Stupidest Criminals
Discussion
Amidst all the talk of conflict and doom and gloom I would like my fellow BIB's to nominate candidates for the stupidest criminal they have dealt with.
I will start the ball rolling.
I went to an off licence where a man had tried to pay with a stolen credit card. When the assistant queried it, our hero assaulted him and tried to make off with the booze. A public spirited bystander joined in and a struggle ensued, during which the offender escaped. He left his dog behind in the shop and when I arrived, the witness was holding the dogs lead. Which was attached to its collar. Which had the owners name and address on it.
He only lived a short distance away and I got to his address before he did.
I will start the ball rolling.
I went to an off licence where a man had tried to pay with a stolen credit card. When the assistant queried it, our hero assaulted him and tried to make off with the booze. A public spirited bystander joined in and a struggle ensued, during which the offender escaped. He left his dog behind in the shop and when I arrived, the witness was holding the dogs lead. Which was attached to its collar. Which had the owners name and address on it.
He only lived a short distance away and I got to his address before he did.
I also chased a car at 0300 am one night that was driven by a man who thought he was disqualified, hence his reluctance to stop.
When we caught him, thankfully without incident before anyone asks, it turned out his disqualification had expired at midnight. Shame he didn't have time to insure the car in the meantime.
When we caught him, thankfully without incident before anyone asks, it turned out his disqualification had expired at midnight. Shame he didn't have time to insure the car in the meantime.
chrispy porker said:
Amidst all the talk of conflict and doom and gloom I would like my fellow BIB's to nominate candidates for the stupidest criminal they have dealt with.
I will start the ball rolling.
I went to an off licence where a man had tried to pay with a stolen credit card. When the assistant queried it, our hero assaulted him and tried to make off with the booze. A public spirited bystander joined in and a struggle ensued, during which the offender escaped. He left his dog behind in the shop and when I arrived, the witness was holding the dogs lead. Which was attached to its collar. Which had the owners name and address on it.
He only lived a short distance away and I got to his address before he did.
I will start the ball rolling.
I went to an off licence where a man had tried to pay with a stolen credit card. When the assistant queried it, our hero assaulted him and tried to make off with the booze. A public spirited bystander joined in and a struggle ensued, during which the offender escaped. He left his dog behind in the shop and when I arrived, the witness was holding the dogs lead. Which was attached to its collar. Which had the owners name and address on it.
He only lived a short distance away and I got to his address before he did.
Well and truly has his collar felt 
Two lads who I had arrested the previous night in a stolen vehicle. Both get bail to court having been charged with conditions not to associate or contact each other. I see male A and pull him up for a 'chat' and as I am doing so male B see's us from down the road wanders up and pats A on the back and makes some comment about them both getting away from me next time... at which point.. (well you work it out).
Edited by Mr_annie_vxr on Tuesday 28th November 01:34
keep em coming, because I for one enjoy hearing the good side of being a BiB rather than the constant sniping!chrispy porker said:
it turned out his disqualification had expired at midnight. Shame he didn't have time to insure the car in the meantime.
Something I didn't know until recently (never thought about it before) is that your licence doesn't just become 'live' again - you have to reapply for it. So he would have been driving unlicenced anyway?
chrispy porker said:
I also chased a car at 0300 am one night that was driven by a man who thought he was disqualified, hence his reluctance to stop.
When we caught him, thankfully without incident before anyone asks, it turned out his disqualification had expired at midnight. Shame he didn't have time to insure the car in the meantime.
When we caught him, thankfully without incident before anyone asks, it turned out his disqualification had expired at midnight. Shame he didn't have time to insure the car in the meantime.
I assume that this wasn't the first time he had driven since losing his licence. Has anyone studied what effect losing a licence has on people's driving? I mean how many actually stop driving, given that the chances of being caught seem to be slim.
Not a BiB, but have read some cracking cases, and seen some awesome footage.
1. Chap in the states, marked police car, officer chases known drug dealer. Catches him, and brings him back to the car (and onto camera). Whilst he is handcuffing, another officer has a gun to the suspects head. Then, some bloke strolls up (to a marked police car with two officers dealing with the dealer) and asks him if he has anything to sell. The picture of the face of the officer with the gun is burned into my head, complete and utter disbelief. And then he turns the gun onto the other chap and arrests him too...
2. Uk one this time, told to me by the judge who sentenced them. Two chaps break into a warehouse. They smash the window, but get rather badly cut. They flee the scene, dripping blood. Police arrive, and follow the blood trail to where they are hiding (some bins outside a flat about 50ft away).. When asked what they are doing there, they claim to be drunk, and have of course been no-where near the scene of the crime....In court, they stick to this claim, despite the blood on the window, and the street being DNA'd to one of the suspects.
1. Chap in the states, marked police car, officer chases known drug dealer. Catches him, and brings him back to the car (and onto camera). Whilst he is handcuffing, another officer has a gun to the suspects head. Then, some bloke strolls up (to a marked police car with two officers dealing with the dealer) and asks him if he has anything to sell. The picture of the face of the officer with the gun is burned into my head, complete and utter disbelief. And then he turns the gun onto the other chap and arrests him too...
