Discussion
Recieved by e-mail.
A fabulous characteristic of Australians is that we are far more direct and outspoken than others when dealing with the sort of elected w
r who wouldn't otherwise get the full drift of what they were trying to communicate.
Below is one such wonderful communication...
Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.
Also..would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely ****ing astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!...
st!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bullst! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my ****ing address!! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal aholes workin' there?
And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl).. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a st whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone, least of all you ****ing clowns!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another ****ing copy of my birth certificate, and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?? Nooooo.. That'd be too ****ing easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our ****ing heads cut off, and then having to find some high society wr to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo..the one where we're not allowed to smile?! ...you ****ing morons
Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade ??) I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances.
I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL.. And Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am; You know.. Someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN ****ING PAKISTAN!!!......a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.'
You are all ****ing idiots.
I chuckled good stuff.....
A fabulous characteristic of Australians is that we are far more direct and outspoken than others when dealing with the sort of elected w
r who wouldn't otherwise get the full drift of what they were trying to communicate. Below is one such wonderful communication...
Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and knows that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since 1966.
Also..would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be absolutely ****ing astounded if that ever changed between now and when I drop dead!!!...
s
t!I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning. Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bulls
t! You send the application to my house, then you ask me for my ****ing address!! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a gang of mindless Neanderthal aholes workin' there?And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred with a Kiwi girl).. And would someone please tell me, why would you give a s
t whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse, believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone, least of all you ****ing clowns!Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the city, and get another ****ing copy of my birth certificate, and to part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day?? Nooooo.. That'd be too ****ing easy and makes far too much sense. You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like chickens with our ****ing heads cut off, and then having to find some high society w
r to confirm that it's really me in the goddamn photo! You know the photo..the one where we're not allowed to smile?! ...you ****ing moronsSigned - An Irate Australian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting someone in high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my family has been in this country since before 1850! In 1856, one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do remember the Eureka Stockade ??) I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over 30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security clearances.
I'm also a personal friend of the president of the RSL.. And Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am; You know.. Someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN ****ING PAKISTAN!!!......a country where they either assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended from the Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of government.'
You are all ****ing idiots.
I chuckled good stuff.....
Its funny 'cos its true!
An example being the 'DPI' (Department of Planning and Infrastructure). They handle all your drivers license and vehicle registration stuff.
The first annoying thing is that every state has different vehicle registration requirments so nothing can be transferred interstate.
The next annoying thing is that EVERYTHING is still done on paper and despite your vehicle registration being linked to your drivers license you still have to fill all of the vehicle details out to change address or buy and sell.
Recently I sold a car interstate which meant de-registering the car...I had to go to the nearest DPI centre, take a number and sit for an hour until the number was called. Hand over the plates and my license, fill out an A4 form including drivers license and vehicle details....then the woman hands me a printed receipt with exactly the same details I had just filled out on the form!!! She just entered my license number and the rego number in the system and did the transaction!
An example being the 'DPI' (Department of Planning and Infrastructure). They handle all your drivers license and vehicle registration stuff.
The first annoying thing is that every state has different vehicle registration requirments so nothing can be transferred interstate.
The next annoying thing is that EVERYTHING is still done on paper and despite your vehicle registration being linked to your drivers license you still have to fill all of the vehicle details out to change address or buy and sell.
Recently I sold a car interstate which meant de-registering the car...I had to go to the nearest DPI centre, take a number and sit for an hour until the number was called. Hand over the plates and my license, fill out an A4 form including drivers license and vehicle details....then the woman hands me a printed receipt with exactly the same details I had just filled out on the form!!! She just entered my license number and the rego number in the system and did the transaction!
siscar said:
Australia is a gold medal contender at bureaucracy, here in the UK we are strictly amateur in comparison.
Not sure, I think that Italy, France and Spain would fill the top 3 positions, total nightmare to get anything done or agreed.You have to give it to the Aussies, they havent got much going for them but they're world leaders in speaking up for themselves and the last bastion of unPC. (their next generation appears to be a bit wet though...)
Oh yeah - The Aussies. World leaders in copying the Poms!
Subject: Passport Application
Dear Minister, I’m in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.
How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?
How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time. Do you people do this by hand?
You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 30-odd years. It’s on my health insurance card, my driver’s licence, on the last four passports I’ve had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother’s name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father’s name is Robert, and I’d be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!
I apologise Minister. I’m obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don’t want to activate the Fifth Reich for God’s sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week’s well-earned rest away from all this crap.
Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that’d be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it’s really me on the goddamn picture - you know… the one where we’re not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process! Hey, you know why we can’t smile? ‘Cause we’re totally jacked off!
I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone ‘important’ to verify who I am—you know, someone like my doctor… who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN…
Yours sincerely, An Irate British Citizen
Subject: Passport Application
Dear Minister, I’m in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.
How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?
How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?
How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time. Do you people do this by hand?
You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the past 30-odd years. It’s on my health insurance card, my driver’s licence, on the last four passports I’ve had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother’s name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father’s name is Robert, and I’d be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!
I apologise Minister. I’m obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don’t want to activate the Fifth Reich for God’s sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week’s well-earned rest away from all this crap.
Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that’d be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it’s really me on the goddamn picture - you know… the one where we’re not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process! Hey, you know why we can’t smile? ‘Cause we’re totally jacked off!
I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone ‘important’ to verify who I am—you know, someone like my doctor… who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN…
Yours sincerely, An Irate British Citizen
Edited by audidoody on Monday 11th August 09:23
Gassing Station | The Pie & Piston Archive | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff