Important Advice re women
Important Advice re women
Author
Discussion

woof

Original Poster:

8,456 posts

301 months

Tuesday 19th November 2002
quotequote all
MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY....

To make a woman happy, all you have to do is to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father figure
6. a teacher
7. an educator
8. a cook
9. a gardener
10. a carpenter
11. a driver
12. an engineer
13. a mechanic
14. an interior decorator
15. a stylist
16. a sex therapist
17. a gynecologist/obstetrician
18. a psychologist
19. a psychiatrist
20. a therapist
21. a good father
22. a gentleman
23. well organized
24. tidy
25. very clean
27. athletic
28. affectionate
29. affable
30. attentive
31. ambitious
32. amenable
33. articulate
34. bold
35. brave
36. creative
37. courageous
38. complimentary
39. capable
40. decisive
41. intelligent
42. imaginative
43. interesting
44. prudent
45. patient
46. polite
47. passionate
48. respectful
49. sweet
50. strong
51. skillful
52. supportive
53. sympathetic
54. tolerant
55. understanding
56. someone who loves shopping
57. someone who doesn't make problems
58. someone who never looks at other women
59. very rich

AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST PAY ATTENTION TO MAKE SURE YOU:

60. are neither jealous nor disinterested
61. get on well with her family, but don't spend more time with them
than with her
62. give her space, but show interest and concern in where she goes

ABOVE ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO:

63. Not forget the dates of:
* anniversaries (wedding, engagement, first date...)
* graduation
* birthday
* menstruation

However, even if you observe the above instructions perfectly,
you are not 100% guaranteed that she will be happy, as she could one day
feel overcome with the suffocating perfection of her life with you and run
off
with the first wild bastard-bohemian-drunk-bon viveur she meets...


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY ???

1. Let him have sex with you

MikeyT

17,857 posts

295 months

Tuesday 19th November 2002
quotequote all
In other words, *we're* a bit simple aren't we?

CarZee

13,382 posts

291 months

Tuesday 19th November 2002
quotequote all
Is that the 'royal we' then, Mikey?

MikeyT

17,857 posts

295 months

Tuesday 19th November 2002
quotequote all
No, the royal 'we're'

rude girl

6,937 posts

283 months

Tuesday 19th November 2002
quotequote all
A GYNAECOLOGIST?????????????

What in heaven do you think we want you to do when you get home? Fix the car then out with the speculum for a quick after-dinner check-up?

Erm, thanks but I'll pass on that one



nonegreen

7,803 posts

294 months

Tuesday 19th November 2002
quotequote all
I must be getting old I'm happy if they show up naked with beer. Actually I'm extatic if they do that. I'm fairly chuffed if they just show up.

filmidget

682 posts

306 months

Wednesday 20th November 2002
quotequote all
Even better if they just send the beer...

nonegreen

7,803 posts

294 months

Wednesday 20th November 2002
quotequote all

filmidget said: Even better if they just send the beer...




Yeah but where are you gonna find that kind of perfection.

incorrigible

13,668 posts

285 months

Wednesday 20th November 2002
quotequote all
Then at midnight there was this flash of light and she'd turned into a pizza

TheLemming

4,319 posts

289 months

Wednesday 20th November 2002
quotequote all
Roflmao

CarZee

13,382 posts

291 months

Wednesday 20th November 2002
quotequote all

incorrigible said: Then at midnight there was this flash of light and she'd turned into a pizza
sounds like the PizzaDroids (actual name escapes me) in Only Forward..

Captain Muppet

8,540 posts

289 months

Wednesday 20th November 2002
quotequote all

CarZee said:

incorrigible said: Then at midnight there was this flash of light and she'd turned into a pizza
sounds like the PizzaDroids (actual name escapes me) in Only Forward..




Top book. I dread a film of it coming out and ruining it.

woof

Original Poster:

8,456 posts

301 months

Wednesday 20th November 2002
quotequote all
the perfect woman ...
(sorry in advance - just a bit of fun - honest !!)


1.) "I'll swallow it all...I just love the taste!"
2.) "Are you sure you've had enough beer?"
3.) "I'm bored. Let's shave my p***y!"
4.) "Oh come on, what do ya say we get a good porno movie, a case of beer, a few joints, and have my friend Tawnee over for a threesome!"
5.) "If I don't get to blow you soon, I swear I'm gonna bust!"
6.) "I know it's a lot tighter back there but would you please try again?"
7.) "You're so sexy when you're hung over."
8.) "I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping."
9.) "Let's subscribe to Hustler."
10.) "Would you like to watch me go down on my girlfriend?"
11.) "Say, let's go down to the mall so you can check out women's asses."
12.) "I'll be out painting the house."
13.) "I love it when you play golf on Sunday's, I just wish you had time to play on Saturday, too."
14.) "Honey, our new neighbor's daughter is sunbathing again, come see!"
15.) "I've decided to stop wearing clothes around the house."
16.) "No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed."
17.) "Your mother did a great job raising you."
18.) "Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself new clubs."
19.) "I understand fully. Our anniversary comes every year for God's sake. You go hunting with the guys, it's a wonderful stress reliever."
20.) "Shouldn't you be down at the bar with your buddies?"
21.) "Not the f'ing mall again, come on let's go to that new strip joint!"
22.) "Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you retire and get that nagging handicap down to 7 or 8."
23.) "You need your sleep ya big silly, now stop getting up for the night feedings."
24.) "That was a great fart! Do another one!"
25.) "I signed up for yoga so that I can get my ankles behind my head for ya!"