Homophobic Abuse from boss.
Discussion
The environment:
I work 11 hours a week at a local supermarket. I stack shelves, and am looked upon as being one of the hardest workers there, I have quite a few responsibilities etc etc.
The person is question is my "Assistant" direct manager. He's typically an "ok" person but was never on my "favourites" list.
Last October/November (can't remember exact date) we were at a leaving do - not an organised event, just a few colleagues down the pub, you know the sort. He got pretty drunk and once there was only about 10/15 people there started asking me VERY crude/rude questions. I answered some and then refused once he got to a level which I felt was unnacceptable. I felt very uneasy being treated this way by my manager. Two of my colleagues decided enough was enough and had strong words with him while at the Bar, and then I went home - the insults/crude remarks went on for approx 2/3 hours.
The following day he had to face me, and apologised briefly - with one word "sorry" and blamed it on being drunk...
Last Saturday night we were at another (similar) event when the management team of the branch arrived (they'd had a posh meal locally) and joined in the festivities. Soon the situation arrived where I went to the bar to get more drinks and there he was, drunk, ordering more drinks. He suggested that I wanted to f
k two of my good friends for whom I was purchasing drinks. Not the usual behaviour from a manager, you might think... No apology was received for this incident.
I confrunted him tonight in a purely casual manner after my shift had finished, along with one of my friends to whom he referred. I asked him if he remembered what he said to me - he said he did, but blamed it on the alcohol (with a big grin). When I suggested that it wasn't a laughing matter, he had a serious face for a few moments. I asked him to apologise to me, he replied he already did - I said he didn't and asked him to do it again. he did, to me and my friend, and then walked away (we were closing up for the night) and he looked to be chuckling to himself.
While I appreciate there may not be anything I can do, it would be nice to know any rights I might have?
Thanks in advance
I work 11 hours a week at a local supermarket. I stack shelves, and am looked upon as being one of the hardest workers there, I have quite a few responsibilities etc etc.
The person is question is my "Assistant" direct manager. He's typically an "ok" person but was never on my "favourites" list.
Last October/November (can't remember exact date) we were at a leaving do - not an organised event, just a few colleagues down the pub, you know the sort. He got pretty drunk and once there was only about 10/15 people there started asking me VERY crude/rude questions. I answered some and then refused once he got to a level which I felt was unnacceptable. I felt very uneasy being treated this way by my manager. Two of my colleagues decided enough was enough and had strong words with him while at the Bar, and then I went home - the insults/crude remarks went on for approx 2/3 hours.
The following day he had to face me, and apologised briefly - with one word "sorry" and blamed it on being drunk...
Last Saturday night we were at another (similar) event when the management team of the branch arrived (they'd had a posh meal locally) and joined in the festivities. Soon the situation arrived where I went to the bar to get more drinks and there he was, drunk, ordering more drinks. He suggested that I wanted to f
k two of my good friends for whom I was purchasing drinks. Not the usual behaviour from a manager, you might think... No apology was received for this incident.I confrunted him tonight in a purely casual manner after my shift had finished, along with one of my friends to whom he referred. I asked him if he remembered what he said to me - he said he did, but blamed it on the alcohol (with a big grin). When I suggested that it wasn't a laughing matter, he had a serious face for a few moments. I asked him to apologise to me, he replied he already did - I said he didn't and asked him to do it again. he did, to me and my friend, and then walked away (we were closing up for the night) and he looked to be chuckling to himself.
While I appreciate there may not be anything I can do, it would be nice to know any rights I might have?
Thanks in advance
You don't have to put up with that.
You should write down as much as you remember that has been said, and the dates, and any other witnesses to him saying the things or his 'apologies'.
You can go one of two ways, hope it goes away, or do something about it now.
To do something about it, you need to be factual, with quotes, dates and times and go confidentially to either your proper line manager or the store manager. If you are in a large company, there should be an employee helpline you can speak in confidence to to confirm the company policy of who to report the situation to.
You should write down as much as you remember that has been said, and the dates, and any other witnesses to him saying the things or his 'apologies'.
You can go one of two ways, hope it goes away, or do something about it now.
To do something about it, you need to be factual, with quotes, dates and times and go confidentially to either your proper line manager or the store manager. If you are in a large company, there should be an employee helpline you can speak in confidence to to confirm the company policy of who to report the situation to.
Ooohhh I'm going to get flamed here!
How about you just ignore it, accept that he's a tt and realise that some people are tossers when pissed?
Use it as an incentive not to end up with a "real" job in an environment that employs stupid people!
You do 11 hours a week, these incidents have been in social time. Just ignore it and do what your user name says...
How about you just ignore it, accept that he's a t
t and realise that some people are tossers when pissed?Use it as an incentive not to end up with a "real" job in an environment that employs stupid people!
You do 11 hours a week, these incidents have been in social time. Just ignore it and do what your user name says...
Work out what you want to happen about this incident.
Do you want to punish the chap?
Do you want the abuse to stop?
Do you want to make a stand?
Just doing something because you can is not the way to go about it. This chap may have a wife and kids and, if he loses his job over the abuse, you may feel guilty later on. Whether he's got dependants or not, he has a problem.
One easy way of stopping the abuse is not to meet with him socially when there's alochol about but this restricts you. If these events are important to you then come up with some plan of action. Remember that if you do take some form of action which results in him being fired, your colleagues might well not invite you to such events in the future if they like him. Try telling your colleagues that this is upsetting you and could they help. I would assume that you have their sympathy at the moment, given their behaviour. Discipline procedures might well reverse this.
If you want to make a stand on the matter because it's a matter of principle, then my advice, for what it's worth, is don't. Only really silly and stupid things result from such behaviour.
The workplace is about give and take. The world's not perfect and we can't always have peace and tranquility. The question you have to ask yourself is whether this has gone too far and it is making your working life a misery. If it is then go for him. I would.
Do you want to punish the chap?
Do you want the abuse to stop?
Do you want to make a stand?
Just doing something because you can is not the way to go about it. This chap may have a wife and kids and, if he loses his job over the abuse, you may feel guilty later on. Whether he's got dependants or not, he has a problem.
One easy way of stopping the abuse is not to meet with him socially when there's alochol about but this restricts you. If these events are important to you then come up with some plan of action. Remember that if you do take some form of action which results in him being fired, your colleagues might well not invite you to such events in the future if they like him. Try telling your colleagues that this is upsetting you and could they help. I would assume that you have their sympathy at the moment, given their behaviour. Discipline procedures might well reverse this.
If you want to make a stand on the matter because it's a matter of principle, then my advice, for what it's worth, is don't. Only really silly and stupid things result from such behaviour.
The workplace is about give and take. The world's not perfect and we can't always have peace and tranquility. The question you have to ask yourself is whether this has gone too far and it is making your working life a misery. If it is then go for him. I would.
This is a cancer. The other day someone was claiming the racially abused card, you're claiming the homophobe card.
I feel really left out being a member of no minorities because when someone gets drunk and winds me up about something, I have no recourse.
So what I do is I deal with it. Why don't you do the same?
SM
I feel really left out being a member of no minorities because when someone gets drunk and winds me up about something, I have no recourse.
So what I do is I deal with it. Why don't you do the same?
SM
justlivyalife said:
I confrunted him tonight in a purely casual manner after my shift had finished, along with one of my friends to whom he referred. I asked him if he remembered what he said to me - he said he did, but blamed it on the alcohol (with a big grin). When I suggested that it wasn't a laughing matter, he had a serious face for a few moments. I asked him to apologise to me, he replied he already did - I said he didn't and asked him to do it again. he did, to me and my friend, and then walked away (we were closing up for the night) and he looked to be chuckling to himself.
While I appreciate there may not be anything I can do, it would be nice to know any rights I might have?
Thanks in advance
I think you should do as your user name...just live your life. That, or threaten to introduce his wife to some of your friends.While I appreciate there may not be anything I can do, it would be nice to know any rights I might have?
Thanks in advance
You asked him to apologise - he did. What more do you want?
Get on with your life, pond life like this want to get under your skin from time to time. Don't let them.
ETA - you're not Brian from BB, are you? If so, you deserve everything you get, you f
mincer. 
Edited by GregE240 on Wednesday 20th February 08:29
You can do exactly the same as amy employee who is called fat, ugly, a bit of a goer etc....you can complain to his superior.
By asking for your 'rights', if that is meant as wanting to use the police, you are still in the same box as everyone above. Being anti-homosexuals is not a crime, nor is abusing fat people or loose ladies.
Violence is a different matter.
You are complaining about bad manners, so you take it to those above him if you feel you have to.
Simple as that.
By asking for your 'rights', if that is meant as wanting to use the police, you are still in the same box as everyone above. Being anti-homosexuals is not a crime, nor is abusing fat people or loose ladies.
Violence is a different matter.
You are complaining about bad manners, so you take it to those above him if you feel you have to.
Simple as that.
Derek Smith said:
This chap may have a wife and kids and, if he loses his job over the abuse, you may feel guilty later on. Whether he's got dependants or not, he has a problem.
Derek, you claim to be a former BIB. I cannot believe that you are trying to turn the alleged perpetrator into a victim. Don't you think that we've had enough of the "I had a deprived childhood, was bullied at school, my wife hates me" as justification for crimes?I didn't have my own TV / video / central heating in my room at home. Is it ok if I take that out on society?
Isn't it time to take some personal responsibility?
7.
Edited by Number 7 on Wednesday 20th February 09:51
splitter / judas said:
Piglet said:
I thought Derek's post was very sensible, it reminded the OP that the world "wasn't all about him".
Exactly - actions have consequinces.If I get mugged today, must I consider the effect on the life of the attacker if a prosecution were to be brought, and if it will have a negative impact (heaven forbid they are sent to prison), should I refuse to give evidence?
7.
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