently change the relationship with your sister.
Sounds like you're a great uncle.
Think I'd start by trying to educate the nephew around nutrition, it's possible he doesn't have a clue.
Asking parents what they intend to do about their morbidly obese child is a bold move.
Sounds like you're a great uncle.
Think I'd start by trying to educate the nephew around nutrition, it's possible he doesn't have a clue.
Asking parents what they intend to do about their morbidly obese child is a bold move.
I've got a similar issue with my Great Nephew who is the same age.
He is overweight but apparently has been diagnosed as neurodivergent.
His diet is dreadful. He drinks two litres of full fat coke and then his Mum wonders why he doesn't sleep. He just wants burgers, nuggets and cake. He visited us recently and just went into the kitchen and helped himself to food!
I dare not speak to my niece as she will go off on one. Her brother is also concerned. By way of contrast, his kids didn't have refined sugar or high sugar foods until they were three.
Kids today don't ever know hunger. I remember often being hungry as a kid. We didn't snack between meals.
I can see when the kids of today get older, some will be dying at a younger age as their diets are do bad.
I don't have any suggestions I'm afraid..
He is overweight but apparently has been diagnosed as neurodivergent.
His diet is dreadful. He drinks two litres of full fat coke and then his Mum wonders why he doesn't sleep. He just wants burgers, nuggets and cake. He visited us recently and just went into the kitchen and helped himself to food!
I dare not speak to my niece as she will go off on one. Her brother is also concerned. By way of contrast, his kids didn't have refined sugar or high sugar foods until they were three.
Kids today don't ever know hunger. I remember often being hungry as a kid. We didn't snack between meals.
I can see when the kids of today get older, some will be dying at a younger age as their diets are do bad.
I don't have any suggestions I'm afraid..
ikarl said:
That conversation will need to be extremely delicate. Weight, parenting choices, and adolescence are all emotionally charged topics, and even well?intentioned comments can land as criticism. One angle to look at would be shifting the focus away from weight entirely and towards health, habits, and wellbeing.. Framing it as concern about confidence, energy levels, or setting him up with good habits for his teenage years feels less accusatory than anything about size.
If you do speak to your sister and brother?in?law, I d suggest doing it privately, calmly, and from a place of support rather than solution?giving. Something along the lines of I ve noticed he s been enjoying being more active and I m a bit worried about how tough secondary school can be on kids confidence, is there anything I can do to help support him? opens a conversation rather than making a judgement.
Also, don t underestimate the positive impact you re already having. Having an adult outside the immediate household modelling healthy activity, offering encouragement, and making movement enjoyable is huge. Even if you don t see changes right now, those experiences matter and can influence choices later on.
Ultimately, you can t control how they parent, and pushing too hard risks damaging relationships, and potentially cutting off the very positive influence you currently have! Continuing to support him, being a safe adult to talk to, and gently reinforcing healthier habits where you can might be the most effective path.
It s a hard position to be in, but it sounds like you re handling it thoughtfully and with genuine care, which already puts you on the right side of this.
or, of course, you could ignore all of that nuance and just go in with less beige food, more walking, less chubby, problem solved , then duck, cover & run
Thank you for this, it's exactly as I see it. It will need to be very delicate and worded correctly, I have been rehearsing the conversation in my mind for a few weeks now. I think the relationship may will be tarnished in the short term, but I think they will both realise, once the dust has settled, that I have nothing best intentions at heart. I have spoken to them high level for years now about the issues, and I get the standard 'oh we know, we need to take a look at things...' and they never do, hence my longer term concerns. I'm planning on having my wife take the kids for an hour or so to allow me an uninterrupted opportunity to discuss. Jeez I am making this sound like some big military exercise! If you do speak to your sister and brother?in?law, I d suggest doing it privately, calmly, and from a place of support rather than solution?giving. Something along the lines of I ve noticed he s been enjoying being more active and I m a bit worried about how tough secondary school can be on kids confidence, is there anything I can do to help support him? opens a conversation rather than making a judgement.
