Is Redhill a nice place?

[nsa]

Or is it a sh*thole? If I want to move to Suburbia, should I give this place a bit of a swerve?


http://www.chavtowns.co.uk/modules.php?name=News&a...

Redhill
_POSTEDON by oxbridge
[ Edit | Delete ]

oxbridge _WRITES "I must have done something pretty ghastly in a previous life because, having survived three years working in the chav-ridden cesspit that is Croydon I am now commuting 90 minutes each way every fking day to the chav-ridden cesspit that is Redhill.

Set in otherwise passable countryside, Redhill is a festering sewer of a town. Its architecture is like the slime the devil wiped off his bellend after taking the rancid corpse of a wildebeeste up the jacksie. It is without a single redeeming quality except possibly that the road and rail links are OK and you can get the fk out of it quite quickly. And you will want to, believe me.

As soon as you get out of the station, the prevailing chavviness hits you in the face. Take your life in your hands as you dodge Kev and Trace veering in and out as they try to work out how to get off the ring road and into town.

(Did I mention Redhill has a ring road? It's a rather tortuous one, of the kind town planners loved in the 60s. I believe that it was set down not so much to keep traffic moving as to keep the chavs in. Unable to work out how to get out, they lounge around the centre of town inbreeding. Realising the damage that was being done to the gene pool, the council recently legalised sexual relations between unrelated people in Redhill, but it will take several generations to reverse it.)

If you survive the ring road, the first thing you see is either a) McDonald's, besieged at all hours by 12-year old proto-slappers with miniskirts fractionally above their fallopian tubes or b) the Abbot AKA the Stabbot, recently and pointlessly refurbished, mecca of Surrey chavs (see the spot-on review in www.beerintheevening.com) and yet still far from being the worst pub in Redhill. That would be the Sun, cheapy Wetherspoon haunt of every local psycho and nutter. Or the Dog & Duck. Or plastic paddy hellhole O'Neills. Or - oh take your pick, they're all fking terrible. Lidl and Iceland are the main stores, bien sur.

Get past all this and the rancid chip shops and you're bang in the centre of town. Here, amid the paaahhhnd shops and general tat hangs out the biggest collection of Harry Ramps, Care in the Community victims and dopey looking ten-year old chavs in the making. I swear they all have EXACTLY the same jug ears and vacant stares.
One of the highlights of Redhill is a doorway behind the shops in which the sexual doings of the chavs are documented. Sadly 'Paula Rice masturbates with carrots and broccoli' and 'Kayleigh Andrews is a fat sg and a horse that eats grass' were erased some time ago, but the fact that Terry Hall sucks himself off cos he can't get any is still live. Terry mate, you live in Redhill, you should get your kicks however you can.

Thursday is the pinnacle. Not only is it market day, it's giro day and pension day and thousands of chavs come out of their ponds to gaze at mobile phaaaaaaaaaan covers and two for a fiver CDs of pan pipes and fk knows what else. I have never seen a chavvier spectacle in all my life.

The weirdest thing is that Redhill runs into Reigate, the archetypal posh Surrey town, complete with Georgian market hall, nicey-nicey craft shops. To all intents and purposes they are the same place. It's as if Reigate went out on the pull, woke up with a sore head and was too polite/scared to get rid of the rough-looking bird lying next to him in bed in the outsize burbery knickers.

[maix27]

nsa said:

Is Redhill a nice place?

No.

[eldar]

maix27 said:

nsa said:

Is Redhill a nice place?

No.

30 years ago it was a sthole. Now its a sthole with a polished sign.

[HOGEPH]

Born there, brought up there.

Moved.

[miniman]

I believe it is an "historic market town".

Much like Baghdad.

[sniff diesel]

Not thinking of moving from Notting Hill are you Nick?

I went through there on the train the other week coming back from Brighton, have to say that the description matches that of the two girls that got on the train there.

[Gun]

My only experience of Redhill is being re-routed through the station on the way back down to the south coast and from what I've seen from the train it's a sthole!

[tubbystu]

oxbridge said:

It's as if Reigate went out on the pull, woke up with a sore head and was too polite/scared to get rid of the rough-looking bird lying next to him in bed in the outsize burbery knickers.

Magic

Seriously, avoid it like the plague, it is one not very nice place.

Why are you looking at Redhill, plenty of other better options locally. Redhill is cheap for a reason, as is Horley etc.

[NiceCupOfTea]

I think that review is a bit kind to be honest.

It's a strange place - as said, some of the neighbouring places are really nice. I've eaten/drunk in the Sun when working at the Harlequin Theatre, and it's grim even at 6pm on a Saturday in an airport lounge cheap beer Wetherspoons way.

Second only to Croydon in horrible chav areas IMHO.

[M@T.R]

NO

My dad worked there for a few years when I was young, luckily it was a long commute to get there. I went to work with him on day and as we pulled into the staff car park a tramp was climbing out of one of the massive bins. He had clearly been sleeping in there.

[anonymous-user]

a hovel of the highest order. 1500 metres away is Reigate - if you need to be in that area and have any £ at all, Reigate. Downside being 50% of the population above 25 are actuaries or related to actuaries

[nsa]

Understood. I wondered why property was so cheap there. Maybe Reigate is a better option. My wife is an accountant so she'll love it; actuaries are the only people accountants can call boring.

Edited by nsa on Wednesday 26th November 20:39

[jayjay]

It's horrible and if you need to get to the M25 it's impossible.

d

[jackal]

nsa said:

Or is it a sh*thole? If I want to move to Suburbia, should I give this place a bit of a swerve?

its not great

was pretty rough back in 1988 when i used to work in neigbouring reigate
must be awful now because that was way before chavs were invented
had the misfortune of taking my first driving test there as well and it was considered teh hardest test centre in surrey

plenty of FABULOUS areas nearby though so why not try one of them:

betchworth
rusper
charlwood
newdigate
dorking
reigate
walton on teh hill
tadworth
lower kingswood
mogador
leigh
brockham
coldharbour



just avoid anything round Horley and crawley

Edited by jackal on Wednesday 26th November 21:12

[Motorrad]

It isn't called 'Redhell' for nothing.

[Lordbenny]

I live abouyt 5 miles away from Redhill, there are some VERY nice places near Redhill but the town itself is a bit of a hole. Reigate and surrounding towns are nice but stay I'd stay clear of Redhill if I where you.

[shouldbworking]

Lived near there, went to school there. Moved away.

That said I wouldnt be quite as scathing as the opening post.

No, hang on a minute... I would. I remember for a time mcdonalds just gave up replacing the windows and just left them boarded up as they would be invariably destroyed by the chavs every other night.

[spikeyhead]

Reading that makes me glad I live in Luton

[Mello]

All these things are relative. Compared to Croydon (and pretty much most other urban jungles I know), Redhill is ok. Compared to Reigate (or anywhere else that's quite nice), Redhill is not ok.

Money = choice. No money = no choice. Go figure...

HTH

[guydw]

Yes it's a lovely place.....

Oh... you mean Redhill in Surrey ? Not Redhill in Somerset ?

Oh, no, it's a stehole !!