When you really do not want to go..
Discussion
...been feeling like this for a while now, just not had the guts to do anything about it.
Wife who really shows little empathy or concern about how I feel.
I know the reason I feel like I do - my 19 year old son.
He is lazy, entitled and arrogant beyond belief.
Everything he touches seems to be poisoned by him.
Never stuck at a job, has been verbally and physically abusive towards me but quite happy to take my money when he needs digging out of yet another hole that he has dug for himself.
I have sacrificed a huge amount for him, his mother (my wife) went through years of depression so it was me and him against the world but the last 2 years he has made my life a living hell.
He just seems to push me into one hole after another, a hole where I feel angry, upset, exhausted and just not wanting to wake up the following morning.
Its getting to the point where I am growing to hate him but cannot seem to find a way to get the calmness and peace I desperately crave.
I just don't want to go anymore
Wife who really shows little empathy or concern about how I feel.
I know the reason I feel like I do - my 19 year old son.
He is lazy, entitled and arrogant beyond belief.
Everything he touches seems to be poisoned by him.
Never stuck at a job, has been verbally and physically abusive towards me but quite happy to take my money when he needs digging out of yet another hole that he has dug for himself.
I have sacrificed a huge amount for him, his mother (my wife) went through years of depression so it was me and him against the world but the last 2 years he has made my life a living hell.
He just seems to push me into one hole after another, a hole where I feel angry, upset, exhausted and just not wanting to wake up the following morning.
Its getting to the point where I am growing to hate him but cannot seem to find a way to get the calmness and peace I desperately crave.
I just don't want to go anymore
The fact he is physically and verbally abusing you is unacceptable and can’t continue, he will either seriously hurt you or you may snap and hurt him.
You need to stop giving him money to bail him out and seriously consider moving him out of the house before it escalates further.
Speaking to the Samaritans is also good advice.
You need to stop giving him money to bail him out and seriously consider moving him out of the house before it escalates further.
Speaking to the Samaritans is also good advice.
Sorry to hear this, Andy, that sounds like a really tough situation.
It sounds like he could have some anger deep down and hence is taking it out on you. I used to have a lot of anger stemming from my childhood and my relationship with my mother. Got it sorted out by seeing a hypnotherapist.
I know getting a 19 year old to see a hypnotherapist is going to be nigh on impossible, but, you could certainly consider seeing one to help you. It would certainly help you find more peace thats a definite.
It sounds like he could have some anger deep down and hence is taking it out on you. I used to have a lot of anger stemming from my childhood and my relationship with my mother. Got it sorted out by seeing a hypnotherapist.
I know getting a 19 year old to see a hypnotherapist is going to be nigh on impossible, but, you could certainly consider seeing one to help you. It would certainly help you find more peace thats a definite.
When you say you 'don't want to go anymore'...what do you mean?
Go where?
Or do you mean 'go on living'?
Re your son - can you not sit down with him and try and have a face to face discussion? Or maybe wroite him a letter?
Maybe he's got his own concerns about his own home life? His mothers depression could have had a huige impact
Go where?
Or do you mean 'go on living'?
Re your son - can you not sit down with him and try and have a face to face discussion? Or maybe wroite him a letter?
Maybe he's got his own concerns about his own home life? His mothers depression could have had a huige impact
Dog Biscuit said:
When you say you 'don't want to go anymore'...what do you mean?
Go where?
Or do you mean 'go on living'?
Re your son - can you not sit down with him and try and have a face to face discussion? Or maybe wroite him a letter?
Maybe he's got his own concerns about his own home life? His mothers depression could have had a huige impact
He certainly has his challenges. Prescribed mild medication that he refuses to take, pad for private counselling that he refuses to attend - I have sympathy for anyone who is not well but not much when people refuse to accept the supp[ort being offered.Go where?
Or do you mean 'go on living'?
Re your son - can you not sit down with him and try and have a face to face discussion? Or maybe wroite him a letter?
Maybe he's got his own concerns about his own home life? His mothers depression could have had a huige impact
We do talk a fair bit, he is very good at saying all the right things, very poor at following through with actions.
Contacting the Samaritans would be a good move for impartial advice.
Just some thoughts from me.
Does he understand how his actions make you feel and the impact he is having on the family? Does he feel that it is your actions (whatever they may be) that are the root cause of his behaviour?
Why does your wife show little empathy to your position? Assuming your wife supports your views, would she not back you up in a conversation with him?
Could it be he is a young alpha full of testosterone testing the boundaries by challenging the resident alpha?
Just some thoughts from me.
Does he understand how his actions make you feel and the impact he is having on the family? Does he feel that it is your actions (whatever they may be) that are the root cause of his behaviour?
Why does your wife show little empathy to your position? Assuming your wife supports your views, would she not back you up in a conversation with him?
Could it be he is a young alpha full of testosterone testing the boundaries by challenging the resident alpha?
Edited by TR4man on Monday 9th November 15:07
TR4man said:
Just a couple of thoughts from me.
Does he understand how his actions make you feel and the impact he is having on the family?
If not, does your wife support your views and would she back you up in a conversation with him? Could it be he is a young alpha full of testosterone testing the boundaries by challenging the resident alpha?
Good points.Does he understand how his actions make you feel and the impact he is having on the family?
If not, does your wife support your views and would she back you up in a conversation with him? Could it be he is a young alpha full of testosterone testing the boundaries by challenging the resident alpha?
My wife does not really ever support me. Because of her past depression and the guilt she feels about not being there for my son she tends to give him a free pass to do what he wants.
When he is "up", my son fully understands and appreciates the damage he is doing, when he is "down" that is completely irrelevant to him.
He is not a bad person, not by a long way but he is getting me to the stage where I go to sleep at night hoping that I never wake up.
Andy665 said:
TR4man said:
Just a couple of thoughts from me.
Does he understand how his actions make you feel and the impact he is having on the family?
If not, does your wife support your views and would she back you up in a conversation with him? Could it be he is a young alpha full of testosterone testing the boundaries by challenging the resident alpha?
Good points.Does he understand how his actions make you feel and the impact he is having on the family?
If not, does your wife support your views and would she back you up in a conversation with him? Could it be he is a young alpha full of testosterone testing the boundaries by challenging the resident alpha?
My wife does not really ever support me. Because of her past depression and the guilt she feels about not being there for my son she tends to give him a free pass to do what he wants.
When he is "up", my son fully understands and appreciates the damage he is doing, when he is "down" that is completely irrelevant to him.
He is not a bad person, not by a long way but he is getting me to the stage where I go to sleep at night hoping that I never wake up.
It's not normal to abuse one's parents.
He either needs mental help or he needs a firm hand.
If it's the former, insist on it. If it's the latter, kick him out and stop supporting him financially - he's an adult.
Gassing Station | Health Matters | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff