US Darwin awards
Discussion
Darwin Awards
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here then, are the glorious winners.
Darwin Award Winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.
He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
This time it worked...
And now, the Honorable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8.. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun,demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! (Drum Roll Please)
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your
friends and family ... unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here then, are the glorious winners.
Darwin Award Winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.
He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.
This time it worked...
And now, the Honorable Mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8.. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun,demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast . The man, frustrated, walked away.
A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! (Drum Roll Please)
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your
friends and family ... unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost
diddyman said:
I thought the point of the Darwin Awards was that you were meant to elimenate YOURSELF from the gene pool by killing yourself in a stupid way. I suspect candidate 1 is the only one who came close (assuming he killed himself)
Hence the rest of them being honorable mention. Durrr..
:slapspalmtoforehead:
diddyman said:
I thought the point of the Darwin Awards was that you were meant to elimenate YOURSELF from the gene pool by killing yourself in a stupid way. I suspect candidate 1 is the only one who came close (assuming he killed himself)
I think Chris Penn was in it, don't know if it was finished before he died?
Here are the actual awards (allegedly)
JUST IN.... 2005 DARWIN AWARDS!!
In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin
Awards, here they are. The awards this year are,
once again, truly classic. These awards are given
each year to bestow upon (the remains or estate
of) that individual, who through single-minded
self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove
undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
Just think... until these events, these same people
were walking the streets like normal people.
5th RUNNER-UP:
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died
when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain
ski area while riding down the slope on a foam
pad. 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead
at Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident
occurred about
3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a
ski run called Stump alley and removed some yellow
foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike
Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.
The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit
towers. The group apparently used the pads to
slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a
tower. It has since been investigated and
determined the tower he hit was the one with its
pad removed.
4th RUNNER-UP:
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk
threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot
dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out
without paying. Police found him unconscious in
front of the store. Paramedics removed the
six-inch wiener from his throat where it had
choked him to death.
3rd RUNNER-UP:
Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot
a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock
and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP:
"Man loses face at party." A man at a West
Virginia party (probably related to the winner
last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22
bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck)
popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down,
triggering an explosion that blew off his lips,
teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of
Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during
the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl.
M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium
hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it.
It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you
how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit
down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips
and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed
in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive
facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at
Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't
imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne
said.
1st RUNNER-UP:
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the skull
by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will
be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts,
25, lost his right eye last weekend during an
initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men
Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain
Men in Grants Pass, Oregon). A friend tried to
shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow
entered Robert's right eye Doctors said that had
the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major
blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would
have died instantly. Neurosurgeon, Doctor Johnny
Delashaw, at the University Hospital in Portland
said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of
brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his
skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood
vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts
tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely
would have killed himself. Roberts admitted
afterwards that he and his friends had been
drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so
dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but
the Josephine County district attorney's office
said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER:
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the
late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of
Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica
concert at the George Washington amphitheater.
Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between
them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over
the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They
pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and
the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds
heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the fence and
then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for
(the late)
Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the
other side of the fence.
Having heaved himself over, he found himself
crashing through a tree.
His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along
with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him
by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a
broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes
below him.
Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall,
he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut
away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly
bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE
body and now, without the protection of his
shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To
make matters worse, upon landing his pocket knife
penetrated his thigh. Hawkins, seeing his friend
in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope
and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope
to the pickup truck and slowly driving away.
However, in his drunken haste, he put the truck
into reverse and crashed through the fence landing
on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to
find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown
100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from
massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck,
they found John under it half-naked, scratches on
his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in
his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree
branch 25 feet in the air.
Congratulations gentlemen. You win. And some
more idiots have been removed from the gene pool.
JUST IN.... 2005 DARWIN AWARDS!!
In case you have been waiting breathlessly for this year's Darwin
Awards, here they are. The awards this year are,
once again, truly classic. These awards are given
each year to bestow upon (the remains or estate
of) that individual, who through single-minded
self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove
undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
Just think... until these events, these same people
were walking the streets like normal people.
5th RUNNER-UP:
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died
when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain
ski area while riding down the slope on a foam
pad. 22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead
at Central Mammoth Hospital. The accident
occurred about
3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a
ski run called Stump alley and removed some yellow
foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike
Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department.
The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit
towers. The group apparently used the pads to
slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a
tower. It has since been investigated and
determined the tower he hit was the one with its
pad removed.
4th RUNNER-UP:
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being
disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk
threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot
dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out
without paying. Police found him unconscious in
front of the store. Paramedics removed the
six-inch wiener from his throat where it had
choked him to death.
3rd RUNNER-UP:
Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot
a stag standing above him on an overhanging rock
and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP:
"Man loses face at party." A man at a West
Virginia party (probably related to the winner
last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22
bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck)
popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down,
triggering an explosion that blew off his lips,
teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of
Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during
the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl.
M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium
hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it.
It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you
how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit
down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips
and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed
in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive
facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at
Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't
imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne
said.
1st RUNNER-UP:
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the skull
by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will
be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts,
25, lost his right eye last weekend during an
initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men
Anonymous (probably known now as Stupid Mountain
Men in Grants Pass, Oregon). A friend tried to
shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow
entered Robert's right eye Doctors said that had
the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major
blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts would
have died instantly. Neurosurgeon, Doctor Johnny
Delashaw, at the University Hospital in Portland
said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of
brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his
skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood
vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts
tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely
would have killed himself. Roberts admitted
afterwards that he and his friends had been
drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so
dumb about this." No charges have been filed, but
the Josephine County district attorney's office
said the initiation stunt is under investigation.
Now, THIS YEAR'S WINNER:
(The late) John Pernicky and his friend, (the
late) Sal Hawkins, of the great state of
Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica
concert at the George Washington amphitheater.
Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between
them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over
the nine foot fence and sneak into the show. They
pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and
the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds
heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the fence and
then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for
(the late)
Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the
other side of the fence.
Having heaved himself over, he found himself
crashing through a tree.
His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along
with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him
by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a
broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes
below him.
Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall,
he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut
away his shorts to free himself from the tree.
Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly
bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE
body and now, without the protection of his
shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum. To
make matters worse, upon landing his pocket knife
penetrated his thigh. Hawkins, seeing his friend
in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope
and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope
to the pickup truck and slowly driving away.
However, in his drunken haste, he put the truck
into reverse and crashed through the fence landing
on his friend and killing him. Police arrived to
find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown
100 feet from the truck and dead at the scene from
massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck,
they found John under it half-naked, scratches on
his body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in
his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree
branch 25 feet in the air.
Congratulations gentlemen. You win. And some
more idiots have been removed from the gene pool.
The GMan said:
I thought the point of the Darwin Awards was that you were meant to elimenate YOURSELF from the gene pool by killing yourself in a stupid way. I suspect candidate 1 is the only one who came close (assuming he killed himself)
I think Chris Penn was in it, don't know if it was finished before he died?
Who he?????
Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff