Serious advice please

[RemaL]

To cut a long story short - this is about a problem that came up last night. I went to a family party (grandparents renewal of vows etc..) and talking to my older cousin about bike, cars and she said i was a total petrol head. A good thing i think. the party was great but still talking to my cousin and she said how I got into biking and how my dad liked bikes too OK then. then she said how my antie (now passed away) said that she told my cousin how after my dad died the year i was born they had a huge meet as he died on his bike and loads of bikers turned up for his funeral? and how similer I seem to be to how my dad was with enjoying bikes.

Now I was told he was an only child, he died in europe and they could not afford to get him over to the UK so he was buried somewere far away. its always been the story I was told since I was young and never really thought much about it apart from last night.

suggestions on how to go on. after 30 years it seems I have a different story to how things happened, I got the feeling that the burial was in the UK and not in europe

just got me thinking today

[Biker's Nemesis]

Interesting story Remal.

If you know where your Father was living, or your mother at the time of his death, you could try the local Registrar of Births, Death and marriages. (Local records Office).

Hope you find what you are looking for.


John

[Chilli]

Jees, sorry to hear this Matt. First port of call has to be more family members, don't you think? I really wouldn't know where to start...sorry mate.
If there's anything I (and I'm sure I speak for the rest of us) can do...don't hesitate mate.

Cheers.

[Wedg1e]

After the first 4 lines I thought this was going to be a tale of how you did your cousin

Sorry

[RemaL]

I think I will give it some time first before I rush in. I don't now anything about my Dad apart from his name. Nothing else

[A1ec]

Well if you know his full name and when he died you should be able to look up a reference on the GRO if he died in this country.

You can then order a copy of the death certificate (£7), which should give you more information to narrow down your search for where he is buried.

If there was a large procession of bikers there may even be an article in a local paper which you could look up once you know the locality.

[RemaL]

A1ec said:

Well if you know his full name and when he died you should be able to look up a reference on the GRO if he died in this country.

You can then order a copy of the death certificate (£7), which should give you more information to narrow down your search for where he is buried.

If there was a large procession of bikers there may even be an article in a local paper which you could look up once you know the locality.

thanks for that, I only Know he died the year i was born but, is that right. makes me think

[black-k1]

I would suggest that you need to ask yourself who is not telling the correct story and try and work out why they are not telling the correct story. It could be that your cousin is ‘spinning a yarn’! If you believe your cousin then why did your family not tell the truth? If you think it’s because there are some very painful memories for your family then also ask yourself if you really want/need to cause those memories to be brought back and balance this against your ‘need’ to know what the truth really is. Try to understand what you and everyone else will gain by pursuing this. Sometime things are best left undisturbed but, on other occasions, it may be best to exorcise the ghosts of the past. Only you will know which is best for your situation but be sure that once you open a ‘can of worms’ you can never get all the worms back in the can!

If you do decide to follow this up then the best place to start is with your own family. I would suggest that it’s not the how/where/when that your Dad died that is really important but why you were not told the truth. That is something that you are unlikely to find in old newspapers and records.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[TedMaul]

A1ec said:

Well if you know his full name and when he died you should be able to look up a reference on the GRO if he died in this country.

You can then order a copy of the death certificate (£7), which should give you more information to narrow down your search for where he is buried.

If there was a large procession of bikers there may even be an article in a local paper which you could look up once you know the locality.

Or if it was a large procession, chances are they belonged to a local club which may well be in existance still. If you could find out the rough area, searching for local clubs may help. Good luck.

[Chilli]

black-k1 said:

I would suggest that you need to ask yourself who is not telling the correct story and try and work out why they are not telling the correct story. It could be that your cousin is ‘spinning a yarn’! If you believe your cousin then why did your family not tell the truth? If you think it’s because there are some very painful memories for your family then also ask yourself if you really want/need to cause those memories to be brought back and balance this against your ‘need’ to know what the truth really is. Try to understand what you and everyone else will gain by pursuing this. Sometime things are best left undisturbed but, on other occasions, it may be best to exorcise the ghosts of the past. Only you will know which is best for your situation but be sure that once you open a ‘can of worms’ you can never get all the worms back in the can!

If you do decide to follow this up then the best place to start is with your own family. I would suggest that it’s not the how/where/when that your Dad died that is really important but why you were not told the truth. That is something that you are unlikely to find in old newspapers and records.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

As usual...

[996 sps]

Wedg1e said:

After the first 4 lines I thought this was going to be a tale of how you did your cousin

Sorry

That made me chuckle, interesting story though. Wonder who he was!

[A1ec]

black-k1 said:

I would suggest that you need to ask yourself who is not telling the correct story and try and work out why they are not telling the correct story. . . . . . . . .

If you do decide to follow this up then the best place to start is with your own family. I would suggest that it’s not the how/where/when that your Dad died that is really important but why you were not told the truth. . . . . . . . .

Surely if he finds out some facts beforehand he will then know if they are still lying or keeping things from him.

If he just asks them to explain I doubt if they will just come straight out with it, but if he pulls them up on something they say then they should probably not keep on lying as they won't know how much he has already knows.

That's the way I'd go about it because if I was him I would want to know no matter what the truth is. After all whatever the story is about your father it's part of your background.

[black-k1]

A1ec said:

black-k1 said:

I would suggest that you need to ask yourself who is not telling the correct story and try and work out why they are not telling the correct story. . . . . . . . .

If you do decide to follow this up then the best place to start is with your own family. I would suggest that it’s not the how/where/when that your Dad died that is really important but why you were not told the truth. . . . . . . . .

Surely if he finds out some facts beforehand he will then know if they are still lying or keeping things from him.

If he just asks them to explain I doubt if they will just come straight out with it, but if he pulls them up on something they say then they should probably not keep on lying as they won't know how much he has already knows.

A little bit of subtle enquiry within the family may discover that the cousin is known to be a complete fantasist and makes up stories all the time, or that she was well intentioned but confused and was actually talking about another member of the family.

A couple of simple but straight questions to the grandparents about the father may reveal the that there is more to the cousins story either by them answering directly or by them becoming ‘uncomfortable’ with providing answers.

A1ec said:

That's the way I'd go about it because if I was him I would want to know no matter what the truth is. After all whatever the story is about your father it's part of your background.

Each of us is different. I would not really be worried about such things as I am content with things as they are although I would want to know why the rest of the family felt it necessary to lie. Only RemaL knows what he wants to do.