Men - WTF is wrong with so many of them?
Discussion
Speaking as one, here are 4 recent examples:
- My sister in law was coming back through London and was harassed a lot of the way by some idiot migrant type who saw her on the Tube. In the end, at Waterloo station she asked a guy if she could pretend to be with him to get rid of the other guy. He said yes and was friendly and helpful. When she got home she texted him to say she was safely home and he asked her out! She's very clearly married and was in distress (the Police did get rid of the other guy too thankfully and were brilliantly good, taking her all the way home).
- My friend's ex wife married a guy who, on the whole seemed ok, decent job, nice house etc but was a functioning alcoholic. While she was away his (grown up) daughter had a party at the house and he got seriously drunk. At 9.30am the following day multiple Police cars and forensic vehicles descended on the house as one of her daughter's friends had said he'd raped her. He doesn't remember a thing.
- In a friend's family there is the 'Creepy Uncle' type of guy who can't seem to stop getting drunk (about 2 beers) and being subtly inappropriate with one of the nieces to the point that he is now getting kicked out of the family events. He'd been warned a lot of times but still does it instead of just staying well away. He'd been in court about 15 years ago with some similar type of accusation too! His wife seems to just pretend he's not like that.
- My neighbour was coming back on the train yesterday and met a 'nice guy' from Canada and she chatted to him all the way. He told her about his family, wife (some TV sports presenter over there) and job stuff. At the end of the journey he invited her back to his hotel!
Because we're still animals, ultimately.
Millions of years of evolution rewarded aggression, strength, risk-taking, status and sexual competition. The idea that a few thousand years of civilisation, and really only a few generations of modern social norms, somehow deleted all of that programming seems rather optimistic.
None of that excuses rape, harassment or being a sex pest. Having an impulse and choosing to act on it are two completely different things. Most men manage the distinction perfectly well. The problem is the minority who don't.
I guess the point I want to make, but don't necessarily know how to adequately make it, is that the whole approach needs to change... what we're doing (condemning and jailing etc.) obviously isn't working. BUT, I don't know what the alternative is...
Millions of years of evolution rewarded aggression, strength, risk-taking, status and sexual competition. The idea that a few thousand years of civilisation, and really only a few generations of modern social norms, somehow deleted all of that programming seems rather optimistic.
None of that excuses rape, harassment or being a sex pest. Having an impulse and choosing to act on it are two completely different things. Most men manage the distinction perfectly well. The problem is the minority who don't.
I guess the point I want to make, but don't necessarily know how to adequately make it, is that the whole approach needs to change... what we're doing (condemning and jailing etc.) obviously isn't working. BUT, I don't know what the alternative is...
Try having a tween daughter, I'm constantly going through her phone and blocking boys, several have been reported to the school and one of them that told her to send pics or else nearly got a text message off me saying or else what you little s
t.
I would never dream of speaking to a female they way they do now, I have no idea what's happened but my dad would have clipped me around the ear if I'd ever spoken to a woman like that.
I think some dads need to sit down and have a chat to their sons on what being a man is or schools needs to have lessons on how to treat girls.
t.I would never dream of speaking to a female they way they do now, I have no idea what's happened but my dad would have clipped me around the ear if I'd ever spoken to a woman like that.
I think some dads need to sit down and have a chat to their sons on what being a man is or schools needs to have lessons on how to treat girls.
Media pandering to individuals like Walliams and Brand that their behaviour even at the time seemed creepy but somehow funny so socially acceptable.
The silence from people like Cowell,Holden and others who worked closely is staggering,their (people) will be working hard to distance themselves from any of this and claim…we never knew…!!! I see Jonathan Ross has begun already…boils my piss…
The silence from people like Cowell,Holden and others who worked closely is staggering,their (people) will be working hard to distance themselves from any of this and claim…we never knew…!!! I see Jonathan Ross has begun already…boils my piss…
Undirection said:
Speaking as one, here are 4 recent examples:
I can understand why your sister in law might ask a stranger ‘to pretend to be with her’ in such an circumstance, although I’m unclear why she’d then exchange mobile numbers and swap texts with the pretend partner?- My sister in law was coming back through London and was harassed a lot of the way by some idiot migrant type who saw her on the Tube. In the end, at Waterloo station she asked a guy if she could pretend to be with him to get rid of the other guy. He said yes and was friendly and helpful. When she got home she texted him to say she was safely home and he asked her out! She's very clearly married and was in distress (the Police did get rid of the other guy too thankfully and were brilliantly good, taking her all the way home).
