Old Liberal Joke lives on

[BossCerbera]

Good to see political parties carrying on true to their values.

In the 70s Liberal Jeremy Thorpe ended up in the sh1t (sic) over his gay fling with Norman Scott in which a pet dog got poisoned IIRC. The joke-de-jour was:
Q: "How do you get 2 Liberals on a bar stool?"
A: "Turn it upside down"
Boom boom.

After this week, it would seem that you may be able to get 3 of them on a stool. And maybe need a few more stools to make a party. Actually, "stools", "Liberals" and "party" in the same sentence...

Not that it's any of our business of course. It's a private matter, innit.

[Jaglover]

Unfortunately if you look at the polls, nearly as many Liberal democrat voters have switched to Labour as to the Tories.

[Fer]

"Vote Liberal, or we will shoot your dog!"

(Strange how your memory drags up the old jokes...)

[Jaglover]

Fer said:

"Vote Liberal, or we will shoot your dog!" (Strange how your memory drags up the old jokes...)

Wasn't it Auberon Waugh who came up with that?

[Jaglover]

satch said:

strewth Jaglover -7,000 posts in that short space of time!! much work on then ? and i thought I was fairly prolific

I'm just more dedicated than you

[LuS1fer]

Here's another old topical at the time joke:

Jeremy Thorpe was stopped passing through Customs and they stopped him and searched his suitcase and found it has a false bottom in it. Boom boom.

[mervynp]

Jaglover said:

Fer said: "Vote Liberal, or we will shoot your dog!" (Strange how your memory drags up the old jokes...) Wasn't it Auberon Waugh who came up with that?

It was indeed, he actually ran for parliament as a dog lovers party against Thorpe with the full backing of Private Eye. And of course, it was 'Justice Cockelcarrots' fantastic summing up that inspired Peter Cooks performance at the Secret Policemans Ball describing Scott (who, incidently, had appeared naked on the front cover of the eye some years before ina totally unrelated story) as a 'self confessed player of the pink oboe' before instructing the jury to ' retire and consider your verdict of not guilty'. One of the best things he ever did, that and Lady Vera fart teller. A virtual pint to anyone who know who suggested the pink Oboe line and what the name of the dog was.

I was very young at the time, but I do remember seeing Thorpe in the national gallery during the trial.

[BossCerbera]

I was very young too I might add - the idea of blokes poking the legs of barstools where the sun doesn't shine caused much playground merriment. How sophisticated were we to laugh at jokes about adult pervies?

I got in trouble for telling this joke (aged 9) to the whole class:

Bloke arrives at airport with two suitcases. Gets stopped at Customs.
"Can we open the cases sir?".
"Sure."
First case is opened and it's full of money, millions of pounds.
"Bloody hell", says Customs man. "Where did you get all this?"
"Well", says traveller "I hide in public lavatories with a pair of garden shears and when blokes have got their knob out I say give us your wallet or I'll cut it off."
"Crikey", says Customs man. "what's in the other case?"
"They don't all pay", replies traveller.

Boom boom. Classmates in stitches. Teacher red as beetroot. Me sent out. Mother invited to meet the headteacher... Funnily enough I don't recall ever being asked by a teacher to tell a joke in class again.

[suprawoman]

BossCerbera said:

I was very young too I might add - the idea of blokes poking the legs of barstools where the sun doesn't shine caused much playground merriment. How sophisticated were we to laugh at jokes about adult pervies? I got in trouble for telling this joke (aged 9) to the whole class: Bloke arrives at airport with two suitcases. Gets stopped at Customs. "Can we open the cases sir?". "Sure." First case is opened and it's full of money, millions of pounds. "Bloody hell", says Customs man. "Where did you get all this?" "Well", says traveller "I hide in public lavatories with a pair of garden shears and when blokes have got their knob out I say give us your wallet or I'll cut it off." "Crikey", says Customs man. "what's in the other case?" "They don't all pay", replies traveller. Boom boom. Classmates in stitches. Teacher red as beetroot. Me sent out. Mother invited to meet the headteacher... Funnily enough I don't recall ever being asked by a teacher to tell a joke in class again.

HAHAHAAHAAA!!!!!!!!

More jokes please!!

[john75]

Did you hear the one about the Liberal


Will let my PH friends finish that off

[MRS BOOST EM]

suprawoman said:

BossCerbera said: I was very young too I might add - the idea of blokes poking the legs of barstools where the sun doesn't shine caused much playground merriment. How sophisticated were we to laugh at jokes about adult pervies? I got in trouble for telling this joke (aged 9) to the whole class: Bloke arrives at airport with two suitcases. Gets stopped at Customs. "Can we open the cases sir?". "Sure." First case is opened and it's full of money, millions of pounds. "Bloody hell", says Customs man. "Where did you get all this?" "Well", says traveller "I hide in public lavatories with a pair of garden shears and when blokes have got their knob out I say give us your wallet or I'll cut it off." "Crikey", says Customs man. "what's in the other case?" "They don't all pay", replies traveller. Boom boom. Classmates in stitches. Teacher red as beetroot. Me sent out. Mother invited to meet the headteacher... Funnily enough I don't recall ever being asked by a teacher to tell a joke in class again. HAHAHAAHAAA!!!!!!!! More jokes please!!

The 'OLD' ones are the best Boss!!

[JonRB]

I remember a Spitting Image sketch about the Liberals (or the SDP as they were then) that had me in stitches. Paddy Ashdown was the leader at the time and was in the news for porking his secretary.

It went somewhere along the lines of:
"Mr. Ashdown. Are the Liberals on the Right or the Left?"
"It's not a question of the Right or the Left, we are somewhere in between"
(there then followed a load of other question which I can't remember, but consisted of Ashdown being neither one thing or the other but instead 'somwhere in between')
"And finally, Mr. Ashdown, these allegations about you and your secretary. Did you touch her right leg or her left leg?"
"I neither touched her right leg or her left leg, but somewhere in between".

[BossCerbera]

At least ole Paddy Pantsdown was "licking the right side of the stamp", as it were.

[neil_cardiff]

Knew 'is daughter at school in Stoke-sub-Hamdon (Stanchester School) - she was a looker IIRC.

He was also Patron of the school and a very nice bloke as I met him a few times while at school - stood up for what he thought and wasn't afraid to back down (might have been the forces training in him for that).

He was the last polititian I voted for.

Nuff said really about the state of affairs in politics - a bunch of spineless tossers (to pardon a pun)...