Bed time pawn stories
Discussion
Its not quite bedtime, but everyones got a story, especially Famous Graham(!) 
but I digress...
I had a house share with some mates, and the downstairs computer always had some naked broad, a spread eagle style photo, as a desktop background. My chum was just getting started with his property empire, when the doorbell rang, a new tenant who after agreeing terms of a lease, endured an uncomfortable silence as they both stared at the computer screen following his promise to print off another copy of the lease, with him realising he couldnt touch the computer for fear of de-activating the screen saver. Rather amusing, looking back. We printed the lease in my bedroom.
Then there was the time I was dating a brand new older air hostess girlfriend, took her up to my bedroom for the first time (I was young, when everything was oh-so deeply embarrassing) and we decided to go on the computer together. I lept into my chair, she lept into my lap, screen saver came off and revealed windows explorer which was displaying about 100 titles of various porn movies... with the griding slowness of a windows 98 machine, which slowly disappeared after a good 15 unbearable seconds of utter silence
I was never actually caught "being happy with myself" but once whilst in my teens, reading a magazine, at the most critical moment possible(!) a moment which could be called "The point of there can be no knocking at my door!" there indeed came a knocking at my bedroom door followed instantly by the opening of said door. The mag was hidden in an eighth of a second, following which I spent the following 15 seconds staring cross eyed at my aunt pretending I knew exactly what she was talking about, trying to coherently agree with her. Deeeeeply embarassing, took a week to recover emotionally from that one!
No tumbleweeds please. Keep it clean and unlocked if youve got an amusing tale to tell.
but I digress...I had a house share with some mates, and the downstairs computer always had some naked broad, a spread eagle style photo, as a desktop background. My chum was just getting started with his property empire, when the doorbell rang, a new tenant who after agreeing terms of a lease, endured an uncomfortable silence as they both stared at the computer screen following his promise to print off another copy of the lease, with him realising he couldnt touch the computer for fear of de-activating the screen saver. Rather amusing, looking back. We printed the lease in my bedroom.
Then there was the time I was dating a brand new older air hostess girlfriend, took her up to my bedroom for the first time (I was young, when everything was oh-so deeply embarrassing) and we decided to go on the computer together. I lept into my chair, she lept into my lap, screen saver came off and revealed windows explorer which was displaying about 100 titles of various porn movies... with the griding slowness of a windows 98 machine, which slowly disappeared after a good 15 unbearable seconds of utter silence
I was never actually caught "being happy with myself" but once whilst in my teens, reading a magazine, at the most critical moment possible(!) a moment which could be called "The point of there can be no knocking at my door!" there indeed came a knocking at my bedroom door followed instantly by the opening of said door. The mag was hidden in an eighth of a second, following which I spent the following 15 seconds staring cross eyed at my aunt pretending I knew exactly what she was talking about, trying to coherently agree with her. Deeeeeply embarassing, took a week to recover emotionally from that one!
No tumbleweeds please. Keep it clean and unlocked if youve got an amusing tale to tell.
Edited by UKbob on Thursday 13th September 22:09
kiwisr said:
One guy at work walked in to a couple of us waiting to speak to him - he says "Just let me check my email first" and flips open his laptop revealing some very graphic porn. Pretty obvious what he was up to the night before. 
I once did a web design job for another design company, who dealt with the client direct. I got to know the lads, also the boss, they all worked from a very small office with a single door. One afternoon, one of the sales reps returned rather early from a meeting and walked in on the boss who was violently "dealing with" his John Thomas whilst watching porn, there was nothing for the poor chap to do but speedily retreat back outside after apologising for intruding, boss never lived it down.
Not a 'porn story' as such..
I obtained a very dirty video of a girl from work with her then-boyfriend and was bluetoothing it around randomly while at work. My phone name was set to my name, Jay which is something I overlooked. I accidentally sent it to the girl in the video, who sat right opposite me. I got a slap for my troubles (which bloody hurt!) and she left the company a few weeks later.
I obtained a very dirty video of a girl from work with her then-boyfriend and was bluetoothing it around randomly while at work. My phone name was set to my name, Jay which is something I overlooked. I accidentally sent it to the girl in the video, who sat right opposite me. I got a slap for my troubles (which bloody hurt!) and she left the company a few weeks later.
Oh and another time, it was about 11pm and everyone else was in bed (this is when I lived at home). I decided to 'watch' some porn. I thought I'd go for some sound effects so I picked up my headphones, assuming they were plugged in as I usually left them plugged. That night I'd not used my PC so unfortunatley for me,they weren't, but my speakers were and the volume was pretty high. As I had the headphones on, I thought the sound was coming through them, it was coming out of the speakers that loudly. I only realised when I got caught red handed by my parents.
We never spoke about that evening.
We never spoke about that evening.
Jspesh said:
Oh and another time, it was about 11pm and everyone else was in bed (this is when I lived at home). I decided to 'watch' some porn. I thought I'd go for some sound effects so I picked up my headphones, assuming they were plugged in as I usually left them plugged. That night I'd not used my PC so unfortunatley for me,they weren't, but my speakers were and the volume was pretty high. As I had the headphones on, I thought the sound was coming through them, it was coming out of the speakers that loudly. I only realised when I got caught sticky handed by my parents.
We never spoke about that evening.
We never spoke about that evening.
Jspesh said:
Oh and another time, it was about 11pm and everyone else was in bed (this is when I lived at home). I decided to 'watch' some porn. I thought I'd go for some sound effects so I picked up my headphones, assuming they were plugged in as I usually left them plugged. That night I'd not used my PC so unfortunatley for me,they weren't, but my speakers were and the volume was pretty high. As I had the headphones on, I thought the sound was coming through them, it was coming out of the speakers that loudly. I only realised when I got caught red handed by my parents.
We never spoke about that evening.
We never spoke about that evening.
One of many reasons i'm glad I moved out without ever getting caught and can now happily wank myself into a coma without having to worry about it!
Jspesh said:
Oh and another time, it was about 11pm and everyone else was in bed (this is when I lived at home). I decided to 'watch' some porn. I thought I'd go for some sound effects so I picked up my headphones, assuming they were plugged in as I usually left them plugged. That night I'd not used my PC so unfortunatley for me,they weren't, but my speakers were and the volume was pretty high. As I had the headphones on, I thought the sound was coming through them, it was coming out of the speakers that loudly. I only realised when I got caught red handed by my parents.
We never spoke about that evening.
We never spoke about that evening.
tigger1 said:
Jspesh said:
Oh and another time, it was about 11pm and everyone else was in bed (this is when I lived at home). I decided to 'watch' some porn. I thought I'd go for some sound effects so I picked up my headphones, assuming they were plugged in as I usually left them plugged. That night I'd not used my PC so unfortunatley for me,they weren't, but my speakers were and the volume was pretty high. As I had the headphones on, I thought the sound was coming through them, it was coming out of the speakers that loudly. I only realised when I got caught sticky handed by my parents.
We never spoke about that evening.
We never spoke about that evening.
Edited by kiwisr on Thursday 13th September 22:50
I worked with a bloke who got caught 'handling himself' whilst watching a movie on his lap top! Whats the problem with that you ask? He was at the bottom of the down ramps in a public car park in full view of the council officials who were inspecting the building at the time! His line was 'I was tapping my thigh in time to a music video' Council officials line was 'I know a kn@b when I see one!'
For some reason no-one would work with him after that and he tried to accuse us of bullying when we painted 'snail-trails' on his drivers seat!!
