Can friendships exist without 100% trust?

[AndrewTait]

Had an interesting conversation over the weekend, and just wondered what other peoples opinion is.

The wife and I split up nearly 2 years ago now, but still get along as friends, to the extent of going away on holiday together, and spending evenings in each others company.

I will always be there for her as a friend, just as I would for any of my friends. I still care whether she is alright, and will help out whenever things are difficult. (She suffers from artharitis, so life can be difficult some times, and the pain can be unbearable.)

However, we got chatting about various things over the weekend, and I said that although we get on well, and are still friends, I don't trust her as much as when we were together. The reason I feel this, is along of the lines that if we were to ever get back together (which is not on the cards!) then there would always be a part of me wondering if she really wants to be with me, or if it's just that she had not found anything better. Also would she leave again if something better came along.

She replied that she trusted me completely, and that she didn't think that our friendship could continue if I didn't trust her. (Note, she thinks I don't trust her at all, which is not the case.)

I was also able to prove that she did not trust me completely, by asking about something which happened just after we split, that I was aware of, but she had never told me about - thus she clearly didn't trust me enough to confide this information.

So, can a friendship exist even if you don't trust the person 100%? I say yes, she says no

[Mc Lovin]

AndrewTait said:

The wife and I split up nearly 2 years ago now, but still get along as friends, to the extent of going away on holiday together, and spending evenings in each others company.

This is already fairly disturbing, my answer though is, yes, i have friends i dont trust 10% let alone 100% i just dont see them that often, mainly because i cant be arsed but mostly because they are not 'best' friends.

[MK4 Slowride]

Yeah. A girly mate of mine wanted to stay over my flat and I offered her my bed & myself the sofa. She said "I trust you won't try anything" I nodded to confirm.

Later that night I had an urge which I couldn't be bothered to control so got stuck in.

She was "dissapointed" with me and told my other mates who agreed that she was in my bed and had it coming.

So I don't get that 100% trust off her anymore.

HTH

[Jasandjules]

There are always things you cannot tell a friend.

For example, a couple we know split up, we are friends with both, each confide in us, therefore we cannot tell the other person about it despite them being our friend.

Plus, some friends I would not disclose my income to, because I know it would be all over the place in minutes, others know my medical details.

There are, in my view, different levels of friendship, with only a few ever being REAL friends.

[grumbledoak]

Trust them to do what, exactly?

[steven182]

ofc it can

I have friends I trust my life with and others I would not trust with important things tbh. I enjoy their company and we have a laugh but I know what they are really like. But having say a best mate you don't trust is a bit odd but then again it depends on what you are trusting them with? hmmmm

[Skipppy]

grumbledoak said:

Trust them to do what, exactly?

Exactly what i was thinking.

I have mates (blokes) who i don't trust. I wouldn't trust them to pay back money i lent them etc, but they are still my friends.

[Tony*T3]

AndrewTait said:

I was also able to prove that she did not trust me completely, by asking about something which happened just after we split, that I was aware of, but she had never told me about - thus she clearly didn't trust me enough to confide this information.

So, can a friendship exist even if you don't trust the person 100%? I say yes, she says no

you haven't prooven any such thing. Something that happened to her after you split is her business and not yours, and she may simply not have wanted you to know about it, or not wanted to talk about it. It isnt proof of trust (or lack of) on her part, you are making an assumption that her privacy on a matter is a guage of her trust, when it is not.

[AndrewTait]

Mc Lovin said:

AndrewTait said:

The wife and I split up nearly 2 years ago now, but still get along as friends, to the extent of going away on holiday together, and spending evenings in each others company.

This is already fairly disturbing, my answer though is, yes, i have friends i dont trust 10% let alone 100% i just dont see them that often, mainly because i cant be arsed but mostly because they are not 'best' friends.

Just out of interest, what do you find disturbing. We were friends for years before we got together, and were together for 15 years. Can't just pretend that didn't happen. As for the holidays, there is a gang of us who have for years gone away for a long weekend every year. This has just continued, and normally the ex travels with me and the kids, to save taking 2 cars.

[mercemployee]

I trust NO-ONE completely. This may be why I have been single for so long.

Been friends with plenty of people I don't trust.

WRT the OP's situation, that is a bit odd, but if it works for you, it works for you.

[mechsympathy]

AndrewTait said:

Stuff about trust

Where's the gaydar piccy??

Can't say I've thought about whether or not I trust my mates. I guess that means I do

[Simpo Two]

I can be perfectly good friends with people but wouldn't do business with them.

[grumbledoak]

Skipppy said:

I have mates (blokes) who i don't trust. I wouldn't trust them to pay back money i lent them etc, but they are still my friends.

Just don't lend them any money. You can quite happily "trust someone" to be a thieving little st. As long as they do what you expect, you can "trust" them.

[Andy Zarse]

MK4 Slowride said:

Yeah. A girly mate of mine wanted to stay over my flat and I offered her my bed & myself the sofa. She said "I trust you won't try anything" I nodded to confirm.

Later that night I had an urge which I couldn't be bothered to control so got stuck in.

She was "dissapointed" with me and told my other mates who agreed that she was in my bed and had it coming.

So I don't get that 100% trust off her anymore.

HTH

Actual date rape? Or did you just try it on and get knocked back?

[crofty1984]

Yes, I've got lots of mates, but I'd only lend my car to one or two.

[Swilly]

AndrewTait said:

The Ex-wife and I are fannying about getting back together or not, without actually talking in the open about it. I told her i dont trust her fully, she lied to me and said she trusts me 100% to make me feel guilty and get me off balance. Im trying to convince her it is ok not to trust 100% because i want to get her back but cant just 'forgive and forget'. I want her to know i am doing her a favour and expect her to show she is grateful and to earn my trust back...

HTH

[Rags]

MK4 Slowride said:

Yeah. A girly mate of mine wanted to stay over my flat and I offered her my bed & myself the sofa. She said "I trust you won't try anything" I nodded to confirm.

Later that night I had an urge which I couldn't be bothered to control so got stuck in.

She was "dissapointed" with me and told my other mates who agreed that she was in my bed and had it coming.

So I don't get that 100% trust off her anymore.

HTH

lol

[AndrewTait]

Tony*T3 said:

AndrewTait said:

I was also able to prove that she did not trust me completely, by asking about something which happened just after we split, that I was aware of, but she had never told me about - thus she clearly didn't trust me enough to confide this information.

So, can a friendship exist even if you don't trust the person 100%? I say yes, she says no

you haven't prooven any such thing. Something that happened to her after you split is her business and not yours, and she may simply not have wanted you to know about it, or not wanted to talk about it. It isnt proof of trust (or lack of) on her part, you are making an assumption that her privacy on a matter is a guage of her trust, when it is not.

It does when it involves me, and my property, but she did not trust me not to do something stupid.

[AndrewTait]

Swilly said:

AndrewTait said:

The Ex-wife and I are fannying about getting back together or not, without actually talking in the open about it. I told her i dont trust her fully, she lied to me and said she trusts me 100% to make me feel guilty and get me off balance. Im trying to convince her it is ok not to trust 100% because i want to get her back but cant just 'forgive and forget'. I want her to know i am doing her a favour and expect her to show she is grateful and to earn my trust back...

HTH

Lol! Couldn't be further from the truth mate!!!

[carter711]

mercemployee said:

I trust NO-ONE completely. This may be why I have been single for so long.

Been friends with plenty of people I don't trust.

WRT the OP's situation, that is a bit odd, but if it works for you, it works for you.

Not even your parents?