What film trailers say and what they really mean...

[Twincam16]

An endless selection of cliches but at least you know what the film's going to be about:

'There is a world...' = 'We've spent so long on the special effects we forgot to write a script'

'It started like any other day...' = 'the first half of this film is pants'

'One man...' = 'Tom Cruise'

'From the makers of xyz' = 'a carbon copy of xyz but less good'

'"Hilarious" says the Daily Sport' = '"An insult to our intelligence" said all the other papers'

'This season's biggest hit' = 'sold a lot of merchandise to US toddlers'

'A film for all the family' = 'a film for late-developing under-twelves'

'More terrifying than xyz' = 'like xyz with more blood/ghosts'

'The action never stops' = 'The plot never starts'

Anyone noticed any more?

[Twincam16]

Don't tell me LA - you're responsible for them all?

[vixpy1]

Non stop hardcore XXX action.... Its a porn film

[BliarOut]

Contains one scene of mild peril.

[cotty]

vixpy1 said:

Non stop hardcore XXX action.... Its a porn film

Non stop hardcore XXX action 2 - its like the first one

[BliarOut]

vixpy1 said:

Non stop hardcore XXX action.... Its a porn film

It's a disappointingly soft core porn film

[D-Angle]

"Nominated for 11 Academy awards, and based on a true story, comes the heartwarming tale..." = "Sanctimonious bilgefest made to win everyone involved an Oscar. By the time you get halfway, you'll want to peel your own skin off just for soomething else to do. Chicks only."

[cotty]

[insert film] 2 - we made a bundle on the first so here is the same thing to screw more money out of you

Or we cant think of any thing new

[Raify]

Says: "Film of the year" - Paul Ross.

Means: Paul Ross is the only peron in the world we could find who'd say a good word about this film (and we paid him). Unmitigated sh1te.

[victormeldrew]

"The best feel-good film since Sleeples ..." = pants girlie movie.

[selmer]

"This year's must see film..."

and it's only January 7th.

[nervous]

i personally like 'contains language'.

theres just nothing that i can say thats funnier than that.

[Twincam16]

"Starring Academy Award winner xyz" = "He won't be winning one for this though"

"Had me on the edge of my seat..." = "...For a second, when I really really needed to go to the loo"

"From xyz, comes a comedy" = "If you need to tell us that it's a comedy you're really off to a bad start"

[milfordkong]

Raify said:

Says: "Film of the year" - Paul Ross. Means: Paul Ross is the only peron in the world we could find who'd say a good word about this film (and we paid him). Unmitigated sh1te.

So true, so very true!

Paul Ross has to be the least credible critic on the planet, he loves absolutely everything! Every film he ever watches seems to be the best ever in it's genre. I think he called 'The Scorpion King' "THE BEST ACTION FILM EVER MADE"

[Raify]

Ever read Total Film? They laid into Mr. Ross pretty heavily in one issue, it was hilarious.

His was the review that said "best film of the year"



in January....

[fido]

Twincam16 said:

An endless selection of cliches but at least you know what the film's going to be about: 'One man...' = 'Tom Cruise' Anyone noticed any more?

'...and all for the woman he loved...' - Renee Zellweger / ???

[YarisSi]

Who is the man with the voice?

[Raify]

He's got a cool sounding name. Something like Deloise.

Dom Deloise?

[nightmare]

voiceover man rules. What will ahppen whe he dies? You can clearly spot crappy voiceover man impersonators on film trailers.

i understand he's bloody rich too... without any of those 'not being able to leave your house without being mobbed' problems!

[Raify]

Found him! good old Google:

Don LaFontaine