Top 15 Viz letters.

[chili1]

1. Could the Home Secretary explain to me how
> biometric checks on
> iris patterns and fingerprints are going to help
> keep tabs on Muslim
> cleric Abu Hamsa?
>
> Les Barnsley, Barnsley
>
> 2. "One pound a week will supply water for an
> entire village in
> Tanzania" says Oxfam. So how come United
> Utilities charge me twenty
> pounds a month for my three bedroom semi? The
> fleecing b@st@rds!!!
>
> Tracey Cusick, Cumbria
>
> 3. How come rap artist Dr. Dre can use the 'N'
> word on his
> multi-million selling albums and win a MOBO
> award, yet when I used
> it at my son's football match I was asked to
> leave the park? Once
> again, it's one law for the rich and another for
> the poor.
>
> Reg Ashcroft, Bradford
>
> 4. So HMV consider Andy Williams and Dean Martin
> to be "easy
> listening" do they? Try telling that to my mate
> Andy. He's been deaf
> for 20 years.
>
> Tim
>
> 5. They say "you can't judge a book by its
> cover". What nonsense.
> The last edition of High School An@l that I
> bought featured a young
> lady stuffing a big one up her bomb-bay on the
> front page, and this
> turned out to be an excellent indication of the
> contents.
>
> Mark Roberts
>
> 6. According to Nietzsche, "That which does not
> kill me makes me
> stronger". I'm sure my grandad would not agree.
> He suffered a series
> of massive strokes in the early '90s which have
> left him an
> incontinent vegetable for the past 12 years.
>
> A Thorne, Sandbach
>
> 7. It's uncanny how some of these old sayings
> are true. "Absence
> makes the heart grow fonder", said my wife as
> she waved goodbye to
> me on the way to spend a month with her mother.
> Since then I have
> grown quite fond of my next door neighbour. I
> actually gave her one
> on the living room carpet this morning.
>
> Christopher Hampshire, Bristol
>
> 8. The recent suicide of Harold Shipman has
> thrown up some
> interesting questions. For a start, does Shipman
> killing himself
> take his official tally up to 216, or does it
> count as an own goal?
> Where does this final score place our national
> champ in the world
> league table?
>
> Magnus, Sheffield
>
> 9. The government says that there are nearly
> 50,000 people with HIV
> in Britain, a third of who do not even know that
> they have it. Is it
> just me, or is it a bit harsh that the
> government know and haven't
> told the poor sods?
>
> John Campbell
>
> 10. Never mind ventriloquists like Keith Harris
> and Roger DeCourcey.
> What about Professor Stephen Hawking? I saw him
> on telly blathering
> on about galaxies for hours and I never saw his
> lips move once. Genius!
>
> Mike Woods
>
> 11. With reference to that series "Manhunt"
> where ex-Special Forces
> soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't
> the producers
> include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team?
> They found the tw@t
> quickly enough the last time he played hide and
> seek with them.
>
> Shuggie
>
> 12. It's all very well Meg Ryan getting her kit
> off for her new
> film, but why wasn't she doing it twenty years
> ago before her
> puppies hit the pan?
>
> Alan Pick, Kingston-upon-Toast
>
> 13. I would like to thank Darren of Chelsea for
> not coming to
> Australia with Jenny. She is a great sh@g.
> Thanks again.
>
> Baz, Bondi
>
> 14. Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my
> entire CD collection
> with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to
> Lose" by the Foo
> Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the judge
> takes into account
> their splendid sense of humour.
>
> Chris Scaife, Jesmond
>
> 15. Hats off to the American police. They arrive
> at Michael
> Jackson's Neverland ranch to arrest him a mere
> six months after he
> admits climbing into bed with young boys on
> worldwide TV. Perhaps
> they should get some faster cars.

[tonyvid]

That's the way to start a cold, wet Friday morning!!