Old bill love it

[hosedoctor]

I got nicked the other day for being on the phone (fair cop)but couldnt belive it when he said to me "i was really hoping you didnt have any insurance as i could have ceased your car, i havnt driven one of these" And they wonder why traffic aren`t liked.....

[Bing o]

And I wonder why Fezza owners don't have a sense of humour.....

[hosedoctor]

I have i just dont like all the clever comments when im being nicked.....

[splatspeed]

they think they are so clever

have you been drinking sir

no

obversly not if you can go round corners like that

well i got a TD to slow me down

good job you haven't got a turbo petrol isn't it sir

at this point i just smilled and nodded

wanted to say i have a supercharged jag and you wouldn't have seen me for dust

but was wanting to minimise the damage to my lisence

[justinp1]

hosedoctor said:

I have i just dont like all the clever comments when im being nicked.....

I would have offered him a drive in return for the punishmnet being reduced to a 'ticking off' about the phone!

[tonyvid]

justinp1 said:

hosedoctor said:

I have i just dont like all the clever comments when im being nicked.....

I would have offered him a drive in return for the punishmnet being reduced to a 'ticking off' about the phone!

I was thinking just the same...

[hosedoctor]

I would rather pay the £60 fine and 3 points than let old bill drive my car thanks...

[stuttgartmetal]

Try countering with......
Thanks mate, your fluorescent jackets dirty.
Or, my fave
Yeah, I spend more than that on socks mate.
They luv it.

[7db]

You could try "I'll let you drive if you tear up the phone ticket".

And then report him to his Inspector and have him thrown out of the service if he says yes.

[hosedoctor]

7db said:

You could try "I'll let you drive if you tear up the phone ticket".

And then report him to his Inspector and have him thrown out of the service if he says yes.

Now that is a damm good idea old chap....

[Balmoral Green]

stuttgartmetal said:

Or, my fave
Yeah, I spend more than that on socks mate.
They luv it.

pmsl

[andmole]

splatspeed said:

they think they are so clever

have you been drinking sir

no

obversly not if you can go round corners like that

well i got a TD to slow me down

good job you haven't got a turbo petrol isn't it sir

at this point i just smilled and nodded

wanted to say i have a supercharged jag and you wouldn't have seen me for dust

but was wanting to minimise the damage to my lisence

If we made comments along those lines, certain posters would tell us that we had failed the attitude test.

Newsflash.....

THAT WORKS BOTH WAYS!

Any wonder that respect for the BiB is being eroded when such examples as this are available to show how they fail the attitude test.

[silverback mike]

One liners do make me chuckle - I don't tend to use any, but I do compliment on nice cars as we're all into cars after all, well, some are.

It also makes me chuckle when we hear the...."my mate says when he's stopped..etc etc"

It only ever comes out on an internet forum though, not in the real world..

I would relish a really good one liner, honest.

[Scraggles]

in the service station the other day, walking thru a gap between 2 old ladies and this prat barges thru and starts having a go at me for getting in his way, the 2 old ladies opened up and told him what an impolite little man he was, most embarrased.

Guy was wearing a uniform, seems he felt he was more important than everyone else

[silverback mike]

Scraggles said:

in the service station the other day, walking thru a gap between 2 old ladies and this prat barges thru and starts having a go at me for getting in his way, the 2 old ladies opened up and told him what an impolite little man he was, most embarrased.

Guy was wearing a uniform, seems he felt he was more important than everyone else

You get 'em in all walks of life, good on the old ladies that's what I say..
Anyway chaps, I'm off, I have a feeling it's going to be a "fascist bastard pigs thread"

[mattyb123]

hosedoctor said:

7db said:

You could try "I'll let you drive if you tear up the phone ticket".

And then report him to his Inspector and have him thrown out of the service if he says yes.

Now that is a damm good idea old chap....

Thats not very nice

[gently bentley]

It does work both ways. Mops come out with "Have you nothing better to do" answer "Well yes actually but I can't get doing it because of irresponsible people like you".

Also get. "oh its just a minor infringement" answer "well you can have a minor fine"

Also "I know your Chief Constable personally" answer "well tell him I gave you a ticket. My names at the bottom of it"

Also "I'll fight this all the way" answer "Good"

Also "I'm phoning my lawyer" answer "ask him for 60 quid because your still getting fined"

Also "Whats your badge" answer "Tufty club"

Also "I pay your wages" answer "Your some guy because you also just donated 60 quid to Mr Brown too"

Also "can we come to some arrangement" answer "of course we can, you read the ticket send a cheque for 60 quid and your licence and we will stick 3 points on it for you"

Also "Oh officer its my first offence" answer "Thats ok this will be your first ticket"

heard them all before.......

[Pot Bellied Fool]

gently bentley said:

heard them all before.......

On the other hand, have you (or any of the other BiBs ever been on the receiving end of a reply so good you couldn't help but chuckle & wish the MOP a cheey "Good Night & Mind how you go" before collapsing with laughter?

[gently bentley]

Pot Bellied Fool said:

gently bentley said:

heard them all before.......

On the other hand, have you (or any of the other BiBs ever been on the receiving end of a reply so good you couldn't help but chuckle & wish the MOP a cheey "Good Night & Mind how you go" before collapsing with laughter?

Christ Aye. Heard some right belters. None to mind at momment but god yeah.

[silverback mike]

I've heard a few good ones over the years. Also heard some absolutely amazing reasons for explaining why they were doing what they were.