What to do now??
Discussion
Tricky situation. You could wait for her. And still be waiting in a year. Or worse, you could be waiting whilst she finds someone else.
My advice would be to move on, but I admit, that's far easier for me to say than for you to do.
See how the week goes and maybe see what happens come the weekend?
My advice would be to move on, but I admit, that's far easier for me to say than for you to do.
See how the week goes and maybe see what happens come the weekend?
IMHO, her excuses are false, the best thing to do is get her out ASAP, so that you can move on with your life. I am sure she is saying all this so as not to hurt your feelings, it never works though, and makes matters worse, especially once you discover the true reasons for this change of heart on her part. It just sounds like a 'by the book' dumping, to me, and you need to ask yourself, do you really want someone this selfish in your life forever? Harsh, I know, but the 'patter' is all too common.
I could be wrong, of course.
I could be wrong, of course.
At the moment she's holding the cards. She wants time out so all you can do is leave her be for a while. That could be tricky if she's living in your flat though! If you try and force her to talk, or give her an ultimatum, she may just walk.
The mind of a lady is tricky to comprehend.
The mind of a lady is tricky to comprehend.
Errmm, this is diffifult. My recent situation was very different in many ways, but the same in others.
You mentioned that she moved in with you shortly after she came out of another relationship? It might be that she has not mentally moved on from that and really does need to be alone to sort herself out, in other words (putting it harshly) she was on the rebound when she started seeing you.
Alternatively, she has found something / someone else. Sorry to be blunt.
Practically, she cannot live with you - it will tear you to pieces. Get her out and get yourself happy with your life (I know this is easier said than done, but in a months time you will be happier), and go out and see your mates.
Hope things get better.
You mentioned that she moved in with you shortly after she came out of another relationship? It might be that she has not mentally moved on from that and really does need to be alone to sort herself out, in other words (putting it harshly) she was on the rebound when she started seeing you.
Alternatively, she has found something / someone else. Sorry to be blunt.
Practically, she cannot live with you - it will tear you to pieces. Get her out and get yourself happy with your life (I know this is easier said than done, but in a months time you will be happier), and go out and see your mates.
Hope things get better.
Women have a habit of doing this when they get all emotional.. Tell her if she goes then to go and never see her again.. move on with your life, no woman is worth cutting yourself up over.. there are plently our there. These days if a woman hurts me she's out of my life before she can get dressed, I have learnt from previous mistakes. 
I totally understand what you are going through, my situation was similar in a way but I was married and still am, he said he loved me but was not 'in' love with me, we stayed together and tried to work it out but it was obvious his heart wasn't in it, and it was heartbreaking for me to see him everyday and know he wanted to be anywhere but at home, he said there was no-one else and he wasn't doing it on purpose but was just the way he felt, he has been left a year nearly now and before that I had waited for him to make a decison about whether he wanted to come back for nearly a year too, hoping that he would want to try again, so nearly two yeras on I am still licking my wounds so to speak, mentally you can't move on if they are holding all the cards, you need to let her go, if she truely wants to be with you she will come back, try and get on with your life. Don't be like me, as much as you love someone you have to let them go, for your own sanity.
dirkgently said:
It's over.
Read that until it completely sinks in and then start to enjoy the rest of your life. Harsh, but true.
Listen to this man, He speaks the truth
See that, got the t-shirt, DVD and haircut. Easy way out for her to let you down slowly.
Sorry chap but it's tough love.
my ex wife gave me the 'i need some space' line many years ago.....i waited around for a couple of months whilst giving her space and zero contact....then a dear john (or dear nick) letter turned up and i never saw her again.
