Utter cretin -RANT!
Discussion
My garage (affectionately known as the "bat cave"
exits directly out on to the road. There is a nice wide path then a drop kerb, then road. It is finished with a large white roller door that automatically opens. This is very obvious, drop kerb and white shiny garage door.
You would have to be a moron to park in front of it.
This used to happen regularly so instead of loosing my cool, I do my absolute best to be a barsteward with the hope that word will spread and this will happen less and less. It has been working. It was happening about once a week, now it is every couple of months.
Why do I keep finding morons?
I need get my car out and do some running around, I have about 20 mins to get the jobs done. I grab the keys, opened the garage door, out the door to get in my car. Great plan with one drawback. Some absolute fudge packing moron is over the drop kerb by about 5 feet. What really pi$$es me off is that the brain dead, waste of skin has enough space behind the car to have not bothered me. So we have an inconsiderate, blind, moron.
I phone the police. The tell me they will chase the driver and get back to me. 10 mins later, they call back. The car is not listed, uninsured and no phone numbers exist in order to contact the owner. They will send an officer round to ticket the car....
Effective - NOT.
Plan B. This has been used many times. Get the poonjero and shove the car out the way. A "gentle" nudge usually shifts it enough to gain access to the garage.
I get the poonjero and try head on. Not good the car is too low and the poonjero too high and all that is happening is I am riding up on the bonnet and damaging the car was not the intention. I try reversing on to it ... with the same result.
Pants.
Only one thing left.
I get the tow rope and double it so it is nice and short. Through the tow eye on the front and hook on to the poonjero. Into 4x4 low ratio and lock the diffs. His hand brake was good but not that good. Front wheels locked, it grinds rubber down the road. There is a little park just down the road, about 4 houses down. I can tow it there and in some cases I have watched for days as the parking tickets mount up.
Funnily enough, this gets the owners attention and he comes running out from one of the houses down the road.
Deep in sarcasm mode, I take him down the road, show him the garage and drop kerb and ask about his disabilities? He abruptly explained he didn't have any, to which I disagreed and pointed out that stupidity on his scale was a definite disability, I unhooked his car and re parked the poonjero.
I have been and done my errands, written this and a police car has just turned up to give him a ticket. I have just been out to explain he has kindly moved his car.
exits directly out on to the road. There is a nice wide path then a drop kerb, then road. It is finished with a large white roller door that automatically opens. This is very obvious, drop kerb and white shiny garage door.You would have to be a moron to park in front of it.
This used to happen regularly so instead of loosing my cool, I do my absolute best to be a barsteward with the hope that word will spread and this will happen less and less. It has been working. It was happening about once a week, now it is every couple of months.
Why do I keep finding morons?
I need get my car out and do some running around, I have about 20 mins to get the jobs done. I grab the keys, opened the garage door, out the door to get in my car. Great plan with one drawback. Some absolute fudge packing moron is over the drop kerb by about 5 feet. What really pi$$es me off is that the brain dead, waste of skin has enough space behind the car to have not bothered me. So we have an inconsiderate, blind, moron.
I phone the police. The tell me they will chase the driver and get back to me. 10 mins later, they call back. The car is not listed, uninsured and no phone numbers exist in order to contact the owner. They will send an officer round to ticket the car....
Effective - NOT.
Plan B. This has been used many times. Get the poonjero and shove the car out the way. A "gentle" nudge usually shifts it enough to gain access to the garage.
I get the poonjero and try head on. Not good the car is too low and the poonjero too high and all that is happening is I am riding up on the bonnet and damaging the car was not the intention. I try reversing on to it ... with the same result.
Pants.
Only one thing left.
I get the tow rope and double it so it is nice and short. Through the tow eye on the front and hook on to the poonjero. Into 4x4 low ratio and lock the diffs. His hand brake was good but not that good. Front wheels locked, it grinds rubber down the road. There is a little park just down the road, about 4 houses down. I can tow it there and in some cases I have watched for days as the parking tickets mount up.
Funnily enough, this gets the owners attention and he comes running out from one of the houses down the road.
Deep in sarcasm mode, I take him down the road, show him the garage and drop kerb and ask about his disabilities? He abruptly explained he didn't have any, to which I disagreed and pointed out that stupidity on his scale was a definite disability, I unhooked his car and re parked the poonjero.
I have been and done my errands, written this and a police car has just turned up to give him a ticket. I have just been out to explain he has kindly moved his car.
Ha ha ha! Nice one mate!
Do feel free to come and chat with the pikey that lives two doors up from me some time, the owner of 'his' house kindly left it to the council when they died who promptly turned it in to a council house - right next door to all the people spending most of their wages on a mortgage and the rest on taxes to pay for idle f*ckers like him to lounge around all day.
Last time I parked outside 'his' house he came out for a good shout - he doesn't let anyone park their cars outside 'his' house despite it being a public road - I politely reminded the cretinous skank that it wasn't 'his' house as unlike most people he didn't work for a living.
Sadly I now have a car that I'd rather not have keyed by his illiterate, web-toed, litter dropping offspring so I have to park elsewhere.
Im off to give them back the car tyre they dumped in our front garden the other night now!
Do feel free to come and chat with the pikey that lives two doors up from me some time, the owner of 'his' house kindly left it to the council when they died who promptly turned it in to a council house - right next door to all the people spending most of their wages on a mortgage and the rest on taxes to pay for idle f*ckers like him to lounge around all day.
Last time I parked outside 'his' house he came out for a good shout - he doesn't let anyone park their cars outside 'his' house despite it being a public road - I politely reminded the cretinous skank that it wasn't 'his' house as unlike most people he didn't work for a living.
Sadly I now have a car that I'd rather not have keyed by his illiterate, web-toed, litter dropping offspring so I have to park elsewhere.
Im off to give them back the car tyre they dumped in our front garden the other night now!
Jez49 said:
Ha ha ha! Nice one mate!
Do feel free to come and chat with the pikey
I feel for you. I just moved out from my parents' house last year and they are stuck with a bunch of pikey filth a few doors down. I am so nervous leaving the Elise outside every time I visit them. When I lived there I only had a Mini and every time I washed it the kids used to come out and cause trouble. They'd invariably nick anything I left lying around like my polishes and clothes! Do feel free to come and chat with the pikey
But, hey, it's within their human rights to have a place in which they can live a safe and comfortable life. To
with the lives of everyone around them.Gassing Station | Elise/Exige/Europa/340R | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff