How to find a gravestone?

[towman]

This is going to seem like a real saddo thread, but I`ve run out of ideas....

I need to go and pay my last respects to someone who tragically commited suicide in the 1980s. I know roughly when she died (to the month), where and how. I know her name and the year she was born. I know which schools she went to and where she lived as a child. I dont know her married name. I know she was living in Brighton when she died.

i`ve exhausted all avenues on the `net, but with no success. It`s time to wear out some shoe leather. Any geneologists out there who can give me some idea of my next steps?

Please, no pisstakes on this one - it means a lot to me to track this down.

Steve

[8Pack]

Steve, No jokes here mate. I saw something about this on TV recently....someone has begun a website which is slowly photographing as many gravestones as possible throughout the UK ...


Have you checked the regular genealogy sites?

>> Edited by 8Pack on Wednesday 4th January 02:10

[RobDickinson]

Get on the phone?

www.yell.com/ucs/UcsSearchAction.do?keywords=Crematoria+%26+Cemeteries&companyName=&location=BRIGHTON&searchType=classic&Submit.x=34&Submit.y=12

[8Pack]

Ah yes, the genealogy sites won't turn up anything so recent would they...

Probably the best place is the resgistrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages in the area.....

[up-the-dubs]

8Pack said:

Ah yes, the genealogy sites won't turn up anything so recent would they... Probably the best place is the resgistrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages in the area.....

I would have thought so. Don't the registrar of deaths hold the persons name under the married and family names? A long shot, but what about the local paper archives about the time and see if there is the death notices in the back. That would even have the graveyard printed.

[RobDickinson]

Death cert wont show where there buried/cremated I think.

[ZR1cliff]

Good Luck Towman,hope you find her and let us know how you get on.

[towman]

up-the-dubs said:

A long shot, but what about the local paper archives about the time and see if there is the death notices in the back. That would even have the graveyard printed.

Good Call. As a suicide is newsworthy, this will help me track down the exact date of her death and also give me her married name.

One more question I haven`t really thought of. Does everyone have a gravestone? What happens if the body is cremated?

Thanks for your interest and advice chaps. I suppose you deserve the whole story.......

This lass was my first love, childhood sweetheart, call it what you will. We met at infants school and were inseperable for years, until she moved away when I was about 15. These were the days of innocence, so even though we shared our first kiss we never went further than cuddling and holding hands. I don`t know how we drifted apart and lost contact - we just did. No mobiles in those days and 20 miles away might as well have been 2000. IIRC we didn`t even have a landline then. Maybe it`s rose tinted specs, but she was the most wonderful, beautiful girl I have ever known.

Anyway, got talking about her to my mum and said "I wonder where she is now?" And mum dropped the bombshell that she killed herself while I was on honeymoon in 1985. She thought I knew. I cried - a lot. Just for the sheer bloody waste of a lovely girl.

I am desperate to find out why (don`t suppose i`ll ever find out), but more importantly to say goodbye.

Steve

[towman]

Please excuse the morose ramblings of a slightly drunk, middle-aged romantic. It was actually quite theraputic to put on paper.

[RobDickinson]

I'm sure once cremated your ashes can be put in an urn on the mantle peice, scattered somewhere, dug into a rose bed, whatever, and most people thesedays are cremated I think.

There is a marrige search somewhere, not sure how current is it , prehaps you can find her married name.

[8Pack]

What a sad tale Steve, I can see why it is of such importance to you. Those microfilm editions of local papers that they have in Town Libraries are a good source of information. You'll need a rough date of course which you do seem to have.

Good Luck!...

Oh and, If you do find her...please let us know..we ALL like a "romantic" ending...

>> Edited by 8Pack on Wednesday 4th January 03:28

[maxf]

sorry to hear this - its a sad tale for sure.

Local papers on microfilm at they local library may help. There may be a story or perhaps a small notice/announcement telling people where to send flowers?

I'd also approach the local Bishop/Priest as they may be able to help - local churches will keep record of who is burried. Perhaps the local cremetorium would also be a good port of call?

What about finding her family/parents? There was a post on here recently where a legal bod said they used a 'finding service' for bad debtors/runaway tenants etc - perhaps they could track the parents down.

[eldudereno]

How about this site?

www.1837online.com/Trace2web/LogonServlet

You could also contact the Brighton Town Hall and ask them.

[slapmatt]

I would contact the local council. Most cemetaries and crematoriums are council owned. Do you know for sure she was buried? I think something like 70% of people in the UK are cremated. There is often only one crematorium per toen/city, so you could try contacting them directly.

[JonRB]

towman said:

This lass was my first love, childhood sweetheart, call it what you will. We met at infants school and were inseperable for years, until she moved away when I was about 15. These were the days of innocence, so even though we shared our first kiss we never went further than cuddling and holding hands. I don`t know how we drifted apart and lost contact - we just did. No mobiles in those days and 20 miles away might as well have been 2000. IIRC we didn`t even have a landline then. Maybe it`s rose tinted specs, but she was the most wonderful, beautiful girl I have ever known.

No disrespect intended, but the moment I started reading this I was transported back to those "Our Tune" stories that Simon Bates used to do on Radio 1 years ago. In fact, the music immediately started playing in my head when I started reading.

Hope you find the closure you're looking for.

>> Edited by JonRB on Wednesday 4th January 09:55

[pagey]

Towman/Steve

would this person be the same as previously mentioned from your school days?

If so i know a few people there, and I know my boss knows a quite lot of people over there IIRC his M-inlaw has lived close by for 20+ years.

[scared but happy]

After the Birth, Marrage and death. You may need to look at church parish records.

Good luck

[chim_knee]

towman said:

One more question I haven`t really thought of. Does everyone have a gravestone? What happens if the body is cremated?

AFAIK - no. Not everyone has one. Neither my Nan nor Granddad have and they were cremated. They do (did? I don't visit graves - personal thing) have a small plaque/cross showing where their ashes were scattered though. i.e. something to visit.

Sounds a terribly sad story mate. Suicide is up there with murder as the most tragic way to lose someone IMHO. Hope it works out for you.

[Pat H]

towman said:

This lass was my first love, childhood sweetheart, call it what you will. We met at infants school and were inseperable for years, until she moved away when I was about 15. These were the days of innocence, so even though we shared our first kiss we never went further than cuddling and holding hands. I don`t know how we drifted apart and lost contact - we just did. No mobiles in those days and 20 miles away might as well have been 2000. IIRC we didn`t even have a landline then. Maybe it`s rose tinted specs, but she was the most wonderful, beautiful girl I have ever known.

I found that genuinely rather touching.

But then again I'm not feeling quite as nihilistic as usual.

You might save yourself a lot of hard work by trying to track down one of her close friends, who will probably know whether there is a grave.

Try typing "Electoral Roll" into Google and looking for her old friends or parents.

Good luck.

Cheers

Pat

[Jaglover]

A sad tale Towman

I hope you find her grave