funny things
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Discussion

sparkey

Original Poster:

789 posts

311 months

Friday 17th January 2003
quotequote all
Thought I'd share these

...from Bolton's finest, Peter Kay. Oh, for some reason, there is no


number 9...


1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.


2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.


3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when


your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.


4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.


5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008


into a calculator.


6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.


7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.


8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have


a fire in your back garden.


10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.


11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.


12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.


13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.


14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy


ball.


15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.


16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.


17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call


your teacher mum or dad.


18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at


the first given opportunity.


19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.


20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way


through and then raced against the flush.


21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!


22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.


23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.


24) You never ever run out of salt.


25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.


26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.


27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've


got your hand or head stuck in something.


28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.


29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had


their arm broken by a swan.


30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping


on an upturned plug.


31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard


32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of


wood specifically to stir paint with.


33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.


34) Bricks are horrible to carry.


35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.



pwig

12,003 posts

297 months

Friday 17th January 2003
quotequote all


So troo!!

williamp

20,281 posts

300 months

Friday 17th January 2003
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In every empty stretch of road there's a numpty...

wombat s

15 posts

283 months

Friday 17th January 2003
quotequote all
tunnel tunnel tunnel tunnel

I like!

I like!

Agent006

12,058 posts

291 months

Friday 17th January 2003
quotequote all

williamp said: In every empty stretch of road there's a numpty...


In every numptyless stretch of empty road there's a tractor.

ultimasimon

9,646 posts

285 months

Friday 17th January 2003
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...or a caravan being towed by a volvo

Cotty

42,146 posts

311 months

Friday 17th January 2003
quotequote all
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.

Well I respect my Dad who often has to carry my Mum's Yorkshire terrier when it get tired on a long walk but then again he does get drunk a lot and walk into walls.

ultimapaul

3,949 posts

291 months

Friday 17th January 2003
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If there's a queue, I'm always at the back of it!

ultimapaul

3,949 posts

291 months

Friday 17th January 2003
quotequote all
When your a kid, your auntie ALWAYS has to have a kiss! WHY?

Ballistic Banana

14,706 posts

294 months

Friday 17th January 2003
quotequote all

ultimapaul said: When your a kid, your auntie ALWAYS has to have a kiss! WHY?


Your unshaven auntie has to kiss you

And your Mum allways spits on a tissue and then wipes your face and it stinks.

BB

smeagol

1,947 posts

311 months

Saturday 18th January 2003
quotequote all

People who don't drive slam car doors too hard

So true... my comment is usually "don't worry I'll re-hang it later " One friend was so bad at this in the lotus I used to shout just as he shut the door not to slam it. I also pointed out that if he broke the window he would pay for the replacement. Rattled it several times

Pinkney

1,010 posts

291 months

Saturday 18th January 2003
quotequote all
No 20, do it all the time, don't know why though!