Reporting an Unfit Driver to DVLA
Discussion
Morning all,
In a bit of a pickle tbh.
A few years ago my mum had a severe stroke, and was left unable to walk far, and without much use of her left hand, among an obvious mental impairment.
My father has been doing all the driving since then, but unfortunately he's now recieving end of life care for multiple types of cancer, and he himself is now unable to drive.
She's been having driving lessons with a specialist driving instructor, and the feedback from my mother to me is that she's doing well, but I'm genuinely concerned about the future of her driving. At the moment she doesn't drive her own car because she can now only drive an automatic, but she's going car shopping in a few weeks time, and no amount of "are you sure you should be doing this" can stop her.
My concern is whether she has the reactions to deal with an emergency stop in time, or, if she does get into an accident, whether she would be able to cope (mobility issues would make getting out of a crashed car difficult, for example)
She reported the stroke to the DVLA but I believe she's lied about how severe her disabilities are.
What are my options? I've tried talking to both my parents but get shut down, my brother is on the same team as I am, but would rather she starts driving and realises that she can't and gives up.
Cheers!
In a bit of a pickle tbh.
A few years ago my mum had a severe stroke, and was left unable to walk far, and without much use of her left hand, among an obvious mental impairment.
My father has been doing all the driving since then, but unfortunately he's now recieving end of life care for multiple types of cancer, and he himself is now unable to drive.
She's been having driving lessons with a specialist driving instructor, and the feedback from my mother to me is that she's doing well, but I'm genuinely concerned about the future of her driving. At the moment she doesn't drive her own car because she can now only drive an automatic, but she's going car shopping in a few weeks time, and no amount of "are you sure you should be doing this" can stop her.
My concern is whether she has the reactions to deal with an emergency stop in time, or, if she does get into an accident, whether she would be able to cope (mobility issues would make getting out of a crashed car difficult, for example)
She reported the stroke to the DVLA but I believe she's lied about how severe her disabilities are.
What are my options? I've tried talking to both my parents but get shut down, my brother is on the same team as I am, but would rather she starts driving and realises that she can't and gives up.
Cheers!
Steve91 said:
Morning all,
In a bit of a pickle tbh.
A few years ago my mum had a severe stroke, and was left unable to walk far, and without much use of her left hand, among an obvious mental impairment.
My father has been doing all the driving since then, but unfortunately he's now recieving end of life care for multiple types of cancer, and he himself is now unable to drive.
She's been having driving lessons with a specialist driving instructor, and the feedback from my mother to me is that she's doing well, but I'm genuinely concerned about the future of her driving. At the moment she doesn't drive her own car because she can now only drive an automatic, but she's going car shopping in a few weeks time, and no amount of "are you sure you should be doing this" can stop her.
My concern is whether she has the reactions to deal with an emergency stop in time, or, if she does get into an accident, whether she would be able to cope (mobility issues would make getting out of a crashed car difficult, for example)
She reported the stroke to the DVLA but I believe she's lied about how severe her disabilities are.
What are my options? I've tried talking to both my parents but get shut down, my brother is on the same team as I am, but would rather she starts driving and realises that she can't and gives up.
Cheers!
Has she already got a full driving licence ?In a bit of a pickle tbh.
A few years ago my mum had a severe stroke, and was left unable to walk far, and without much use of her left hand, among an obvious mental impairment.
My father has been doing all the driving since then, but unfortunately he's now recieving end of life care for multiple types of cancer, and he himself is now unable to drive.
She's been having driving lessons with a specialist driving instructor, and the feedback from my mother to me is that she's doing well, but I'm genuinely concerned about the future of her driving. At the moment she doesn't drive her own car because she can now only drive an automatic, but she's going car shopping in a few weeks time, and no amount of "are you sure you should be doing this" can stop her.
My concern is whether she has the reactions to deal with an emergency stop in time, or, if she does get into an accident, whether she would be able to cope (mobility issues would make getting out of a crashed car difficult, for example)
She reported the stroke to the DVLA but I believe she's lied about how severe her disabilities are.
What are my options? I've tried talking to both my parents but get shut down, my brother is on the same team as I am, but would rather she starts driving and realises that she can't and gives up.
Cheers!
Assuming that she adheres to the advice of the specialist driving instructor, I would have thought they would be better informed as to whether she is fit and qualified to drive.
I can't help exactly but you have my sympathy with this difficult position. However, on:
king great bang.
Steve91 said:
but would rather she starts driving and realises that she can't and gives up.
- that could lead to what happened to me a few years ago. A man in his 90s was driving when he shouldn't have been, and his driving career was ended when he wrote off both his car and a passing car by pulling out in front of it. The second car was mine. I was just bruised and shaken but he ended up in hospital. He was OK; the police interviewed him in hospital and he was ordered to take a fitness to drive test or be prosecuted. I don't know the outcome but I wouldn't want any of that episode to happen to your mother. Letting go of mobility you've enjoyed most of your life must be very difficult, but there really is a time to quit when the risk gets too high - and they may not know the risk until there's a fking great bang.Presumably the specialist driving instructor is contactable by you to ask them the Q directly ?
Out of interest do you or your brother hold LPA’s for both parents ?
I’m very sympathetic to your conundrum and went through this “ stop driving “ with my Mother.
I went out with her and after about 10 minutes said to stop -I drove back.
Car went up for sale shortly afterwards.
In contrast my FIL is 92 and whilst his reflexes are obviously slower he is still an excellent driver.
Best of luck in resolving.
Out of interest do you or your brother hold LPA’s for both parents ?
I’m very sympathetic to your conundrum and went through this “ stop driving “ with my Mother.
I went out with her and after about 10 minutes said to stop -I drove back.
Car went up for sale shortly afterwards.
In contrast my FIL is 92 and whilst his reflexes are obviously slower he is still an excellent driver.
Best of luck in resolving.
I'd try and speak to the specialist driving instructor if possible. Hopefully he will give you some idea of what she is really like. My sisters mother in law kept driving after she really should have stopped and ended up driving straight across a junction that she knew well, without stopping when she should have. She got t-boned by another car and ended up in hospital. She survived, but was never quite the same again, but thankfully then gave up driving.
Just to answer a couple of the questions;
She does have a full driving license, and happily drove for 30 years before the stroke, which was 4 years ago.
I don't have the details of the instructor. I've asked for them, but I've gotten nowhere.
The power of attorney is a dead end. Tried mentioning it in the past and was shouted at, thinking I was going after their money.
I'm aware the instructor is best to decide her ability to drive, but I think that there's a big question mark about her actual capacity to drive. She gets tired easily, for example. What's to say she drives somewhere and isn't fit to drive home?
It's an awful, awful situation, and I feel like I'm betraying my family and my dying father, but if I did nothing and someone got hit, or if there was an accident I'd never forgive myself
She does have a full driving license, and happily drove for 30 years before the stroke, which was 4 years ago.
I don't have the details of the instructor. I've asked for them, but I've gotten nowhere.
The power of attorney is a dead end. Tried mentioning it in the past and was shouted at, thinking I was going after their money.
I'm aware the instructor is best to decide her ability to drive, but I think that there's a big question mark about her actual capacity to drive. She gets tired easily, for example. What's to say she drives somewhere and isn't fit to drive home?
It's an awful, awful situation, and I feel like I'm betraying my family and my dying father, but if I did nothing and someone got hit, or if there was an accident I'd never forgive myself
Again ,sympathies as you are clearly in an impossible position.
I really would urge you to try again for that LPA - stress to your mum it will only aid her and you don’t even have to enact it unless you both agree.
Better to have in place and not need then the other way round.
As regards the driving I would also try again to get the instructors contact details.
If she won’t listen to your concerns then you’ll have to do something - you could try the GP but without LPA and / or her consent this may be a non starter.
I really would urge you to try again for that LPA - stress to your mum it will only aid her and you don’t even have to enact it unless you both agree.
Better to have in place and not need then the other way round.
As regards the driving I would also try again to get the instructors contact details.
If she won’t listen to your concerns then you’ll have to do something - you could try the GP but without LPA and / or her consent this may be a non starter.
