Teen with anxiety issues.
Discussion
The youngest son is eighteen, super intelligent and very athletic. Has just received a Cambridge offer. Has a lot going for him. But he is having panic attacks and suffering with anxiety. This is usually work-related. He didn't attend school for his mock A level lessons due to it, but still did well.
He is not one to take advice, but recognises that he needs help to manage it. CAMHS locally is not very good, the school is struggling for suggestions and the person we did know, who could have helped, died recently. Does anyone know of a specialist or organisation that might be able to help? We're assuming it will be private.
TIA.
A sample of one, but I use Better Help. They ask lots of questions before matching you with a therapist, and you can change therapist if you don’t get on with the one they assign.
They charge £65 per week and they don’t let you chose fewer than one session a week (i.e. you can’t do fortnightly sessions) so it’s quite expensive (but I don’t have anything else to compare it to either).
Hope this helps.
They charge £65 per week and they don’t let you chose fewer than one session a week (i.e. you can’t do fortnightly sessions) so it’s quite expensive (but I don’t have anything else to compare it to either).
Hope this helps.
I started with them at age 18 and essentially lost my 20s to it and subsequent depression. But i am still here and times/support/recognition is far better 30 years later.
The plus side was that I was able to use my experience to help my son when he started having them at 18 as well - he is fine/manages it well now.
I can't help with organisations I'm afraid but can certainly suggest he speaks to someone with direct experience (of getting through it) and that he can trust, if you have such a person in your network.
Unsolicited advice below if it is of use:
The fundamentals that helped me:
Anxiety is an entirely normal human function, exactly the same has feeling hungry or needing the loo. He is not going mad nor is he dying (despite what he might absolutely feel).
There is no logic to it and you can't/won't understand it or have a movie like lightbulb moment when you discover the single root cause behind it. It is a natural human reaction, see point one above. His is just out of control at the moment.
A LOT of people are affected by it. He is not weird or unusual (see point one above again). It is extremely common at around 18/19 yo - last year of A levels/1st year of uni, particularly for boys.
Having a crutch is ok. See your GP, they may prescribe propranolol (beta blocker). He may never need to use it, simply having it on his person and believing it will work is usually/sometimes enough. It's the lack of control, the sudden attacks and the seeming lack of rationality behind their onset that is scary and causes spiralling/triggers them further. Having something; a pill, a technique, whatever, that you know can control it can be enough on its own to control an episode before it escalates.
Relaxation techniques - if he can feel one coming on, tensing your toes and feet for 10 seconds then relaxing, then your feet and calves then relaxing, then your whole legs then relaxing will relax your body. Add in breath in through the nose, hold and out through your mouth also works. Sometimes the simple act of focusing on these techniques is enough to distract the mind from the attack and lets it calm down.
Finally exercise. Anxiety/panic stems from being chased by sabre toothed tigers - it is fight or flight. If you have the anxiety/panic (from A Level stress etc) but no fight or flight physical release, then the body/brain explodes into full panic attack. So finding a physical release for the stress will also help.
Bottom line is that it is an incredibly debilitating thing to have and very hard for people who have never experienced it to understand. But if you've seen your son have an attack, you'll be in no doubt about the severity of it. But he can and will get through it with your love and support. He needs your safe space. Best of luck
The plus side was that I was able to use my experience to help my son when he started having them at 18 as well - he is fine/manages it well now.
I can't help with organisations I'm afraid but can certainly suggest he speaks to someone with direct experience (of getting through it) and that he can trust, if you have such a person in your network.
Unsolicited advice below if it is of use:
The fundamentals that helped me:
Anxiety is an entirely normal human function, exactly the same has feeling hungry or needing the loo. He is not going mad nor is he dying (despite what he might absolutely feel).
There is no logic to it and you can't/won't understand it or have a movie like lightbulb moment when you discover the single root cause behind it. It is a natural human reaction, see point one above. His is just out of control at the moment.
A LOT of people are affected by it. He is not weird or unusual (see point one above again). It is extremely common at around 18/19 yo - last year of A levels/1st year of uni, particularly for boys.
Having a crutch is ok. See your GP, they may prescribe propranolol (beta blocker). He may never need to use it, simply having it on his person and believing it will work is usually/sometimes enough. It's the lack of control, the sudden attacks and the seeming lack of rationality behind their onset that is scary and causes spiralling/triggers them further. Having something; a pill, a technique, whatever, that you know can control it can be enough on its own to control an episode before it escalates.
Relaxation techniques - if he can feel one coming on, tensing your toes and feet for 10 seconds then relaxing, then your feet and calves then relaxing, then your whole legs then relaxing will relax your body. Add in breath in through the nose, hold and out through your mouth also works. Sometimes the simple act of focusing on these techniques is enough to distract the mind from the attack and lets it calm down.
Finally exercise. Anxiety/panic stems from being chased by sabre toothed tigers - it is fight or flight. If you have the anxiety/panic (from A Level stress etc) but no fight or flight physical release, then the body/brain explodes into full panic attack. So finding a physical release for the stress will also help.
Bottom line is that it is an incredibly debilitating thing to have and very hard for people who have never experienced it to understand. But if you've seen your son have an attack, you'll be in no doubt about the severity of it. But he can and will get through it with your love and support. He needs your safe space. Best of luck
I suffered like your son in my early 20's
I seem to recall the cause was almost immediately identified by Occupational heath as dietary related. In my case burning the candle at both ends and supplementing sleep with caffeine.
I'm not suggesting that's the case here but worth mentioning anyway.
I seem to recall the cause was almost immediately identified by Occupational heath as dietary related. In my case burning the candle at both ends and supplementing sleep with caffeine.
I'm not suggesting that's the case here but worth mentioning anyway.
Whilst there's no doubt that talking treatments have an important part to play in managing panic attacks, medication can be really helpful too. In some cases the medication and talking treatments work synergistically but sometimes the talking treatments can't really get a foothold until the medication is in place. I would suggest finding a private CAMHS psychiatrist who will be able to make an assessment and give recommendation on whether there is a role for medication.
Congratulations to him. Is that an unconditional offer or one which requires good A level passes? If the former, then at least the A level pressure is reduced (though maybe not in the mind of someone conscientious). It would make sense to engage with his college and line up pastoral help and support in advance of going up. There is a very high association between some kinds of mental health problems - anxiety, anorexia, neurodiversity and being a high achiever. He won't be on his own in this regard at Cambridge.
Congratulations to him. Is that an unconditional offer or one which requires good A level passes? If the former, then at least the A level pressure is reduced (though maybe not in the mind of someone conscientious). It would make sense to engage with his college and line up pastoral help and support in advance of going up. There is a very high association between some kinds of mental health problems - anxiety, anorexia, neurodiversity and being a high achiever. He won't be on his own in this regard at Cambridge.
Have you tried the NHS talking therapies?
https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/talking-th...
Don't need a GP referral. Worked well for me.
https://www.nhs.uk/tests-and-treatments/talking-th...
Don't need a GP referral. Worked well for me.
How long has he been suffering with the anxiety?
Is it something that has become apparent recently or has this been a feature of his personality throughout his life?
Im 52 and have struggled with it all my life and I understand how debilitating it can become.
He first needs to learn to be able to calm himself once his anxiety spikes otherwise it can become a doom loop and end uo in an attack.
It might sound daft but the foloowing REALLY does help with it....
4 second inhalation through nose, followed by 6 second exhallation though mouth. Repeat this for 2 mins.
He needs to learn be able to do this
Is it something that has become apparent recently or has this been a feature of his personality throughout his life?
Im 52 and have struggled with it all my life and I understand how debilitating it can become.
He first needs to learn to be able to calm himself once his anxiety spikes otherwise it can become a doom loop and end uo in an attack.
It might sound daft but the foloowing REALLY does help with it....
4 second inhalation through nose, followed by 6 second exhallation though mouth. Repeat this for 2 mins.
He needs to learn be able to do this
Dog Biscuit said:
How long has he been suffering with the anxiety?
Is it something that has become apparent recently or has this been a feature of his personality throughout his life?
Im 52 and have struggled with it all my life and I understand how debilitating it can become.
He first needs to learn to be able to calm himself once his anxiety spikes otherwise it can become a doom loop and end uo in an attack.
