That annoying cow in the office
Discussion
Last week I began a new job, office based, working in sales.
But I have a bit of a problem.
This is a small company, with only me and this fatty, 55 year old Mrs. Bucket in the sales office.
She looks after one side of the territory, I look after the other.
Now, despite me being 25 years younger, I'm more experienced than she is. I've got more nouse. Yet, she insists on talking to me like I've just left school. I can't open a customer record on the computer without being told exactly how to deal with it.
She's been there 4 years, I've been there just over 4 days. I already want to launch something heavy onto her head, in a High Fidelity aircon unit on the face style.
Little does she know my basic salary is much more than her and I'm employed to become her boss in the near future.
What can I do to stop her from becoming so annoying I bury her in a shallow grave and set fire to her family?
But I have a bit of a problem.
This is a small company, with only me and this fatty, 55 year old Mrs. Bucket in the sales office.
She looks after one side of the territory, I look after the other.
Now, despite me being 25 years younger, I'm more experienced than she is. I've got more nouse. Yet, she insists on talking to me like I've just left school. I can't open a customer record on the computer without being told exactly how to deal with it.
She's been there 4 years, I've been there just over 4 days. I already want to launch something heavy onto her head, in a High Fidelity aircon unit on the face style.
Little does she know my basic salary is much more than her and I'm employed to become her boss in the near future.
What can I do to stop her from becoming so annoying I bury her in a shallow grave and set fire to her family?
Stu R said:
let out a rip roaring belch from the pit of your stomach whilst staring her dead in the eye every time she opens her mouth.
That's a no-no. The sound of her ample stomach rumbling in the morning would drown it out.She's actually not bad at her job; she's just an annoying efferlump who can't mind her own business.
I might rohypnol her in a field full of boy cows and video what happens.
10 Pence Short said:
Stu R said:
let out a rip roaring belch from the pit of your stomach whilst staring her dead in the eye every time she opens her mouth.
That's a no-no. The sound of her ample stomach rumbling in the morning would drown it out.She's actually not bad at her job; she's just an annoying efferlump who can't mind her own business.
I might rohypnol her in a field full of boy cows and video what happens.
Stu R said:
alexgraves said:
bury her in a shallow grave and set fire to her family
please don't spoil the thread with sillyness, sensible suggestions only.Edited by Stu R on Friday 1st August 22:53
maybe just make it clear that you know what you're doing.
"with all due respect mrs bucket, im pretty confident with what im doing, so you dont need to teach me everything all the time"
or something. polite, yet assertive.
10 Pence Short said:
Last week I began a new job, office based, working in sales.
But I have a bit of a problem.
This is a small company, with only me and this fatty, 55 year old Mrs. Bucket in the sales office.
She looks after one side of the territory, I look after the other.
Now, despite me being 25 years younger, I'm more experienced than she is. I've got more nouse. Yet, she insists on talking to me like I've just left school. I can't open a customer record on the computer without being told exactly how to deal with it.
She's been there 4 years, I've been there just over 4 days. I already want to launch something heavy onto her head, in a High Fidelity aircon unit on the face style.
Little does she know my basic salary is much more than her and I'm employed to become her boss in the near future.
What can I do to stop her from becoming so annoying I bury her in a shallow grave and set fire to her family?
But I have a bit of a problem.
This is a small company, with only me and this fatty, 55 year old Mrs. Bucket in the sales office.
She looks after one side of the territory, I look after the other.
Now, despite me being 25 years younger, I'm more experienced than she is. I've got more nouse. Yet, she insists on talking to me like I've just left school. I can't open a customer record on the computer without being told exactly how to deal with it.
She's been there 4 years, I've been there just over 4 days. I already want to launch something heavy onto her head, in a High Fidelity aircon unit on the face style.
Little does she know my basic salary is much more than her and I'm employed to become her boss in the near future.
What can I do to stop her from becoming so annoying I bury her in a shallow grave and set fire to her family?
Some things I would do which are old school but oldies are goldies
She would understand but not agree with 
- Black system phones per chance? Great! Grab some boot polish and apply liberally around the ear piece.
- No boot polish? Grab some super glue and apply liberally around the ear piece
- No super glue? Grab some
and apply liberally around the ear piece for that 'Something about Mary look 
- Viking Direct type Swivel chair? Great! take just one of the castors off. If she weighs more than three tonnes, apply cutting tree down rule and make sure she will not "
Tim-Ber" in your direction.. 
- Sneak into the womens toilets when everyones gone home and empty ALL the toilet rolls from the cubicles and hide them under her desk. Fill her drawers (steady on, desk drawers!) with some hard-core Lesbo action mags and wait until she opens her drawers in the morning
- Got a 'Goods In' department? Great! Find the Polystyrene Mongrel-nut dispenser, and fill up all of her drawers, filing cabinet, and if possible car (through the sunroof) if at all possible.#
- Find the Mrs. Bucket fan club and pass on her email address as that of the real actor, mentioning it as a pseudonym, and wait for the fun to start
Ask her if you can have 5 minutes for a chat some time. Then tell her that you appreciate there is an age difference, but that you have probably been doing the job longer than her and, whilst you appreciate her support, you really are rather good at it, and wouldn't have got the job if you weren't, and that she may have her own way of doing things, but you have yours too. If she has a problem with that, then she should sort it out with her line manager, who you will be speaking to later.
Stu R said:
perhaps a quick strip into your undercrackers, sweep everything off the desk, crawl seductively towards her like a stripper over said desk, jump off next to her having thrusted your jockeys in her face, give her bosoms a fondle, and scream a full volume chris akabusi-esque 'Awoooooga!' in her ear before shyly retreating to your desk and getting dressed, obviously sit down afterwards like nothing happened and comment on the weather afterwards.
More commonly referred to as the Russell Brand techniquecollateral said:
Stu R said:
perhaps a quick strip into your undercrackers, sweep everything off the desk, crawl seductively towards her like a stripper over said desk, jump off next to her having thrusted your jockeys in her face, give her bosoms a fondle, and scream a full volume chris akabusi-esque 'Awoooooga!' in her ear before shyly retreating to your desk and getting dressed, obviously sit down afterwards like nothing happened and comment on the weather afterwards.
More commonly referred to as the Russell Brand techniqueAlfa_75_Steve said:
Nothing worse than a new employee who reckons they know everything, when in reality they know f
k all.
HTH.
I agree, but this job really is as hard to grasp as standing up in the morning. k all.HTH.
It's like being an IT manager and being told how to type by the office cleaner.
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