A tricky situation OP, I sympathise.
When my recently deceased father was diagnosed with dementia he fortunately stopped driving. In the run up to his diagnosis I had noticed that his VW Polo had a few bumper/wing mirror battle scars that he would never have had previously, then he wore out a clutch that only had 3k miles on it.
I went for a drive with him and, despite him being a previously excellent driver, he was all over the shop and massively riding the clutch. Not good at all.
I made some diplomatic noises to my mum that he should give up but she maintained "he is fine with me round the houses". I was non-plussed at this response.
Whilst I was in exactly the same moral place you are now the dementia diagnosis kicked in, which triggered a letter from the DVLA inviting him to a driving assessment. I was allowed to go along as chaperone in case he got his licence taken off him there and then, which I very much expected.
However, 2 weeks before the assessment he contacted DVLA, gave up his licence voluntarily and that was that. Right decision all round.
It's difficult for old folks. They rely on their car for shopping and trips to GPs/hospital etc, many will see giving up driving as a real restriction on their freedom. My Dad passed away after a year in care, but my Mum now has a plethora of helpful friends who will chauffer her around. Most of them are retired and a bit bored, happy to get out of the house and be useful. We're very lucky to have that support network, does your Mum have similar?
I guess what you need to do is have a very diplomatic conversation along the lines of "I'd love to see you driving forever, but if you have an accident and kill some poor innocent person you could end up in prison"
How amenable to that conversation she is only you can answer, unfortunately. Good luck.
When my recently deceased father was diagnosed with dementia he fortunately stopped driving. In the run up to his diagnosis I had noticed that his VW Polo had a few bumper/wing mirror battle scars that he would never have had previously, then he wore out a clutch that only had 3k miles on it.
I went for a drive with him and, despite him being a previously excellent driver, he was all over the shop and massively riding the clutch. Not good at all.
I made some diplomatic noises to my mum that he should give up but she maintained "he is fine with me round the houses". I was non-plussed at this response.
Whilst I was in exactly the same moral place you are now the dementia diagnosis kicked in, which triggered a letter from the DVLA inviting him to a driving assessment. I was allowed to go along as chaperone in case he got his licence taken off him there and then, which I very much expected.
However, 2 weeks before the assessment he contacted DVLA, gave up his licence voluntarily and that was that. Right decision all round.
It's difficult for old folks. They rely on their car for shopping and trips to GPs/hospital etc, many will see giving up driving as a real restriction on their freedom. My Dad passed away after a year in care, but my Mum now has a plethora of helpful friends who will chauffer her around. Most of them are retired and a bit bored, happy to get out of the house and be useful. We're very lucky to have that support network, does your Mum have similar?
I guess what you need to do is have a very diplomatic conversation along the lines of "I'd love to see you driving forever, but if you have an accident and kill some poor innocent person you could end up in prison"
How amenable to that conversation she is only you can answer, unfortunately. Good luck.
Edited by Shooter McGavin on Friday 6th March 12:45
I had a similar sort of situation with my father after he'd had a stroke. Although he wouldn't admit he wasn't really up to driving, after doing about 5 miles on empty, rural roads he asked me to drive him home & never asked to use the car again, so the issue was quietly laid to rest.
It's understandable why she's going to want to be able to have some independence - is it possible she'd accept some alternative options? Any car is an expensive option, and unless one really wants to drive isn't cost-effective for many. An electric wheelchair might give her the independence she needs at much less cost & hassle - no petrol station refuelling, no MOT's, no worries about crashes as long as she sticks to the pavements. Big / weekly shops can be addressed by use of taxis / Uber services at less cost & hassle than a car. The taxi / Uber driver would probably assist with loading & offloading shopping.
Might she be amenable to the cost / hassle argument?
It's understandable why she's going to want to be able to have some independence - is it possible she'd accept some alternative options? Any car is an expensive option, and unless one really wants to drive isn't cost-effective for many. An electric wheelchair might give her the independence she needs at much less cost & hassle - no petrol station refuelling, no MOT's, no worries about crashes as long as she sticks to the pavements. Big / weekly shops can be addressed by use of taxis / Uber services at less cost & hassle than a car. The taxi / Uber driver would probably assist with loading & offloading shopping.
