Religous door-to-door visitors

[puggit]

Just had a couple of ladies pop by to have a chat...

'Are you prepared for the new year?'
Yes thanks
'Do you think there's a brighter future?'
Probably not in this country
'We wondered if you had a few minutes to discuss the future - which we think will be brighter'
Sorry, I don't have time - (she reaches for brochure) I'll let you keep your brochure, I'll only recycle it



I'm only waiting at home for the plumber - or I wouldn't have opened the door!!

I need some better put downs

[Witchfinder]

I had some wierd Israeli art students trying to sell me their paintings on New Years Day. Well, they were theirs or perhaps very good prints. I might have bought one if Christmas hadn't wiped me out.

[apache]

"Please come in, I myself am a serial bullshitter but it's nice to listen to an expert now and again"

[eccles]

you sure they weren't selling Orange mobile phones?

[Plotloss]

Which branch of the imaginary best friend club do you represent?

[JonRB]

As I posted in a previous thread:

JonRB said:

I had some religious types come to my door the other day. Their opening gambit question was "what would you change if you had the power to make the world a better place?" I replied that, if I had that power, I would make the world a more tolerant place with people being free to believe what they wanted to believe without people coming round to other peoples' houses and pressuring them into adopting a different view, that I believed that people should be free to believe what they wanted, and right now my belief was that I wanted them to leave. That stumped them, I can tell you.

[nervous]

oh yes, please do come in. my investment in my belief system is so thin that i am open to offers from door to door deity salesmen. but you have to agree to listen to my theories on the beauty of starting fires.

[Flat in Fifth]

Come in, we are in the Salvaton Army and are just perfecting OUR torture techniques.....

watch em run

[Trooper2]

Answer the door naked and ask them if they want to join the orgy.

[omohat]

I had some Jehovahs Witnesses come around yesterday morning. Wasn't too happy. I'd been trying to get the wife to get out of bed first so I could have a few more mins sleep but thanks to them I had to get up first

[deltafox]

A friend who sadly is no longer with us was awoken from his drunken stupor one sunday morning by these pain in the asses.
He listed, well, he appeared to listen intently to what they were yattering about for a good half hour, swaying occasionally as the alcohol from the previous night played havoc with his cerebellum.
After they had exhausted all their spiel, he simply emitted " Oh yeah? BTW F@ck off!" and stumbled back in the house.
Im pretty sure they never went there again....... Poor old spence.

[tonyhetherington]

like window cold calling though, surely - they must get a good hit rate otherwise they wouldn't do it?!

PMSL at JonRB!!! Brilliant!

[s2gonzo]

Best I ever saw was my old college mate Mark, his Mum was one of the very first ordained female Preists (or whatever they call them) so amongst all the other religious artifacts round thier house on the wall opposite the front door (and the first thing seen when opening the front door) was a Largish wooden cross held up with one nail. Mark was quite a large, big built bloke with long hair but totally docile, unless Jahovahsnutters knocked the door.....

Never forget one day when they knocked telling us all to be quiet. He then took his hair out of its ponytail, roughed it up over his face, took off his shirt (Very big bloke) then before opening the door Turned the (very visible) cross upside down!!!!!!

He then opened the door with the most nasty smile possible and in quite a booming voice said "Please come in"

We were watching through the curtains and listening and all they said was....

"Sorry to bother you Sir" and walked/nearly jogged down the path (I'm sure they heard us nearly wetting ourselves from inside).

[havoc]

JW's came around the other day (24th) - I was going out to collect the bin from the end of the road (forgot Fri night - bit busy), and they actually walked straight past my house!!!

Might have something to do with the abuse i gave them the last time they were round (something about wanting their address so I could come round uninvited far too early in the morning and harp on to them about atheism as a belief system).

...nice to be remembered though.

[FourWheelDrift]

What you need is a blood spattered apron a chainsaw and face mask quickly to hand when answering the door to this people

[paulie-mafia]

tonyhetherington said:

like window cold calling though, surely - they must get a good hit rate otherwise they wouldn't do it?! PMSL at JonRB!!! Brilliant!

I think they get brownie points for persistance. It's a bit like Nectar - it takes several years of saving to actually get anything at the rate of 2 points for every door knock Eg:

100 points - pocket sized bible
200 points - nickel, chrome-effect cross
5,000 points - front seat at church
10,000 points - salvation

[jas xjr]

i had the jw's turn up at a house i was working on. i said lets have a fight then the loser has to take up the religon of the winner.
the shouted savage at me and ran off down the road.

[MilnerR]

The JW around us have taken to bringing along their very young children which makes verbal abuse very difficult. Another JW tactic of late is sending round 2 women, 1 of which looks like a bull dog licking piss off a nettle while the other 1 is stunning. Again it makes giving them verbal abuse a little bit difficult (I have no issues about telling ugly people to F*** off but i can't bring myself to be as abrupt with a 20 year old filly JW or not)

[plasticpig]

My usual put down is:

"Sorry I would love to talk to you but I am just on the way out to celebrate the black mass." This usually produces the correct response.

[skinnyboy]

some good comebacks here!

Best bet is to let them do their spiel, then when they have finished, ask them do they want to hear about your train/stamp/troll collection, they soon p!ss off then!

for a better insight check out here All you need to know and defeat the Borg!