Parent's rights help please
Discussion
Could do with the assistance of the PH massive. Girlfriend needs advice and although I'm staying as far out of the situation as possible, thought you guys might well be able to offer some meaningful advice. (as well as comedy gold!)
My girlfriend has two kids by her previous squeeze, who is now playing absolute silly buggers. The kids are 3 and 1.
Despite her trying to arrange regular, fixed access to the kids, he constantly changes the dates/times he will have them, and even when he hasn't moved the goalposts on days they have mutually agreed weeks before, he has been doing things like getting arrested the night before for stealing number plates whilst pissed, whilst on other days he has 'suddenly remembered there's a gig I've agreed to go to tonight, not having the kids cause I can't let the boys down'.
The missus, whilst she would love him to remain the primary father figure to his own children, and is trying very hard to arrange fair and regular access, is starting to worry about the effect this irregular timing and broken promises is having on the kids. To the point where she is thinking of refusing access.
Should mention that she is not working, he is working the occasional day with his dad; they are both early twenties; she does not want (or get) any money from him; and they were never married (not sure if that makes any difference). All agreements have been verbal or email, between themselves without any outside involvement.
What rights are there as a parent? What do you suggest my girlfriend do to ensure the kids are as happy as possible, whilst still allowing her ex access to them as he has requested? Is a legal route the only way to go?
Apologies for asking assistance on a matter such as this, especially of a third party nature.
Sam
My girlfriend has two kids by her previous squeeze, who is now playing absolute silly buggers. The kids are 3 and 1.
Despite her trying to arrange regular, fixed access to the kids, he constantly changes the dates/times he will have them, and even when he hasn't moved the goalposts on days they have mutually agreed weeks before, he has been doing things like getting arrested the night before for stealing number plates whilst pissed, whilst on other days he has 'suddenly remembered there's a gig I've agreed to go to tonight, not having the kids cause I can't let the boys down'.
The missus, whilst she would love him to remain the primary father figure to his own children, and is trying very hard to arrange fair and regular access, is starting to worry about the effect this irregular timing and broken promises is having on the kids. To the point where she is thinking of refusing access.
Should mention that she is not working, he is working the occasional day with his dad; they are both early twenties; she does not want (or get) any money from him; and they were never married (not sure if that makes any difference). All agreements have been verbal or email, between themselves without any outside involvement.
What rights are there as a parent? What do you suggest my girlfriend do to ensure the kids are as happy as possible, whilst still allowing her ex access to them as he has requested? Is a legal route the only way to go?
Apologies for asking assistance on a matter such as this, especially of a third party nature.
Sam
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/ParentsRights/...
could be that he has some parental rsponisbility and at least the children will grow up knowing that it was their dad who messed up the time with them and not that there mum denied it
tbh i would say speak to a solicitor as some ppl would say its better for themto have some access to their dad rather than none at all
its a very hard place to be and one we have been in
also this place has some help and advice
http://www.parentscentre.gov.uk/forum/view_all_cat...
could be that he has some parental rsponisbility and at least the children will grow up knowing that it was their dad who messed up the time with them and not that there mum denied it
tbh i would say speak to a solicitor as some ppl would say its better for themto have some access to their dad rather than none at all
its a very hard place to be and one we have been in
also this place has some help and advice
http://www.parentscentre.gov.uk/forum/view_all_cat...
Edited by Rogue_420 on Tuesday 19th August 17:34
We're both here as well ... g/f's ex hardly sees his kids at all .. there's really nothing she can do to change that, he's the sort that really messes it up for the F4J lot .. I want to see my daughter all the time, but I have to stick to the plan my ex SWT gives me, I can't change that unless she lets me. ... [batman suit going on now ...]
Sheets Tabuer said:
If they were not married and there is no order she can tell him to feck off which it sounds like he wouldn't mind.
Mind you getting with a bird with a 1 year old
I would have at least waited till her pants cooled down.
The point is, he's constantly whinging about how hard life is without them around, then fecks up the opportunities he has....Mind you getting with a bird with a 1 year old
I would have at least waited till her pants cooled down.
Oh, and a lot of mates have been greeting me with 'word to the mummyf
ker' 
;)Vallers; Rogue420 (
?!) - thanks for your words, and links.
Agree that it would probably be best for him not to have access, of course, without wishing to make her sound selfish, that makes it difficult to arrange days out etc. without the kids. He is as previously stated, playing the wounded party as he was kicked out for reasons I won't go into, but that make me want to open a whole can of whoop'ass, and now he's using the lack of time with the kids as his current reason to be wounded...
What is the best way for a defined access schedule to be arranged? Would this be through a solicitor, or are there mediation services available as tensions are starting to run high. I'm certain that my presence on the scene isn't helping, so want to stay out of it as much as I can, whilst still being supportive to my partner, and looking after kids that I'm really attached to.
Thanks for all advice so far.
Sam
?!) - thanks for your words, and links.Agree that it would probably be best for him not to have access, of course, without wishing to make her sound selfish, that makes it difficult to arrange days out etc. without the kids. He is as previously stated, playing the wounded party as he was kicked out for reasons I won't go into, but that make me want to open a whole can of whoop'ass, and now he's using the lack of time with the kids as his current reason to be wounded...
What is the best way for a defined access schedule to be arranged? Would this be through a solicitor, or are there mediation services available as tensions are starting to run high. I'm certain that my presence on the scene isn't helping, so want to stay out of it as much as I can, whilst still being supportive to my partner, and looking after kids that I'm really attached to.
Thanks for all advice so far.
Sam
A contact order may be a good idea in this instance.
It clearly outlines the days and even times when he can see them.
If he sticks to the arrangement, he loses not one iota of contact. If he mucks about, it's him that loses out.
I can't understand his like. Seeing my lad is the most important thing to me. Nothing gets in the way.
It clearly outlines the days and even times when he can see them.
If he sticks to the arrangement, he loses not one iota of contact. If he mucks about, it's him that loses out.
I can't understand his like. Seeing my lad is the most important thing to me. Nothing gets in the way.
Hi, not to be negative. You state girlfriend does not work and the ex works sometimes for his father, how is girlfriend living from day to day? State? Will the state at some point not want to know who said father is, therefore want monies, I know of my sisters friend who claims state benefit as does ex and the ex has a minimum amount deducted from his handout that contributes to the ex girlfriend, if your girfrieds ex can show that he eventually will want to pay, does he have rights, if girlfriend denies access? Just something to think about. I think CSA is now basically defunct?
jamesbrown said:
Hi, not to be negative. You state girlfriend does not work and the ex works sometimes for his father, how is girlfriend living from day to day? State? Will the state at some point not want to know who said father is, therefore want monies, I know of my sisters friend who claims state benefit as does ex and the ex has a minimum amount deducted from his handout that contributes to the ex girlfriend, if your girfrieds ex can show that he eventually will want to pay, does he have rights, if girlfriend denies access? Just something to think about. I think CSA is now basically defunct?
Hi, not being negative at all. Girlfriend does live off benefits (see my other posts for my thoughts on a lot of benefit takers, she is most definitely not one I have ever had a problem with receiving state handouts). Ex works for his dad very sporadically, for I'm assuming cash in hand. One of the main reasons she doesn't want any cash from him is that he is incredibly unreliable, and any money she receives comes off her benefits. If he then doesn't pay, she and the kids go short. He isn't as far as I'm aware on benefits, so there isn't a way for money to be deducted and paid to GF without him actioning it.You've asked the main question she would like answered, are there any automatic rights (regarding any aspect of the kids life) that you receive merely being the biological parent of a child? I think not, but would like clarification in case of trouble down the line that causes grief for the kids.
Sway said:
jamesbrown said:
Hi, not to be negative. You state girlfriend does not work and the ex works sometimes for his father, how is girlfriend living from day to day? State? Will the state at some point not want to know who said father is, therefore want monies, I know of my sisters friend who claims state benefit as does ex and the ex has a minimum amount deducted from his handout that contributes to the ex girlfriend, if your girfrieds ex can show that he eventually will want to pay, does he have rights, if girlfriend denies access? Just something to think about. I think CSA is now basically defunct?
Hi, not being negative at all. Girlfriend does live off benefits (see my other posts for my thoughts on a lot of benefit takers, she is most definitely not one I have ever had a problem with receiving state handouts). Ex works for his dad very sporadically, for I'm assuming cash in hand. One of the main reasons she doesn't want any cash from him is that he is incredibly unreliable, and any money she receives comes off her benefits. If he then doesn't pay, she and the kids go short. He isn't as far as I'm aware on benefits, so there isn't a way for money to be deducted and paid to GF without him actioning it.You've asked the main question she would like answered, are there any automatic rights (regarding any aspect of the kids life) that you receive merely being the biological parent of a child? I think not, but would like clarification in case of trouble down the line that causes grief for the kids.
Thanks JAYB, not worried about his responsibilities, as said, any financial help would be more of a millstone to GF than a help, but am worried about his potential rights to access, influence in upbringing etc.
Are there any automatic rights that you obtain as soon as you've impregnated some strumpet?
(well, had enough rights eroded over the last 15 years, may as well find some way of offsetting this with some new ones
)
Are there any automatic rights that you obtain as soon as you've impregnated some strumpet?
(well, had enough rights eroded over the last 15 years, may as well find some way of offsetting this with some new ones
)Biological fathers do have rights to a point but not as many as you would think
http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/fea/fea_12.asp
http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/fea/fea_12.asp
Sway said:
JAYB - contact order, seems like the way to go.
How does one go about setting one up?
Thanks for all your input,
Sam
Sam,How does one go about setting one up?
Thanks for all your input,
Sam
there's already been a link to the parentscentre website, which is a good source of advice, as is fnf.org.uk.
The process start with a form C1, if you are going through the courts. This can take months, but you can apply for an interim contact order at the first hearing which will be 4-6 weeks from submitting the form.
I don't know much about this, but I'm told you can also draw up a legally binding contact agreement between the 2 of you (or them in your case) with the help of a solicitor, which will have the same weight in law as a contact order.
jamesbrown said:
Biological fathers do have rights to a point but not as many as you would think
http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/fea/fea_12.asp
It's different in the case of kids born since 2003http://www.raisingkids.co.uk/fea/fea_12.asp
http://www.parentlineplus.org.uk/index.php?id=481
It's 'normally' the mothers who change the rules, so I was quite surprised to read it was the father - it sounds very odd for a sporadic worker not to be able to keep the regular/arranged visiting times.
Your GF would be entitled to 15% of his income to support the children - I'm no expert, but believe this to be the case, even though they weren't married. He is less entitled to see the children than she is for the financial support; usually arranged through a contact order and often negotiated in court!
Thanks everyone for your help, think we've got enough to get the ball rolling on a formal, legally binding access agreement.
And yes, I'm well aware of the SWT syndrome, and believe me, I thought long and hard before doing anything with the lass, but in this case, I've known her for years, and really have fallen big time (as has she for me!).
Really can't understand him at all, seemed a really nice bloke whilst they were together, little did I know about what lay underneath...
Especially as the kids really are amazing. No grief at all (apart from stty stinking nappies!!).
Find it hard to be in the same room as him the more I learn about his past actions, and seeing the effects on the kids due to his current ones.
Thanks again everyone who's contributed, really appreciated.
Sam (and Kat, 'er indoors)
And yes, I'm well aware of the SWT syndrome, and believe me, I thought long and hard before doing anything with the lass, but in this case, I've known her for years, and really have fallen big time (as has she for me!).
Really can't understand him at all, seemed a really nice bloke whilst they were together, little did I know about what lay underneath...
Especially as the kids really are amazing. No grief at all (apart from s
tty stinking nappies!!).Find it hard to be in the same room as him the more I learn about his past actions, and seeing the effects on the kids due to his current ones.
Thanks again everyone who's contributed, really appreciated.
Sam (and Kat, 'er indoors)
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