Might she be amenable to the cost / hassle argument?
alscar said:
Again ,sympathies as you are clearly in an impossible position.
I really would urge you to try again for that LPA - stress to your mum it will only aid her and you don t even have to enact it unless you both agree.
Better to have in place and not need then the other way round.
As regards the driving I would also try again to get the instructors contact details.
If she won t listen to your concerns then you ll have to do something - you could try the GP but without LPA and / or her consent this may be a non starter.
This ^I really would urge you to try again for that LPA - stress to your mum it will only aid her and you don t even have to enact it unless you both agree.
Better to have in place and not need then the other way round.
As regards the driving I would also try again to get the instructors contact details.
If she won t listen to your concerns then you ll have to do something - you could try the GP but without LPA and / or her consent this may be a non starter.
My sympathies too OP, it's never easy.
The LPA's wouldn't come into effect until your mother agreed, or she is deemed to not have the capacity to make the decision. Having it in place now saves a lot more potential pain further down the line.
CHLEMCBC said:
All of you suggesting the OP speaks to the instructor, are you ignoring his GDPR responsibilities?
This is where we are in the world today: OP is concerned about his mum recklessly endangering other people but we can't do anything about it because it might breach her privacy.Yes, I know you are correct, but it's mad.
Shooter McGavin said:
CHLEMCBC said:
All of you suggesting the OP speaks to the instructor, are you ignoring his GDPR responsibilities?
This is where we are in the world today: OP is concerned about his mum recklessly endangering other people but we can't do anything about it because it might breach her privacy.Yes, I know you are correct, but it's mad.
CHLEMCBC said:
Shooter McGavin said:
CHLEMCBC said:
All of you suggesting the OP speaks to the instructor, are you ignoring his GDPR responsibilities?
This is where we are in the world today: OP is concerned about his mum recklessly endangering other people but we can't do anything about it because it might breach her privacy.Yes, I know you are correct, but it's mad.
Either way, I'd be looking to prevent my mother driving in similar circumstances but I don't actually know how I would go about it.
Best of luck OP. A difficult situation for sure.
From what the OP writes in his first comment I think there are grounds to report his Mum to the DVLA, then their medical panel can make the decision whether she's safe to drive or not.
I did that when I had concerns about my Dad. He was livid at first but a few weeks after he had to stop driving he admitted he was glad he'd done so.
Just do it.
I did that when I had concerns about my Dad. He was livid at first but a few weeks after he had to stop driving he admitted he was glad he'd done so.
Just do it.
After my father ignored my recommendation to stop driving and subsequently wrote off 2 brand new cars in 2 weeks, I reported him to the DVLA.
His doctor did an assessment and recommended his license be revoked, which it was. My father has no idea why he went through this but is grateful as he could see how his condition was deteriorating.
The process was quick and easy to report. I can't recall how long it took for him to lose his license though.
I had zero issue reporting him. The last time I was in a car with him I had to tell him to pull over so I could drive us home. Dementia sucks but not taking action could end up with other people getting hurt. I knew it was my responsibility to do the right thing.
His doctor did an assessment and recommended his license be revoked, which it was. My father has no idea why he went through this but is grateful as he could see how his condition was deteriorating.
The process was quick and easy to report. I can't recall how long it took for him to lose his license though.
I had zero issue reporting him. The last time I was in a car with him I had to tell him to pull over so I could drive us home. Dementia sucks but not taking action could end up with other people getting hurt. I knew it was my responsibility to do the right thing.
CHLEMCBC said:
e can do plenty about it, we just can't expect someone she is paying for a service to tell us her secrets. ETA If the instructor thinks she's fine, she's fine. He's qualified to make that judgement, we're not.
He is qualified you’re right but unless or until the OP is able to speak with him his mind and gut feel won’t be put at ease. Hopefully Mum will give her consent.
I’m quite sure notwithstanding GDPR the Instructor would be happy to hear from the OP before there is a potential driving issue.
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