Sheets Tabuer said:
Try having a tween daughter, I'm constantly going through her phone and blocking boys, several have been reported to the school and one of them that told her to send pics or else nearly got a text message off me saying or else what you little st.
I would never dream of speaking to a female they way they do now, I have no idea what's happened but my dad would have clipped me around the ear if I'd ever spoken to a woman like that.
I think some dads need to sit down and have a chat to their sons on what being a man is or schools needs to have lessons on how to treat girls.
While I agree for tens of thousands of years "being a man" was trying to be the strongest and taking whatever you could, whether that was resources, women or lives. t.I would never dream of speaking to a female they way they do now, I have no idea what's happened but my dad would have clipped me around the ear if I'd ever spoken to a woman like that.
I think some dads need to sit down and have a chat to their sons on what being a man is or schools needs to have lessons on how to treat girls.
It's only in the last couple of hundred years that being a man has meant something else. It's certainly not normal or something that self fulfilling.
bennno said:
Undirection said:
Speaking as one, here are 4 recent examples:
I can understand why your sister in law might ask a stranger to pretend to be with her in such an circumstance, although I m unclear why she d then exchange mobile numbers and swap texts with the pretend partner?- My sister in law was coming back through London and was harassed a lot of the way by some idiot migrant type who saw her on the Tube. In the end, at Waterloo station she asked a guy if she could pretend to be with him to get rid of the other guy. He said yes and was friendly and helpful. When she got home she texted him to say she was safely home and he asked her out! She's very clearly married and was in distress (the Police did get rid of the other guy too thankfully and were brilliantly good, taking her all the way home).
Because this country has spent so long telling everyone how it's not nice to hit people and you shouldn't be mean as words hurt feelings, that when someone from another part of the world where reality is harsh comes here, they - and the youth of today - know the law protects them so they can do whatever the hell they like.
I would never advocate for all out assault but the ability to discipline your own child being taken away from you, has turned those who are now approaching 21 and under, into a nation of self righteous thugs who know if they do or say anything and you react, they just call the police and you get nicked.
Maybe a bleak outlook but it's true
I would never advocate for all out assault but the ability to discipline your own child being taken away from you, has turned those who are now approaching 21 and under, into a nation of self righteous thugs who know if they do or say anything and you react, they just call the police and you get nicked.
Maybe a bleak outlook but it's true
I think most men know the limits.
But speak to any woman on a dating site, the level of sexuality men have is scary.
Some men just look at women as something to conquer, an object, some women might like that, but nit7 many, it rarely works.
But if you are not getting any, need it, are obsessed with it, it will drive you to do desperate stuff.
I am lucky, sex has never bothered me much, I could happily live without it, has its own problems with women, but being a perv is not one of them.
There are a whole lot of pervy men out there, from any walk of life.
But speak to any woman on a dating site, the level of sexuality men have is scary.
Some men just look at women as something to conquer, an object, some women might like that, but nit7 many, it rarely works.
But if you are not getting any, need it, are obsessed with it, it will drive you to do desperate stuff.
I am lucky, sex has never bothered me much, I could happily live without it, has its own problems with women, but being a perv is not one of them.
There are a whole lot of pervy men out there, from any walk of life.
Huzzah said:
Dog Biscuit said:
The first and fourth examples seem fair enough to me 
Me too, as long as it was pleasant and good natured, presumably took no for an answer. Context plays a huge part - even though I agree with the sentiment of the post.
My son is 25 and he must ask a few girls out - that's what they do. However they're his age and he's not their boss or a celebrity...
Funnily enough, I met him (my son) for a pint last week and he wondered if asking an 18 year old out would be wrong somehow and we agreed that it probably was a bit too young - 'what would her parents think?' etc But then I'm a bit old fashioned and he's not far behind!