Move on......for your own sanity.
go out with mates, get drunk, get laid.
look at it this way......if it was meant to be with this girl, she would know that already and wouldn't 'need time'......good luck with your new life
Move on......for your own sanity.
go out with mates, get drunk, get laid.
look at it this way......if it was meant to be with this girl, she would know that already and wouldn't 'need time'......good luck with your new life
That's a bit too black and white, relationships aren't like that. If you're not prepared to put effort in to them and to give people a chance you're going to spend a lot of time alone. From what disillusioned has said she hasn't cheated on him or messed him about so surely it is worth him giving her a chance. When I first moved in with my missus she hadn't shared a house with anyone for 6 years and it wasn't easy at first for her to let me in and make space and I found it hard that she didn't. But now we are solid and happy and a unit together.
Nick P said:
my ex wife gave me the 'i need some space' line many years ago.....i waited around for a couple of months whilst giving her space and zero contact....then a dear john (or dear nick) letter turned up and i never saw her again.
Move on......for your own sanity.
go out with mates, get drunk, get laid.
look at it this way......if it was meant to be with this girl, she would know that already and wouldn't 'need time'......good luck with your new life
Ditto, Ditto, Ditto, Ditto!!
Yugguy said:
That's a bit too black and white, relationships aren't like that. If you're not prepared to put effort in to them and to give people a chance you're going to spend a lot of time alone. From what disillusioned has said she hasn't cheated on him or messed him about so surely it is worth him giving her a chance. When I first moved in with my missus she hadn't shared a house with anyone for 6 years and it wasn't easy at first for her to let me in and make space and I found it hard that she didn't. But now we are solid and happy and a unit together.
I understand those sentiments, but when you strip away the thin veneer of (at times) false emotional posturing, it's really very simple, does she/he love you or not? If not, move on, and find someone more deserving! (took me about 15 'goes'!!)
Ms BOOST EM said:
my ex wife gave me the 'i need some space' line many years ago.....i waited around for a couple of months whilst giving her space and zero contact....then a dear john (or dear nick) letter turned up and i never saw her again.
Move on......for your own sanity.
go out with mates, get drunk, get laid.
look at it this way......if it was meant to be with this girl, she would know that already and wouldn't 'need time'......good luck with your new life
Ditto, Ditto, Ditto, Ditto!!
thankyou.....please take this from someone who has been in exactly the same position.....it hurts like
if you hang on to the possibility of a re-union.....sorry to be harsh, but they just dont happen.......the sooner you move on, the sooner you'll heal....Yugguy said:
That's a bit too black and white, relationships aren't like that. If you're not prepared to put effort in to them and to give people a chance you're going to spend a lot of time alone. From what disillusioned has said she hasn't cheated on him or messed him about so surely it is worth him giving her a chance. When I first moved in with my missus she hadn't shared a house with anyone for 6 years and it wasn't easy at first for her to let me in and make space and I found it hard that she didn't. But now we are solid and happy and a unit together.
From this post I take it you've never had the 'I need space' speech before.
IMHO 'I need space/time to sort my head out' = the ride had reached the end of the line.
Ms BOOST EM said:
my ex wife gave me the 'i need some space' line many years ago.....i waited around for a couple of months whilst giving her space and zero contact....then a dear john (or dear nick) letter turned up and i never saw her again.
Move on......for your own sanity.
go out with mates, get drunk, get laid.
look at it this way......if it was meant to be with this girl, she would know that already and wouldn't 'need time'......good luck with your new life
Ditto, Ditto, Ditto, Ditto!!
No. As much as I love my missus and wanted to be with her and still do and have no regrets about leaving my ex, I still had to have time to grieve for the death of a relationship that lasted a long time as it is like a death in one way, there were people in my ex's family that I cared for and won't see again and you have to have time to come to terms with it. Yes, carry on with your life but you can still leave a door open for her surely?
Disillusioned said:
I want to give it a chance as it may sound stupid but what if I do move on and I find out that it was just a phase of her wanting to be alone for a bit??
I want to give her every oppotunity to make it work and I don't care if it sounds stupid but unless I do then I may miss out on what we have together..... If it doesnt work then Im stupid and will just accept it.
don't fall into the 'what if' trap......
what happens if she 'needs a bit of time' in a couple of years again? You'll be resigning yourself to years of heartache...
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