Answering Machine messages
Discussion
Since being bored this morning I was having a surf like you do and I came across some answering machine messages and I was just wondering if anyone on here has any funny messages on theirs or if they know of any that people use.
here are some examples
"Suicide Hotline...please hold."
Hellooo....Hellloooo, well if you won't talk to me maybe you'll talk to this machine, it's at home and I'm not, leave a message and it'll give it to me when I return.
(With loud music playing in the background)
"Hello... HELLO?? I can't hear you! What?
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
(Narrator's voice) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.
Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.
>>> Edited by Mrs Fish on Friday 28th February 11:52
here are some examples
"Suicide Hotline...please hold."
Hellooo....Hellloooo, well if you won't talk to me maybe you'll talk to this machine, it's at home and I'm not, leave a message and it'll give it to me when I return.
(With loud music playing in the background)
"Hello... HELLO?? I can't hear you! What?
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
(Narrator's voice) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.
Hi. This is John:
If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.
>>> Edited by Mrs Fish on Friday 28th February 11:52
I used to do a mean impression of Zippy from Rainbow (kids TV? You must remember... 
)
Anyway, I used to periodically change the outgoing message on my machine. One went something like:
"Hello children, this is Zippy from Rainbow. And I've got Geoffrey with me, and Bungle, and George. Say hello George! (Mumbled hippo speech). Well, that's easy for you to say! Who the hell ever heard of a pink hippo with a speech defect...? Anyway, it's time for Rod, Jane and Freddy... I'd Rod Jane, but not Freddy, even though I only have three fingers! So leave a message and I'll see if I can be bothered to get back to you!"
Then I went for a job interview, and they said they'd call the next day if I got the job. Only I forgot to change the message.
Next day I went to the shop, and when I got back the little red light was flashing.
So, convinced it was my call to arms, I played the tape.
There was a long silence, a cough, then a click.
Do you think I got the job?
Ian
) Anyway, I used to periodically change the outgoing message on my machine. One went something like:
"Hello children, this is Zippy from Rainbow. And I've got Geoffrey with me, and Bungle, and George. Say hello George! (Mumbled hippo speech). Well, that's easy for you to say! Who the hell ever heard of a pink hippo with a speech defect...? Anyway, it's time for Rod, Jane and Freddy... I'd Rod Jane, but not Freddy, even though I only have three fingers! So leave a message and I'll see if I can be bothered to get back to you!"
Then I went for a job interview, and they said they'd call the next day if I got the job. Only I forgot to change the message.
Next day I went to the shop, and when I got back the little red light was flashing.
So, convinced it was my call to arms, I played the tape.
There was a long silence, a cough, then a click.
Do you think I got the job?
Ian
www.y32.com/cgi-bin/y32.cgi?page=stuff&id=1 quality look (rant) at the subject
Mrs Fish said:
plipton said:
....and I got engaged on valentine's dayso the thought would never cross my mind
So you're not looking then?
Nope...
er, well, trying not to look...
OK not trying very hard...
Oh Alright then looking but not touching...
Well, when I say not touching what I mean is...........
Gassing Station | General Gassing [Archive] | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff