divorce question-any solicitors out there

[999gsi]

my wife and i are currently seperated,,(my choice),i have 2 children aged 1 and 4,wife saw a solicitor yesterday,se is entitiled to 80%equity of the house my 20% will be tied up in any new house she buys(nly to be released when the kids are 16,i will haveto pay her new mortgage and spouse maintanance ??????????she is also entitled to some of my pension.i havent spoken to a solicitor yet as i am skint,,,is this fair or im i being shafted

[Paul R]

Sorry to hear of your split. I know that she can make a claim against your pension but please note I do mean 'make a claim'. I havn't heard of you having to pay her whole mortgage though, you will of course have to make payments towards the upbringing of the children which I guess you don't mind. When solicitors get involved it always costs, it's in their best interests to drag it out so they have probably told her to go for everything so it takes longer and their bill gets bigger.

This may sound stupid but are you on speaking terms to the point where you can sort this between yourselves with little legal involvement?

[Ordinary Bloke]

I think you need to see a solicitor, it will be worth it relative to what you'll lose if you don't. I did, and have never regretted it, best few £100 I ever spent. They'll explain your rights, and what normally happens in these cases.

[Paul R]

Pete has got a good point, I have read through my reply again, I don't want you to think that you shouldn't speak to a solicitor just try and keep a cap on it.

[ATG]

As has been said, don't assume all solicitors are out to screw you; it makes for good pub talk, but the reality is different. There are plenty of good honest solicitors out there and it sounds like you need one of them now to give you some properly informed advice. The more complicated and drawn out the process, the more it'll cost. With luck you might be able resolve most of this through arbitration; that I would have thought will cause the least bitterness and also be a relatively inexpensive process.

edited to tone it down a bit

Edited by ATG on Tuesday 1st April 20:47

[Paul R]

Thanks Alastair, thats a more professional way of explaining what I was trying to say. Not that I'm bitter about this subject lol. Thanks. Good luck Phil from a fellow Aylsham boy

[randlemarcus]

Too late for the no solicitors thing, she's opened the battlefield.

Best advice I ever got on this one was to find the very very best solicitor you can, and engage them. By all means tell them you want to minimise the legal spend, and if they are good, they will.

She is entitled to a percentage of the equity, oddly enough, but its not set in stone. My ex got 60% with three kids, and its their roof as well, so no hard feelings there.

When she kicked me out, I stopped paying the mortgage. Not right, according to joint and several liability on the mortgage agreement, but hey, them's the breaks. Wasnt taken into account in the final settlement.

Maintenance for the children should follow legislative guidelines from the CSA(but do try to avoid getting them involved, eh?):
The percentage of the net weekly income is set out in legislation. For you, it would be 20% of your NET income, i.e. after tax etc (if you've been after a company car, now might be a good time). Which is again, quite fair and reasonable. This wouldnt take any account of travel to and from, or stuff you choose to do with the children, or stuff you buy them. csa.gov.uk is actually quite informative.

Maintenance for her is to be agreed between you, and depends on gazillions of factors. Really good advice is to use a mediation service recommended by your solicitors. Insist on this, as it is a LOT cheaper than using qualified legal types to debate things with pound signs on.

Final thing to say, hard as it might be, is to try and treat this as a business transaction, and stay civilised. Its truly worth it. PS DO NOT SHAG YOUR EX.

[billynomates]

999gsi said:

my wife and i are currently seperated,,(my choice),i have 2 children aged 1 and 4,wife saw a solicitor yesterday,se is entitiled to 80%equity of the house my 20% will be tied up in any new house she buys(nly to be released when the kids are 16,i will haveto pay her new mortgage and spouse maintanance ??????????she is also entitled to some of my pension.i havent spoken to a solicitor yet as i am skint,,,is this fair or im i being shafted

Sorry to hear of your woes ..but you will be shafted big time.

The courts will put you on the back burner ..Kids and Mum come first in their way of thinking unfair as it is that's the way it goes, you pay up ,wife gets the kids and housed.

Mind you as my solicitor said when I went through the mire "if you ain't got it you can't pay it"

Off to hell in a hand cart matey ..

Fortunately my kids had passed go by the time the divorce proceeding kicked off but I always swore if it came to it I sure as hell wasn't going to see my life go down the pan on the back of my ex's wants
Tough as that may seem and I know... I know... they are my kids etc

But I'm entitled to a life too FFS.

Good luck I know it's a toughie and keep sane



Waits for the alternative biased posts from the hard done by feline cats

[999gsi]

interesting comments thankyou,my children will always come 1st,amicable with my wife,just wondered what i should expect,will get legal advice but as i said at the mo im skint..

[HRG]

80%, she's having a giraffe! 50-50 is the only fair settlement

[Brown and Boris]

I recall from my divorce that the premise is that the courts, presuming that all assets have been acurued whilist together, firstly provide for the kids so she will need a house suitable for her and 2 kids (which these days = a a bed 2 and a 3 bed later). They then look to put you on an equal footing, so if you have a job with prospects and she is at home with the kids the sertlement wil reflect that (ie she will get more as you are accruing pensions and savings).

You can get a free half hour with a solicitor and then dip into their advice only at key times. I filled my own forms in and in the end only paid for 3 hours of advice and no letters etc. Solicitor seemed happy to do that and offered to turn up at court at the end to ghandle final negotiations on the day. She copped for a bill every time her solicitor wrote to me (which was often), and everytime I responded (they charged to send on my letters with a cover letter, even though I had made it clear that I had sent my ex-tobe a copy to save her the cost.

I would say take use the net, get a good family law book and take a solicitors advice but don't instruct them to act for you in doing stuff you can do yourself, like sending bank statements, getting three house valuations, getting a pensions valuation etc. In fact if you get a list of what will be wanted I would get on and prepare it because it wil only delay things when they ask for things in dribs and drabs, and then are missing odd pages. You have to provide the stuff so no point in fannying about to avoid it.

I would be clear about what access you want (e.g. weekends, school holidays etc) and what accomodation you will needd to faciltate that (2/3 beds). At one point my youngest wanted to come and live with me and the ex nearly wet herself because some of the tables were turned and she was looking like paying me maintenance!

My solicitor advised me in the early stages that the best divorce settlemmnets leave both parties feeling just a bit hard done by, rather than one feeling they have won well /lost badly or both feeling hard done by.

You have another 17 years of access etc. so try and keep it civil. Poor solicitors want to slog it out unnecessarily (hers was struck off just after as she had also been fiddling the books)