Thursday 9th January 2003
Parkers' Guide
Ian Eveleigh muses over BMW's numpty assist technology
Discussion
Maybe a survey should be done - anyone caught ordering parking sensors on micras, electronic 'I can't be arsed braking' systems or power steering on shopping trollies should be forcibly retested in a Series 1 Land Rover in repeated loops round the Portwood Roundabout in Stockport followed by a parking session at any airport you care to mention, capped off by an on-limit country road blast.
Perhaps people should consider another use for the parking sensors... as anyone who has small children or animals will know, the last thing you want to do is reverse into "kitty" or the first born - given the wide angle that these systems encompass, perhaps they are not all bad?
As for the numpties... yep string them up... and no, I don't have reversing sensors, and nor do I intend to ever have them.
As for the numpties... yep string them up... and no, I don't have reversing sensors, and nor do I intend to ever have them.
I have parking radar on my car. The spoiler makes it difficult to see small low obstructions to the rear of the vehicle no matter how much you contort and twist your body.
The knowledge that there is a bollard, or kitty or little Jimmy hidding behind the spoiler is invaluable.
I suppose I could take the spoiler off but despoilering would despoil the car so I'm going to stick with my very helpful radar.
Back in the early days of the last century devices such as front wheel brakes, automatic advance and retard, syncromesh and self-starters were considered by die hards as unnecessary driver aids that real drivers should avoid.I think we would all accept that such features are in fact a good thing so lets not become later day luddites.
The real numpties are those who given the use of advanced technology are too stupid to make proper use of it and yes I would appreciate ABS on a TVR so call me a numptie if you want to, I won't take offence.
The knowledge that there is a bollard, or kitty or little Jimmy hidding behind the spoiler is invaluable.
I suppose I could take the spoiler off but despoilering would despoil the car so I'm going to stick with my very helpful radar.
Back in the early days of the last century devices such as front wheel brakes, automatic advance and retard, syncromesh and self-starters were considered by die hards as unnecessary driver aids that real drivers should avoid.I think we would all accept that such features are in fact a good thing so lets not become later day luddites.
The real numpties are those who given the use of advanced technology are too stupid to make proper use of it and yes I would appreciate ABS on a TVR so call me a numptie if you want to, I won't take offence.
Perhaps people should consider another use for the parking sensors... as anyone who has small children or animals will know, the last thing you want to do is reverse into "kitty" or the first born - given the wide angle that these systems encompass, perhaps they are not all bad?
Even my mum's dog (probably the stupidest dog to have ever lived) knows to get the hell out of the way of a reversing car, so anyone too dumb to know that is better out of the gene pool imo...
Numpty Aids - I looked at this thread in the hope that they had discovered a new killer virus that afflicted MLOC members, and Foglight users, but no! - shame 
SPN : Try hanging a bit of string with a weight on it from the roof of your garage then drive in until it just touches the front of the car - works for me. (suggest you don't use a house brick!)
Cheers
Graham
SPN : Try hanging a bit of string with a weight on it from the roof of your garage then drive in until it just touches the front of the car - works for me. (suggest you don't use a house brick!)
Cheers
Graham
I am a fully accredited super-numpty. I cannot park alongside a pavement - do not try - have never been able to. Only park nose-in. If no spaces available go straight home. Just as well I live in the countryside.
Then again, to be perfectly fair and frank and truthful, when I use my wife's RAV I drive it up onto the pavement and drop it in the slot (tall tyres).
She doesn't like computers, so I think my guilty secret's safe here
Then again, to be perfectly fair and frank and truthful, when I use my wife's RAV I drive it up onto the pavement and drop it in the slot (tall tyres).
She doesn't like computers, so I think my guilty secret's safe here
But we all know where it's going eventually - thought police - controlled taxmobiles that drive themselves along restricted routes at a computer-controlled 20 mph with the stereo blaring out "GET THE BUS". P.S. By electronic aids I didn't mean ABS, I meant that thing on the Vauxhall Vectra that supposedly stops numpty reps ending up in bushes. Soon the driver is going to become so electronically detached from his or her car that accidents will become more likely as they won't know what's really going on under the wheels until it's too late. Petrolheads solution? Buy a kit car - they tend to be devoid of such patronising nanny-statism.
McNab said: I am a fully accredited super-numpty. I cannot park alongside a pavement - do not try - have never been able to. Only park nose-in. If no spaces available go straight home. Just as well I live in the countryside.
Hi Ian,
I seem to remember that Jim Clark had the same problem, especially in the Fairlane, could it be something in the water in your neck of the woods?
Ken
gbgaffer said: Try hanging a bit of string with a weight on it
Tennis ball does the trick nicely, and less chance of braining yourself on the weight when wandering around the empty garage. My mate uses a Triumph Spitfire manifold mounting bracket on a bit of string .... get's me every time !
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