Being nice to your mum, easy?
Discussion
I wanted the PH take on this. Not a group condemation but some insight into why this guy is doing what he is doing.
The story so far;
A female friend of mine succeeded in marrying a man 30 years ago who systematically abused and beat her until she finally bailed out after 5 years with the two kids (boy and girl). Did the whole battered wives home, violent stalking, injunctions, courts appearances etc and he went to prison for it.
She then set about raising her kids in the absence of any support or cash from the ex-hubby and bearing in mind she lived in one of the countries less nice locales, did a pretty good job. She got a job, kids grow up. She buys a house, everything looks great and it looks like the hard work and sacrifice has paid off. Even better, the son grows up and lands a fantastic job and at 18 is earning £50K, and by 24 he is on a six figure salary. As she still struggles to make ends meet, at 18 he buys a 50% stake in the family home as he still lives there. As things get better he buys a swanky loft type apartment with all the boys toys and gets himself an exotic trophy girlfriend. Mum as you can imagine is incredibly proud and last time she visted here earlier this year she did nothing but show us videos of him and the daughter who now has kids of her own.
BUT.
She called yesterday and sounded 'odd'. It turns out that the son has turned into something of a nutter. He was staying at his Mum's most nights as she lived closer to his new place of work than his new flat, and he set about buying another flat near his new job, intending to rent out the old flat. They have a few fall outs, mainly around the Mum/Son thing about treating the place like a hotel, and leaving his things around the house. But then it turned nasty. He started abusing her, shouting at her and saying she would be nothing without his money and contacts (his job is pretty 'celeb' heavy and he used to get her into places and she got to meet the starts etc). It has got so bad that she is moving out of the home she has owned for 15 years and leaving him to it, moving into a rental flat she can't afford. I thought that was a temporary thing until the new flat was ready but now he wants her name off the family house and is offering to buy her out.
I am at a loss to understand him. I don't believe my friend is telling porkies as I have known her for 20 years and she is a robust, stright up kind of woman. She thinks the ego has got the better of him and he now thinks that everyone, including her is an hanger on.
I wonder if this rather sudden change in personanility indicates that he is taking something or has a mental health problem? The only other explanation I can think of is that he is just a chip off the old man's block and now his sadistic violent nature is surfacing? The final thought was that about 12 months ago, his dad (who he hadn't seen since he was 12 months old) turned up at his place of work after there was a piece about him in the media. The Mum told him she didn't want him to have anything to do with him, but that was his choice as long as he didn't get her involved or give the old man money after he had left them desitute and homeless al those years ago. I just wonder if he is seeing Dad, and if he is filling his head with stories? I do know he had a gambling problem at one point.
Brown and Boris said:
I do know he had a gambling problem at one point.
The father or the son?Sounds like he's possibly not got as much money in his life as maybe he once had and taking frustrations out on the person closest to him? If he's moved back in with his mother is the trophy girlfriend still around?
Maybe he's acquired some bad habits from being around the 'celeb heavy' world in which he works in?
You can raise you kids well, teach them wrong from right, make sure they have everything they could need and some things they don't but at the end of the day they may still choose to ignore your advice, reason and logic. Usually these things are "self fixing" in the long term however. Sometimes it just takes experience to fix peoples egos.
The money is legit, he works for a major name and he he just happened to have a talent everyone wanted and could name his price.
Drugs were my first thought in terms of the quite sudden behavioural change, coupled with the fact that since he was a kid people have been telling him how great he is and now he has the wage packet and lifestyle to confirm it. In his world nobody tells you the truth once you are successful. Even when he was 18 and living with his Mum he had debts resulting from his gambling. I wondered if he needed the money and getting her out would allow him to sell his properties. Specultaion really but I feel sorry for Mum because she gave up everything (and almost her life) for this lad and now he treats her like a soon to be bitter ex-wife. He is even asking for an extra £200 a month now to cover the gap in the fact that for a few years he paid the mortgage while she paid the household bills and he has now calculated the difference and wants it all back. This makes me think this 'Mum free-loading' idea he has in his head is also driving it and if Dad isn't involved somewhere.
She is heartbroken and of course being her son she won't get legal; I suspect she will net not a lot from the house sale.
caduceus said:
How old were the kids, namely the boy, when the abuse started at home? Could be a deep seated problem that is now surfacing, whether through drug use or just not keeping a lid on what he may have bottled up a long time ago.
He was about 12 months old when she left, the sister about 3 as I recall. He can't have much of a memery of it but was obviously about when it was going on. Perhaps dad's visit last year has awakened it. He could lose it all if it is Coke because I think his employers randomly drugs test.If he is being the arse that you describe.....And if he has such a high profile job. Perhaps a Journo might be interested.
Maybe the suggestion to him that the above might happen may be enough to get him to rethink his behaviour.
Be careful if you mix it with the press though. Once they get involved it is out of your control and it can be a dog that turns round and bites you.
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