It might sound daft but the foloowing REALLY does help with it....
4 second inhalation through nose, followed by 6 second exhallation though mouth. Repeat this for 2 mins.
He needs to learn be able to do this
He has always been challenging. He sees only black and white and his version of reality is the only one for him, however wrong it may be in reality. The anxiety has come with A-levels, because he set his sights on Cambridge and did not intend to fail. All very admirable, but the mental toll has been significant.Is it something that has become apparent recently or has this been a feature of his personality throughout his life?
Im 52 and have struggled with it all my life and I understand how debilitating it can become.
He first needs to learn to be able to calm himself once his anxiety spikes otherwise it can become a doom loop and end uo in an attack.
It might sound daft but the foloowing REALLY does help with it....
4 second inhalation through nose, followed by 6 second exhallation though mouth. Repeat this for 2 mins.
He needs to learn be able to do this
Furbo said:
He sees only black and white and his version of reality is the only one for him, however wrong it may be in reality.
Neurodiversity needs to be considered.What you're describing is a typical response of someone having difficulties adjusting to the more ambiguous world of adulthood. The ability to navigate your world using rigid/black and white rules works OK as a child but because these rules don't work as reliably in the adult world, stress and anxiety is the result. Also really bright kids can coast their way through academic tests until they approach their limits. The possibilty of failure, however remote, will be scary
Scout Leader and Mental Health First Aider here, so have supported a few young people in similar situations.
Great that he recognises and wants to seek support as that's often the biggest hurdle. Keep engaging him and talking about it as that will help him.
Our signposting often begins with the GP as they act as the gateway to most of the mental health services. Encourage him to make an appointment and to be as open and honest with them as possible. Some GPs are better than others and it might take more than one appointment for them to offer the correct help but be persistent with them.
As others have said, some services are available without a GP referral but this varies by region so have a look online for what might be local to you.
Another avenue to explore is whether or not your employer has an Employee Assistance Programme. Many do, and it usually extends to family members too (although being 18 might mean they can't help). They often offer counselling services and advice lines that you and your family can use.
Be wary of Better Help (and some other services like them) - do your own research but they were caught sharing private data with other companies a few years back.
Great that he recognises and wants to seek support as that's often the biggest hurdle. Keep engaging him and talking about it as that will help him.
Our signposting often begins with the GP as they act as the gateway to most of the mental health services. Encourage him to make an appointment and to be as open and honest with them as possible. Some GPs are better than others and it might take more than one appointment for them to offer the correct help but be persistent with them.
As others have said, some services are available without a GP referral but this varies by region so have a look online for what might be local to you.
Another avenue to explore is whether or not your employer has an Employee Assistance Programme. Many do, and it usually extends to family members too (although being 18 might mean they can't help). They often offer counselling services and advice lines that you and your family can use.
Be wary of Better Help (and some other services like them) - do your own research but they were caught sharing private data with other companies a few years back.
Furbo said:
Dog Biscuit said:
How long has he been suffering with the anxiety?
Is it something that has become apparent recently or has this been a feature of his personality throughout his life?
Im 52 and have struggled with it all my life and I understand how debilitating it can become.
He first needs to learn to be able to calm himself once his anxiety spikes otherwise it can become a doom loop and end uo in an attack.
It might sound daft but the foloowing REALLY does help with it....
4 second inhalation through nose, followed by 6 second exhallation though mouth. Repeat this for 2 mins.
He needs to learn be able to do this
He has always been challenging. He sees only black and white and his version of reality is the only one for him, however wrong it may be in reality. The anxiety has come with A-levels, because he set his sights on Cambridge and did not intend to fail. All very admirable, but the mental toll has been significant.Is it something that has become apparent recently or has this been a feature of his personality throughout his life?
Im 52 and have struggled with it all my life and I understand how debilitating it can become.
He first needs to learn to be able to calm himself once his anxiety spikes otherwise it can become a doom loop and end uo in an attack.
It might sound daft but the foloowing REALLY does help with it....
4 second inhalation through nose, followed by 6 second exhallation though mouth. Repeat this for 2 mins.
He needs to learn be able to do this
Might be worth looking into as there are many ways to adapt thinking to release pressure and anxiety
ALPandy90 said:
Scout Leader and Mental Health First Aider here, so have supported a few young people in similar situations.
Great that he recognises and wants to seek support as that's often the biggest hurdle. Keep engaging him and talking about it as that will help him.
Our signposting often begins with the GP as they act as the gateway to most of the mental health services. Encourage him to make an appointment and to be as open and honest with them as possible. Some GPs are better than others and it might take more than one appointment for them to offer the correct help but be persistent with them.
As others have said, some services are available without a GP referral but this varies by region so have a look online for what might be local to you.
Another avenue to explore is whether or not your employer has an Employee Assistance Programme. Many do, and it usually extends to family members too (although being 18 might mean they can't help). They often offer counselling services and advice lines that you and your family can use.
Be wary of Better Help (and some other services like them) - do your own research but they were caught sharing private data with other companies a few years back.
We've been to and fro the GP a fair bit. Caring but limited.Great that he recognises and wants to seek support as that's often the biggest hurdle. Keep engaging him and talking about it as that will help him.
Our signposting often begins with the GP as they act as the gateway to most of the mental health services. Encourage him to make an appointment and to be as open and honest with them as possible. Some GPs are better than others and it might take more than one appointment for them to offer the correct help but be persistent with them.
As others have said, some services are available without a GP referral but this varies by region so have a look online for what might be local to you.
Another avenue to explore is whether or not your employer has an Employee Assistance Programme. Many do, and it usually extends to family members too (although being 18 might mean they can't help). They often offer counselling services and advice lines that you and your family can use.
Be wary of Better Help (and some other services like them) - do your own research but they were caught sharing private data with other companies a few years back.
We're getting him assessed next week by an organisation called Learning DNA, who are doing what they call a 360 degree assessment.
solo2 said:
CAMHS are useless, they basically admitted to me that their sole job is to keep the kids alive until they reach 18 when more medication is open to them.
I can also confirm this through personal experience, my daughter is under Camhs and we have been trying to get them to help for years and it’s only in the last 12 months when my daughter ended up in hospital they started to take things seriously. She’s much better now, mainly thanks to medication but for an 18 year old it would take so long he would age out before getting anywhere. Anxiety sufferer here. Just going to chuck in some assorted thoughts.
- The breathing exercises someone mentioned above can be incredibly powerful. I can feel my anxiety drop almost instantly when doing them.
- I found CBT to be effective, and to face it and gradually do more activities which are a source of anxiety. I think this is the big one, it's very easy to let it take over more and more of your life. You have to fight back and not let it.
- I also think there was a hormonal element to it. CBT helped but I think my body also grew out of it in mid- late 20s. It will always be there but nowhere near as bad.
- Exercise massively helps as does keeping busy. Do not sit around ruminating it will make it worse.
- Look into Kalms, they are a herbal valerian root thing and I found they took the edge off.
Good luck, without trying to worry you, it can really spiral, so the sooner you can get help before the brain rewires itself too much towards anxious thinking the better.
- The breathing exercises someone mentioned above can be incredibly powerful. I can feel my anxiety drop almost instantly when doing them.
- I found CBT to be effective, and to face it and gradually do more activities which are a source of anxiety. I think this is the big one, it's very easy to let it take over more and more of your life. You have to fight back and not let it.
- I also think there was a hormonal element to it. CBT helped but I think my body also grew out of it in mid- late 20s. It will always be there but nowhere near as bad.
- Exercise massively helps as does keeping busy. Do not sit around ruminating it will make it worse.
- Look into Kalms, they are a herbal valerian root thing and I found they took the edge off.
Good luck, without trying to worry you, it can really spiral, so the sooner you can get help before the brain rewires itself too much towards anxious thinking the better.
Jamescrs said:
I can also confirm this through personal experience, my daughter is under Camhs and we have been trying to get them to help for years and it s only in the last 12 months when my daughter ended up in hospital they started to take things seriously. She s much better now, mainly thanks to medication but for an 18 year old it would take so long he would age out before getting anywhere.
My daughter only got any real help once she turned 18 and was referred on from CAMHS to Adult mental health. A few hospital inpatient visits and and lot of discussions she is finally on the right track but for a while I really thought she would not live to be an adult.Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff