What am I to do? (Mark II)
Discussion
Right let's try this again - I fecked that right up.
Here goes;
My friend who is a bit of a tit, had a bit of a stupid moment this weekend - he actually wrote the previous thread - but he wrote as if it was me, and I'm not having my name dragged through the mud for someone else's feck-up.
Anyway, he got quite drunk this friday, and the cut a long story short, had a bit of silly moment with another girl - one that is not his girlfriend. Now he loves his girlfriend very much and has been seeing her for a long while now, but a mixture of (excess) alchohol and lady attention, mean't that he got a little carried away. I didn't wish to know the specifics, but it involved a kiss, and very small amount of slap and tickle. They both stopped straight away when they realised they shouldn't have been doing what they were doing.
Now, the guy loves his lady loads, thinks the world of her, and certainly won't let it happen again, but he's worried how he'll feel when he sees his lady again.
I told him to live with his concscience (or however its spelt) and to definatly not tell his girlfriend, and just get on with things. He's a bit worried that he's ruined it a bit, but I said I'm sure it'll sort itself out
What would you guys - and gals say?
>>> Edited by neil_cardiff on Sunday 10th November 15:54
Here goes;
My friend who is a bit of a tit, had a bit of a stupid moment this weekend - he actually wrote the previous thread - but he wrote as if it was me, and I'm not having my name dragged through the mud for someone else's feck-up.
Anyway, he got quite drunk this friday, and the cut a long story short, had a bit of silly moment with another girl - one that is not his girlfriend. Now he loves his girlfriend very much and has been seeing her for a long while now, but a mixture of (excess) alchohol and lady attention, mean't that he got a little carried away. I didn't wish to know the specifics, but it involved a kiss, and very small amount of slap and tickle. They both stopped straight away when they realised they shouldn't have been doing what they were doing.
Now, the guy loves his lady loads, thinks the world of her, and certainly won't let it happen again, but he's worried how he'll feel when he sees his lady again.
I told him to live with his concscience (or however its spelt) and to definatly not tell his girlfriend, and just get on with things. He's a bit worried that he's ruined it a bit, but I said I'm sure it'll sort itself out
What would you guys - and gals say?
>>> Edited by neil_cardiff on Sunday 10th November 15:54
He absolutely must not tell. If he tells then what he is frightened of will happen. Telling is self-indulgent and a very bad thing to do. Nobody wants to know, least of all his girlfriend. If he feels guilty about it then that is how it should be, his punishment will be the burden of not being able to share it
John
John
hmm... 
not sure if I agree with that.
Personally, if I'd been off and had a bit on the side (even a small portion) I'd consider it to mean that my existing relationship wasn't quite right...
I'd talk to the girlfriend and sort it out. Granted, it may cause some short term grief, maybe even finish the relatinship - but if it is strong enough then it will survive.
Not an easy one to call though...
not sure if I agree with that. Personally, if I'd been off and had a bit on the side (even a small portion) I'd consider it to mean that my existing relationship wasn't quite right...
I'd talk to the girlfriend and sort it out. Granted, it may cause some short term grief, maybe even finish the relatinship - but if it is strong enough then it will survive.
Not an easy one to call though...
mungo said: He should put it down to experience of "being human" and look on it as learning from experience, be proud of himself for stopping when he did - He should NOT tell his girlfriend, he's asking for a whole new world of trouble if he does!!!!
It's now in the past, his life's in the present and future - He should get on and forget about it.
you should work for the samaritans!
It's one of those things. Tell him to forget it. If he feels guilty, he shouldn't try to shift some of the negativeness onto his girlfriend by telling her what happened - what happened is down to him and there's no point upsetting her over it if there's no chance it'll happen again. Or if he's unlikely to get a letter from the CSA in a couple of years' time.
Captain Muppet said:
Podie said: ...What kind of relationship can they have if he starts telling porkies? 1 little lie here, 1 there, a whopper over here...
Podie - not married then?
Not married... but have spent the last two years in an honest relationship - having made mistakes like this in the past.
Hey, thanks guys, I, er he is very thankful for your comments, and I'm really swaying towards to 'don't tell her' vibe.
The girls comments were really the ones that I was looking at keenly - but all of your comments are good.
Now, question is girls, what do I, er, does HE do about making it up to her without her realising?
>> Edited by neil_cardiff on Monday 11th November 09:13
The girls comments were really the ones that I was looking at keenly - but all of your comments are good.
Now, question is girls, what do I, er, does HE do about making it up to her without her realising?
>> Edited by neil_cardiff on Monday 11th November 09:13
I'm with Podie on this one. If he suddenly does something unusual to make it up to her, you'll arouse her suspicions and she'll start asking questions.
But then again, a nice romantic dinner for two is always welcome! As long as he doesn't look at this as an opportunity to confess all.
I still think the best course of action would be to sit tight and say nowt. He'll soon forget all about it. Unless, of course, things went further than he says they did?? Why worry otherwise?
But then again, a nice romantic dinner for two is always welcome! As long as he doesn't look at this as an opportunity to confess all.
I still think the best course of action would be to sit tight and say nowt. He'll soon forget all about it. Unless, of course, things went further than he says they did?? Why worry otherwise?
Absolutely do not tell. No good can come of it. It will be brought up years later and used as ammunition. Telling is self indulgent, it is sharing a problem but the problem is not halved it is doubled. If you had a nasty disease, would you want to share that? As someone else said, the punishment will be that nagging ache called conscience.
What's missing in your friend's current relationship? It seems a bit sad, pathetic and feckless that he can't resist a bit of fiddle, just because a girl is friendly, and he's pissed. FFS, tell him to get a life, and be honest BEFORE the event, not cover up with dishonesty afterwards. Do people have no self-control at all?!
He should tell his girlfriend, and take any resulting shit, because it will otherwise eat away at him, and eventually spoil the relationship anyway. Well, if he has any sense of personal morality, it will.
You don't have to shag around, you know, just because you can....
He should tell his girlfriend, and take any resulting shit, because it will otherwise eat away at him, and eventually spoil the relationship anyway. Well, if he has any sense of personal morality, it will.
You don't have to shag around, you know, just because you can....
As much as I agree - the nagging guilt is more than enough punishment I feel, and I don't think it would be fair to tell her. Besides, I love her to bits, and she is the most amazingly sexy and attractive girl (hands off mungo!). I think some expensive dining - and some good quality hot loving should do it. Not that I'm trying to wriggle out of it; just trying to get on with it.
Damn alchohol...
>> Edited by neil_cardiff on Monday 11th November 10:00
Damn alchohol...
>> Edited by neil_cardiff on Monday 11th November 10:00
Ok, for clarity, this was a snog and a grope, right? No chance of bringing a nasty little disease home as a gift for your (friend's) loved one?
If so, and if there's no probability of said lovely being told by someone else, then DO NOT TELL. This is your (friend's) shit, not hers - you live with it. If however, she's likely to get a call from a third party saying what happened, then you may have to make a pre-emptive strike, but keep it light; if you make a big deal, she might suspect there's more to it.
For me, the same goes for the hearts & flowers stuff. If my blokey started organising treats and spending money in a way that was out of character, I'd soon start wondering what he was up to. For me, it's the little everyday things that make a difference, not the grand gestures.
I'd say that if this minor incident has made you realise how lucky you are with your gf, and if it's unlikely to come back and bite you on the bum, then you should just chalk it up to experience. You'll probably be more aware of not taking her for granted, and both of you will benefit from that.
If so, and if there's no probability of said lovely being told by someone else, then DO NOT TELL. This is your (friend's) shit, not hers - you live with it. If however, she's likely to get a call from a third party saying what happened, then you may have to make a pre-emptive strike, but keep it light; if you make a big deal, she might suspect there's more to it.
For me, the same goes for the hearts & flowers stuff. If my blokey started organising treats and spending money in a way that was out of character, I'd soon start wondering what he was up to. For me, it's the little everyday things that make a difference, not the grand gestures.
I'd say that if this minor incident has made you realise how lucky you are with your gf, and if it's unlikely to come back and bite you on the bum, then you should just chalk it up to experience. You'll probably be more aware of not taking her for granted, and both of you will benefit from that.
rude girl said: Ok, for clarity, this was a snog and a grope, right? No chance of bringing a nasty little disease home as a gift for your (friend's) loved one?
If so, and if there's no probability of said lovely being told by someone else, then DO NOT TELL. This is your (friend's) shit, not hers - you live with it. If however, she's likely to get a call from a third party saying what happened, then you may have to make a pre-emptive strike, but keep it light; if you make a big deal, she might suspect there's more to it.
For me, the same goes for the hearts & flowers stuff. If my blokey started organising treats and spending money in a way that was out of character, I'd soon start wondering what he was up to. For me, it's the little everyday things that make a difference, not the grand gestures.
I'd say that if this minor incident has made you realise how lucky you are with your gf, and if it's unlikely to come back and bite you on the bum, then you should just chalk it up to experience. You'll probably be more aware of not taking her for granted, and both of you will benefit from that.
Er yes, and no.
Yes, yes and ok, i (he) will make sure I (he will) do.
>> Edited by neil_cardiff on Monday 11th November 10:27
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