Discussion
Phone_Monkey said:
voyds9 said:
RichUK said:
I have some customers that seem to like streeeeetching their payment terms out as long as possible.
Sorry the cheques in the post
I get this a lot. IT DOEN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE PAID, MORON!!!
We have one supplier who has made it clear to us that 30 days from date of invoice means that the money is *in their bank* in 30 days.
"Can I have a discount?"
"No, we don't discount, the prices are as they are on the website."
"That's ridiculous, I demand to speak to a manager!"
Yes mate, you haven't even placed an order yet and you're demanding a manager. Might I suggest there is a much easier solution to your predicament? SOD OFF!
"It's going to be how long? Can't you get it any quicker?"
Yes of course I can love, I just lied to you in order to brighten up my day with a little cathartic pleasure. That whole "the earliest available delivery is..." was just to make conversation.
"But your website says..."
I'd like to see this website you've found mate, because last time I looked, the wording on our website gave us an outside chance of staying in business. The downside of that - as long as we are in business, occasionally some retard like you will work out how to operate a touch-tone phone.
"Why should I buy from you? XYZ does it much cheaper."
And yet you've called us? OK, let me have their web address, and where exactly on this website that it says they sell it for that price. Oh, you'll have to find it and call us back? No problem. Yes, I do know you're trying it on, but I'm too polite to say so. Bugger off and think about what you've just done.
"You'll have to tell me what time in the day they will deliver. I'm a teacher!"
Really? I'm addicted to eye-wateringly hardcore pornography. Sorry, I thought we were just telling each other stuff that has no relevance to the situation, and which the other party doesn't want to know.
"If you can't do it, I'll just have to cancel the order!"
OK, no problem. Bye. Oh, what's that, you've changed your mind? You've finally realised that, strangely enough, I said we can't do it because, in fact, we can't? Well done, have a biscuit. And when you do get your order, every time you look at it, may it remind you of your inane stupidity.
There, that's better.
"No, we don't discount, the prices are as they are on the website."
"That's ridiculous, I demand to speak to a manager!"
Yes mate, you haven't even placed an order yet and you're demanding a manager. Might I suggest there is a much easier solution to your predicament? SOD OFF!
"It's going to be how long? Can't you get it any quicker?"
Yes of course I can love, I just lied to you in order to brighten up my day with a little cathartic pleasure. That whole "the earliest available delivery is..." was just to make conversation.
"But your website says..."
I'd like to see this website you've found mate, because last time I looked, the wording on our website gave us an outside chance of staying in business. The downside of that - as long as we are in business, occasionally some retard like you will work out how to operate a touch-tone phone.
"Why should I buy from you? XYZ does it much cheaper."
And yet you've called us? OK, let me have their web address, and where exactly on this website that it says they sell it for that price. Oh, you'll have to find it and call us back? No problem. Yes, I do know you're trying it on, but I'm too polite to say so. Bugger off and think about what you've just done.
"You'll have to tell me what time in the day they will deliver. I'm a teacher!"
Really? I'm addicted to eye-wateringly hardcore pornography. Sorry, I thought we were just telling each other stuff that has no relevance to the situation, and which the other party doesn't want to know.
"If you can't do it, I'll just have to cancel the order!"
OK, no problem. Bye. Oh, what's that, you've changed your mind? You've finally realised that, strangely enough, I said we can't do it because, in fact, we can't? Well done, have a biscuit. And when you do get your order, every time you look at it, may it remind you of your inane stupidity.
There, that's better.
speedchick said:
I have so many customers that don't seem to be able to read, or don't know what day it is!
Oh yes. The ones that complain they haven't been told something, when in fact they didn't read what was sent, or read it but forgot before they bad-mouthd you, or the ones that deny having received something until you spend time and quote the recorded delivery slip and delivery time/date, then they blame someone who signed for it and put it in a drawer?
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