My son is 25 and he must ask a few girls out - that's what they do. However they're his age and he's not their boss or a celebrity...
Funnily enough, I met him (my son) for a pint last week and he wondered if asking an 18 year old out would be wrong somehow and we agreed that it probably was a bit too young - 'what would her parents think?' etc But then I'm a bit old fashioned and he's not far behind!
I just don't assume if a woman stops to talk to me, or asks for help, or even smiles at me in the street, that they are looking for a relationship.
Maybe that's why I'm still single
If you are that desperate for sex, pay for it or DIY.
Although in the case of Brand and other celebs, it's power.
Walliams has always creeped me out.
Maybe that's why I'm still single
If you are that desperate for sex, pay for it or DIY.
Although in the case of Brand and other celebs, it's power.
Walliams has always creeped me out.
I honestly don’t think any of this is new or unusual, some men have always behaved like this, the change is that we now see these stories reported and (sometimes) action taken against the perpetrator.
I have four sisters and grew up in the ‘70/80’s, they were regularly subjected to behaviour that today would be regarded as completely wrong (workmen making lewd remarks, uncles and family friends with wandering hands etc), it’s been going on forever, the difference then was it was considered a normal part of life.
The only shift has been the appearance of social media and phones, enabling low life like Andrew Tate to find an outlet and an audience and providing a new platform for men to continue this behaviour. It makes me laugh when people refer to the good old days and hark back to a time of innocence, this behaviour is embedded, but in the last twenty years women have started fighting back. It’s the same with the reform types who push the narrative about ‘protecting our women and girls’ do me a favour.
I have four sisters and grew up in the ‘70/80’s, they were regularly subjected to behaviour that today would be regarded as completely wrong (workmen making lewd remarks, uncles and family friends with wandering hands etc), it’s been going on forever, the difference then was it was considered a normal part of life.
The only shift has been the appearance of social media and phones, enabling low life like Andrew Tate to find an outlet and an audience and providing a new platform for men to continue this behaviour. It makes me laugh when people refer to the good old days and hark back to a time of innocence, this behaviour is embedded, but in the last twenty years women have started fighting back. It’s the same with the reform types who push the narrative about ‘protecting our women and girls’ do me a favour.
Tuftie said:
I honestly don t think any of this is new or unusual, some men have always behaved like this, the change is that we now see these stories reported and (sometimes) action taken against the perpetrator.
I have four sisters and grew up in the 70/80 s, they were regularly subjected to behaviour that today would be regarded as completely wrong (workmen making lewd remarks, uncles and family friends with wandering hands etc), it s been going on forever, the difference then was it was considered a normal part of life.
I think it's partly this really. It is a bit eye opening to have a close relationship with a woman eg wife/girlfriend and see what they have to put up with. In years gone by, they did just that, put up with it. I have four sisters and grew up in the 70/80 s, they were regularly subjected to behaviour that today would be regarded as completely wrong (workmen making lewd remarks, uncles and family friends with wandering hands etc), it s been going on forever, the difference then was it was considered a normal part of life.
Maybe a bit of hyper sensitivity too. Maybe some innocent gestures are misinterpreted these days. I know I feel hyper sensitive as a man these days not to do or say anything that could be misinterpreted.
Maybe one thing bringing it out into the open is a decline in morals and respect for eachother. People who wouldn't have acted on a thought in days gone by due to a sense of mortality, don't have that sense anymore.
borcy said:
Huzzah said:
Dog Biscuit said:
The first and fourth examples seem fair enough to me
Me too, as long as it was pleasant and good natured, presumably took no for an answer. I must say, as odd as I find these men, and a lot of women too for that matter, the level of time and effort some on here go to just observing and digging on what they have done amazes me.
Any attempt to discuss something vaguely second order appears to prompt accusations that are pretty nasty.
I find these men as bad as the rest of most of you, if I choose to introduce some of the nuanced circumstance I don’t expect to be called out for not sticking to throwing stones at the obvious first order thoughts.
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