Bad Taste joke of the day...avoid if easily offended!!
Discussion
Expectant dad is waiting in the Dads room whilst his wife is giving birth.The door opens and in comes the doctor."well,I have good news and some really bad news"the doctor states gravely!"Oh no"wails the dad"please give me the bad news first"."Well,your child was born with REALLY red hair""oh shit" replies Dad "and the good news""it died" says the Doc.
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks out into a house to look for money and a gun and finds a young couple in the bed.
He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too!!"
He orders the guy out of the bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too!!"
A German guy approaches a prostitute and says, "I vish to buy sex vit you."
"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 20 an hour."
"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."
"No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky." So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs."
The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs to her elbows and knees. "Now you vill get on your hans und knees." She duly does this, balancing on the springs.
"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you." She find this odd, but it's harmless, and after all the guy is paying well.
Afterwards she says to the German
"That was totally amazing, where did you learn how to do that?"
Wait for it
Its worth waiting for!
"Ah," says the German, "Four-sprung duck technique"
"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 20 an hour."
"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."
"No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky." So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs."
The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs to her elbows and knees. "Now you vill get on your hans und knees." She duly does this, balancing on the springs.
"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you." She find this odd, but it's harmless, and after all the guy is paying well.
Afterwards she says to the German
"That was totally amazing, where did you learn how to do that?"
Wait for it
Its worth waiting for!
"Ah," says the German, "Four-sprung duck technique"
Misker said:
A German guy approaches a prostitute and says, "I vish to buy sex vit you."
"OK" says the girl, "I'll charge 20 an hour."
"Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."
"No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky." So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs."
The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs to her elbows and knees. "Now you vill get on your hans und knees." She duly does this, balancing on the springs.
"You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you." She find this odd, but it's harmless, and after all the guy is paying well.
Afterwards she says to the German
"That was totally amazing, where did you learn how to do that?"
Wait for it
Its worth waiting for!
"Ah," says the German, "Four-sprung duck technique"
Spat my coffee over the keyboard! Brilliant
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