Am I an ungrateful tw@t?
Discussion
We’re currently in the process of moving house. We’re approaching exchange, but things are far from straightforward. I’m juggling work, home life, house stuff, but it’s okay. I just haven’t really got the capacity for anything else at the moment.
For the last few years we’ve gone away for a week or two in the summer. Nothing fancy, just a nice AI+ in Greece/Cyprus. Last week, the wife started making noises about a holiday even though we’d previously discussed and agreed that it wasn’t on the cards this year as, apart from anything else, we were already stretching our finances big time with the house move, which needed to be the priority. I made it really clear I just couldn’t entertain it right now, that there was just too much else going on and, to be honest, I didn’t really want to go away.
So, this evening she announced that we’re going on holiday on Friday. It’s all sorted apparently. The kids already knew. She presumably expected me to be pleased, despite our conversation last week. Or perhaps she just thought she’d back me into a corner and leave me with little choice.
It probably sounds ridiculous to say that I’m pissed off my wife’s booked a family holiday, but I am. I hate surprises (she knows this; we’ve been together 30 years), but most importantly it feels like she’s kind of weaponised the kids, as they have been looking forward to it no doubt over the past few days and now I’m the one saying sorry but this isn’t what I want, and you knew this. I haven’t even got time booked off work. God knows where it is or what it cost. I’m honestly baffled that she’s done this.
So, am I just being an ungrateful tw@t?
For the last few years we’ve gone away for a week or two in the summer. Nothing fancy, just a nice AI+ in Greece/Cyprus. Last week, the wife started making noises about a holiday even though we’d previously discussed and agreed that it wasn’t on the cards this year as, apart from anything else, we were already stretching our finances big time with the house move, which needed to be the priority. I made it really clear I just couldn’t entertain it right now, that there was just too much else going on and, to be honest, I didn’t really want to go away.
So, this evening she announced that we’re going on holiday on Friday. It’s all sorted apparently. The kids already knew. She presumably expected me to be pleased, despite our conversation last week. Or perhaps she just thought she’d back me into a corner and leave me with little choice.
It probably sounds ridiculous to say that I’m pissed off my wife’s booked a family holiday, but I am. I hate surprises (she knows this; we’ve been together 30 years), but most importantly it feels like she’s kind of weaponised the kids, as they have been looking forward to it no doubt over the past few days and now I’m the one saying sorry but this isn’t what I want, and you knew this. I haven’t even got time booked off work. God knows where it is or what it cost. I’m honestly baffled that she’s done this.
So, am I just being an ungrateful tw@t?
Tell her you hope they all enjoy it and you'll see them when they get back.
There's a reason I'm single!
But I'd be sorely tempted to respond this way in that position. You certainly have been backed into a corner and I'd absolutely hate that being done to me. It's an abuse of trust and utterly disrespectful.
There's a reason I'm single!
But I'd be sorely tempted to respond this way in that position. You certainly have been backed into a corner and I'd absolutely hate that being done to me. It's an abuse of trust and utterly disrespectful.
Apart from money being tight and a house move, not sure what the issue is? I’ve never known when or where we go on holiday, that’s always her department. I just get told when it is.
Bonus being, if it’s s
t, it’s all her fault! I still don’t know where we’re going this year. End of August apparently. Will see.
Bonus being, if it’s s
t, it’s all her fault! I still don’t know where we’re going this year. End of August apparently. Will see. 
I would be fuming too; I assume you work....how is it possible with your employer or self employed diary?
We were abroad for 2 weeks in the middle of a sale/move, in west coast USA. I had to make two calls during the holiday and probably send 10 or so emails as we didn't sell with an EA. It was managed well, considering the time difference.
Go, enjoy and at least you know you have plenty of time to answer any sale business.
We were abroad for 2 weeks in the middle of a sale/move, in west coast USA. I had to make two calls during the holiday and probably send 10 or so emails as we didn't sell with an EA. It was managed well, considering the time difference.
Go, enjoy and at least you know you have plenty of time to answer any sale business.
I would be really annoyed as well and to be honest this is why men's mental health is such an issue these days. We're silently carrying all these worries and burdens with partners who are oblivious to them.
But it was a sobering thought when I considered the fact that we only get 18 summers with our children and since then I've always tried to prioritise a nice family holiday with the kids each year.
You can always make more money but you'll never be able to replace a missed summer with the children.
But it was a sobering thought when I considered the fact that we only get 18 summers with our children and since then I've always tried to prioritise a nice family holiday with the kids each year.
You can always make more money but you'll never be able to replace a missed summer with the children.
Your wife is stressed and needs to get away. She needs something not to do with the house move to concentrate on and to provide a relief valve for.
Don’t overthink it, just roll with it. Yep, it’s annoying for you and I majorly get where you’re coming from but just take the break in the knowledge that it’ll do her mental health some good before the big move is completed and all the stressy stuff that’s to come.
And besides, you’ll have one over her going forward which you can’t put a value on
. (That sports car you’ve always wanted…)
Don’t overthink it, just roll with it. Yep, it’s annoying for you and I majorly get where you’re coming from but just take the break in the knowledge that it’ll do her mental health some good before the big move is completed and all the stressy stuff that’s to come.
And besides, you’ll have one over her going forward which you can’t put a value on
. (That sports car you’ve always wanted…)AlexC1981 said:
I would be annoyed too, but you may as well make the best of it. Your wife may be just as stressed as you are and could do with the distraction.
I think this is the best way to look at it. Don't try and get back at her, that is a sign of point scoring, which is a sign that things are badly wrong.I would probably have the conversation, calmly, explaining how her actions made you feel and why you are less than thrilled.
I totally understand why you are annoyed, but don't turn it into a worse situation.
Help78 said:
I would be really annoyed as well and to be honest this is why men's mental health is such an issue these days. We're silently carrying all these worries and burdens with partners who are oblivious to them.
But it was a sobering thought when I considered the fact that we only get 18 summers with our children and since then I've always tried to prioritise a nice family holiday with the kids each year.
You can always make more money but you'll never be able to replace a missed summer with the children.
This. Certainly worth considering.But it was a sobering thought when I considered the fact that we only get 18 summers with our children and since then I've always tried to prioritise a nice family holiday with the kids each year.
You can always make more money but you'll never be able to replace a missed summer with the children.
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