Also, don t underestimate the positive impact you re already having. Having an adult outside the immediate household modelling healthy activity, offering encouragement, and making movement enjoyable is huge. Even if you don t see changes right now, those experiences matter and can influence choices later on.
Ultimately, you can t control how they parent, and pushing too hard risks damaging relationships, and potentially cutting off the very positive influence you currently have! Continuing to support him, being a safe adult to talk to, and gently reinforcing healthier habits where you can might be the most effective path.
It s a hard position to be in, but it sounds like you re handling it thoughtfully and with genuine care, which already puts you on the right side of this.
or, of course, you could ignore all of that nuance and just go in with less beige food, more walking, less chubby, problem solved , then duck, cover & run
I can't criticise their overall parenting skills at all, both my nephews and niece are fantastic kids, very polite, doing well enough at school etc, it's just the dietary and fitness side that they let themselves down with. Incidentally they are both way overweight themselves!
Given I have fleeted around this subject for a while now, I don't think they would be overly surprised, maybe they themselves would welcome the conversation and subsequent support, time will tell. Maybe they both know and are burying their heads in the sand because they don't know what to do and need guidance. I can only hope...
My nephew himself is opening up to me more, and chatting openly about things at school, asking my advice on clothing and other things that are becoming of interest at his age as a secondary school student, I am really enjoying our walks and chats and most definitely do not want to do anything to jeopardise this. This feels like a positive impact already...
"Less beige food, more walking, less chubby, problem solved , then duck, cover & run..." This did make me laugh!!
Voldemort said:
Are mum and dad porkers too? If they are then clearly the family diet needs to be adjusted. But if not then there may be a medical cause for your nephews weight.
Yes they are... 
Its definitely the diet. They consider a takeaway as a norm, or a family size bag of Doritos as acceptable to eat for 'supper'. immediately before bedtime. It is most definitely the diet. They as adults can get on with it, and personally eat what they want in my opinion, they are old enough to make their own decisions now, but my nephew needs a change.
Chainsaw Rebuild said:
As a former fat kid, please do find a way. It needs sorting out - good luck.
This. I'm in the best shape of my life, not quite Brad Pitt Fight Club body but comfortable 32-34 waist, just under 20% bodyfat, half marathons, weight sessions etc etc, but despite leaving school over 2 decades ago, to this day in my head I'm still that poor chubby fat kid who could hardly run the length of himself at P.E. Amazing how much childhood baggage/trauma gets carried on with us to later life. Good luck op and well done on what you've done so far.
rash_decision said:
I pushed for him to come walking with me, I generally go a 4 mile walk after work each day, same route, to clear my head and break the day from work. He started off blowing out his ar5e, but within a couple of weeks he was enjoying it, and got to the point he was asking me if we were going walking. We've been walking for around 5 months now, and he's getting bigger by the week.
As most of us know, you cannot exercise your way out of a bad diet. Eating a lot less, and eating better stuff, combined with doing more, is the only way. Good luck. rash_decision said:
Yes they are...
Its definitely the diet. They consider a takeaway as a norm, or a family size bag of Doritos as acceptable to eat for 'supper'. immediately before bedtime. It is most definitely the diet. They as adults can get on with it, and personally eat what they want in my opinion, they are old enough to make their own decisions now, but my nephew needs a change.
Jesus. Not sure what chance he has coming from that. Its definitely the diet. They consider a takeaway as a norm, or a family size bag of Doritos as acceptable to eat for 'supper'. immediately before bedtime. It is most definitely the diet. They as adults can get on with it, and personally eat what they want in my opinion, they are old enough to make their own decisions now, but my nephew needs a change.
I’d have thought a good start would be to highlight how crap the fizzy pop is. Maybe show him one of those YouTube videos where a dirty penny comes out bright and shiny having been sat in Coke all night? Baby steps?
I reckon you could probably educate him sufficiently without directly referring to him as being a big fat porker. Just do it from a health point of view rather than weight.
I reckon you could probably educate him sufficiently without directly referring to him as being a big fat porker. Just do it from a health point of view rather than weight.
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