For some reason no-one would work with him after that and he tried to accuse us of bullying when we painted 'snail-trails' on his drivers seat!!
kiwisr said:
tigger1 said:
Jspesh said:
Oh and another time, it was about 11pm and everyone else was in bed (this is when I lived at home). I decided to 'watch' some porn. I thought I'd go for some sound effects so I picked up my headphones, assuming they were plugged in as I usually left them plugged. That night I'd not used my PC so unfortunatley for me,they weren't, but my speakers were and the volume was pretty high. As I had the headphones on, I thought the sound was coming through them, it was coming out of the speakers that loudly. I only realised when I got caught sticky handed by my parents.
We never spoke about that evening.
We never spoke about that evening.
Edited by kiwisr on Thursday 13th September 22:50
Nic Jones said:
Jspesh said:
Oh and another time, it was about 11pm and everyone else was in bed (this is when I lived at home). I decided to 'watch' some porn. I thought I'd go for some sound effects so I picked up my headphones, assuming they were plugged in as I usually left them plugged. That night I'd not used my PC so unfortunatley for me,they weren't, but my speakers were and the volume was pretty high. As I had the headphones on, I thought the sound was coming through them, it was coming out of the speakers that loudly. I only realised when I got caught red handed by my parents.
We never spoke about that evening.
We never spoke about that evening.
One of many reasons i'm glad I moved out without ever getting caught and can now happily wank myself into a coma without having to worry about it!
littlegreenfairy said:
Nic Jones said:
Jspesh said:
Oh and another time, it was about 11pm and everyone else was in bed (this is when I lived at home). I decided to 'watch' some porn. I thought I'd go for some sound effects so I picked up my headphones, assuming they were plugged in as I usually left them plugged. That night I'd not used my PC so unfortunatley for me,they weren't, but my speakers were and the volume was pretty high. As I had the headphones on, I thought the sound was coming through them, it was coming out of the speakers that loudly. I only realised when I got caught red handed by my parents.
We never spoke about that evening.
We never spoke about that evening.
One of many reasons i'm glad I moved out without ever getting caught and can now happily wank myself into a coma without having to worry about it!
Nic Jones said:
Jspesh said:
Oh and another time, it was about 11pm and everyone else was in bed (this is when I lived at home). I decided to 'watch' some porn. I thought I'd go for some sound effects so I picked up my headphones, assuming they were plugged in as I usually left them plugged. That night I'd not used my PC so unfortunatley for me,they weren't, but my speakers were and the volume was pretty high. As I had the headphones on, I thought the sound was coming through them, it was coming out of the speakers that loudly. I only realised when I got caught red handed by my parents.
We never spoke about that evening.
We never spoke about that evening.
One of many reasons i'm glad I moved out without ever getting caught and can now happily wank myself into a coma without having to worry about it!
Symbolica said:
Jspesh said:
I've actually have to move back in with my dad (parents divorced since then, maybe it's my fault!) recently and he gives me a funny look when I say "i'm going to bed" at any time before midnight.
As if he's never manhandled his cucumber to an internet videoUKbob said:
Then there was the time I was dating a brand new older air hostess girlfriend, took her up to my bedroom for the first time (I was young, when everything was oh-so deeply embarrassing) and we decided to go on the computer together. I lept into my chair, she lept into my lap, screen saver came off and revealed windows explorer which was displaying about 100 titles of various porn movies... with the griding slowness of a windows 98 machine, which slowly disappeared after a good 15 unbearable seconds of utter silence
There's just so much potential in this paragraph - with a bit of editing...UKbob said:
Then there was the time I was dating a brand new air head girlfriend, took her up the arse for the first time (I was young, when everything was oh-so deeply embarrassing) and we decided to come all over the computer together. I lept into my chair, she lept into my lap, I came off and revealed myself grinding slowly out of a window, which lasted a good 15 unbearable seconds
Sales guy brought his personal laptop in for us to take a look at, had blue screened every boot attempt for ages. We ran checkdisk, rebooted, all looked good, sales guy starts sweating and murmouring "shit,. oh shit..." his desktop background turned out to be his Mrs in lingerie, legs akimbo in his BMW's passenger seat
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