Misogyny examples, what do we think?

[M4cruiser]

What is really misogyny when out & about in public?
Mods - if I'm not allowed to say these things below then please delete.

I've heard/seen some strange things in the media recently, and genuinely don't wish to be caught out.

Some people seem to think that a man saying "Nice dress" to a woman would be unacceptable. I think it's ok. It used to be called "paying a compliment". Indeed at school the teachers used to say it to pupils (but the words back then were "pretty frock").

What about "nice hair". I would think some women should welcome that, if they've just spent £100 on some waist length braids. But it could look a bit sarcastic in other cases.

On the wrong side of the red line would be saying "nice breasts" in public - unless that woman happened to be displaying them in public. But I suppose it would be ok in private to a prostitute (no personal experience, sorry), so the situation affects the judgement.

But there must be a whole middle ground which could be interpreted either way by some?
I tried Googling this but didn't get any sensible answers.

(Obviously please keep responses clean and impersonal)

[Dog Biscuit]

M4cruiser said:

What is really misogyny when out & about in public?
Mods - if I'm not allowed to say these things below then please delete.

I've heard/seen some strange things in the media recently, and genuinely don't wish to be caught out.

Some people seem to think that a man saying "Nice dress" to a woman would be unacceptable. I think it's ok. It used to be called "paying a compliment". Indeed at school the teachers used to say it to pupils (but the words back then were "pretty frock").

What about "nice hair". I would think some women should welcome that, if they've just spent £100 on some waist length braids. But it could look a bit sarcastic in other cases.

On the wrong side of the red line would be saying "nice breasts" in public - unless that woman happened to be displaying them in public. But I suppose it would be ok in private to a prostitute (no personal experience, sorry), so the situation affects the judgement.

But there must be a whole middle ground which could be interpreted either way by some?
I tried Googling this but didn't get any sensible answers.

(Obviously please keep responses clean and impersonal)

Oh come on

Any bloke that says nice dress or nice hair is either thinking they'd like to shag them or gay.

[Opapayer]

That isn’t what misogyny is at all. It’s a term for someone who treats women as whole with contempt or holds a deep seated prejudice against them often grounded in hatred. What you’ve described is someone either paying someone a compliment or being a bit of a perv based on the way they say it.

There’s an argument that your whole opening post is misogynistic, in that it tries to demean or belittle women by dismissing any concerns they have, as being overly sensitive.

[MC Bodge]

Dog Biscuit said:

Oh come on

Any bloke that says nice dress or nice hair is either thinking they'd like to shag them or gay.

What if he is saying it to his sister?

Other than Dog Biscuit, the bloke may, or may not, find the (non-sibling) woman attractive, but it doesn't need to be said in a sleazy way or with any predatory intent.

Have men never said something similar to women that they know without trying to have sex with them?

[bigpriest]

It's never the actual words, it's the emotional intelligence to know when to use them and to whom.

[DT1975]

Dog Biscuit said:

Oh come on

Any bloke that says nice dress or nice hair is either thinking they'd like to shag them or gay.

Oh come on (your words)

Thats nonsense. Get out in the real world with real people and its said all the time.
My guess is if someone said it to your missus (or fella) you'd be looking to fill them in ?

[MC Bodge]

DT1975 said:

Dog Biscuit said:

Oh come on

Any bloke that says nice dress or nice hair is either thinking they'd like to shag them or gay.

Oh come on (your words)

Thats nonsense. Get out in the real world with real people and its said all the time.
My guess is if someone said it to your missus (or fella) you'd be looking to fill them in ?

To be fair, on PH, some men may not have much experience with real women.

[Terminator X]

I don't compliment women or help them with anything at all. Times have changed, look after yourself.

Also if out walking I'll cross the street if it's a lone women walking towards me.

TX.

[MC Bodge]

Terminator X said:

I don't compliment women or help them with anything at all. Times have changed, look after yourself.

Also if out walking I'll cross the street if it's a lone women walking towards me.

TX.

Is that to do with the injunction?

[Warhavernet]

bigpriest said:

It's never the actual words, it's the emotional intelligence to know when to use them and to whom.

Or it's down to the intelligence of the female, can they correctly detect a benign comment ?

[uk66fastback]

MC Bodge said:

Terminator X said:

I don't compliment women or help them with anything at all. Times have changed, look after yourself.

Also if out walking I'll cross the street if it's a lone women walking towards me.

TX.

Is that to do with the injunction?

Quite good that was for you, Bodge.

[CMTMB]

We might as well wait for Stewie to post and tell us all the correct answer.

[JagLover]

Dog Biscuit said:

Oh come on

Any bloke that says nice dress or nice hair is either thinking they'd like to shag them or gay.

My boss once complimented me on how smart I looked that day and I responded that she had a nice outfit too. Neither of us, as far as I am aware, wanted to sleep with the other. It is context dependent.

[JagLover]

Opapayer said:

That isn t what misogyny is at all. It s a term for someone who treats women as whole with contempt or holds a deep seated prejudice against them often grounded in hatred. What you ve described is someone either paying someone a compliment or being a bit of a perv based on the way they say it.

This basically. There are few terms more misused. A men only club may indicate misogyny, being attracted to the opposite sex does not. How you express that sexual desire again may.

[StescoG66]

I have never met a woman yet that doesn’t like a compliment- obviously said in the right way/context.

[Dog Biscuit]

DT1975 said:

Dog Biscuit said:

Oh come on

Any bloke that says nice dress or nice hair is either thinking they'd like to shag them or gay.

Oh come on (your words)

Thats nonsense. Get out in the real world with real people and its said all the time.
My guess is if someone said it to your missus (or fella) you'd be looking to fill them in ?

Oh don't be such a fun sponge, it's just a bit of a joke. Playing on the old trope.

Maybe I should have used an emoji to avoid upsetting folk

Good lord above

Edited by Dog Biscuit on Tuesday 18th August 06:25

[Dog Biscuit]

On a more serious note

I think context, tone and persistence are probably more important than the actual words.

I had something vaguely relevant happen with a customer of mine. A older bloke approached her in the gym and started chatting about gym stuff etc - all OK and, then followed her out afterwards and asked for her number. She felt a little bit put on the back foot and gave it to him, partly thinking, "Oh well, there's probably no harm in it." He was married etc.

After that they had perfectly normal, friendly chats. Nothing particularly inappropriate was said and initially she didn't have a problem with him.

What eventually started making her uncomfortable was that virtually every time he saw her he'd comment on how good she was looking that day. On its own, "You're looking good today" is a perfectly innocent compliment. But when somebody keeps saying it, again and again, it starts to feel less like a spontaneous compliment and more like they're continually reminding you that they're looking at you in that way.

That was the interesting bit for me, because none of the individual comments were particularly offensive or sexual. It was the persistence of seemingly innocent comments that gradually made her feel awkward.

And I think that's where the fine line probably is.

"Nice dress" or "your hair looks nice" said genuinely once is a completely normal compliment.

But keep hammering home how attractive somebody looks every time you see them, particularly if they're not responding in the same way, and eventually it can become uncomfortable even though the actual words themselves are harmless.

So perhaps the red line isn't always *what* you say. Sometimes it's how often you say it, the context, and whether you're capable of noticing that the other person isn't particularly encouraging it.

[butchstewie]

CMTMB said:

We might as well wait for Stewie to post and tell us all the correct answer.

I really should start charging rent.

Google it then go read the Rayner Reeves and Abbott threads (the ones that are left - most got pulled because of.. well guess what).

[Randy Winkman]

bigpriest said:

It's never the actual words, it's the emotional intelligence to know when to use them and to whom.

Exactly. You cant write down what's acceptable and what isnt. Surely that's obvious?

[Glassman]

Unless it's the person's mum saying it, why would anyone want to know if what they're wearing is nice or not.