2. Uk one this time, told to me by the judge who sentenced them. Two chaps break into a warehouse. They smash the window, but get rather badly cut. They flee the scene, dripping blood. Police arrive, and follow the blood trail to where they are hiding (some bins outside a flat about 50ft away).. When asked what they are doing there, they claim to be drunk, and have of course been no-where near the scene of the crime....In court, they stick to this claim, despite the blood on the window, and the street being DNA'd to one of the suspects.
One of the teams I work with are carrying out observations on a car park where a particular 'crack head' is carrying out numerous theft of and from vehicles. They are in a observation van (we have scrapped it so not giving anything away). They sight said cheaky little scamp skulking around the car park.. This goes on for some time they then lose sight of him fo a few seconds to suddenly hear a banging and scrambling at the front of the van followed by a pop and a large ammount of movement. They look into the front of the vehicle to see said chap attempting to steal things from the glovebox and looking to play around with the ignition. Needless to say it didn't end well for him.
my g/f used to be a reporter on several local papers in Kent and thus was in regular contact with local plod. One memorable story was of the yoof recorded staring directly into the lens of a CCTV camera before ripping it off a wall. "We are not loking for a master criminal", said the press officer.
When I was a custody officer I once had a man answer 47/3 bail with his solicitor in tow as he knew he was going to be detained and interviewed. I was rather surprised therefore when he was searched to find a tobacco tin with a not inconsiderable amount of cannabis resin inside in his pocket. The solicitors expression was something to behold.
There was one which happen in my sister-in-laws' local supermarket. I think it made the national tabloids at time. These guys were hailed as the stupidest ever
Was in days before 24 hour Tesco by the way.
They broke into the Walkden Tesco. (Mad Doc's sisters live in leafy Manchester burb .. ist why we have Bolton und Manchester "juicies" - und Mad Doc's clinical training was in Manchester hospitals - he like the place 
as town)
Anyway these really stupid oiks ..loaded up with all the goodies und .. took photos of themselves pilfering all of Tesco's "finest"
It was also in days before digital camfest .. was mainstream 35 mm of 1999/2000 ..
They took photos of themselves with a nice Canon Sureshot APS ( 1999 Compact of year I believe) which was set to "date record" by real owner - but they did not notice this 
und then went to the Walkden Tesco's photo processing counter for film to be developed.
Eagle eyed Gordon und Liz (Tesco staff) developed the photos .. und realised it looked a bit "familiar" like their store.
The culprits duly arrested by GMP's finest
Then there was the case where one of the sister-in-law was summoned for jury service. She heard a case whereby thug was accused of nicking toppest Ford cars to order und "ringing/cloning"
GMP's finest copped them in the act. Three confessed but one refused to admit. Went to Crown Court. Sis-in-law und rest of jury convinced of guilt und gave verdict. But.. scrote escaped "lock-up" under remand served.. und so on.
He then go on holiday to Spain. Sister-in-law read of "yoof in tears in Spanish jail for TWOCcing cars - und want his Mama " She recognise the yoof from his photo und name.. Ja .. the thicko stole a car in Spain und they really taught a lesson
Was in days before 24 hour Tesco by the way.
They broke into the Walkden Tesco. (Mad Doc's sisters live in leafy Manchester burb .. ist why we have Bolton und Manchester "juicies"
- und Mad Doc's clinical training was in Manchester hospitals - he like the place as town) Anyway these really stupid oiks ..loaded up with all the goodies und .. took photos of themselves pilfering all of Tesco's "finest"
It was also in days before digital camfest .. was mainstream 35 mm of 1999/2000
.. They took photos of themselves with a nice Canon Sureshot APS ( 1999 Compact of year I believe
) which was set to "date record" by real owner - but they did not notice this und then went to the Walkden Tesco's photo processing counter for film to be developed.
Eagle eyed Gordon und Liz (Tesco staff) developed the photos .. und realised it looked a bit "familiar" like their store.
The culprits duly arrested by GMP's finest
Then there was the case where one of the sister-in-law was summoned for jury service. She heard a case whereby thug was accused of nicking toppest Ford cars to order und "ringing/cloning"
GMP's finest copped them in the act. Three confessed but one refused to admit. Went to Crown Court. Sis-in-law und rest of jury convinced of guilt und gave verdict. But.. scrote escaped "lock-up" under remand served.. und so on.
He then go on holiday to Spain. Sister-in-law read of "yoof in tears in Spanish jail for TWOCcing cars - und want his Mama "
She recognise the yoof from his photo und name.. Ja .. the thicko stole a car in Spain und they really taught a lesson Another one from the States..
Chap is in jail. He manages to hide in the laundry van and escape. Search of his cell reveals his diary, which says, X Date, escape in Laundry. X Date + 1. Meet Auntie at X address.. The police turned up to X Address, and yes, he was sat there with his Auntie.
Chap is in jail. He manages to hide in the laundry van and escape. Search of his cell reveals his diary, which says, X Date, escape in Laundry. X Date + 1. Meet Auntie at X address.. The police turned up to X Address, and yes, he was sat there with his Auntie.
Gassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff