Ever wished the ground would open up?
Discussion
I have always enjoyed eating fish in its many forms, and am looking for a species that i havent had before.1
Many years ago. prior to the southern section of the M25 being fully open and had to use the route via Guildford to get home. we were travelling back from my parents in Whitstable was passing a fried fish and Chip shop and saw the sign on the windows Frying StoII.
Never one to miss an opportunity for a new taste,went in and ordered a portion and the conversation went thus
Me 'StoII and Chips please'
Chippy 'Pardon?'
M.' Stoll and Chips'
C. 'Never heard of it, all our fish is on the menu board' pointing at it
M 'But yopu have it advertised on the window outside' pointing to it.
C. 'Ahh ( the penny dropped) That's not StoII. Its Frying 5 to 11'
M. 'Cod and chips twice please'
Many years ago. prior to the southern section of the M25 being fully open and had to use the route via Guildford to get home. we were travelling back from my parents in Whitstable was passing a fried fish and Chip shop and saw the sign on the windows Frying StoII.
Never one to miss an opportunity for a new taste,went in and ordered a portion and the conversation went thus
Me 'StoII and Chips please'
Chippy 'Pardon?'
M.' Stoll and Chips'
C. 'Never heard of it, all our fish is on the menu board' pointing at it
M 'But yopu have it advertised on the window outside' pointing to it.
C. 'Ahh ( the penny dropped) That's not StoII. Its Frying 5 to 11'
M. 'Cod and chips twice please'
I broke down on a dark desolate dual carriageway in my brand new A6. The gearbox locked so I couldn’t move it from lane one and anyway, there was a steep bank right next to me.
Pretty sketchy location, just after a small brow and fast approaching vehicles in the gloom.
Luckily an unmarked traffic car spotted me from the other direction and 5 mins later pulled up behind me, all lit up to keep me safe while awaiting recovery.
Out jumped the cop and we climbed up the bank, I said, ‘It’s great to see you, I really appreciate the work you chaps do”.
In the darkness I heard, “It’s Miss”.
Pretty sketchy location, just after a small brow and fast approaching vehicles in the gloom.
Luckily an unmarked traffic car spotted me from the other direction and 5 mins later pulled up behind me, all lit up to keep me safe while awaiting recovery.
Out jumped the cop and we climbed up the bank, I said, ‘It’s great to see you, I really appreciate the work you chaps do”.
In the darkness I heard, “It’s Miss”.
Cupid-stunt said:
g3org3y said:
Patient walks into my room (25ish, male) accompanied by a late 40s woman.
I say words to the effect of "nice to see you've brought your mum in with you today..."
"My partner" he corrects.
OUCH!I say words to the effect of "nice to see you've brought your mum in with you today..."
"My partner" he corrects.
Not much recovering from that one .....
You can restore karmic balance by taking the opportunity to do the 'I see you've brought your sister with you' when someone does come with their mum
I think I'm the expert at this one. I posted the other day in another thread about working for a random woman and striking up a conversation with her.
woman : I used to live on Carwood as a kid
me : Oh I know that road, I worked on it years ago, bloke turned out to be a right knob head in the end, his name was *** *****, do you know him.
woman : That's my dad!
luckily the woman : You are right though, he is a knob head.
And another one, not too sure how this will go down with the PC brigade on here these days though but it was a long time ago.
About 15 of us all sat in a room on break time, some I knew very well, some not so much, all different tradesmen, some young, some old.
Me : anyone been to that Gary's house yet we're doing a job on, very strange, he's got a girlfriend but he's so outrageously gay. (think Louie Spence)
Other tradesmen (very quickly steering me away) : No, don't you mean Graham that bloke we are also working with, he's the gay one.
Me : Nah Gary, its so obvious.
Other tradesmen : I THINK you are mistaken, you mean Graham, don't you!
Me : no sorry buy Gary's bent as a nine bob note as well.
Old bob in the corner who had kept quiet up until now : That's my son you are talking about.
I am learning though, I was working in an animal sanctuary a few days ago and for some reason the police showed up, no idea why but the copper was talking to the lady on reception who was great to have a laugh with. It took all my resolve (and I don't know how I managed it) not to walk in and say "I didn't know you kept pigs as well" but sure as eggs are eggs she would have said "that's my son/brother/mother/sister/whatever."
woman : I used to live on Carwood as a kid
me : Oh I know that road, I worked on it years ago, bloke turned out to be a right knob head in the end, his name was *** *****, do you know him.
woman : That's my dad!
luckily the woman : You are right though, he is a knob head.
