Not getting any better

[Frane Selak]

I started a thread in the lounge the other day but it got moved to the jobs section, wrongly in my view and of another poster that said it should be moved back, so it didn't get much coverage and I thought it was pointless replying to it.

This thread is about me trying to understand why I'm so upset. I just don't understand it. You may have to look at my recent history to see what its about.

I know I can do lots of different things without any help or support but its like I've become totally dependant on him which is a ridiculous situation to be in because he isn't here anymore to help me. I'm sort of ok when I'm doing something, I can function bur because he helped a lot round the house every time I stop doing what I'm doing I see something he has helped me with and it sets me off.

Another ridiculous situation, the properties we work on usually have key safes to get in and sometimes the safes are in hidden locations if its a rough area, when we turn up on a job its usually Tim that finds the box and gets the key as he is a lot more agile than me and will climb over undergrowth or over side gates to get it. Today as soon as I woke up all I could think about was what happens if the next job I go to I cant find the key box, what am I going to do, I'll just go to pieces.

I know this is stupid, I know there are far more serious issues affecting much more deserving people than me, I was reading about that couple in the helicopter before, what must their loved ones be feeling right now. The crazy thing is my mum died when I was 18 and my dad when I was 23 and I was obviously upset at the time but it was nowhere near as bad as this one, I just accepted it at the time as that is what parents do at one time or another and Tim's not even dead, he's just got a different job. All I want is for the heartache to go away and get back to normal but I just cant seem to let go.

[greygoose]

You sound a bit depressed, understandable if you’ve lost someone you spent a lot of time with and depended on. Could you not seek another Tim and train him up?

[Frane Selak]

greygoose said:

You sound a bit depressed, understandable if you ve lost someone you spent a lot of time with and depended on. Could you not seek another Tim and train him up?

That's what I want to do but I'm so scarred of it not being the same, we just clicked when working together. I've been back out the last couple of days working with my business partner again and he has been in the van with me and although we have worked together for donkeys years before we got anyone else it was like we were distant from each other in the van. We talked but didn't really click, or it seemed like that to me, but he has issues of his own on the relationship front as well, what I don't want to do it put my problems onto him as he has enough worries at the moment.

[Easternlight]

greygoose said:

You sound a bit depressed, understandable if you ve lost someone you spent a lot of time with and depended on. Could you not seek another Tim and train him up?

I would agree with this.
sounds like the situation has triggered some sort of anxiety attack.
Is there more to this? Any thing else going on in your life?
Try to talk this through with someone close.

[Bill]

Reading the OP made me think you'd lost a life partner rather than an apprentice.

[Frane Selak]

Bill said:

Reading the OP made me think you'd lost a life partner rather than an apprentice.

Yes I know and I don't understand it, we've had 3 or 4 lads help us out in the past, some short term and one for well over a year and when they went I really couldn't have cared less, but they were your usual moody sulky "not doing that" type of lads who were only interested in the money at the end of the day, probably for drugs.

This lad was different, the other month we gave a relatives 2 kids a day of work experience and Tim immediately took charge, showing them what to do, inspecting their work, I was surprised he didn't get the high viz and clip board out, he really wanted to make a difference, and he did, big time. we could have both gone on holiday and just let Tim get on with things and it all would be done to a high spec when we got back. But that was his ambition and sadly we can't match what he wants to do next.

I know I'm going to have to get over it somehow I just don't know how to. Maybe it will all go away when I get back to work properly and find that I can do everything again.

Edited by Frane Selak on Tuesday 18th August 17:55