MS Word for Northerners
Discussion
MS Word for Northerners
Absolute quality...
Absolute quality...
Relocating in Northern England is good for business; lots of the starving unemployed eager to work for a pittance of pay and daring not to complain or they'll be out on the street with their dozens of screaming bairns, and their benefits cut for six months.
· But are you really getting the most from them?
· Are they 'as much use as a chocolate teapot' when it comes to the complexities of modern technology?
Research has shown that Northerners aren't as thick as they make out. They just can't grasp the meaning of modern English.
That's why you need our new software package . . .
Word for Northerners!
try this one as well
MICROSOFT ANNOUNCEMENT
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Geordie version of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of Newcastle. If you have one of the Newcastle editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Newcastle edition may be recognised by looking at the loading screen. It reads "Windaz 98" with a background picture of a Brown Ale bottle superimposed on a photograph of the Tyne Bridge. It is shipped with the Brown Ale screen saver.
Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labelled 'shite'
Dialup Networking is called 'me mates'
Control Panel is known as 'how te fook aboot wi the settins'
The Hard Drive is referred to as 'Big disk'
Other Features:
OK = alreet
Cancel = fook that
yes = aye
no = nee fookin' chance
find = gan gerit ya fooking sel'
goto = owa there
help = ah cannit dee it
stop = divvent move
start = hadaway and shite
settings = settins
programs = stuff that daes stuff
personal folder = me shite
Also note that Windaz 98 does not recognise capital letters or punctuation marks.
Some programs that are exclusive to Windaz 98:
tiperita = a word processor
cullarin book = a graphics package
addin masheen = calculator
tunes = CD player
dole = accounting software
toon = a spreadsheet of Newcastle United FC's recent scores
bevvy = local off-licences by postcode and price of Brown Ale
porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer
We regret any inconvenience it may cause if you received a copy of the Newcastle edition. You may return it to Microsoft for an immediate replacement.
MICROSOFT ANNOUNCEMENT
It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Geordie version of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of Newcastle. If you have one of the Newcastle editions you may need some help understanding the commands.
The Newcastle edition may be recognised by looking at the loading screen. It reads "Windaz 98" with a background picture of a Brown Ale bottle superimposed on a photograph of the Tyne Bridge. It is shipped with the Brown Ale screen saver.
Also note:
The Recycle Bin is labelled 'shite'
Dialup Networking is called 'me mates'
Control Panel is known as 'how te fook aboot wi the settins'
The Hard Drive is referred to as 'Big disk'
Other Features:
OK = alreet
Cancel = fook that
yes = aye
no = nee fookin' chance
find = gan gerit ya fooking sel'
goto = owa there
help = ah cannit dee it
stop = divvent move
start = hadaway and shite
settings = settins
programs = stuff that daes stuff
personal folder = me shite
Also note that Windaz 98 does not recognise capital letters or punctuation marks.
Some programs that are exclusive to Windaz 98:
tiperita = a word processor
cullarin book = a graphics package
addin masheen = calculator
tunes = CD player
dole = accounting software
toon = a spreadsheet of Newcastle United FC's recent scores
bevvy = local off-licences by postcode and price of Brown Ale
porn = Microsoft Internet Explorer
We regret any inconvenience it may cause if you received a copy of the Newcastle edition. You may return it to Microsoft for an immediate replacement.
northern monkeys... 
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