The worst job you ever had!

[alexkp]

Go on, what was it?

When a student I worked for three days for a chemical company. Inside a boiling hot "factory" we opened huge sacks of chemicals by hand, tipped them into massive vats where we added another liquid. The waited for a few minutes until these small marble sized balls of chemical rolled out the bottom.

These were then placed on trays and hand carried into ovens hotter than hell itself to be baked.

All of this was done under a constant drizzle of water sprayed from the roof to try and keep the chemical dust down.

Face masks were useless as they clogged in seconds.

One guy in his fifties who had been doing this for a year had chronic acne and his skin was disolving...

After three days my friend and I, suffering from nosebleeds, jacked it in.


Can you top that?

[jacobyte]

Worst job I ever had? I'll tell you .....

DEREK:
(enormous belch) Testing, testing, .....
CLIVE:
No, no, don't test any longer.
DEREK:
No.
CLIVE:
Er, I'll tell you the worst job I ever had.
DEREK:
What was that?
CLIVE:
The worst job I ever had was with Jayne Mansfield. You know, she was a fantastic bird, you know .....
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
..... big tits, huge bum, and everything like that, but I had the terrible job of retrieving lobsters from her bum.
DEREK:
Really? Bloody hell, that must have been a task.
CLIVE:
Well, it was quite a task 'cause she had a big bum .....
DEREK:
Well, I remember.
CLIVE:
..... and they were big lobsters.
DEREK:
I remember she had a huge bum.
CLIVE:
Well, she had one and, er, you know, presumably in the afterlife .....
DEREK:
(belches) Oh dear.
CLIVE:
Shut up ..... she still has one. But I had to, used to go round, you know, of an evening .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... when Jayne was sleeping or sort of comatose, like, .....
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
..... you know, you know.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
You know, just lying there.
DEREK:
Comatose.
CLIVE:
And the ne-
DEREK:
'Coma-toes to her head' huh-huh-huh.
CLIVE:
'Coma-toes to her head' - shut up.
DEREK:
(coughs)
CLIVE:
And, er, I had to retrieve these lobsters from her arsehole.
DEREK:
Yeah, well, I remember she had a lot of trouble with-, with lobsters up her arsehole.
CLIVE:
Well, you see, the lobsters .....
DEREK:
Basically, she suffered from, er, what was known in-, in the medical trade as 'lobsters-up-the-arsehole'.
CLIVE:
Well, this is what it said scientifically, you know, .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... 'lobsters-up-the-bum', you know .....
DEREK:
Mmm.
CLIVE:
..... this was the scientific, er, term for it but, you know, in general terms it was known as 'Lobsterisimus -um- Bummakisimus'.
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
And it was my job every evening to go round to Jayne .....
DEREK:
Mmm.
CLIVE:
..... who was a sweet girl.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
Sweet, charming, shy, mysterious girl .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... and get these lobsters out of her arsehole.
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
Which is so tricky because she was a very sensitive woman, you know.
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
I used to go round there every evening and these lobsters, you know, she used to go out bathing in Malibu .....
DEREK:
Yeah.
CLIVE:
..... which is where she used to go out bathing.
DEREK:
Yeah, oh, Malibu, yeah.
CLIVE:
Malibu, yes. Malibu-de-bum-bum. And, erm, up went the lobsters - boing! - straight up her arsehole.
DEREK:
Well, I think, you know, I think she brought it on herself, really, didn't she?
CLIVE:
Not so much brought them on herself as so much encouraged them, you know, .....
DEREK:
Yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
..... by the flagrant display which she got up to.
DEREK:
Well, I think she was a dirty cow.
CLIVE:
Well .....
DEREK:
And being .....
CLIVE:
No, n-, no, no, be fair, be fair. You can call her a dirty cow but, let's face it, a lot of lobsters fancied her bum.
DEREK:
Yeah, well, I think, I-, let's face it, I think it was a fifty-fifty arrangement. I think that-, I-, I don't .....
CLIVE:
Yeah. The lob-, the lobsters didn't say, "we have the upper hand", .....
DEREK:
No.
CLIVE:
..... Jayne didn't say, "we have the upper hand" .....
DEREK:
There was no-, there was no feeling of, er, domination.
CLIVE:
No. It was a .....
DEREK:
A-, fif-
CLIVE:
..... fifty-fifty thing.
DEREK:
I think the lobsters got quite a nip out of it .....
CLIVE:
Yeah.
DEREK:
Uh-huh-huh. And, er, I think Jayne got a lot out of it.
CLIVE:
Yeah, but it was my job, my job to retrieve the lobsters from her bum after the event.
DEREK:
What event?
CLIVE:
Post hoc, te proct.
DEREK:
P-post what?
CLIVE:
Post hoc, te proct.
DEREK:
Oh, yeah, yeah.
CLIVE:
That's what it is in Latin, you know, .....
DEREK:
What-
CLIVE:
..... getting lobsters out of people's bums, after they've, er, .....
DEREK:
Oh, post hoc, te proct.
CLIVE:
Yes, yeah.
DEREK:
Well, when ..... (clears throat)
CLIVE:
But she was a sweet girl and I wouldn't knock her.
DEREK:
Well, I gather you wouldn't, no.
CLIVE:
No, I gather I wouldn't. But I'll tell you one thing Tony Newley said to me .....
DEREK:
What was that?
CLIVE:
"Who are you?"
DEREK:
Yeah? Just like that.
CLIVE:
Just like that. And I thought that made Tony Newley a-, a wonderful human being.

[pesty]

no. but my worst job was working on an assembly line at 19 Years old putting together gear boxes for tractors.

I had 3 minutes to do my bit all while the gearbox was continualy moving on the conveyor. Heaven forbid I should take a few seconds too long to complete my tasks( which kepts getting added to) otherwise 20 older blokes built like Brick out houses would be ready to kick my head in.

It was really phyical work which did me in. I was asleep on the floor every break and dinner to be woken up by a lump hamer inches from my head every time. it took me a year to get used to it(I was a bit of a wimp)

but the worst part the boredom same thing minute after minute day after day. the bloke who worked opposite me would not talk to me not even hello becasue he was told I was not in the union( as a joke by the other guys) but even after he found out I was, he still did not utter a word for a year!!!!.

I decided to get out of there when I spoke to one of the other guys. he had been puting the same sort of pipes on in exactly the same place for 40 years!

He left scholl went there and that was it! I often wondered why they were all mental

>> Edited by pesty on Monday 5th December 18:42

[z4monster]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

I didn't know that milk bottles could retch!

>> Edited by z4monster on Monday 5th December 18:18

[Mon Ami Mate]

I once wrote scripts for pornographic telephone chat lines.







It doesn't appear on my CV

>> Edited by Mon Ami Mate on Monday 5th December 18:19

[AndyAudi]

Removing diseased potato stems from a growing crop in summer, black like rotting banana skins, pulling the slimy things out by hand they stank of rotting fish, had to then carry the length of the field on my back with the sun heating the bag and the smell coming out constantly over my shoulder. The smell stayed on your hands for days.

>> Edited by AndyAudi on Monday 5th December 18:25

[polus]

AndyAudi said:

Removing diseased potato stems from a growing crop in summer, black like rotting banana skins, pulling the slimy things out by hand they stank of rotting fish, had to then carry the length of the field on my back with the sun heating the bag and the smell coming out constantly over my shoulder. The smell stayed on your hands for days. >> Edited by AndyAudi on Monday 5th December 18:25

LOL

Mine was probably sorting out nuts and bolts in an audit closely followed by washing up at a local pub in my teens.

[alfaman]

2 grim student jobs spring to mind ....

1. working at a gravel pit .... my job was to shovel(by hand ) sand and gravel back onto the conveyor belts when they broke ...knackering work but at least it paid well and was outdoors.


2. 2 months student placement in a valve factory in Slough ( compulsory shop floor work as part of my degree ) .... operating the lathes and tools to finish off valve castings. Noisy , hot, knackering and mind numbingly boring producing a batch of X'000 valves over several 9 hour shifts.


best student job .... working on a diving ship in the North Sea , running the office / admin. Very well paid , tax free , and the occasional weekend off in Bergen or Aberdeen

[Frik]

As a student I worked in a paper/magazine distributors scanning the returns. There were about 8 people there, each standing in front of a computer terminal on facing walls. We would each get a pallet full of magazines that we would have to pass in front if the terminal so that the barcode could be scanned and the newsagent could be credited with the value of the unsold periodical. We would then remove any items attached to the front (freebies etc) and chuck them in a bin.

So basically, you picked up a magazine on your left, scanned it and then threw it to you right. For 8 hours. And we weren't allowed to talk to one another or face away from the terminal and on top of this, all the freebies got chucked in a separate bin and we weren't allowed to keep any of them. In fact, we had cameras watching us the whole time to make sure we didn't.

I lasted 2 days.

Not too surprised that temps had been drafted in to replace another worker who had committed suicide the week before.

[DJ111S]

Picking stones (anything from pea sized to massive boulders) out of the earth that was being rolled to form a new rubbish tip. Hottest summer ever, on a rubbish tip breaking your back for £5 an hour, 12 hours a day. that. Character building I think they call it.

[vixpy1]

I once worked as a waiter up the OXO tower..

Was a St job

[ZR1cliff]

Talking of sh1te jobs i worked for Dynorod for a short time,nothing like eating your lunch over a cesspit.

[miniman]

You know the conveyor belts that carry your shopping from one end of the checkout to the other? Well I used to make those. To get them to meet in the middle with a smooth join, you have to sand down the ends using a ruddy great sander and a jig. 8 hours a day, just sanding these bloody fibreglass belts with no gloves or arm protection. Very itchy. Very hot. The kind of job that only a 16 year old on £2 an hour will do. I lasted 3 1/2 days

[bga]

I worked for a tyre remoulding company for a few weeks - the job involved grinding the flash off the moulded tyres for 10 hours a day. Horrible stuff.

[selmer]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Surely this contravenes both EU Human Rights and Food Hygiene laws

Mine, god, too much choice. How about popcorn popper. So bad it lasted 4 hours. The guy who I had replaced had been 'promoted' to the lofty position of fellating the boss or something. When I walked out a short while after he had sterted his new position, he was instantly demoted back to coconut oil induced hi-jinx.

[Jaglover]

Mon Ami Mate said:

I once wrote scripts for pornographic telephone chat lines. It doesn't appear on my CV >> Edited by Mon Ami Mate on Monday 5th December 18:19

Sounds like fun

[blaineuk]

worked in a spray shop preparing curtain side trailers for painting, 22gbp for sanding a trailer. that included the axles and wheels

[mxdi]

Used to work in school dinners, not a bad job but it was one of the worst I had

[2 Smokin Barrels]

mxdi said:

Used to work in school dinners,

Sounds messy

[NAS]

Had all kinds of crap, mind numbing jobs. Packing groceries on shelves, 'reorganzing the archive' in a door factory (basically, taking out paper from one box and packing it in another), paper route, but by far the worst was the one shift I did in a sausage factory. Horrible horrible smell, hygiene was non-existent, and too many co-workers without fingers means I packed it in after 4 hours. Doing that crap for 4 pounds an hour? (I was 17) No way!

Best student job came later. Part time chauffeur for CEO's. Driving around in 7 series, in a suit and getting paid for it too? Nice