embarrassingly simple question

[hugoagogo]

which traffic offenses, if not all, are 'crimes' and what is the difference in UK law?

such as running a red light or parking vs death by dangerous

[autismuk]

New Labour's crime policy is as follows.

Crimes:

Parking anywhere
2Mph over the Speed Limit
Jumping a red light
Littering (in office hours, in chav areas after dark is okay 'cos we won't go there)
Living in an area which doesn't vote Labour.
Offending people.
Wearing T-Shirts
Talking in the wrong place.
Not filling our forms in correctly
Supporting a legal political party that we don't like.
Anything easy to detect that we can come up with an instant fine for

Not Crimes:

Murder (note: Multiple murders may mean you are convicted and sent for counselling)
Marching around shouting 'slaughter the infidels'
Slaughtering the Infidels
Terrorism (except at the Labour Party Conference)
Torture
Arson
Fraud
Theft
Burglary
Rape
Genocide

Death Penalty:

more than 2Mph over the Speed Limit

[pdV6]

autismuk said:

New Labour's crime policy

Looks about right.

[victormeldrew]

pdV6 said:

autismuk said:

New Labour's crime policy

Looks about right.

Yes, but you could have simplified:

Crimes:
Being middle class, and not Scottish.

Not Crimes:
Not being middle class, or being Scottish.

I suspect that the middle class/Scottish distinction might actually be superfluous.

[hugoagogo]

thanks for the help chaps

[jith]

victormeldrew said:

pdV6 said:

autismuk said:

New Labour's crime policy

Looks about right.

Yes, but you could have simplified:

Crimes:
Being middle class, and not Scottish.

Not Crimes:
Not being middle class, or being Scottish.

I suspect that the middle class/Scottish distinction might actually be superfluous.

I don't bloody believe it!!......Laddie!

[pentoman]

[^Slider^]

hugoagogo said:

which traffic offenses, if not all, are 'crimes' and what is the difference in UK law?

such as running a red light or parking vs death by dangerous

How do you mean crimes..

Do you mean as in Police National Computer Recordable.
Such as Drink Drive offences, Death By Dangerous Driving.

Or endorsable offences that are just recorded on your driving license. Speeding, Red light offences.

[pdV6]

^Slider^ said:

How do you mean crimes.

I'm guessing he wants to konw which are civil and which are criminal offenses.

[jasandjules]

You forgot,

Crime - Owning a Car
Crime - Trying to work for a living and not sponge off the state

Not Crime - Fathering 20 Children by 22 different mothers.....

[^Slider^]

Ok, off the top of my head (i may be wrong on some of these as i dont use them everyday!)

Death By dangerous driving.
Dangerous driving.
Careless driving.
Driving whislt unfit through drink or drugs
Driving whilst over the prescribed limit
Drunk in charge of a motor vehicle
Failing to stop for police
Fail to stop Injury Road Traffic Collision.
No Insurance


Endorsable offences.
L Driver (no L Plate)
L Driver (unaccompanied)
L Driver (carrying unqualified passenger)
L Driver (towing)
Defective brakes
Defective steering
Dangerous parts or accessories
Dangerous / Insecure Load
Dangerous / Unsuitable use of vehicle
Tyre Unsuitable type
Trye Under / Over inflated
Tyre Cut in fabric
Tyre with lump bulge or tear
Tyre with ply or cord exposed
Excess Speed
Motorway - excluded traffic use
Motorway - stopping of carrigway
Motorway Reversing
Motorway - using central reservation / verge
Motorway - driving on hard shoulder
motorway - prohibited traffic offside lane
Motorway - provisional license holder
Motorway - contravene no entry sign
Motorway - travveling in wrong direction
Motorway - contravene red light
Contravene red light - junction
COntravene red light - roadworks
Contaveve red light - level crossing
contravene automatic level crossing
contravene green directional traffic light
contravene double white lines
contravene stop sign
contravene constable / traffic warden on duty
contravene no entry sign
overtaking in limits of pelecan crossing
stopping on pelecan crossing
contravene red traffic light pelecan crossing
stopping in pelecan controlled area
failing to accord to precedance - pelican (amber light)
overtaking within pedestrian controlled limits
using a vehcile in a designated play street
stopping on zebra crossing
stopping in zebra controled area
failing to acord to precedance - zebra crossing
leaving a vehcile in dangerous position
motorcyclist - carrying more than one passenger
motorcyclist - passenger not sitting astride.
(those were all in my EFPN folder)


Im sure others will add to the PNC list as they come on as i cant really think of any more at the moment.

[BigBob]

jasandjules said:

You forgot,

Not Crime - Fathering 20 Children by 22 different mothers.....

How does that one work then?



BB

[jasandjules]

I did wonder if anyone would spot it....

Alright, 19 Children by 25 mothers... 17 of them called Mercedes....The children, not the mothers... Though at least 6 of the mothers are likely to have been called Mercedes...

[Flat in Fifth]

jasandjules said:

I did wonder if anyone would spot it....

Alright, 19 Children by 25 mothers...

Still doesn't make sense.

Dont you mean n children by x mothers where x<=n ??
(can't get the less than or equal to sign to work)

On the other hand they could have been doing it in a wind tunnel laid on a conveyor belt which would explain everything I guess......

As you were.

[jasandjules]

Guys,

Being sarcastic isn't fun when you take it seriously, and ruin the whole thing..........:-)

[Flat in Fifth]

jasandjules said:

Guys,

Being sarcastic isn't fun when you take it seriously, and ruin the whole thing..........:-)

But when you get sarcasm on sarcasm isn't that like saying they don't know nothing.

So that leads us to the unanswered question.

A chav impregnates a chavette whilst in his Saxo parked on a conveyor belt in a wind tunnel. When do his trousers take off?

[jasandjules]

Right away........

[vonhosen]

hugoagogo said:

which traffic offenses, if not all, are 'crimes' and what is the difference in UK law?

such as running a red light or parking vs death by dangerous

If a Police officer reports you for summons or gives you a FPN it's a crime you are being reported for.

If a council warden gives you a PCN it's not.

(Some overlap (ie can be reported by either of the above), being treated as either a crime or penalty charge depending on who is doing the writing).

As has been mentioned earlier though (to confuse things further), not all offences as a matter of coures are recordable (giving you a criminal record) but they all can be where they are dealt with in conjunction with a crime that is recordable.

ie No insurance isn't recordable, but if you were convicted of death by dangerous & no insurance both would get recorded.

[BliarOut]

Flat in Fifth said:

jasandjules said:

Guys,

Being sarcastic isn't fun when you take it seriously, and ruin the whole thing..........:-)

But when you get sarcasm on sarcasm isn't that like saying they don't know nothing.

So that leads us to the unanswered question.

A chav impregnates a chavette whilst in his Saxo parked on a conveyor belt in a wind tunnel. When do his trousers take off?

Surely if he impregnates her then his trousers have already taken off.

[jasandjules]

Nope..

From what I have heard, in todays chavtastic culture, one can impregnate a girl simply by wearing the correct baseball cap, and looking at her....