Reconnecting with children - succeeded how?

[hellsbuddha]

I was reading a thread in the finance forum, which suggested to the poster that he re-connect with his children.

I am curious to know who has managed it and how.

By way of where I am. I got divorced in 2018. I had an arrangement to see my children mid- week, weekends, holidays and moved a 10 min walk away to make it easier for all of us to stay connected. My daughter stopped coming in 2019 and my son in 2020, their ages then 12 and 10 respectively.

Since then no contact. I have written every month till last Christmas and texted, on average, fortnightly to my daughter. My son never gave me his mobile number and my daughter has blocked me on whatsapp, after I failed to respond to a message within the allocated hour. I still do parents evening as its the only link I have to them.

At my age, 58, I have the option of deciding what to do with my life. They are now 16 and 18, son and daughter. No idea what or where my daughter is going to university and I have no contact with their mother or any of my ex in-laws.

I have researched this and understand the dynamics that have lead to this and my own personal journey.

So for any in a similar situation what did you do, what can I do? I don't intend to write so frequently anymore or text. Partially because I struggle with it and partially because they are older and I am not sure that its helpful for me or them.

I did have a whole bunch of letters returned to my about 2 years ago, mostly unopened, so I am not clear where I stand.

Maintenance etc was all paid in a lump sum prior to divorce. Legal advice etc was taken but overall advice at the time was the likeihood of success was very low and even if I won, I would have to go back to court if they refused to come. Their mother has stated that they are free to come see me, they choose not to and there is nothing she can do about it.

I am not looking for sympathy etc but I would like to know if I am missing something obvious that I can do.

cheers

[STe_rsv4]

sad thread OP. the thought of not speaking to my kids is unbearable. can I ask why you think there has been no contact since the split? do you believe the mother is poisoning them against you? how was your relationship with the kids before the split. it seems weird that they would suddenly stop contact unless something major happened to cause this?

[hellsbuddha]

I had an excellent relationship with the children pre divorce (I was their go-to, in their younger years) and with my son post divorce, but can understand how he would have struggled to see me, go back and see validation from his mother and sister, especially at his age.

My children don't see any of my family, either.

I know my ex has said things about me that are not true, long story.

I believe the term in the press is parental alienation. It doesn't really matter, I just want to know if I have missed something obvious.

Edited by hellsbuddha on Monday 2nd March 19:58

[lizardbrain]

sorry to hear this, but without the long story, it's hard to make any observations.

but perhaps just telling the story is enough

[BritishBlitz87]

STe_rsv4 said:

sad thread OP. the thought of not speaking to my kids is unbearable. can I ask why you think there has been no contact since the split? do you believe the mother is poisoning them against you? how was your relationship with the kids before the split. it seems weird that they would suddenly stop contact unless something major happened to cause this?

That's my first thought too. Who knows what their mum is saying, but at the same time it's not impossible they could be resenting you for something you actually did do but didn't realise was particularly major at the time. Plus there's just the fact that lots of youngsters are very busy