Inbox reactions...

[Harry Flashman]

E-mail, chaps! Love it or loathe it, you can't deny that it's put you back in touch with millions of forgotten pals, semi-acquaintances and bit-parters from the great epic of your life so far.

I have received a slew of e-mails over the weekend; and checking them with this morning’s hangover brought into sharp relief the types you get, and your reaction (on an admittedly grumpy day).

So how many of those perky missives (the medium, it strikes me, is inherently perky - lugubrious doesn't work in email like it does in, say, birthday cards: What? Twenty-nine is it, this month / Still not dead then, you ****?) are really all that welcome?

Welcome and unwelcome email, please - just the message heading will do... one-liners to make the heart sink or soar.


Unwelcome

Week 5. Havana-Santiago - update and pix! (Thank you for making the day in my office properly unbearable. Thanks a lot)

Remember me?! (doubtless, yes, and there was probably a reason I cut you loose)

Crazy Kennedy/Lincoln Coincidences! (actually John Wilkes Booth was born a year earlier than that; top sending me stupid conspiracy theories and get a life)

Baby Pics (could be any baby; could be something you found on google image search. And when did I start cooing over babies anyway? The only reason I’m interested in your child is due to the fact that in about 16 years time I can start teaching it about booze, drugs and loose morals, just to upset you)

Welcome:

Drink tonight (oh god please yes)

Hi - broken up with boyfriend, need a shoulder to cry on (*goes out and buys baby oil*)

[Thelemming]

Spot on