And another one, not too sure how this will go down with the PC brigade on here these days though but it was a long time ago.
About 15 of us all sat in a room on break time, some I knew very well, some not so much, all different tradesmen, some young, some old.
Me : anyone been to that Gary's house yet we're doing a job on, very strange, he's got a girlfriend but he's so outrageously gay. (think Louie Spence)
Other tradesmen (very quickly steering me away) : No, don't you mean Graham that bloke we are also working with, he's the gay one.
Me : Nah Gary, its so obvious.
Other tradesmen : I THINK you are mistaken, you mean Graham, don't you!
Me : no sorry buy Gary's bent as a nine bob note as well.
Old bob in the corner who had kept quiet up until now : That's my son you are talking about.
I am learning though, I was working in an animal sanctuary a few days ago and for some reason the police showed up, no idea why but the copper was talking to the lady on reception who was great to have a laugh with. It took all my resolve (and I don't know how I managed it) not to walk in and say "I didn't know you kept pigs as well" but sure as eggs are eggs she would have said "that's my son/brother/mother/sister/whatever."
pinchmeimdreamin said:
Visiting my wife s grave a few years ago I bumped into an old work colleague, I automatically asked
what are ou doing here ?
I ve just buried my son she replied.
Jokingly shouted at a colleague expressing my displeasure at having to cover his work route, saying "what do you think you're doing, having a bloody day off work?!?", for him to reply...what are ou doing here ?
I ve just buried my son she replied.
"I've just registered my mum's death".
I did apologise and we agreed that it wasn't my business to know but there's a risk someone says something wrong if you don't know the full circumstances, I knew his mum had died a while before but I didn't know it was an unexplained death.
pinchmeimdreamin said:
Visiting my wife s grave a few years ago I bumped into an old work colleague, I automatically asked
what are ou doing here ?
I ve just buried my son she replied.
Oof. Reminds me of my "proudest" moment in my nursing career.what are ou doing here ?
I ve just buried my son she replied.
I was the out of hours hospital manager, on duty overnight when a call came from the ambulance service that they were bringing several contaminated patients in from a chemical incident. Protocol was to set a decontamination unit (big inflatable tent with high pressure showers) and to divert all non emergency patients to other hospitals.
The waiting room was fairly full and I explained that the department was closing and for people to make alternative arrangements at other hospitals. The unit would be sealed to ensure no one would be taking contamination into other areas of the hospital or to the community.
The vast majority of people left, being in an urban area was useful as the nearest A&E was only a few miles away.
I looked around the now almost empty waiting room and Sam a man dressed in horrendously clashing colours, think yellow jacket, green tie, purple trousers. I asked him if he needed help and he said he could wait. Didn't want to go anywhere else and just needed mental health support.
I guided him out of the department and arranged for him to be seen on one of the mental health wards. As he left with the porter my size 9 went straight to my mouth.
"What's with the clothes? Is it a clown convention?"
"No" he replied, "it was my son's funeral and he loved bright colours"
SD.
many years ago mate and I were in a store when he asked some bloke to move out of the way
"...excuse me love, can I get past please?..."
cue a hearty guffaw from me and "...love?..."
only to be met with
"...actually I AM a female thank you very much!!..."
I haven't thought about that in nearly 40 years! And, yes, I'm cringing again today
"...excuse me love, can I get past please?..."
cue a hearty guffaw from me and "...love?..."
only to be met with
"...actually I AM a female thank you very much!!..."
I haven't thought about that in nearly 40 years! And, yes, I'm cringing again today
On a motoring note, hired a Mustang in the US and couldn't get the interior light to switch off whilst driving.
Took it back to the hire company, who just turned the dashboard brightness / dimmer whee.
Transpired that beyond a certain point it also turned on the interior lights.
"Can we help you with anything else Sir?"... Errr, no, I'll be on my way thanks...!
(To be fair I still maintain that's a stupid design!)
Took it back to the hire company, who just turned the dashboard brightness / dimmer whee.
Transpired that beyond a certain point it also turned on the interior lights.
"Can we help you with anything else Sir?"... Errr, no, I'll be on my way thanks...!
(To be fair I still maintain that's a stupid design!)
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